History TropeCo / AncientArtifact

Artificially aged and made with the anonymity of the manufacturing address, our {{Ancient Artifact}}s™ were made with your [[FantasyCharacterClasses Fantasy Character Class]] and development as TheChosenOne in mind. Are you a warrior? We have a [[SwordTropes sword]] and [[LuckilyMyShieldWillProtectMe shield]]. A [[RoyalsWhoActuallyDoSomething royal]] [[KnightInShiningArmor knight]]? A slightly shinier sword and [[HumanShield a squire to use as a shield]]. A [[LovableRogue rogue]]? A [[DeviousDaggers knife]] and [[InvisibilityCloak cloak of invisibility]]. A [[MinoredInAssKicking scholar]]? A sextant ([[StealthPun stop laughing]]) that can reveal hidden secrets. A [[OurDwarvesAreAllTheSame dwarf]]? An [[AnAxeToGrind axe]] or [[DropTheHammer hammer]]. A [[WizardClassic wizard]]? A MagicStaff. A [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot dwarf-wizard]]? A MagicWand. A [[DemonSlaying demon-slayer]]? The {{BFG}}.

[-Instructions not included. Some assembly required.-]

Artificially aged and made with the anonymity of the manufacturing address, our {{Ancient Artifact}}s™ were made with your [[FantasyCharacterClasses Fantasy Character Class]] and development as TheChosenOne in mind. Are you a warrior? We have a [[SwordTropes sword]] and [[LuckilyMyShieldWillProtectMe shield]]. A [[RoyalsWhoActuallyDoSomething royal]] [[KnightInShiningArmor knight]]? A slightly shinier sword and [[HumanShield a squire to use as a shield]]. A [[LovableRogue rogue]]? A [[KnifeNut knife]] and [[InvisibilityCloak cloak of invisibility]]. A [[MinoredInAssKicking scholar]]? A sextant ([[StealthPun stop laughing]]) that can reveal hidden secrets. A [[OurDwarvesAreAllTheSame dwarf]]? An [[AnAxeToGrind axe]] or [[DropTheHammer hammer]]. A [[WizardClassic wizard]]? A MagicStaff. A [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot dwarf-wizard]]? A MagicWand. A [[DemonSlaying demon-slayer]]? The {{BFG}}.

But wait, are ''you'' the EvilOverlord? No fear, loyal customer, as for a limited time only, TropeCo/TropeCo® will also be selling our brand-new ChaoticEvil [[LimitedSpecialCollectorsUltimateEdition Edition]] ArtifactOfDoom™ for a mere half of the price, because evil has to have that unfair advantage. We have [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings Cursed Rings forged in volcanos]], [[TomeOfEldritchLore Necronomicons]] [[Franchise/EvilDead inked in blood and bound in human-flesh]], [[WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}} sentient cars built from history's evil automobiles]], WarGod [[ComicBook/DarkNightsMetal Helmets that give you super-strength]], all of which come with a free EvilCostumeSwitch for those thinking of joining the Dark Side.

Has an EvilOverlord moved in next door? Has he been keeping you up at night with his raping and pillaging? It is he impervious to normal means of slaying? Well, worry no more, as '''TropeCo/TropeCo'''® has come to provide. Introducing the new '''TropeCo/TropeCo'''® AncientArtifact™!

For only a third of the cost, we at '''TropeCo/TropeCo'''® will throw in a state of the art '''TropeCo/TropeCo'''®-brand DungeonCrawling experience in retrieving your brand new '''TropeCo/TropeCo'''® AncientArtifact™. Grind your stats, collect treasure, slay beasts and prove to yourself, your friends, your family and your antagonist that you are worthy of wielding the '''TropeCo/TropeCo'''® AncientArtifact™, followed by a fulfilling up-close demonstration of your '''TropeCo/TropeCo'''® AncientArtifact™ on the way out!

But wait, are ''you'' the EvilOverlord? No fear, loyal customer, as for a limited time only, '''TropeCo/TropeCo'''® will also be selling our brand-new ChaoticEvil [[LimitedSpecialCollectorsUltimateEdition Edition]] ArtifactOfDoom™ for a mere half of the price, because evil has to have that unfair advantage. We have [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings Cursed Rings forged in volcanos]], [[TomeOfEldritchLore Necronomicons]] [[Franchise/EvilDead inked in blood and bound in human-flesh]], [[WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}} sentient cars built from history's evil automobiles]], WarGod [[ComicBook/DarkNightsMetal Helmets that give you super-strength]], all of which come with a free EvilCostumeSwitch for those thinking of joining the Dark Side.

[-Instructions not included. Some assembly sometimes required.-]