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Agreed. Hilarious.
Here are two pieces of dialogue (Character Development) from the short story I'm currently writing.
Exhibit A (talking about sports on the long car ride en route to the Living MacGuffin):
[Sean:] “Occasionally. What about you two?”
Becky and Christina both laughed.
“Yeah,” Becky said, still giggling, “I love embarrassing myself by trying to throw a big orange ball into a circular thing on top of a pole.”
“It’s called a hoop,” Sean said.
“Ever notice how much stupider sports sound when you describe them for what they really are?” Christina said. “Who was the guy that thought, ‘you know what, I want to throw balls at people and see if they can whack them and be rewarded with a jog around a diamond while trying to avoid being tagged by the people already standing around the diamond after they catch the ball that I threw at the other guy’?"
Exhibit B (later on, when Hilarity Ensues after seeing the Living MacGuffin):
[Christina:] “And getting paid a million dollars to throw a big orange ball into a hoop isn’t crazy? For Christ’s sake, it’s only a game!”
“If that’s how you feel about sports, why on Earth did you ever become a cheerleader?”
“School spirit, a chance to make friends with bitches, and a sexy outfit that attracted the boys.”
edited 16th Nov '13 3:27:27 AM by shrikecatcher
the cutest lizard
I'd like to advise you to avoid the dreaded Featureless Plane of Disembodied Dialogue. Perhaps you could show the reader what the characters are doing during this scene: I assume they aren't just standing perfectly still and reciting dialog off of a piece of paper.
Gave them our reactions, our explosions, all that was ours For graphs of passion and charts of stars...
A bit of context here: The protagonist is a woman who's wished her son into a daughter much to his dismay, and has taken the poor kid clothes shopping. She has very specific ideas about fashion, and as she's leaving, she overhears two other shoppers. —-
"Mom, I'm sorry I called you a control freak bitch. I didn't know what I was talking about."
"I forgive you, honey. Seeing that, I realize maybe I have been overly strict. If you still want that belly shirt, it's okay, just promise you won't wear it to church." —-
The protagonist completely fails to realize what brought that exchange on.
The future of warfare in UC.
Like hell, Tre realized. Of course she hadn't. He didn't see morality that way, he wasn't a civilian. Samuel was a soldier, and even a soldier of the Bureau had to believe that not all killing is equal. She had fought her enemies openly, even worn a uniform after a fashion. She was no spy, no terrorist, just another soldier like him. And if she didn't remember the faces of those she had killed, that was because she knew better than to create her own nightmares.
Such a simple thing, liberation.
edited 29th Nov '13 1:06:16 AM by Night
Nous restons ici.
Just click on my username and look at something...
Electric Heart
Short, but I still love it.
Alice Winters, unexpectedly playing the voice of reason. (She even surprised me.) The exact scene this came from is an out-of-story character sketch, but something like it might make its way to the story proper.
edited 8th Dec '13 8:21:13 AM by KillerClowns
Show an affirming flame
New arrival here, mainly because I've not put serious, sustained effort into fictional prose before this. Scene: a meeting between two teenagers at a cafe, urban Poland.
“It’s the atmosphere,” says Janek. “The seediness and the secrets would inspire Graham Greene or Len Deighton. All we need now are some retirees feeding the ducks on the river.” He seems secretly delighted. “Although, come to think of it, most of them would be trafficking in secrets a little more substantial than school gossip, so the comparison only goes so far.”
Jadwiga smiles slightly. “So what would that make you? James Bond? Richard Sorge? Ryszard Kuklinski with a briefcase of General Jaruzelski’s plans, for express delivery to NATO?”
“Don’t I wish,” says Janek. “No. You know how in the best spy stories there’s always secrets the agent never divulges to anyone? This’d be one of them. Besides, I’d be a terribly dull spy. Maybe the guy in the embassy, or the lamplighter chalking recognition symbols. For when the protagonist decides that mental soliloquies aren’t good enough and needs someone to monologue at.”
Most of the way through the chapter later, the payoff comes, in a way I hadn't even intended when I wrote those earlier lines.
edited 10th Dec '13 12:04:24 AM by SabresEdge
Charlie Stross's cheerful, optimistic predictions for 2017, part one of three.
They/Them
Another fine episode of "Excerpts from stuff that will never be finished"
"Jason, it's Jake, I feel like a kid in a candy store here." The excitement in Jake's voice piqued Jason's interest.
"Where are you?" He asked.
"I'm in a candy store. I'm not a kid, but my previous statement still stands."
Show an affirming flame
Written from the perspective of Snowball, a Star Wars-verse droid character, describing her master.
Right now the woman’s studiedly calm expression is belied by eyes the color of a ranging battleship, hunted and desperate.
I like writing characters in the process of going insane. This AI, for example:
The future of warfare in UC.
They/Them
A pun the protagonist makes based on some misinformation.
"Do you think the Greek god of cows is upset by this?" Gregory asked as he pointed to the field.
Jason raised an eyebrow, "What Greek god of cows?"
"You know, Moos, the Greek god of cows. They always look to the sky and say his name."
Ghosts N' Stuff Remix
"To Alexander, this was simply more proof for his highly unpopular "The tabloids are all true" theory."
"Monsters are tragic beings. They are born too tall, too strong, too heavy. They are not evil by choice. That is their tragedy."
The future of warfare in UC.
Apparition in the Woods
After a very embarrassing confrontation at a party: "The silence breaks quickly, with a faint aura of iconoclasm."
I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.
Show an affirming flame
"Ice" may be a running theme in my story. This
might be the reason for it.
Parallaxus' business pitch segment:
Matthew stated in deadpan, "It might have something to do with your business pitch, oh Mighty Parallaxus." Even though he was supposedly in Bilbo's shoes in regards to this dangerous creature, he didn't feel like he was in very much danger.
edited 31st Jan '14 9:22:06 PM by NickTheSwing
Ghosts N' Stuff Remix
edited 12th Feb '14 12:32:07 PM by Jinxmenow
"Monsters are tragic beings. They are born too tall, too strong, too heavy. They are not evil by choice. That is their tragedy."
Trans Siberian Anarchestra (it/they)
The keyword is "quoteblock".
edited 3rd Feb '14 9:48:18 AM by Lennik
Wants Captain N for SSBU
Unfortunately most of my story is pretty much weaksauce, but it was a good try.
From Duke Forever Chapter Five: The Mirror Queen:
[The Duke] stood in that pose, [his and the elk's] heads butted together, for a few seconds before he finally let go, walked around beside the animal and mounted its back; then he rode the animal back towards his companions.
[Hans Christian] Andersen stammered, bewildered, as the Duke rode up to them and came to a stop atop the elk.
"H-h-How the . . . What? How did you do that?!" asked Mr Andersen. "That's a wild animal!"
"It's a simple beast. I was easily able to enter its mind," said the Duke.
"You hypnotized a moose?" asked Anise, incredulous.
"Not exactly, I connected with it psychically, and effected the notion that we needed assistance."
"You did a mind meld with a moose?" she asked, no less incredulous.
"Well, I had to. I don't speak moose and I couldn't find a horse."
edited 4th Feb '14 9:24:11 AM by Kelnius
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Oh gosh. Breaking the Fourth Wall FTW
Got a degree in Emotional trauma via fictional characters aka creative writing. hosting S'mores party in Hell for fellow (evil) writers