We try to kill SCP-682

Result: When the Foundation attempted to contact Mrs. ██████████ the result was an hours long lecture on our poor treatment of her offspring. When it became evident that the being intended to take revenge on us we severed contact and the dimension is never to be visited again. NOTE: "Who thought it would end well to speak to the thing that made that damn lizard?"

Test: Instead of killing SCP-682 with violence, how about we try to kill it with kindness? Subject that lizard to a spa day with some of the finest foods and services humanity has to offer. Give it such a wondrous day it will never see humanity as something to be obliterated ever again!

Result: SCP-682 is so pleased by his day at the spa, that he agrees not to kill humans... as long as we continue treating him like a king. Without anyone brave enough to challenge him, SCP-682 becomes the tyrannical emperor of the world.

Test: Have SCP-682 run as Cthulhu's running mate for the 2016 US presidential election.

"Why vote for the lesser evils? If we can't beat them, let's join them instead. I for one welcome our new horrifying eldritch overlords. All hail Cthulhu/682 2016! None of our lives matter anymore!" — Dr. Defeatist

edited 16th Jun '16 11:16:29 AM by AHI-3000

Bump.

Bump.

Result: Trump wins. Note: "Guess that's what happens when you have two unkillable lizards run for office...." - Dr. Farnsworth

Test: Have The Doom Slayer rip and tear SCP-682 until it is done.

RESULTS: FAILURE - Despite the clever wording, it was clear SCP-682 had no association with the underworld, and also The Doom Slayer had no real unique means of combat against SCP-682. Same ol' guns, same ol' results. Although SCP-682, at this point in time, has developed unique demonic signs along the course of it's body and has turned red.

"Hell 682, neat." - Dr. DD

TEST: Have Dr. Robotnik develop and create a mechanical counter-part of SCP-682, Metal SCP-682. Subject will be equipped with various laser, pulse, plasma, and consecutive firearms, along with a love for all life to counter SCP-682's hatred for all of it. Pit the two in intense combat.

edited 17th Jun '16 9:10:15 PM by Mr_dinodude01

Result:Failure. Not only was the robotic 682 destroyed, but now the original 662 is now blue, supersonic, and constantly repeating "Gotta go fast" and "You're too slow!"

Test: Torture 682 by forcing it to watch low quality films until it self-terminates. First one: Cool Cat Saves the Kids.

Result: Upon the first few minutes of the movie, 682 began to shriek, as it began to ram into the walls of the chamber, it's head getting harder. Within moments, 682 had broken out, and was somehow more pissed than usual.

"No, no, NOOOOOOOO!-" Doctor Random, later found alive. Turns out he was only screaming because of the movie still playing.

Test: We pit 682 against Able, and 173, at the same time. We'll probably need to put them in a cage, for the protection of the many researchers watching the event to record what's happening, and not place bets on a giant cage match which would have concessions, with Doctor Random being the host/betting booth guy at the event.

"I managed to get around four hundred signatures for the- researchers who signed up to record the attempt for science." -Doctor Random Writer.

edited 18th Jun '16 6:09:25 AM by RandomWriter413

Result: After approximately [REDACTED] minutes of battling each other without taking their eyes off SCP-173 the entire time, SCP-682 manages to distract SCP-076 by claiming that Dr. Random was talking shit about him, causing him to look away. SCP-173 does not move, mostly due to the fact that the spectators were still watching all three fighters. Several seconds later, every light in the facility suddenly switches off. When they are turned on again, everyone in the immediate area, SCP-076 included, is found dead from snapped neck. SCP-682 and SCP-173 continue to engage in their epic staring cage match. Test aborted.

Test: Install speakers in SCP-682's containment chamber that only play Baby by Justin Bieber, Friday by Rebecca Black, and Stupid Hoe by Nicki Minaj at full volume 24/7.

Result: This experiment has been cancelled.

"Time has shown again and again that bad entertainment only further enrages SCP-682." — O5-1

Test: Feed SCP-682 to Cthulhu.

"Eldritch monster must destroy eldritch monster!" — Dr. A.H.I.

edited 18th Jun '16 8:39:25 PM by AHI-3000

Result: Cthulhu adamantly refuses to fight SCP-682. In fact, when 682 was dropped into the arena, Cthulhu clawed its way out of the arena walls just to flee. 682 is quickly recaptured without incident. NOTE: "So... what does it mean when the most notorious cthonian abomination is scared of the thing?" - Dr. Farnsworth.

Test: Have Raziel beat SCP-682 to within an inch of its life and then consume its soul.

That was my intention!

edited 19th Jun '16 1:34:24 PM by Avenuewriter

Result: It doesn't work, because SCP-682 is a soulless demon who heals its wounds very quickly.

Test: Feed SCP-682 to the Devourer of Worlds.

P.S. Am I the only one who imagines Dr. Farnsworth as that scientist from Futurama?

Result: [DATA EXPUNGED]

Site [REDACTED] has experienced total containment failure. SCP-682, SCP-2317, and multiple others (full list unknown) have breached containment during testing. On-site warhead unresponsive.

Euclid Class Containment Status: Compromised

Keter Class Containment Status: Compromised

Safe Class Containment Status: Compromised

[REDACTED] Class Containment Status: Compromised

Containment Zone γ (formerly planet Earth) has suffered heavy damage. Attempting to use SCP-2000...

...

Success.

Test: Toss it into VY Canis Majoris- whether it kills it or not is irrelevant- it's extreme gravity will render it unable to escape.

edited 21st Jun '16 1:26:47 AM by PastryPerson

Result: Well, the extreme gravity did hinder it, for a few days.

Then, he returned, and landed in New York with the impact force of a meteorite, due to him gaining more mass, and becoming heavier. Compensating for Gravity, maybe?

Either way, we wound up containing him after he got stuck in the earth.

Test: Launch every badly made OC at 682.

Either way, we all win.-Dr Random.

Result: SCP-682 successfully terminates all of them. Experiment accomplished.

Test: Place SCP-682's mind into his own virtual fantasy world so that he can't attack us in real life.

edited 20th Jun '16 11:42:39 AM by AHI-3000

Bump.

Bump.

Bump x3

Result: Well, that backfired. SCP-682 escaped from the Virtual Fantasy World and killed more than 15 people in the Containment Testing Site.

Test: Put SCP-137 with a Official Namco Dragon Ball GT Vegeta Toy near it. If that failed, send in a group of Hylotls with advanced Top-Tier Weapons and Armor. If all else fails, send it into another Universe such as Homestuck and shut it quick as possible, that way it will be impossible for SCP-682 to reappear out of thin air and causing an Class-CK 'Umbral Multiversal Collision Event'.

edited 24th Jun '16 1:22:54 PM by selfKaiHarness

Test inconclusive:

Test: Summon Iron Beak Owl, then a Big Game Hunter. All this in a room with both a dimensional and temporal anchor.

Reason: Iron Beak Owl removes all powers from its target, taking away its regeneration and ability to come back to life if killed. Big Game Hunter automatically kills any monster if its attack power is sufficiently large. Due to super human strength (instrinsic to its stature thus not reduced by Iron Beak Owl), 682 cant fight back against this. The anchors prevent alternate dimensions and timelines from getting involved.

Result: Success! But's clone him for the lutz.

Test: Summon Donald J. Trump, Geert Wilders, UKIP and Nigel Farage to build a big wall around him and ban him in the Netherlands and the United Kingdom.

edited 24th Jun '16 10:31:38 PM by Ducky096

Result: Failure. We must maintain secrecy.

However, via an unknown mechanism, we have learned that we can summon things now.

Test: Toss it out of the universe.

Result: He came back, and landed in [LOCATION REDACTED]. Upon landing, he proceeded to begin an unchecked rampage for [TIME FRAME REDACTED] before finally being recontained.

Confirmed Casualties are in the hundreds of thousands, and Class A ammesiacs are being distributed.

We're still locating more bodies.

Test: Get 682 to duel the Black Beast, and Soul Edge.

Test Failed: Obviously, 682 has no soul, thus Soul Edge had no effect, as per using Vampire Killer against it.

Test: Summon Deathwing to kill 682.

RESULTS: MIXED - Despite the failure to terminate SCP-682, the battle that ensued between the two massive reptiles is now to be classified as SCP-[REDACTED], which refers to the disc in which the footage of the battle was burned into. Anomalous effects of watching video include - spontaneous release of urine into undergarments, self defecation, gaping mouths and wide eyes, to date no subject has been recorded to give different results upon watching.

"Excuse me, but I'm gonna go get a new pair of pants, and eyeballs.." -Dr. DD

TEST: Introduce SCP-682 to Invader Zim (Invader Zim Series), due to their same intentions, and hope that the two can stimulate one another's hatred via venting.

edited 27th Jun '16 8:23:11 PM by Mr_dinodude01