Arwen: That would be terribly romantic, but somehow she ruins it.
Pippin: Well, you two are a very romantic couple! You've probably done that before, haven't you?
...Aragorn and Arwen both turned a lovely shade of crimson.
"If you will all just excuse me, I'll be throwing myself off the battlements now."
Arwen's reaction to Starr's "It is fate!" line.
Arwen: Oh, this is ridiculous! She's known [Legolas] for, what, a day! He could be a convicted child molester for all she knows!
Arwen: I didn't say you really were, Legolas.
"ELVES DON'T SWOON!"
Starr almost drowns.
Fic:Legolas swore loudly in Elvish and dove into the water...
The real Legolas, however, swore loudly in Dwarvish.
Gimli: I taught him that one, I did!
Gandalf randomly appears long before his canonical reappearance.
Fic:A bright light suddenly appeared, and lo! It was Gandalf!
"SINCE WHEN!" yelled all present in unison [...] while Tolkien rolled over in his grave.
Pippin's reaction to Starr stealing his song.
Pippin: Oh no, she didn't. I know she is not stealing my song. The one I made up on the spot for Denethor. And was very proud of. I know she is not stealing one of my most serious moments... That wench! We hates her, Precioussss!
Fic!Éomer's first appearance has him calling Starr "exquisite".
Éowyn: I don't think my brother has ever used the word "exquisite" in his entire life.
"I have no idea what a drama queen is, but I am sure Gandalf is not one!"
Faramir says never to judge a book by its cover. Gimli gives the fic a pointed look, and Faramir admits that it should be judged by its cover.
"Even Gríma wouldn't touch [Starr] with anything but a knife."
Elladan reads a particularly bad NC-17 part and faints. Legolas looks at the page and faints too. Faramir picks up the book and prepares to read.
Faramir: By the Valar, she does not need to illustrate it!
Glorfindel reads another NC-17 scene.
Glorfindel:[to fic!Legolas] LEGOLAS! YOU ARE HEIR TO THE THRONE OF MIRKWOOD! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE YOUR WAY WITH RANDOM GIRLS IN CLOSETS!
Legolas:[to Aragorn] May I borrow your sword, for I have the sudden urge to disembowel myself. Or shall I use my own bow?