History Funny / LastActionHero

-->'''Slater:''' Hey! You want to be a farmer? Here's a couple of acres!' ''[executes a GroinAttack that launches the cop six feet in the air]''

** After Frank's house explodes, the two cops are revealed to have landed in a tree. One of them regains consciousness and has this to say: "Two days to retirement." Cue the ''Lethal Weapon'' stinger music.

* As Slater starts to say his CatchPhrase:

** Though it was likely unintentional, a lot of Shakespare scholars point out that Hamlet's fatal flaw is that [[KillHimAlready he doesn't just kill Claudius]], which causes the death of many other people. Schwarzenegger doesn't have that flaw, to say the least.

** Though it was likely unintentional, a lot of Shakespare scholars point out that Hamlet's fatal flaw is that he doesn't just kill Claudius, which causes the death of many other people. Schwarzenegger doesn't have that flaw, to say the least.

** [[GoLookAtTheDistraction "Look, elephant!"]]

* Benedict is stunned to find that you can steal someone's shoes in the real world without police sirens instantly sounding. So he goes to a garage and shoots a mechanic. He then immediately checks his watch and starts counting, waiting for the sirens. He fires another shot, just in case:
-->'''Benedict:''' Hello! I just killed a man and I did it on purpose!

-->'''Benedict:''' I have just shot a man and I want to confess!

-->'''Decker:''' Do not let Slater into the building!

-->'''Slater:''' Hey! You want to be a farmer? Here's a couple of 'achers!' ''[executes a GroinAttack that launches the cop six feet in the air]''

** "Stay thy hand, fair prince!" -- "Hoo said I'm ''feah?''" Cue [=SchwarzenHamlet=] [[AnachronismStew pulling out a gun, despite the medieval setting]], and blasting Polonius.

* Two cops show up outside Jack's uncle Frank's house, which they believe to be a crack house:

** After Frank's house explodes, the two cops are revealed to have landed in a tree. One of them regains consciousness and has this to say: "Two days to retirement."

** Jack has other tapes labeled "Blown Up House," "Ex-Mother-In-Law," "Creditors," "Governor's Office," "Twin Brother Did It," "Girlfriend," "Internal Affairs," "Wrecked Car," "Working Late," and "Out of Town."
* The whole "Cops Getting Assigned Sidekicks" thing.

* After Practice leaves:

* Any time [[DaChief Dekker]] [[SayMyName screams "SLATER!"]]

* When Danny finally points out Vivaldi's house, Slater launches into a [[SarcasmMode sarcastic rant]], and it is absolutely hilarious.

** "They [the attack dogs] are ''exceptionally'' well-trained." Benedict snaps his fingers, and the dogs quickly form a canine pyramid. The exchange continues:

* Jack's very cordial "Hi!" as he crashes in through the skylight, followed by him shooting two of the goons dead with their own guns.

* After surviving an explosion, Slater and Danny, still wearing their ruined clothes, sit in front of Dekker's office while Dekker rants [[{{Angrish}} angrily and incoherently]] about what happened.

** Dekker has steam puffing out of his ears as he raves at Slater.

-->'''Slater:''' ''[[[HelloNurse perks up]]]'' Yes. It was called ''The Girl of My Dreams''. It starred you. As a matter of fact, we had this very romantic scene together.

-->'''Slater:''' No likes a smart ass.

** And Arnold goes on and brings up Planet Hollywood, much to his wife's annoyance.

* Danny: "I can PROVE this is a movie! Look, a cartoon cat just walked through the door!"

-->'''Slater''': Hey! You want to be a farmer? Here's a couple of 'achers!' (''executes a GroinAttack that launches the cop six feet in the air'')

** "Stay thy hand, fair prince!" -- "Hoo said I'm ''feah?''" Cue [=SchwarzenHamlet=] pulling out a gun, despite the medieval setting, and blasting Polonius.

--->'''[=SchwarzenHamlet=]:''' To be or not to be... (''lights a cigar, takes a drag'') Not to be. ''([[StuffBlowingUp KABOOM!]])''
* Two cops show up outside a supposed crack house:
-->'''1st cop''': Are you sure this is the right address? This don't look like no crack house to me.
-->'''2nd cop''': What do you want? Sixty guys dancing on the lawn, throwing cocaine at each other? Just kick the door in.
* After Frank's house explodes, the two cops are revealed to have landed in a tree. One of them regains consciousness and has this to say: "Two days to retirement."
* Two words: Acme Dynamite.

* Danny goes cross-eyed and moans as Slater's car is about to land on the Coca-Cola semi-truck.

** Jack also has other tapes labeled "Blown Up House," "Ex-Mother-In-Law," "Creditors," "Governor's Office," "Twin Brother Did It," "Girlfriend," "Internal Affairs," "Wrecked Car," "Working Late," and "Out of Town."

* The joke with Practice's name.
-->'''Practice''': How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
-->'''Slater''': Practice!

-->'''Danny''': Watch it, Jack. [[Creator/FMurrayAbraham He]] killed Mozart!
-->'''Slater''': (''sardonically'') In a movie?
-->'''Danny''': ''Film/{{Amadeus}}''! It won eight Oscars.
-->'''Slater''': I saved his life in 'Nam. I'll make sure to be on the lookout, thanks. Now...[[SuddenlyShouting NO MORE MOVIES!]]

-->'''Slater''': He's supposed to be back on duty. He was only suspended for a month. Now shut up!
-->'''Dekker''': That cat is one of my best men!

--->'''Danny''': I just love the way you two fight, knowing how you really feel about each other.
--->'''Dekker''': Pray tell. Just how do I feel about this weird-looking sack of puppy poop?
--->(''Jack looks at him questioningly'')

--->'''Danny''': ''Jack Slater I''.
--->'''Dekker''': [[ComicallyMissingThePoint What's winning got to do with this?]]
--->'''Danny''': No! The very first Jack Slater.
--->'''Dekker''': (''to Slater'') You tell your dad?!
--->'''Slater''': I didn't tell anyone! I don't even know this kid!

* Slater's response after Dekker appoints Danny as his partner: "Oh, no. Better to die."

-->'''Danny''': That is what you were gonna say, right? Gee, how would I know that?
-->'''Slater''': No likes a smart ass.
* Slater [[DrivesLikeCrazy driving like crazy]] out of the LAPD garage, and a passing driver yelling his name.
* In Slater's world, ''Film/Terminator2JudgmentDay'' starred Sylvester Stallone, not Arnold Schwarzenegger.
-->'''Slater, reverently:''' The man is an artist!

-->'''Attractive Woman''': You were in a movie?
-->'''Slater''': Yes. It was called ''The Girl of My Dreams''. It starred you. As a matter of fact, we had this very romantic scene together.

--->'''Slater''': Him? Oh, no. This is a mental patient and I'm going to take him downtown. (''grabs Danny'') C'mon!

--->'''Slater''': I agree with you. I think she should be working with us. Undercover, of course.
* When Danny finally points out Vivaldi's house, Slater launches into a sarcastic rant, and it is absolutely hilarious.
-->'''Danny''': The bad guys are in there! (''points'')
-->'''Slater''': You know something? You should be wearing this. (''hands Danny his badge'')
-->'''Danny''': (''takes the badge'') I don't think I've earned it yet.
-->'''Slater''': You don't understand. You just solved the entire case. You just revolutionized the entire history of police training. All those years at the Academy studying human character, psyche of the terrorist, fingerprint analysis, all the courses that I've taken in surveillance, hostage negotiation, and criminal psychology. I mean, all I had to do was just drive around the neighborhood and point my finger at a house and say "[[SuddenlyShouting THE BAD GUYS ARE IN THERE]]!"
-->'''Danny''': You think you're funny, don't you?
-->'''Slater''': I know I am. I'm the famous comedian, Arnold Braunschweiger.
-->'''Danny''': ''Schwarzenegger''!
-->'''Slater''': {{Gesundheit}}.
** Slater uses "Arnold Braunschweiger" as an alias later on in the movie.

-->'''Slater''': Could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?
-->'''Doorman''': I beg your pardon?
-->'''Slater''': It's a beautiful day, and we're out killing drug dealers. Are there any in the house?

--->'''Slater''': I'll be back! Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?
--->'''Danny''': [[RunningGag You always say that.]]
--->'''Slater''': I do?

--->'''Benedict''': No, I only go as far as "lackey."

--->'''Benedict''': I snap my fingers again, and sometime next week, you emerge from several canine recta. Questions?
--->'''Slater''': Yeah, two. (''lights a cigar'') Why would I be wasting my time with a dime-store putz like you when I could be doing something much more dangerous, like re-arranging my sock drawers? And how will you snap your fingers after I rip off both of your thumbs?

-->'''Slater''': Kid, who does the doctor treat?
-->'''Danny''': Patients.
-->'''Slater''': What is the elbow of my jacket doing?
-->'''Danny''': Wearing thin?
-->'''Slater''': Bingo!

-->'''Benedict''': Hello, Toto.
** "Is Uncle Jack around?"

-->'''Danny''': Shit! I'm the comedy sidekick!

-->'''Slater''': Did you catch any of that?
-->'''Danny''': Some of it sounds like English.

-->'''Danny''': How'd you know there was a guy in there?
-->'''Slater''': There's always a guy in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors.

-->'''Slater''': Leo the Fart is gonna pass gas one more time.
* On the way to Leo the Fart's funeral, Slater runs into [[spoiler:Practice]], and they decide to continue together. Along the way, Slater discovers [[spoiler:Practice's]] [[BigBadFriend true colors]] and admits that Danny warned him not to trust [[spoiler:Practice]] because he killed "Moe Zart" ([[spoiler:Danny figured out that Practice would turn traitor all because he is played by Creator/FMurrayAbraham, who played Salieri in ''Film/{{Amadeus}}'']]).
-->'''Slater''': Danny told me I shouldn't trust you. You killed Moe Zart.
-->'''[[spoiler:Practice]]''': Moe...?
-->'''Slater''': Zart!
-->'''[[spoiler:Practice]]''': (''{{beat}}'') You know, I've killed a lot of people; I don't remember all of their names.
** Danny then shows up with a gun of his own and gives [[spoiler:Practice]] a speech about how he should have [[WhyDontYaJustShootHim just shot Slater instead of talking]].

--->'''Vivaldi:''' (''cocks gun'') You ain't no genius yourself, kid.

-->'''Slater''': He was a good man, a flatulent man.
** Slater then pretends Leo the Fart is still alive (complete with him using a falsetto voice), grabs the corpse, and starts carrying it away, yelling for a doctor. A man steps forward as a doctor, and Slater tells him to check Leo the Fart's chin, only to knock the doctor out and then yell that the doctor passed out.
** "Look, elephant!"
* The scene in which [[spoiler:Benedict kills Vivaldi]].
-->'''Vivaldi:''' First, you're my friend! Then you do a... (''swirls his finger in the water'') 360 on me!
-->'''Benedict:''' (''exasperated'') 180, you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin, ''180''! If I did a 360, I'd go completely around and end up back where I started!

-->'''Benedict:''' Trust me! [[spoiler:(''shoots Vivaldi'')]]

--->'''Benedict''': Men, women, and children dropping left and right, writhing and screaming. [...] They were writhing and screaming and leaping to their doom to escape the pain.
--->'''Vivaldi''': (''laughing'') Really? Really?
--->'''Benedict''': No, not really. I'm lying. It was a complete and utter balls-up, and I've had a terrible day, thanks largely to you.
* Benedict has a subtle one. When Slater crashes Whitney's pickup truck through Benedict's front door, he gets a look on his face that screams "Again?"
** When Slater starts beating up Benedict during his [[AndThisIsFor ''And this is for..'' speech]], the act of blowing up Slater's ex-wife's house gets Benedict a soft slap on the wrist.

-->'''Slater''': (''to Danny'') Not a word. Not ''one'' word!

-->'''Slater''': Gimme a break. They're dead.
-->'''Danny''': Just check!
-->'''Slater''': (''gestures at the cab'') Look! ''Dead''!
-->'''Danny''': They always look dead!

-->(''silence'')

-->'''Slater''': Ever see those movies where they say "Make my day" or "I'm your worst nightmare?" Well, listen to this one--Rubber baby buggy bumpers! (''turns to Danny'') Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?
-->'''Danny''': Uh...
* Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger telling his wife to not talk to the ''National Inquirer'', and Maria Shriver telling him to "not plug the restaurants" because "It's tacky."
** And Arnold goes on and brings up Planet Hollywood, much to Maria's annoyance.
* Following a harrowing race to bring a dying Slater back into movie-world where his fatal gunshot to the chest is OnlyAFleshWound, he's immediately surrounded by concerned onlookers and tended by a doctor... who indignantly declares it to barely even ''be'' a flesh wound, as though they were wasting his time by summoning him.
* Slater's speech to Dekker at the end when Dekker starts ranting:
-->'''Slater''': Put a sock in it! I don't care who does what to your Hersey highway. And stop shouting! I'm not deaf! You know why you're shouting? Because it's in the script. You're the comic relief. Yes! And you know what else? ''I'' am the hero. ''[[SuddenlyShouting SO]] [[BigShutUp SHUT UP!]]''

* [[Film/Terminator2JudgmentDay The T-1000]] and [[Film/BasicInstinct Catherine Tramell]] are seen strolling out of the police station. Doubles as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome for movie nuts.

--->'''Benedict''': Men, women and children dropping left and right, writhing and screaming. [...] They were writhing and screaming and leaping to their doom to escape the pain.

-->'''Slater''': Put a sock in it! I don't care who does what to your Hersey highway. And stop shouting! I'm not deaf! You know why you're shouting? Because it's in the script. You're the comic relief. Yes! And you know what else? ''I'' am the hero. ''[[SuddenlyShouting SO SHUT UP!]]''

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCVc5TaPpe8 The Hamlet trailer]].
** "Eh, Claudius! Yah killed my fadda. (grabs Claudius) ''Big'' mistake." (sends a screaming Claudius flying out the window)

-->'''[=SchwarzenHamlet=]:''' To be or not to be... (''lights a cigar, takes a drag'') Not to be. ''([[StuffBlowingUp KABOOM!]])''

* In Slater's world, ''Film/Terminator2JudgmentDay'' starred Sylvester Stallone, not Arnold Schwarzenegger.
-->'''Slater, reverently:''' The man is an artist!

** The black van chasing them unsuccessfully tries to copy Slater's stunt and explodes, [[FunnyBackgroundEvent the effects of which happen behind Slater]] as he assures Danny that he'll live to experience all the joys of young adulthood, such as acne, [[JizzedInMyPants premature ejaculation]], and his first divorce.
* [[Film/Terminator2JudgmentDay The T-1000]] and [[Film/BasicInstinct Catherine Tramell]] are seen strolling out of the police station.
** Doubles as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome for movie nuts.

* The whole "Cops Getting Assigned Sidekicks" thing.

-->'''Slater''' (''blankly''): So? He'll do it again tomorrow.
-->'''Dekker''' That cat is one of my best men!

* On the way to the mobster's funeral, Slater runs into [[spoiler:Practice]], and they decide to continue together. Along the way, Slater discovers [[spoiler:Practice's]] [[BigBadFriend true colors]] and admits that Danny warned him not to trust [[spoiler:Practice]] because he killed "Moe Zart" ([[spoiler:Danny figured out that Practice would turn traitor all because he is played by F. Murray Abraham, who played Salieri in ''Film/{{Amadeus}}'']]).

* Slater crashes Fat Tony's funeral, and he walks up to the casket and talks to a mourner.

** Slater then pretends Fat Tony is still alive (complete with him using a falsetto voice), grabs the corpse, and starts carrying it away, yelling for a doctor. A man steps forward as a doctor, and Slater tells him to check Fat Tony's chin, only to knock the doctor out and then yell that the doctor passed out.

** This, when Danny and Slater realize that chemical bomb has been planted on Leo "the Fart":
-->'''Slater''': Leo "the Fart" is gonna pass gas one more time.

* After surviving an explosion, Slater and Danny, still wearing their ruined clothes, sit in front of Dekker's office while Dekker rants [[{{Angrish}} angrily and incoherently]] at them.
-->'''Slater''': Did you catch any of that?
-->'''Danny''': Some of it sounds like English.
* When Slater walks into his apartment and for no apparent reason shoots the closet twice. A dead assassin's corpse falls out.
-->'''Danny''': How'd you know there was a guy in there?
-->'''Slater''': There's always a guy in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors.
** Apparently, this is supposed to be a [[RunningGag gag]] that happens once per ''Jack Slater'' movie.
** Adding to the gag is the contents of the closet: [[LimitedWardrobe dozens of identical leather jackets, just like the one Slater is wearing]] and [[WallOfWeapons a shelf full]] [[HandCannon of Desert Eagles]].

** "Stay thy hand, fair prince!" -- "Hoo said I'm ''faih?''" Cue [=SchwarzenHamlet=] pulling out a gun, despite the medieval setting, and blasting Polonius.

** "Stay thine hand, fair prince!" "Hoo said I was ''faih?''" Cue [=SchwarzenHamlet=] pulling out a gun, despite the medieval setting, and blasting Polonius.

-->'''Schwarzenhamlet:''' To be or not to be... (''lights a cigar, takes a drag'') Not to be. ''([[StuffBlowingUp KABOOM!]])''

** "Stay thine hand, fair prince!" "Hoo said I was faih?" Cue [=SchwarzenHamlet=] pulling out a gun, despite the medieval setting, and blasting Polonius.

** "Who said I'm fair?" Cue Schwarzenhamlet pulling out a gun despite the medieval setting and gunning down the other man.

* After surviving an explosion, Slater and Danny, still wearing their ruined clothes, sit in front of Dekker's office while Dekker rants angrily and incoherently at them.

* Benedict has a subtle one. When Slater crashes Whitney's pickup truck through Benedict's front door, he gets a look on his face that screams, "Again?"

* Slater's speech to a ranting Dekker at the end:
-->'''Slater''': Put a sock in it! I don't care who does what to your Hersey highway. And stop shouting! I'm not deaf! You know why you're shouting? Because it's in the script. You're the comic relief. Yes. And you know what else? I am the hero. ''So [[BigShutUp SHUT UP!]]''

* Slater's speech to Dekker at the end:
-->'''Slater''': Put a sock in it! I don't care who does what to your stupid highway! And stop shouting! I'm not deaf!
** "SO [[BigShutUp SHUT UP]]!!!"
* Slater's cassette tape for whenever his ex-wife calls, which is just an endless loop of Slater saying, "Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah."
** Which then wanders into TearJerker territory when Danny points out that his wife calls him every day, at which point Slater reveals that he has someone call him at the office ''pretending'' to be his wife, so they think he has some semblance of a life and isn't incredibly lonely.

** When Slater starts beating up Benedict during his [[ThisIsFor ''This is for..'' speech]], the act of blowing up his ex-wife's house gets Benedict a soft slap on the wrist.

* [[Film/Terminator2JudgmentDay The T-1000]] and [[Film/BasicInstinct Catherine Trammell]] are seen strolling out of the police station.

** "Who said I'm fair?" Cue Schwarzenhamlet gunning down the other man.

* In Slater's world, ''Terminator2JudgementDay'' starred Sylvester Stallone, not Arnold Schwarzenegger.