All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

Hm... Actually, I was thinking of something much less likely to result in either Assassinated Nagi or Paste Kiritsugu.

Kiritsugu is also a Hitman, it's likely he might've been hired to assassinate someone who just so happened to fall under Nagi's protection at the coincidentally right time. From then, Kiritsugu decided to try to go around Nagi since there's no way in hell he can take Nagi and both of them know this, and they got increasingly more pissed and frustrated at one another until Iri had enough of it and forced them to literally kiss and make up.

Also, as for Arika's involvement... well, Iri has a way around manipulating royal ladies, and Arika and Saber are similar - it's not impossible that Iri had the same effect on Arika that she did on Saber.

Incidentally, this all takes place while old man Acht complains about being surrounded by depraved idiots.

Monotheism claims the answer is easy in that the Supreme God is the only God in existence. Politheism, generally speaking, will claim one of the Gods in a particular religion’s pantheon of choice acts as the leader and ultimate authority of the whole.

The funny thing was, if you were to directly ask a goddess like Skuld or Aqua, for instance, who was the supreme deity, and assuming they’d be in the mood to offer a somewhat straight answer to a mere mortal, you’d be surprised to learn they weren’t so clear on the subject themselves.

Technically speaking, the being eventually known as the Lord of the Nightmares, L-Sama, the Mother Goddess from the Golden Sea of Chaos, was the ultimate authority to fear and respect. It had been she who, crawling from the primordial vacuum, had spawned the first gods and demons. Hers was the ultimate power, and if she had gone to war against the rest of the gods, there was nothing they could do against her but dying.

However, Granny wasn’t interested on acting as any sort of leader figure to gods. She would spend most of her existence locked up within the Sea of Chaos watching soap operas, doing craft and artesanies, and trolling message boards to amuse herself. A few of the most courageous gods would sometimes comment in whispers she was senile, but in truth she’d always been like that. Unless you were stupid enough as to summon her through a Giga Slave spell, odds were she wouldn’t bother showing up for your divine wedding or battle against a rising Devil Overlord, and she’d at most send you a basket of fruit and a note wishing you for the best of lucks.

Beings like the Mage of the Beginning, the Highfather of New Genesis and Darkseid of Apokolips were often said to be supreme gods by the denizens of the worlds they created, but in the large scheme of things they were strictly small fare, coming from humble origins and achieving a status that might as well be borderline divine through intensive studies of heavenly mechanics, extremely dangerous cheating and stealing of divine artifacts, or both.

There were those who lived beyond the walls of reality itself, who probably had a better claim to the power to top all powers than even L-Sama herself. Nobody knew much about them other than they might actually control the whole of existence and the actions of the gods themselves, which was why gods didn’t try to think about them too much.

Mortals and Fallen Ones like Deadpool, the She-Hulk, the Joker, Watanabe Akeno and Hagakure Yasuhiro sometimes could access better awareness of those beings’ existence than deities themselves, for some reason or another, and then gods would simply try to steer clear away from said mortals and Fallen Ones unless absolutely necessary. Often they were granted functional immortality against all laws of logic and reason just so they wouldn’t ever be seen in the afterlife. Those people would often say the Ones Beyond the Wall, in turn, answered to, believed in, or just plain didn’t believe in, gods that reigned over them, and that the Ones Beyond the Wall were in fact, in their own unseen realm, only nerds writing fanfiction or successful professional authors who were otherwise stuck with finite lives. But the simple scale of it all was too mind boggling for even gods to ponder on it.

No wonder that level of cosmic awareness would most frequently turn their receivers insane.

Heads of Pantheons like Odin and Zeus functioned as the supreme heads of their own cosmologies, and liked to brag to each other about their respective superiorities, but when forced by circumstances, they would look away and bitterly mumble that, while supreme gods, none of them were *the* Supreme God.

There were the three Choushin, Washu, Tokimi and Tsunami, who operated as an Omega Level triumvirate with executive pull over most gods, but ultimately were so inconsequential to the big picture they could easily retire to the Japanese countryside to linger around a young carrot farmer and the Multiverse would keep on going just as well as before.

There also had been the entity who had ran things over for a long while—a truly miserable long while of Dark Ages and opression where the only upside had been all good looking goddesses had been forced to wear Playboy bunny suits the whole time, and that only had been good for heterosexual male gods, lesbic goddesses, pansexual gods and exhibitionist goddesses anyway—until she was tricked into going to Earth and assume the persona of a teenage girl.

All other gods had sighed in relief then, but Haruhi-sama still retained some unconscious level of Fucking Things Up Factor, so the gods had manipulated an agent of the Data Overmind into arranging events so Haruhi-sama power would go to one of her unassuming, relatively stable cohorts instead, where it remained to this day. And there was much rejoicing.

All gods owed Nagato Yuki favors. They were just smart enough not to let her know.

Right now, and after Jack Kirby had retired to go draw comics at his lakeside cabin, the current Presence or One Above All—which were actually titles of office, rather than names of a single specific God—was Tyr, chosen both by being the father of Past, Present and Future (making him an excellent administrator of time) and by his experience at the Norse pantheon (where he often would share duties with Odin and would even pass himself for Odin when Odin was in one of his naps or otherwise not giving a fuck. Poor Thor would never notice the difference. A handsome well meaning boy, but not that sharp, Thor. Loki, who always noticed the change, would invariably snicker at it behind Thor’s back).

Tyr, husband to Anzasu, was a noble, fair and wise ruler, and had even reached a pact of peace with Hild, current queen of devils and demons. There were rumors that pact relied far too much on Tyr’s shared past with Hild (they had conceived Past together, after all) and that right now, Tyr, Anzasu and Hild would frequently engage in three way activities that went far and beyond what there was to be expected from a ruler of the Golden Halls, but those rumors would be always silenced with an upset “Shut up, Aqua!” Tyr was good at his job and that was what mattered.

It didn’t even matter that Tyr, behind the curtains and when the spotlight was not on the Golden Throne, would love playing dating simulators a bit too much. Even then, he didn’t mind for the title of God of Conquests being handed over to a human. He respected Katsuragi Keima, after all.

Nodoka was back in her travel outfit, minus her mail shirt and backpack was being carried by the flower lady in front of her. She can honestly say she has been in softer spotlights than this one. At least she was cleaned up this time around.

What eluded her, though, was the identity of the winged lady who wanted-

Nodoka stopped to check something out of the corner of her eye and her jaw may well have dislocated entirely.

The central statue was that of a winged lady in the same outfit, with the same scabbard, with the same hair.

NO. FREAKING. WAY.

Okay, what the hell had she done this time around to attract an actual goddess to her? Did Sarenrae actually do this sort of thing regularly? Did they all do that? And… oh gods, she was starting to make a scene.

“Are you coming?” she heard the flower lady call and she briskly limped after. Stupid crutch. She almost fell over.

It wasn’t until they were in a secluded hallway that Nodoka decided to speak up. “Um… is this an unusual thing, or does… Sarenrae-sama usually do this?”

The flower lady didn’t answer for a moment, merely studied Nodoka’s expression. It wasn’t until she turned back around that she said “I think I’ll let Her answer that. Not really my place to say what She does or intends.”

They reached a simple wooden door, but the lady stopped her. “Let me go in first, help smooth things over first.”

“Okay.” As soon as Nodoka finished saying that, the flower lady went in first with an almost frantic speed. She could hear them inside talking, with the goddess inside going 'What' loud enough for her to hear clearly. Then it quieted down and she couldn’t hear them.

The door opened finally. “We’re ready for you now,” the flower lady said softly.

Sarenrae had arranged cushions on the floor with a little candle lit between, with the flower lady taking a seat in the corner behind Nodoka’s seat. She hobbled over to hers and did her best to sit down with her broken leg in mind. The goddess offered her a cup of clean water.

“Let us begin,” Sarenrae started the conversation. “Could you tell us your name?”

“My name is Ma-”

“Please, your full name,” The goddess interrupted, “and we will not divulge with anyone we do not trust to our full extent. God’s honor.”

Figuring that was the same as Scout’s honor, Nodoka took a deep breath first. “My name is Nodoka Madivh Miyazaki Baenre.”

“Out of those, only two sound similar,” the goddess noted.

“I was Nodoka Miyazaki at first. The other names were bequeathed to me later. I go by Madivh Baenre in public.”

“I see.” Sarenrae took a sip out of her own cup of water. Meanwhile, Nodoka fidgeted with her thumbs. She wasn’t used to a situation like this. Even with experience, meeting a god in person was always terrifying. “I won’t pry too much if it’s against your will, but I am curious as to how a Good child like you… could have grown up without a church.”

“It’s not exactly grown up without,” Nodoka mumbled and fidgeted even more with her thumbs.

“I’m sorry? You-” Sarenrae stopped and looked directly at her. “I’m sorry, but why do you look so afraid?”

“What?”

“You look scared. As if you expect something terrible to happen at any time.”

Nodoka could barely bring herself to say it, but since She had asked, she probably could be honest and get away. “Well, what else am I supposed to do? I’m in a room together with a powerful goddess and I don’t have a patron myself. For all I know - no offense - you could be fickle and do whatever you want with me, on account that gods have a reputation to do that.”

A wide-eyed, slack-jawed, stumped goddess merely looked at her. “Wha-wh-ho-you-wh-so-wh-why... “ Sarenrae finally regained her speech. “What kind of fucked up world did you live in to have ‘’that’’ assumption of us?”

Nodoka had seen and heard many things in her life that made her stumped at times. Like when she learned Negi Springfield was going to be their teacher in school. That time she got a ticket to wash him all over in the baths (and promptly chickened out of). When she first heard her treasure hunting buddies’ thoughts about her in general (Really hoped to this day Craig and Aisha got together finally). When Jack Rakan got up again after Negi-sensei’s violent barrage of lightning attacks (Some things are just plain impossible). When Dynamis just stripped himself naked in plain view of everyone in the middle of battle (Her eyes!). And then that time when she came to realize that she really had been abducted by aliens and was stuck on an alien planet (Fuck).

All those times had been individual times, separate from one another and all that was in past, but they had made her stumped in their own separate way.

In just thirty seconds, an actual goddess that had been kind to her had pulled off three separate things that made her slack-jawed herself.

“Um... have you heard of this planet called… Earth?” Nodoka meekly asked and she could hear the flower lady behind her trying not to snigger.

“Earth? Wait… you mean that one Human-only planet with the obsession about Jesus Christ?” Sarenrae asked.

“You know it?”

“Yes, I met one of the Archangels there once when I was young,” the goddess explained. “I can’t remember his name… At any rate, you are from there?”

“Well, not from the Jesus-obsessed lands, as you put it, Sarenrae-sama,” Nodoka answered, “but yes, I’m from Earth.”

Sarenrae practically emptied her cup now. “Now I see the problem. You didn’t grow up without a church, you simply lost contact with yours.” Nodoka nodded. “That is… in some ways, that is just too cruel to happen to people.”

Nodoka decided to drink from her cup now and found the water was hot. Hot, but drinkable. And when she finished, she saw the goddess in front of her with a stern face. “Hiiii!”

“Tell me everything. Now.”

Nodoka couldn’t refuse that look and told Sarenrae the full story of her life, how she had lived in happiness with her classmates and Negi-sensei, about her abduction by the githyanki led by the wizard Fashtar, how she came to become a wizard apprentice herself and what her life basically was up until their conversation.

Sarenrae had only asked questions for clarification, and grew increasingly and visibly angry as the story progressed with its more miserable aspects. At the same pace, she grew elated when she heard the few positive things of the story.

When Nodoka finished, Sarenrae filled her cup again and emptied the whole thing on the spot. “Overall… this is all this Fashtar person’s fault,” she concluded.

“Quite,” Nodoka agreed and then she felt the flower lady give her a big squeezing hug from behind. “Wha-”

“Shhh, you need it,” the lady told her.

“Nodoka,” Sarenrae addressed her. “I cannot force you to choose a church, and I’d be attracting more attention if I forced you to join mine.”

“Where are you going with this?”

“I’m going with what the baths’ secondary function tells us. They reveal sins in all. All that Evil is what the priesthood assumes they detect, but not so. You have committed a good amount of sins-

“That came out horrible,” the flower lady interjected.

“- and you have to do penance for that,” Sarenrae continued immediately. “As such, you are to stay here for a month. You have free walk of the premises, as long as you do not go beyond the walls.”

Nodoka blinked. “That’s an actual penance?”

“No,” Sarenrae said with bluntness, “but as I am the God who empathize in redemption and thus pass out the penances, I am making it yours on account of your backstory. ‘Tis not possible for you to be Evil of your choice nor willingly commit such sins for personal gain or amusement, and the priests may therefore not interfere. If they give you trouble, tell them they can come straight to me for answers.”

Nodoka struggled to get out of the lady’s squeezing arms. “So… I’m to walk the temple grounds and… do what, exactly? As long as I stay within the walls for a month, I can…” And then it hit her. Sarenrae had told her she would be confined to this place for a month, and that was it. She could do whatever she wanted.

She was free of Menzoberranzan for a whole month. Without having to worry about going back there.

“I see that revelation dawns on you,” Sarenrae told her and motioned for the flower lady to get off the girl. “There are plenty of temples here that might appeal to you. We welcome almost everyone here and conversions are once a tenday, at Harbright on the seventh day. And today is the start of Flamerule, I hear as well.

Now, Nodoka understood what Flamerule was, for she had spent seven years on the surface of Faerûn prior to living in Menzoberranzan. “Start of summer.”

Sarenrae nodded. “I suggest you rest up for now. You have a long month ahead of you and a number of deities to choose from. I’ll send word to the tavern you’ll be lodging with them.”

The three of them got up and walked to the door, but after the lady had gone through first with Nodoka’s backpack, Nodoka herself turned around and faced Sarenrae… right before she gave her the biggest hug she could muster.

“Thank you.”

The goddess was happy to return the hug.