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* OverprotectiveDad: Hizashi to Hinata, despite being her uncle.
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* LaserGuidedKarma: Tsume insults the parents that got their kids kidnapped as not having guarded them well enough. Sure enough Anko takes Kiba with her when she goes missing nin.
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* {{Irony}}: Hizashi misses Neji quite a bit as he gets near the capital, but refuses to go there since it is a den of corruption and he does not want to expose Hinata to it. Unknown to him, Neji is in the capital as Asuma's Hatake style adoptee, ahem, as his lawful, entirely regular apprentice.
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* DecadentCourt: The Capital, home to the Fire Daimyo and his court. Hizashi refuses to set foot there due to the corruption.
** When Neji stumbles on a murdered corpse during a fancy banquet he is not surprised that a noble murdered someone, but they did it so sloppily.
** When Neji stumbles on a murdered corpse during a fancy banquet he is not surprised that a noble murdered someone, but they did it so sloppily.
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* AristocratsAreEvil: The Noble Ninja Clans of Konoha are full of self serving individuals.
** These types are galore in the capital. Neji, who still has not hit two digits in age knows better than to take any noble at face value. When a dead body is found in a fancy party, Neji is not shocked that a noble killed someone but that they did it in such a public setting.
** These types are galore in the capital. Neji, who still has not hit two digits in age knows better than to take any noble at face value. When a dead body is found in a fancy party, Neji is not shocked that a noble killed someone but that they did it in such a public setting.
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* NastyParty: Neji attends a party thrown by a relative of the Fire Daimyo. He is very shocked when he stumbles on a dead body, because Capital nobles don't kill people at parties. Parties are where they decide who to kill and hire assassins at a later date.
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* InsistentTerminology: Asuma would like everyone to know that he did not do a Hatake. He applied through legal channels to become a permanent bodyguard to the Fire Daimyo in the Capital. And Neji is not is kidnapee but his lawful apprentice. He got all the necessary forms from the kid's uncle and legal guardian.
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* InsistentTerminology: Asuma would like everyone to know that he did not do a Hatake. He applied through legal channels to become a permanent bodyguard to the Fire Daimyo in the Capital. And Neji is not is a kidnapee but his lawful apprentice. He got all the necessary forms from the kid's uncle and legal guardian.
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** Again, with Neji he can either let the elders mistreat the boy or go against the elders to protect him and cause discord in the clan. He opts to force Asuma to take Neji to the Capital as an apprentice.
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* AccidentalTruth: Kurenai goes to the capital in order to amuse herself and toy with Asuma. To get him to cooperate with her she tells him that she has heard of a plot to murder the Fire Daimyo that he is sworn to protect. While she lied to him, some investigation reveals that there actually is a plot to murder the Daimyo.
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* InsistentTerminology: Asuma would like everyone to know that he did not do a Hatake. He applied through legal channels to become a permanent bodyguard to the Fire Daimyo in the Capital. And Neji is not is kidnapee but his lawful apprentice. He got all the necessary forms from the kid's uncle and legal guardian.
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* BestServedCold: Anko and Kiba annoyed the heck out of Ebisu and Shino back in Konoha. Once the quiet duo go missing nin they chose to specifically target the pranksters and ruin their fun.
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* FemmeFatale: Kurenai reinvents herself as one after going missing in, with Asuma as her hardboiled detective.
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* SitcomArchnemesis: For the Nindiana Jones squad, the Akatsuki who try to divest them of the artifact of dooms that they neutralize and collect for safekeeping.
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* BadlyBatteredBabysiter: Any poor soul that has to babysit Sasuke when either Itachi or Kisame are absent, ends up a NervousWreck .
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* BadlyBatteredBabysiter: BadlyBatteredBabysitter: Any poor soul that has to babysit Sasuke when either Itachi or Kisame are absent, ends up a NervousWreck .
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* PromotedToParent: Itachi actively promotes himself. Having lost faith that his family and Konoha will be able to keep Sasuke safe.
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* StockholmSyndrome: Sasuke purposely invokes it on Kisame. It mostly works because Kisame is more than willing to go along with it.
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* BadlyBatteredBabysiter: Any poor soul that has to babysit Sasuke when either Itachi or Kisame are absent, ends up a NervousWreck .
* DotingParent: After abducting/adopting Kabuto, Orochimaru of all people turns into Maes Hughes much creepier cousin. He shows slides thousands of pages long to any intruder that he captures, to the point where Jiraya would actually prefer traditional torture.
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* KnightTemplarBigBrother: Itachi and Shin are more than willing and very able to commit mass murder to protect their younger brothers.
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* KnightTemplarBigBrother: Itachi and Shin are more than willing and very able to commit mass murder to protect their younger brothers. And their little brothers very much return the sentiment.
* LikeParentLikeChild: Guy turns Lee into his carbon copy.
* LikeParentLikeChild: Guy turns Lee into his carbon copy.
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* VitriolicBestBuds: What Kakashi and Itachi assume that Naruto and Sasuke are, but the boys actually loathe having to spend time together when their respective big bros have a mission to run.
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Not So Different has been renamed, and it needs to be dewicked/moved
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* NotSoDifferent: Konoha with the chakra-infused wood, and Kiri with the chakra-infused water
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** Itachi is such an extreme case that he crosses into BigBrotheTemplar. Shin is cut from the same cloth.
* BigBrotherTemplar: Itachi and Shin are more than willing to commit mass murder to protect their younger brothers.
* BigBrotherTemplar: Itachi and Shin are more than willing to commit mass murder to protect their younger brothers.
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** Itachi is such an extreme case that he crosses into BigBrotheTemplar.KnightTemplarBigBrother. Shin is cut from the same cloth.
*BigBrotherTemplar: Itachi BirdsOfAFeather: Haku and Shin Shizune. They are more than willing quiet, smart kids that tend to commit mass murder be WeakButSkilled and belieave themselves to protect their younger brothers.be the OnlySaneMan.
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* KnightTemplarBigBrother: Itachi and Shin are more than willing and very able to commit mass murder to protect their younger brothers.
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* OppositesAttract: See CrackPairing for Itachi and Kisame.
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* BadassAdorable: All the kids, having a PersonOfMassDestruction aka a skilled jounin as your ParentalSubstitute really turns small children into serious threats.
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** Itachi is such an extreme case that he crosses into BigBrotheTemplar. Shin is cut from the same cloth.
* BigBrotherTemplar: Itachi and Shin are more than willing to commit mass murder to protect their younger brothers.
* BigBrotherTemplar: Itachi and Shin are more than willing to commit mass murder to protect their younger brothers.
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* CrackPairing: TechnicalPacifist and PrettyBoy Itachi is on his way of ending up with BloodKnight and {{Gonk}} Kisame.
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* ParentalSubstitute: Pretty much all the kidnapping jounin. Gaara insists on having Shukaku as this. Yashamaru refuses to let him replace his sister, thus Shukaku is now Gaara's father.
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* ButtMonkey: Haku and Shizune, due to being somewhat sane, end up dealing with Naruto's pranks and mayhem, Sasuke's obsessive and vengeful tendencies and Shin and Sai's special brand of creepy.
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* ButtMonkey: Haku and Shizune, due to being somewhat sane, end up dealing with Naruto's pranks and mayhem, Sasuke's obsessive and vengeful tendencies tendencies, and Shin and Sai's special brand of creepy.
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* TheKindnapper: Many of the 'abducted' kids are much better off with their new adoptive parent than their biological family. Exibit A: Gaara.
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* TheKindnapper: Many of the 'abducted' kids are much better off with their new adoptive parent than their biological family. Exibit Exhibit A: Gaara.
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* RightHandCat: Danzo somehow acquires one
to:
* RightHandCat: Danzo somehow acquires oneone.
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** Yashamaru is far more scared of his dead sister than of the tailed beast sealed inside his nephew. When Gaara really insists on having a literal chakra monster as a parent, Yashamaru tells him that Shukaku can be his father but not his mother. Otherwise Karura will make his afterlife very unpleasant.
* WorthIt: For the sake of his nephew, Yashamaru betrayed his village, went on the run and spends far too much time scrubbing blood and other fluid from inn floors. But everytime Gaara smiles at simple pleasures he did not have in Suna, his uncle feels vindicated and justified.
* WorthIt: For the sake of his nephew, Yashamaru betrayed his village, went on the run and spends far too much time scrubbing blood and other fluid from inn floors. But everytime Gaara smiles at simple pleasures he did not have in Suna, his uncle feels vindicated and justified.
to:
** Yashamaru is far more scared of his dead sister than of the tailed beast sealed inside his nephew. When Gaara really insists on having a literal chakra monster as a parent, Yashamaru tells him that Shukaku can be his father but not his mother. Otherwise Otherwise, Karura will make his afterlife very unpleasant.
* WorthIt: For the sake of his nephew, Yashamaru betrayed his village, went on therun run, and spends far too much time scrubbing blood and other fluid from inn floors. But everytime every time Gaara smiles at simple pleasures he did not have in Suna, his uncle feels vindicated and justified.
* WorthIt: For the sake of his nephew, Yashamaru betrayed his village, went on the
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* OffscreenMomentOfAwesome: most of the stuff that the children get up to when unsupervised
to:
* OffscreenMomentOfAwesome: most Most of the stuff that the children get up to when unsupervisedunsupervised qualifies.
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* OnlySaneMan: some people think they are such, but they are wrong
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* OnlySaneMan: some Some people think they are such, but they are wrongwrong.
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* AwesomeButImpractical: kraken summons while on land
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* AwesomeButImpractical: kraken summons The act of summoning krakens while on landland.
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* ShipperOnDeck: Literally on deck, Kisame subtly ships Sakura/Sasuke. Since Sasuke is basically his adopted son/brother in law and Sakura is the daughter in law that he has always wanted.
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* MoreDeadlyThanTheMale: Gaara's mother Karura. It is telling that her brother Yashamaru fears her wrath than Shukaku's, an actual chakra monster.
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* WomanScorned: Kakashi warns Naruto of this trope, telling him to avoid making women angry because they will find a way to make him miserable. Case to point, Shizune dyes Naruto's precious orange clothes, neon pink.
** Yashamaru is far more scared of his dead sister than of the tailed beast sealed inside his nephew. When Gaara really insists on having a literal chakra monster as a parent, Yashamaru tells him that Shukaku can be his father but not his mother. Otherwise Karura will make his afterlife very unpleasant.
** Yashamaru is far more scared of his dead sister than of the tailed beast sealed inside his nephew. When Gaara really insists on having a literal chakra monster as a parent, Yashamaru tells him that Shukaku can be his father but not his mother. Otherwise Karura will make his afterlife very unpleasant.
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Changed line(s) 3,4 (click to see context) from:
''Synopsis''Konoha is nastier than canon in a number of ways because the Sandaime got hit on the head during the Kyuubi attack and Danzo is therefore responsible for much of the village's actual functioning. The effects are subtle but significant and include a worsening of Anbu missions which acts as a contributory factor in driving Kakashi over the edge.
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* AwesomeButImpractical: kraken summons while on land
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* {{Pirates}}: Naruto gets the idea of starting a Ninja Pirate Crew. Zabuza calls First Mate and Kakashi Captain. Kisame, Itachi, Tenzou, Yashamaru join shortly after. Tsunade is pressganged into joining.
* PolarOppositeTwins: Hiashi is a Slytherin and Hizashi a Gryffindor.
* ThePrankster: As typical Naruto, but also Anko and Kiba.
* OnlySaneMan: Poor Haku and Shizune.
* OverprotectiveDad: Hizashi to Hinata, despite being her uncle.
* PolarOppositeTwins: Hiashi is a Slytherin and Hizashi a Gryffindor.
* ThePrankster: As typical Naruto, but also Anko and Kiba.
* OnlySaneMan: Poor Haku and Shizune.
* OverprotectiveDad: Hizashi to Hinata, despite being her uncle.
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* NotSoDifferent: Konoha with the chakra-infused wood, and Kiri with the chakra-infused water
* OffscreenMomentOfAwesome: most of the stuff that the children get up to when unsupervised
* OnlySaneMan: some people think they are such, but they are wrong
--> You'll notice that people who may have previously seemed comparatively reasonable just took a jump off the deep end. That's because in this fic there is no sane man. Just people that seem saner than others in specific contexts.
* OverprotectiveDad: Hizashi to Hinata, despite being her uncle.
* OffscreenMomentOfAwesome: most of the stuff that the children get up to when unsupervised
* OnlySaneMan: some people think they are such, but they are wrong
--> You'll notice that people who may have previously seemed comparatively reasonable just took a jump off the deep end. That's because in this fic there is no sane man. Just people that seem saner than others in specific contexts.
* OverprotectiveDad: Hizashi to Hinata, despite being her uncle.
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* {{Pirates}}: Naruto gets the idea of starting a Ninja Pirate Crew. Zabuza calls First Mate and Kakashi Captain. Kisame, Itachi, Tenzou, Yashamaru join shortly after. Tsunade is pressganged into joining.
* PolarOppositeTwins: Hiashi is a Slytherin and Hizashi a Gryffindor.
* ThePrankster: As typical Naruto, but also Anko and Kiba.
* RightHandCat: Danzo somehow acquires one
* PolarOppositeTwins: Hiashi is a Slytherin and Hizashi a Gryffindor.
* ThePrankster: As typical Naruto, but also Anko and Kiba.
* RightHandCat: Danzo somehow acquires one
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* DidntThinkThisThrough: In order to prevent more children being kidnapped by jounin, the Council decides to post a jounin guard on the Academy. Guess what happens.
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* {Pirates}: Naruto gets the idea of starting a Ninja Pirate Crew. Zabuza calls First Mate and Kakashi Captain. Kisame, Itachi, Tenzou, Yashamaru join shortly after. Tsunade is pressganged into joining.
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* {Pirates}: {{Pirates}}: Naruto gets the idea of starting a Ninja Pirate Crew. Zabuza calls First Mate and Kakashi Captain. Kisame, Itachi, Tenzou, Yashamaru join shortly after. Tsunade is pressganged into joining.
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* TheKindnapper: Many of the 'abducted' kids are much better of with their new adoptive parent than their biological family. Exibit A: Gaara.
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* TheKindnapper: Many of the 'abducted' kids are much better of off with their new adoptive parent than their biological family. Exibit A: Gaara.
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* TakeTheThirdOption: After the Kumo debacle Hiashi has two choices. Either hand over his beloved twin to be killed by Kumo nin or cause a war that Konoha can't afford. He instead has his brother Hizashi pretend to have a psychotic breakdown, kidnap Hinata and kill the Kumo ambassador on his way out.
to:
* TakeTheThirdOption: After the Kumo debacle debacle, Hiashi has two choices. Either hand over his beloved twin to be killed by Kumo nin or cause a war that Konoha can't afford. He instead has his brother Hizashi pretend to have a psychotic breakdown, kidnap Hinata and kill the Kumo ambassador on his way out.
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* NoSympathy: Tsume berates all the parents who have had their kids abducted by missing nin by pointing out that they have not guarded them well enough.
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* NoSympathy: Tsume berates all the parents who have had their kids abducted by missing nin missing-nin by pointing out that they have not guarded them well enough.
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* TakeTheThirdOption: After the Kumo debacle Hiashi has to choices. Either hand over his beloved twin to be killed by Kumo nin or cause a war that Konoha can't refuse. He instead has his brother Hizashi pretend to have a psychotic breakdown, kidnap Hinata and kill the Kumo ambassador on his way out.
to:
* TakeTheThirdOption: After the Kumo debacle Hiashi has to two choices. Either hand over his beloved twin to be killed by Kumo nin or cause a war that Konoha can't refuse.afford. He instead has his brother Hizashi pretend to have a psychotic breakdown, kidnap Hinata and kill the Kumo ambassador on his way out.
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* AnOfferYouCantRefuse: Tsunade of all people is on the receiving end of this from Kakashi and the rest of his Ninja Pirate Crew.
* AppealToTradition: Prior to the establishment of the Hidden Villages, clans like the Hatake and Inuzuka regularly practiced child stealing from their enemies, preferring them under the age of four. While appalling, it is a lot better than the Uchiha and Senju tradition of killing all the children of their enemies.
* AppealToTradition: Prior to the establishment of the Hidden Villages, clans like the Hatake and Inuzuka regularly practiced child stealing from their enemies, preferring them under the age of four. While appalling, it is a lot better than the Uchiha and Senju tradition of killing all the children of their enemies.
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* CheerfulChild: Naruto, anyone that is not a Konoha civilian cooes at him.
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* NamesToRunFromReallyFast: The ship of the Ninja Pirates is called The Calamity.
* {Pirates}: Naruto gets the idea of starting a Ninja Pirate Crew. Zabuza calls First Mate and Kakashi Captain. Kisame, Itachi, Tenzou, Yashamaru join shortly after. Tsunade is pressganged into joining.
* PolarOppositeTwins: Hiashi is a Slytherin and Hizashi a Gryffindor.
* ThePrankster: As typical Naruto, but also Anko and Kiba.
* OnlySaneMan: Poor Haku and Shizune.
* OverprotectiveDad: Hizashi to Hinata, despite being her uncle.
* {Pirates}: Naruto gets the idea of starting a Ninja Pirate Crew. Zabuza calls First Mate and Kakashi Captain. Kisame, Itachi, Tenzou, Yashamaru join shortly after. Tsunade is pressganged into joining.
* PolarOppositeTwins: Hiashi is a Slytherin and Hizashi a Gryffindor.
* ThePrankster: As typical Naruto, but also Anko and Kiba.
* OnlySaneMan: Poor Haku and Shizune.
* OverprotectiveDad: Hizashi to Hinata, despite being her uncle.
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* NoSympathy: Tsume berates all the parents who have had their kids abducted by missing nin by pointing out that they have not guarded them well enough.
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* TakeTheThirdOption: After the Kumo debacle Hiashi has to choices. Either hand over his beloved twin to be killed by Kumo nin or cause a war that Konoha can't refuse. He instead has his brother Hizashi pretend to have a psychotic breakdown, kidnap Hinata and kill the Kumo ambassador on his way out.
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* AbusiveParents: As always Rasa, thankfully Yashamaru chooses to grab Gaara and run.
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** Naruto ends up gaining Cthulu and Yog Sogoth as summons.
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** Naruto ends up gaining Cthulu and Yog Yogg Sogoth as summons.
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* PersonAsVerb: Doing a Hatake, meaning going missing-nin and taking a small child with you, having legal rights to the child in question being optional.
to:
* NoSocialSkills: Kakashi, Tenzo, Sai, Shin, Itachi, Sasuke.
* PersonAsVerb: Doing a Hatake, meaning going missing-nin and taking a small child with you, having legal rights to the child in question beingoptional.optional.
* WorthIt: For the sake of his nephew, Yashamaru betrayed his village, went on the run and spends far too much time scrubbing blood and other fluid from inn floors. But everytime Gaara smiles at simple pleasures he did not have in Suna, his uncle feels vindicated and justified.
* PersonAsVerb: Doing a Hatake, meaning going missing-nin and taking a small child with you, having legal rights to the child in question being
* WorthIt: For the sake of his nephew, Yashamaru betrayed his village, went on the run and spends far too much time scrubbing blood and other fluid from inn floors. But everytime Gaara smiles at simple pleasures he did not have in Suna, his uncle feels vindicated and justified.
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[[https://archiveofourown.org/works/6814000/ Wolf And Cub]] is a fanfic by Dissenter
''Synopsis''Konoha is nastier than canon in a number of ways because the Sandaime got hit on the head during the Kyuubi attack and Danzo is therefore responsible for much of the village's actual functioning. The effects are subtle but significant and include a worsening of Anbu missions which acts as a contributory factor in driving Kakashi over the edge.
A slightly unhinged Kakashi finds two-year-old Naruto being beaten up and decides the best course of action is to kidnap him and go on the run. Hilarity ensues. Other ninjas follow Kakashi's example. Zabuza has no idea how he ended up giving all these Konoha ninja parenting classes.
!!This fic contains examples of the following tropes:
* BigBrotherInstinct: What causes the plot. Kakashi's brotherly instincts go into overdrive and he goes missing-nin, with toddler Naruto on hand.
* ButtMonkey: Haku and Shizune, due to being somewhat sane, end up dealing with Naruto's pranks and mayhem, Sasuke's obsessive and vengeful tendencies and Shin and Sai's special brand of creepy.
* CutenessOverload: Naruto is so adorable that he gets away with pretty much everything and is able to convince complete strangers to feed him copious amounts of ramen.
* EldritchAbomination: Haku and Naruto are mistaken for girls and taken into an all-girls school where the headmistress is an eldritch being from beyond the stars.
** The Adventurer Archeologist quintet made up of Genma, Raido, Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji end up dealing with far too many of them.
** Naruto ends up gaining Cthulu and Yog Sogoth as summons.
* TheKindnapper: Many of the 'abducted' kids are much better of with their new adoptive parent than their biological family. Exibit A: Gaara.
* PersonAsVerb: Doing a Hatake, meaning going missing-nin and taking a small child with you, having legal rights to the child in question being optional.
''Synopsis''Konoha is nastier than canon in a number of ways because the Sandaime got hit on the head during the Kyuubi attack and Danzo is therefore responsible for much of the village's actual functioning. The effects are subtle but significant and include a worsening of Anbu missions which acts as a contributory factor in driving Kakashi over the edge.
A slightly unhinged Kakashi finds two-year-old Naruto being beaten up and decides the best course of action is to kidnap him and go on the run. Hilarity ensues. Other ninjas follow Kakashi's example. Zabuza has no idea how he ended up giving all these Konoha ninja parenting classes.
!!This fic contains examples of the following tropes:
* BigBrotherInstinct: What causes the plot. Kakashi's brotherly instincts go into overdrive and he goes missing-nin, with toddler Naruto on hand.
* ButtMonkey: Haku and Shizune, due to being somewhat sane, end up dealing with Naruto's pranks and mayhem, Sasuke's obsessive and vengeful tendencies and Shin and Sai's special brand of creepy.
* CutenessOverload: Naruto is so adorable that he gets away with pretty much everything and is able to convince complete strangers to feed him copious amounts of ramen.
* EldritchAbomination: Haku and Naruto are mistaken for girls and taken into an all-girls school where the headmistress is an eldritch being from beyond the stars.
** The Adventurer Archeologist quintet made up of Genma, Raido, Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji end up dealing with far too many of them.
** Naruto ends up gaining Cthulu and Yog Sogoth as summons.
* TheKindnapper: Many of the 'abducted' kids are much better of with their new adoptive parent than their biological family. Exibit A: Gaara.
* PersonAsVerb: Doing a Hatake, meaning going missing-nin and taking a small child with you, having legal rights to the child in question being optional.
