When James of the Glens says that he'll have to paper (put up "Wanted" posters of) Alan and David for the murder of Mr. Campbell, David demonstrates that he can be sarcastic, too.
David: Very well, then; paper me, if you please, paper Alan, paper King George! We're all three innocent, and that seems to be what's wanted.
This exchange while Alan and David are discussing getting a message to a friend of Alan's:
David: You're very ingenious! But would it not be simpler for you to write him a few words in black and white?
Alan: And that is an excellent observe, Mr. Balfour of Shaws, and it would certainly be much simpler for me to write to him, but it would be a sore job for John Breck to read it. He would have to go to the school for two-three years; and it's possible we might be wearied waiting on him.
When Alan and David come to the Forth, which they have to cross to reach the Lowlands, they run into difficulties: the bridge is guarded, neither can swim, and they've no boat. So, Alan sets out to get a boat... by forcing David to pretend to be a near-invalid, and a Jacobite near-invalid at that, to get the sympathy of a serving-girl, and to David's great embarrassment. Hilarity Ensues.
When Alan, who is going under the alias of "Mr. Thomson", makes the mistake of saying "I have a king's name" (Stewart) to Uncle Ebenezer in the hearing of Mr. Rankeillor, the lawyer, this conversation results:
Rankeillor: Do I understand your name to be James? or Charles? or is it George, perhaps?
Alan: And why should it be any of the three, sir?
Rankeillor: Only, sir, that you mentioned a king's name, and as there has never yet been a King Thomson, or his fame at least has never come my way, I judged you must refer to that you had in baptism.
Mr. Rankeillor tells David how Uncle Ebenezer came to get the House of Shaws when David's father was the eldest son.
Mr. Rankeillor: [Your father and uncle] fell in love, and that with the same lady. Mr. Ebenezer, who was the admired and the beloved, and the spoiled one, made, no doubt, mighty certain of the victory; and when he found he had deceived himself, screamed like a peacock. The whole country heard of it; now he lay sick at home, with his silly family standing round the bed in tears; now he rode from public-house to public-house, and shouted his sorrows into the lug of Tom, Dick, and Harry. Your father, Mr. David, was a kind gentleman; but he was weak, dolefully weak; took all this folly with a long countenance; and one dayby your leave!resigned the lady. She was no such fool, however; it's from her you must inherit your excellent good sense; and she refused to be bandied from one to another. Both got upon their knees to her; and the upshot of the matter for that while was that she showed both of them the door.
David: Surely, sir, it had some note of tragedy.
Mr. Rankeillor: Why, no, sir, not at all, for tragedy implies some ponderable matter in dispute [...] and this piece of work was all about the petulance of a young ass that had been spoiled, and wanted nothing so much as to be tied up and soundly belted.
Alan and David are ambushed by a group who turn out to be friends of Alan's. Paraphrased, their conversation goes:
Alan: These are Cluny's men!
David: I don't know who Cluny is, and I don't care for his men, but I would like fine to get some sleep. [lies down as if he's about to go to sleep there and then]
The 2006 series (not based on the book):
Knapp's response to his torturer's request that he tell him everything all he knows. (He starts going on about the flickertail, a ground squirrel native to North Dakota... It lasts through several punches, until he starts hallucinating and shuts up.)