History Blog / MarkReadsTwilight

* FourthWallMailSlot: They always reads the user comments to their posts and (usually) replies to them, sometimes referencing them in the reviews themselves.

->[T]he real issue here [is that] ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' fans, most especially Twi-hards, have ruined the book for thousands of people who have never even read a page simply by being annoying. That's why I'm here: fan, I'm going to read the book for you.

In August 2009, [[Creator/MarkOshiro Mark "PanasonicYouth" Oshiro]], then community manager of the blogging network Buzznet, decided to see what all the fuss was about with those ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' books.

-->[[{{Squick}} And yes, it’s just as creepy for me to read that as it is for you]].

--> I don't think sex is disgusting. I think Stephenie Meyer describing sex is disgusting.

--> [=SADL;KFJASDF;

--> (on Meyer's clumsy hinting at Bella being pregnant) She's sick. In the morning. [[SarcasmMode Gosh, I wish there was a word to describe this phenomenon.]]

--> PS: Spell your name correctly.

** In Chapter 18, when Edward tells Bella that they will hold her personally responsible for whatever happens to her, [[SanitySlippage Mark finally loses it]]:

* FourthWallMailSlot: they always reads the user comments to their posts and (usually) replies to them, sometimes referencing them in the reviews themselves.

* EightDeadlyWords: Some variation of them is used more and more often as the reading progresses.

* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: In one of their reviews they [[http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/user/journal/4589221/mark-reads-new-moon-chapter/ posted a creepy picture for every creepy thing Bella thinks]]. [[spoiler: They apologized for the one of a man in tight golden pants.]]

** And in the same book, Mark viciously criticises the transphobia in [[http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/user/journal/6467991/mark-reads-breaking-dawn-chapter/ chapter 16]], to the point that almost every sentence is either allcaps, TakeThat, BigWhat or ClusterFBomb.

* BuffySpeak: [[http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/user/journal/4597211/mark-reads-new-moon-chapter/ THE 'TWILIGHT' SERIES IS, QUITE CLEARLY, THE WORST THING TO EXIST ON THE PLANET THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY A SERIOUS DISEASE OR SOMETHING.]]

* DeadpanSnarker: Has their moments, often when lamenting/mocking the utter lack of suspence in the books.

In October 2015, changes to the Buzznet platform resulted in all of their Twilight and Harry Potter reviews being removed from the internet. They are still available for purchase at their online store, ''[=MarkDoesStuff.com=]''. That said, they are still available on archive.org, [[http://web.archive.org/web/20110903095943/http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/user/journal/4400301/mark-reads-twilight-preface-chapter/ like so]]

* ShipperOnDeck: Mark becomes one for Bella/Jacob a few chapters into ''New Moon''. they stops after the rape-kiss incident in ''Eclipse'', however.

* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Actually Pretty Well-Written: they may not be that big of a Twilight fan, but they did find themselves enjoying Chapter 5 of ''New Moon''. [[LampshadeHanging They were quick to comment on this.]]

* AfterActionReport: Chapter 9 is done InTheStyleOf an autopsy report [[ShownTheirWork which was, at the time, the standard form for coroners' reports in Los Angeles county]] [[SocietyMarchesOn (though by their own admission, they're not sure if it's still used any more)]].

* RageAgainstTheAuthor: [[http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/user/journal/6715321/mark-reads-breaking-dawn-chapter/ The final review of the series]] (unless you count ''Literature/MidnightSun''.)

-->-- '''Mark Oshiro''', [[http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/user/journal/4398741/mark-panasonicyouth-will-read-entire/ in his introductory post]].

The result was a completely unique journey that was part {{MST}}, part AfterActionReport, part ReviewBlog, and part [[AuthorTract autobiography comparing the events in Mark's life to the story in the books.]] Initially holding a somewhat neutral view of the series as literature before he began to read it, Mark slowly [[SanitySlippage began to go mad as he progressed through the series]]. Somehow he got through all five books (yes, even ''Midnight Sun'').

He eventually started another blog with the same format, ''Blog/MarkReadsHarryPotter'', before continuing into other books, movies and media at ''Blog/MarkDoesStuff''.

In October 2015, changes to the Buzznet platform resulted in all of his Twilight and Harry Potter reviews being removed from the internet. They are still available for purchase at his online store, ''[=MarkDoesStuff.com=]''. That said, they are still available on archive.org, [[http://web.archive.org/web/20110903095943/http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/user/journal/4400301/mark-reads-twilight-preface-chapter/ like so]]

* AbortedArc: He only got to Chapter 5 of ''Midnight Sun''. [[AvertedTrope However,]] two months later he reviewed the last seven chapters all at once, in a single video.
* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Actually Pretty Well-Written: He may not be that big of a Twilight fan, but he did find himself enjoying Chapter 5 of ''New Moon''. [[LampshadeHanging He was quick to comment on this.]]
* AfterActionReport: Chapter 9 is done InTheStyleOf an autopsy report [[ShownTheirWork which was, at the time, the standard form for coroners' reports in Los Angeles county]] [[SocietyMarchesOn (though by his own admission, he's not sure if it's still used any more)]].

* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: In one of his reviews he [[http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/user/journal/4589221/mark-reads-new-moon-chapter/ posts a creepy picture for every creepy thing Bella thinks]]. [[spoiler: He apologizes for the one of a man in tight golden pants.]]

** The Church of Latter Day Saints, and Mormonism in general, [[FreudianExcuse due to a run-in with a homophobic Mormon missionary who tried to recruit Mark as a young man.]]
** Not to mention Bella's whining, use of the word "dazzle", thinking Edward or Bella are role models, poor grammar...really, it feels like every other page something seems to piss him off in one way or another.
** In Chapter 18, when Edward tells Bella that he will hold her personally responsible for whatever happens to her, [[SanitySlippage Mark finally loses it]]:

* DeadpanSnarker: Has his moments, often when lamenting/mocking the utter lack of suspence in the books.

* FreudianExcuse: Mark will sometimes give these to explain why certain parts of the series infuriate him more than others. [[Administrivia/TropesAreTools They are very well-written.]]
* FourthWallMailSlot: He always reads the user comments to his posts and (usually) replies to them, sometimes referencing them in the reviews themselves.
* {{Gayngst}}: Not as prevalent as in his Harry Potter reviews, but still there.
* GenreShift: Mark's chapter reviews have been everything from straight-up {{MST}}s to plays, essays, incoherent rants, [[{{Angrish}} randomly smashing his keyboard]], [[RageAgainstTheAuthor various characters calling out Smeyer over the stupidity of the plot]], and even [[DrivenToSuicide a fake autopsy]].
* HeroicBSOD: Mark breaks down into rage at several chapters, but when he came to Chapter 18 of Breaking Dawn (the one with the vampire-tooth caesarian and Jacob imprinting on a newborn infant) he broke down in a whole ''different'' way.

* HypocriticalHumour: For his review of the 'climatic' chapter of Breaking Dawn, Mark imagines an absolutely ''beautiful'' piece of hate mail to Meyer from the ghost of William Shakespeare, calling her out on all the ways in which she tries to emulate him and fails. The SugarWiki/{{Funny Moment|s}}, if you're familiar with Shakespeare, comes right at the end:

* ShipperOnDeck: Mark becomes one for Bella/Jacob a few chapters into ''New Moon''. He stops after the rape-kiss incident in ''Eclipse'', however.

* YouAreNotReady: ''You Are Not Prepared'', his fanbase's CatchPhrase, which carried over to his Harry Potter blog and has since become "You en't prepared." for ''Literature/HisDarkMaterials'', got translated into Dwarvish runes for ''Literature/TheHobbit'', and became "You aren't frakkin' prepared!" for Series/{{Battlestar Galactica|2003}}.

In August 2009, Mark "[=PanasonicYouth=]" Oshiro, then community manager of the blogging network Buzznet, decided to see what all the fuss was about with those ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' books.

* FreudianExcuse: Mark will sometimes give these to explain why certain parts of the series infuriate him more than others. [[TropesAreNotBad They are very well-written.]]

-->In the seventh chapter of Breaking Dawn, [[CrowningMomentOfFunny WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK]] [[HeroicBSOD WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK]]. [[MoodWhiplash Intrigued?]] Then it's time for Mark to read Breaking Dawn.

* HypocriticalHumour: For his review of the 'climatic' chapter of Breaking Dawn, Mark imagines an absolutely ''beautiful'' piece of hate mail to Meyer from the ghost of William Shakespeare, calling her out on all the ways in which she tries to emulate him and fails. The CrowningMomentOfFunny, if you're familiar with Shakespeare, comes right at the end:

--> [=SADL;KFJASDF;JKLASDJKL;SFADJKLXZVCMN,XVCLKSHADFJK789243$#Q%#%%$#=] YOU PSYCHOPATHIC, NO-GOOD, WOMANIZING PIECE OF [[PrecisionFStrike SHIT]].