Funny / The Patriot (2000)

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• The scene where the British ship explodes during the garden party.
  Woman: Ooh... Fireworks! (claps) Oh, lovely!
  Tavington: (gulps a whole glass of champagne and spikes it on the ground)
• After seizing Lord Cornwallis' personal shipment:
  John Billings: I say we drink the wine, eat the dogs, and use the paper for musket wadding.
  Reverend Oliver: [alarmed] Eat the dogs?
  Benjamin Martin: [playing along] Nnn. A dog is a fine meal.
  Reverend Oliver: Good Heavens...
  [Billings and Martin laugh]
• One of our captured "officers", my lord.
• How to recruit a militia:
  Major Jean Villeneuve: (walking into a very seedy tavern) Are you sure this is the right place to recruit for a militia?
  Benjamin: (aside glance to Jean) GOD SAVE KING GEORGE!
  (The festivities in the tavern come to a stop. Everyone glares at Benjamin and Jean, bearing down on them with weapons drawn. They hastily exit the tavern as the patrons shout curses at them and stuff is thrown at the door...including a random knife sticking in the door.)
  Benjamin: I think we came to the right place!
• When they're about to blow up Tavington's boat:
  Benjamin: You look good in that color.
  Villeneuve: It stinks.
  Benjamin: Well, it's had a dead man in it.
• Receives a Call-Back just before the final battle, Ben takes a moment to stare at Villeneuve in his Bling of War French uniform.
  Villeneuve: If I die, I will die well-dressed.
• Cornwallis yelling at Tavington about their slow progress
  Cornwallis: (paraphrased) Tell me why I am still attending balls in South Carolina when I should be attending balls in North Carolina!
• Benjamin testing a rocking chair he just built, which collapses under him. He then gets up and smashes the chair into the corner, into a pile of more broken furniture.
  • Benjamin visiting General Cornwallis under a flag of truce, and while waiting in his office, trying to figure out why his rocking chair doesn't fall apart.
  • Cornwallis comes into his office to find Benjamin inspecting the chair.
• Gabriel asking the hard-of-hearing Peter Howard for permission to "write" his daughter Anne. The humor lies in speculating what he thought Gabriel was asking before he figures it out.
  Peter: "Oh, write her."
  • The running gag of Peter pretending to mishear what Gabriel says in general.
    Gabriel: I've come to call on Ann.
    Peter: Of course you call yourself a man!
• When Gabriel is captured by British soldiers at the Martin home.
  Tavington: He is a spy. Hang him, put his body on display."
  Martin: Colonel, he's a dispatch rider and that's a marked case. He cannot be held as a spy.
  Tavington: (smirks cheekily) Oh, we're not going to hold him. We're going to hang him.

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