History Funny / AbbottAndCostello

-->''[Bud slaps Lou.]''

-->'''Lou:''' I want to ask you just one thing.
-->'''Bud:''' What?
-->'''Lou:''' What makes a balloon go up?
-->'''Bud:''' Hot air.
-->'''Lou:''' What's holding you down?
-->[Bud slaps Lou.]

-->'''Lou (trying to disguise his voice):''' May I please...
-->'''Operator:''' That line is busy!

-->'''Lou:''' When I said 'gone with the wind,' I should have said 'never the twain shall meet.'
-->'''Camille:''' What twain?
-->'''Lou:''' The...the twain on twack twee!

-->'''Lou Costello:''' I just bought me a racehorse and I gotta take care of him. What do you feed a horse anyway?
-->'''Bud Abbott:''' Well, a horse eats his fodder.
-->'''Lou Costello:''' He eats his father?
-->'''Bud Abbott:''' Certainly.

-->'''First Band Member:''' Bass Fiddle.
-->'''Second Band Member:''' Second Bass.
-->'''Abbott:''' Third Bass.
-->'''Costello:''' Shortstop.
-->'''Conductor:''' (marking off the list) "Shortstop..."(realizes) Shortstop? Hey, you, 'shortstop'!

-->'''Lou:''' I don't care!
-->'''Bud:''' Oh, he's our shortstop.
-->'''Lou:''' [[{{Angrish}} NYAH!]]

-->"Did you ever go to school, stupid?"
-->"Yessir, and I come out the same way."

-->'''Chick Young (Abbot):''' What's the matter?
-->'''Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.):''' I know you'll think I'm crazy, but... in a half-an-hour the moon will rise and I'll turn into a wolf.
-->'''Wilbur Grey (Costello):''' You and 20 million other guys!

-->'''Bud:''' What happened to you?
-->'''Lou:''' I just opened the door, and my mind became a blank.
-->'''Bud:''' Your mind's been a blank all your life!

-->''As the witch jabs Lou's doll in the backside with a needle:''
-->'''Lou:''' AHHH!
-->'''[[FlatEarthAtheist Bud]]:''' That's all in your mind!
-->'''Lou:''' You gotta lousy sense of direction!

--> '''Jack:''' Ah, music to my ears. My first victim! See you, Mr. Dinkle!
-->''(Rushes off while Mr. Dinkle (Abbott) looks on, suddenly very concerned)''

-->'''Bud:''' Anything I can do for you?
-->'''Lou:''' Yea -- gimme a piece of cheese.

-->'''Bud:''' I never had a mummy.
-->'''Lou:''' What did your father do, win ya in a crap game?

** The version done for the movie ''The Naughty Nineties'' is considered the best, and is the one on display at the Baseball Hall of Fame.
** "I don't know--''THIRD BASE''!"
** When Lou asks the name of the left fielder, Bud replies, "Why." to which Lou replies, "Because!" prompting Bud to say, "He's ''center''field."
** And the final punchline:
--->'''Lou:''' I don't care!\\
'''Bud:''' Oh, he's our shortstop.\\
'''Lou:''' [[{{Angrish}} NYAH!]]

-->'''Lou:''' I want to ask you just one thing.\\
'''Bud:''' What?\\
'''Lou:''' What makes a balloon go up?\\
'''Bud:''' Hot air.\\
'''Lou:''' What's holding you down?\\
[Bud slaps Lou.]
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KM7Wj7FVIoY "My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean".]] definitely competes with "Who's on First" as the funniest skit in ''The Naughty Nineties'', if not their entire career.
* "Did you ever go to school, stupid?"
** "Yessir, and I come out the same way."
** In the same movie -- ''Little Giant'' -- Lou is promised a job as a vacuum cleaner salesman if he can convince Bud that "7 times 13 is 28". To Bud's disbelief Lou [[InsaneTrollLogic does just that]], leading to Bud hiring him simply so he won't [[GoMadFromTheRevelation have to chance listening to the explanation again]].

* From ''Abbott and Costello meet the Killer, Boris Karloff'', asked of a [[MindControl hypnotized]] Bud by Boris: HowWouldYouLikeToDie Lou's response? "Old age." The hypnotist, a murderous and phony Swami played by Karloff, ultimately gets so frustrated with Lou's bungling that he grabs a knife from a drawer and snarls at Lou, ''[[CaptainObvious "You'll commit suicide if it's the last thing you ever do!"]]''
** Lou's other [[BungledSuicide botched suicide attempts]] in the same scene. The Swami orders Lou to put his gun to his head and use it, but the "gun" turns out to be a spray bottle. He then orders Lou to climb onto a windowsill and jump, and he does - right back into the room. Finally, he tells him to "plunge this knife into the heart of the man in the mirror". From Lou's point of view, the Swami is "the man in the mirror." HilarityEnsues.
** From the same flick, after Lou has become convinced that Bud has been trying to murder him all through the movie (he's actually just putting on an act to catch the real killer), and demands that a cop arrest him: "Lou, now don't do this! Remember, we're family. We have the same blood in our veins." "Yeah, and I wanna keep mine!"
** Also from the same movie, when Bud and Lou are checking out a room for any sign of who killed the man Lou's been (incorrectly) accused of killing, Lou hears a noise and opens the door to find the Swami, who promptly hypnotizes Lou with: ''"You didn't see me. You didn't see me. I wasn't here. I wasn't here."'' He then vanishes. Bud walks over and asks Lou:
-->'''Bud:''' What happened to you?\\
'''Lou:''' I just opened the door, and my mind became a blank.\\
'''Bud:''' Your mind's been a blank all your life!
* In ''The Naughty Nineties'', Bud falls overboard and yells for Lou to throw him a lifesaver. [[LiteralMinded Lou]] responds by tossing him a candy Life Saver and saying "Here y'are, catch it!"
* In ''Abbott and Costello meet the Mummy'', at one point Lou gets trapped inside the Mummy's tomb with a gaggle of monsters, including a [[{{Slurpasaur}} giant lizard]] ([[SpecialEffectsFailure rather obviously an iguana]]). Lou runs all over the place, panicking as usual. Meanwhile the lizard crawls inside a large chamber. Lou ignorantly follows it inside and shuts the doors. Five seconds later: "HEEEYYYY ABBBOTTTT!" and Lou crashes through the chamber's solid stone walls to escape!
** Earlier in the film, Bud explains to Lou that not all [[JustForFun/IThoughtItMeant mummies]] are female. A stunned Lou asks Bud: "Wasn't your mummy a woman?"
--->'''Bud:''' I never had a mummy.\\
'''Lou:''' What did your father do, win ya in a crap game?
* In ''Abbott and Costello in the Foreign Legion'', the boys turn in a note written in Arabic that they assume is proof of their sergeant's treason, but is actually an Arabic laundry ticket.
* In ''Ride 'Em Cowboy'', some guys put a dummy of an Indian chief in Lou's room as a joke. The real Indian chief then takes its place and messes with Lou, but [[CassandraTruth pretends to be the dummy when Abbott's around.]]
** The "Crazy House" skit shortly after where Lou dreams that he's in a mental ward and every single character in the movie makes an appearance as an Indian.
* In ''Abbott and Costello meet [[Literature/TheStrangeCaseOfDrJekyllAndMrHyde Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde]]'', Lou [[TheChewToy gets repeatedly mauled]]. At one point while trying to break up a brawl at an early Woman's Rights meeting he gets hit on the head by [[BrawnHilda one furious woman]] so hard he is hammered into the ground like a nail. And then later on Lou has a needle full of [[SuperSerum Hyde-juice]] get [[AssShove repeatedly driven into his backside]]... leading to [[SuperpoweredEvilSide Lou becoming a second Hyde]]. He then terrorizes London before being dragged back to the police station, where he bites all the cops and turns THEM into Hydes!
** Lou also ends up inside a wax museum where he gets terrified by dummies of [[{{Dracula}} Count Dracula]] and FrankensteinsMonster; is almost given heart failure by a walking (wax) head (after accidentally tossing it on top of a cat); and to cap it all off, he gets clobbered by an angry bobby after assuming he's a wax dummy too.
** In the same movie, Lou drinks a bottle of "Mouse-ul" (Moselle) to try to turn into a mouse again, but instead gets drunk off his ass and hallucinates that ''Bud'' is the one turning into a mouse. And when he drunkenly staggers off a staircase into a cage, we get this:
--->'''Bud:''' Anything I can do for you?\\
'''Lou:''' Yea - gimme a piece of cheese.
* One memorable moment in ''Abbott and Costello Go to Mars'' [[NeverTrustATrailer (even if they actually visit Venus instead)]] occurs when the boys and two gangsters from Earth try to seduce the gorgeous Amazons of an [[LadyLand entirely female Venus]]. It works until the Queen reminds her subjects of what their men were ''really'' like -- [[MrFanservice a gang of Greek Gods]] with [[AllMenArePerverts similar morals]]. The women then look disdainfully at Costello and the rest. Lou puffs his chest up, only to [[DeathGlare collapse at a dirty look from one angry Venusian]].
** Earlier in the movie, Abbott and Costello accidentally land in [[TheBigEasy New Orleans]] during Mardi Gras and think that the costumed locals are Martians. Because they're just that stupid.
** Also in the movie, early on after unintentionally stealing a rocket ship, they fly into the Lincoln Tunnel with it. [[TheAlcoholic An obvious drunk]] sees them and charges into the bar that he just vacated to resume drinking. Later, the same drunk, now clean-cut and obviously sober, is walking past the bar with an air of obvious disdain when he sees the rocket ship come flying back ''out'' of the Lincoln Tunnel. He charges back into the bar and starts swigging a whole bottle down. If you see things like that when you're sober, you may as well be drunk!
*** The first time the bartender listens to his story and yanks the bottle out of his hand declaring, "You've had enough!" Then a news report announces a rocket ship flying through the Lincoln Tunnel, whereupon the bartender takes a swig himself.
** Also while terrorizing Earth in the rocket ship, they go flying at the Statue of Liberty. Lou shrieks at her to, ''"Duck, lady, duck!"'' She promptly does so, leaving Lou to do a WildTake.
* In ''Buck Privates'', Lou winds up clinging to a branch after he [[LiteralCliffhanger falls over a cliff]]. When Bud casually asks him what he's doing in the tree, Lou shouts back, "I sat on it when it was an acorn!"
* In ''Abbott and Costello Meet Captain Kidd'', the boys get shanghaied by the titular captain (played by Creator/CharlesLaughton). At one point Kidd threatens Lou with putting him in irons. [[ObfuscatingStupidity Lou asks him]] [[SchmuckBait 'how they work'.]] Kidd obligingly puts the shackles on, and Lou starts [[BullyingADragon giving him grief, even inviting Bud to take part]]. Bud and Lou leave the cabin for a moment. Unfortunately for Lou, Kidd escapes the shackles, but pretends to still be in them. So when Lou returns to the cabin...
-->'''Lou:''' ''(holding up his fist)'' You wanna know what I'm gonna do now?\\
'''Captain Kidd:''' ''(showing that his hands are free)'' WHAT?\\
'''Lou:''' I'm gonna run for my life!
* In ''Abbott and Costello Meet the Keystone Kops'', the boys disguise themselves as a burglar and a cop in order to steal incriminating evidence from the BigBad's home. Naturally, a real burglar and cop show up and HilarityEnsues.
* In ''The Time Of Their Lives'', Lou plays the ghost of an American Revolutionary War tinker falsely accused of treason and [[RewardedAsATraitorDeserves shot dead and tossed down a well for it]]. He eventually meets up with Bud Abbott's character, a New York therapist who [[FlatEarthAtheist doesn't believe in ghosts]] and who is descended from (to say nothing of [[UncannyFamilyResemblance an exact twin for]]) a butler who tried to steal Lou's girlfriend when he was alive. Lou [[MisplacedRetribution gleefully terrorizes the poor fellow]] until the very intimidating housekeeper walks in. The startled ghost flees after exclaiming:
-->''"Ods bodkins! What well did she come out of?"''
** Surprisingly, one of the best lines in that one ''doesn't'' come from Bud or Lou. When the cast is arriving at the restored mansion, one of them greets the very intimidating housekeeper thusly:
-->"Pardon me, but didn't I see you in ''Film/{{Rebecca}}''?"
* The bank scene in ''Buck Privates Come Home''. Bud and Lou talk to a bank manager about a loan to fund their friend's midget racer, and bring the blueprints and a working model to show their preparedness. Lou starts up the model for the manager, but he starts it backwards and it backfires, making it look like [[MistakenForTerrorist he's robbing the bank with a machine gun]] through the office's frosted glass window.
* In ''Comin' Round the Mountain'', Devil Dan Winfield threatens to kill Wilbert (Costello), while Wilbert's friend sneaks up behind Winfield with a chair. Wilbert warns Winfield that he'll "get the chair", which Winfield dismisses because every local judge was family. [[ChairmanOfTheBrawl Then Wilbert's friend hits Devil Dan Winfield with the chair.]]
** Lou and Bud try to romance one of Lou's (distant) cousins with the aid of a LovePotion brewed by the [[WickedWitch local witch]], played by Margaret Hamilton. When the cheapskate Bud tries cheating her, she makes a [[VoodooDoll poppet]] of Lou and starts jabbing it with needles. Bud initially ignores Lou's howls of pain:
--->''As the witch jabs Lou's doll in the backside with a needle:''\\
'''Lou:'' AHHH!\\
[[FlatEarthAtheist Bud: That's all in your mind!]]\\
Lou: You gotta lousy sense of direction!
** Lou ends it by making a doll of the witch and they stick each other for a while. Finally, they call a truce. Lou tells Bud to "Pay her." Bud responds with:
--->"I'll pay her when I'm ready!" *Sees her making a doll of HIM.* "I'm ready!"
** At the climax, Bud and Lou crash through the floor of a nearby mine and think they've found ancestor Squeezebox [=McCoy=]'s lost gold. It's a gold treasure, alright, as they discover when a small army of Federal agents rushes into the room -- [[FromBadToWorse Fort Knox]].
* In ''Hit the Ice,'' Bud and Lou are trying to sneak onto a train without tickets. Abbott notices a band getting onboard by announcing the instrument they play and sneaks into line behind the two bass fiddles:
-->'''First Band Member:''' Bass Fiddle.\\
'''Second Band Member:''' Second Bass.\\
'''Abbott:''' Third Bass.\\
'''Costello:''' Shortstop.\\
'''Conductor:''' (marking off the list) "Shortstop..."(realizes) Shortstop? Hey, you, 'shortstop'!
** Lou’s love interest gets angry at him and forces him backwards right up to the edge of a swimming pool, but he confounds expectations by not actually falling in. Lou then [[BreakingTheFourthWall turns directly to the camera]] and smugly asks "You thought I was gonna fall in, didn't you?" Right on cue, another scantily clad lady walks by and causes him to fall in.
* In ''Abbott and Costello in the Foreign Legion'', at one point Bud and Lou are fleeing some angry Arabs. They go right through a tent where a pretty harem girl is bathing. Hanging against the back of the tent is one big towel reading 'His' and [[AllMenArePerverts what looks to be dozens reading 'Hers']].
* The mudder/fodder (mistaken for mother/father by Costello) routine in ''It Aint Hay''
-->'''Lou Costello:''' I just bought me a racehorse and I gotta take care of him. What do you feed a horse anyway?\\
'''Bud Abbott:''' Well, a horse eats his fodder.\\
'''Lou Costello:''' He eats his father?\\
'''Bud Abbott:''' Certainly.
* Classic from ''Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein''
-->'''Chick Young (Abbot):''' What's the matter?\\
'''Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.):''' I know you'll think I'm crazy, but... in a half-an-hour the moon will rise and I'll turn into a wolf.\\
'''Wilbur Grey (Costello):''' You and 20 million other guys!
* At one point in ''Hold That Ghost,'' Lou's character tries to explain what a figure of speech is with some examples, which Bud and Lou's love interest mercilessly insist on taking literally, until he finally tries yet another one:
-->'''Lou:''' When I said 'gone with the wind,' I should have said 'never the twain shall meet.'\\
'''Camille:''' What twain?\\
'''Lou:''' The...the twain on twack twee!
* In the opening of ''Jack and the Beanstalk'', Jack (Costello) makes a rather concerning statement when he hears the baby he's sitting for start to cry.
--> '''Jack:''' Ah, music to my ears. My first victim! See you, Mr. Dinkle!\\
''(Rushes off while Mr. Dinkle (Abbott) looks on, suddenly very concerned)''
** Later, once the fantasy has started, Jack meets Prince Arthur on his way to sell the cow and the Prince is just as quickly spirited away by the giant. Once he realizes, Jack starts calling "Prince! Oh, Prince!" and is suddenly [[StockAnimalName beset upon by a pack of dogs]].

-->'''Lou (trying to disguise his voice):''' May I please...\\
'''Operator:''' That line is busy!

** When Lou asks the name of the left fielder, Bud replies, "Why.", to which Lou replies, "Because!", prompting Bud to say, "He's ''center''field."

-->'''Lou:''' "I don't care!"
-->'''Bud:''' "Oh, he's our shortstop."
-->'''Lou:''' [[{{Angrish}} "NYAH!"]]

** Lou's other [[BungledSuicide botched suicide attempts]] in the same scene. The Swami orders Lou to put his gun to his head and use it, but the "gun" turns out to be a spray bottle. He then orders Lou to climb onto a windowsill and jump, and he does - right back into the room. Finally, he tells him to "plunge this knife into the heart of the man in the mirror". From Lou's point of view, the Swami is "the man in the mirror". HilarityEnsues.

-->''"What happened to you?"''
--> '''Lou:''' ''"I just opened the door, and my mind became a blank."''
--> '''Bud:''' ''"Your mind's been a blank all your life!"''

--> '''Bud:''' ''"I never had a mummy."''
--> '''Lou:''' ''"What did your father do, win ya in a crap game?"''

--> '''Bud:''' ''"Anything I can do for you?"''
--> '''Lou:''' ''"Yea - gimme a piece of cheese."''

--> '''Lou''' (holding up his fist)''':''' ''"You wanna know what I'm gonna do now?"''
--> '''Captain Kidd''' (showing that his hands are free)''':''' ''"WHAT?"''
--> '''Lou:''' ''"I'm gonna run for my life!"''

-->''"As the witch jabs Lou's doll in the backside with a needle:"''
-->Lou: "AHHH!"''
-->[[FlatEarthAtheist Bud: "That's all in your mind!"]]
-->Lou: "You gotta lousy sense of direction!"
** Lou ends it by making a doll of the witch and they stick each other for a while. Finally they call truce. Lou tells Bud to "Pay her." Bud responds with:
-->''"I'll pay her when I'm ready!" *Sees her making a doll of HIM.* "I'm ready!"''

-->'''First Band Member:''' "Bass Fiddle."
-->'''Second Band Member:''' "Second Bass."
-->'''Abbott:''' "Third Bass."
-->'''Costello:''' "Shortstop."
-->'''Conductor:''' (marking off the list) "Shortstop..."(realizes) "Shortstop? Hey, you, 'shortstop'!"

-->'''Lou:''' "When I said 'gone with the wind,' I should have said 'never the twain shall meet.'"
-->'''Camille:''' "What twain?'''
-->'''Lou:''' "The...the twain on twack twee!"

* The "Payphone Sketch" aka "[=ALexander=]-4444" is mostly Costello by himself, with Abbott only appearing in the beginning, but it's still really hilarious, especially Costello having difficulty with the snippy phone operator, who begins by telling him he's got the wrong number, but then repeatedly telling him "line's busy". While others use the payphone successfully, he still has difficulty with the operator, who at one point tells him he's "all wet". When Costello insists he's dry, the operator sprays water through the receiver, spraying Costello.
-->'''Lou (trying to disguise his voice):''' "May I please..."\\
'''Operator:''' "That line is busy!"

** Lou’s love interest gets angry at him and forces him backwards right up to the edge of a swimming pool, but he confounds expectations by not actually falling in. Lou then [[BreakingTheFourthWall turns directly to the camera]] and smugly asks “You thought I was gonna fall in, didn’t you?” Right on cue, another scantily clad lady walks by and causes him to fall in.

-->Lou Costello: I just bought me a racehorse and I gotta take care of him. What do you feed a horse anyway?
-->Bud Abbott: Well, a horse eats his fodder.
-->Lou Costello: He eats his father?
-->Bud Abbott: Certainly.
-->...and so on...

-->Chick Young (Abbot): What's the matter?
-->Larry Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.): I know you'll think I'm crazy, but... in a half-an-hour the moon will rise and I'll turn into a wolf.
-->Wilbur Grey (Costello): You and 20 million other guys!

--> '''Jack''': Ah, music to my ears. My first victim! See you, Mr. Dinkle!\\

-->'''Lou (trying to disguise his voice):''' "May I please..."
-->'''Operator:''' "That line is busy!"

--> ''Jack'': Ah, music to my ears. My first victim! See you, Mr. Dinkle!\\

* From ''Abbott and Costello meet the Killer, Boris Karloff'', asked of a [[MindControl hypnotized]] Bud by Boris: HowWouldYouLikeToDie Lou's response? "Old age." The hypnotist, a murderous and phony Swami played by Karloff, ultimately gets so frustrated with Lou's bungling that he [[KnifeNut grabs a knife]] from a drawer and snarls at Lou, ''[[CaptainObvious "You'll commit suicide if it's the last thing you ever do!"]]''

** Lou's other [BungledSuicide botched suicide attempts]] in the same scene. The Swami orders Lou to put his gun to his head and use it, but the "gun" turns out to be a spray bottle. He then orders Lou to climb onto a windowsill and jump, and he does - right back into the room. Finally, he tells him to "plunge this knife into the heart of the man in the mirror". From Lou's point of view, the Swami is "the man in the mirror". HilarityEnsues.

** Lou's other botched suicide attempts in the same scene. The Swami orders Lou to put his gun to his head and use it, but the "gun" turns out to be a spray bottle. He then orders Lou to climb onto a windowsill and jump, and he does - right back into the room. Finally, he tells him to "plunge this knife into the heart of the man in the mirror". From Lou's point of view, the Swami is "the man in the mirror". HilarityEnsues.

** Earlier in the movie, Abbott and Costello accidentally land in [[TheBigEasy New Orleans]] during Mardi Gras and think that the costumed locals are Martians. [[WhatAnIdiot Because they're just that stupid.]]

-->'''Lou (trying to disguise his voice): '''May I please..."'"
-->'''Operator:''' "That line is busy!'''

-->'''Lou (trying to disguise his voice):'''May I please..."'"

** The "Crazy House" skit shortly after where Lou dreams that he's in a mental ward and every single character in the movie is there as an Indian.

* In ''Abbott and Costello meet [[Literature/TheStrangeCaseOfDrJekyllAndMrHyde Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde]]'' Lou [[TheChewToy gets repeatedly mauled]]. At one point while trying to break up a brawl at an early Woman's Rights meeting he gets hit on the head by [[BrawnHilda one furious woman]] so hard he is hammered into the ground like a nail. And then later on Lou has a needle full of [[SuperSerum Hyde-juice]] get [[AssShove repeatedly driven into his backside]]... leading to [[SuperpoweredEvilSide Lou becoming a second Hyde]]. He then terrorizes London before being dragged back to the police station, where he bites all the cops and turns THEM into Hydes!

* One memorable moment in ''Abbott and Costello go to Mars'' [[NeverTrustATrailer Even if they actually visit Venus instead]] occurs when the boys and two gangsters from Earth try to seduce the gorgeous Amazons of an [[LadyLand entirely female Venus]]. It works until the Queen reminds her subjects of what their men were ''really'' like -- [[MrFanservice a gang of Greek Gods]] with [[AllMenArePerverts similar morals]]. The women then look disdainfully at Costello and the rest. Lou puffs his chest up, only to [[DeathGlare collapse at a dirty look from one angry Venusian]].

** Also in the movie, early on after unintentionally stealing a rocket ship the fly into the Lincoln Tunnel with it. [[TheAlcoholic An obvious drunk]] sees them and charges into the bar he just vacated to resume drinking. Later, the same drunk, now clean-cut and obviously sober, is walking past the bar with an air of obvious disdain when he sees the rocket ship come flying back ''out'' of the Lincoln Tunnel. He charges back into the bar and starts swigging a whole bottle down. If you see things like that when you're sober, you may as well be drunk!

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Odx2cBGMoMo The Lemon Bit]]. Probably the funniest con ever.

** ''THIRD BASE''!

* The "Payphone Sketch" aka "ALexander-4444" is mostly Costello by himself, with Abbott only appearing in the beginning, but it's still really hilarious, especially Costello having difficulty with the snippy phone operator, who begins by telling him he's got the wrong number, but then repeatedly telling him "line's busy". While others use the payphone successfully, he still has difficulty with the operator, who at one point tells him he's "all wet". When Costello insists he's dry, the operator sprays water through the receiver, spraying Costello.

Considering this is a ComedyDuo, this page needs some WikiMagic.

* The "haunted house" skit in the Colgate show, which includes the "moving candle" gag from ''Hold That Ghost'' and includes Lon Cheney as Frankenstein's Monster. The funniest scene has to be Sid Field's extremely hammy scream of horror when he sees the monster behind Costello near the end.

-->'"Lou: "AHHH!"''
-->[[FlatEarthAtheist ''"Bud: "That's all in your mind!"'']]
-->''"Lou: "You gotta lousy sense of direction!"''

** Making this sketch even better is Bud showing off his straight-man chops by not cracking even once, while Lou is helplessly {{Corpsing}} the entire time, especially when he finds the live baby chick inside the turkey and when the smoke from the oven makes him cough so much he can't deliver his next joke. ("I'm supposed 'a talk here!")

-->'''Lou:''' "The...the twain on twack twee!"

----

* In ''The Time Of Their Lives'', Lou plays the ghost of an American Revolutionary War thinker falsely accused of treason and [[RewardedAsATraitorDeserves shot dead and tossed down a well for it]]. He eventually meets up with Bud Abbott's character, a New York therapist who [[FlatEarthAtheist doesn't believe in ghosts]] and who is descended from (to say nothing of [[UncannyFamilyResemblance an exact twin for]]) a butler who tried to steal Lou's girlfriend when he was alive. Lou [[MisplacedRetribution gleefully terrorizes the poor fellow]] until the very intimidating housekeeper walks in. The startled ghost flees after exclaiming:

** From the same flick, after Lou has become convinced (incorrectly) that Bud has been trying to murder him all through the movie, and demands that a cop arrest him: "Lou, now don't do this! Remember, we're family. We have the same blood in our veins." "Yeah, and I wanna keep mine!"