Okay, now that I'm coherent again. Halloween is apparently the Great Pumpkin's birthday, and he forgot his chainsaw. I think we'll be seeing him some more very soon, perhaps with a chainsaw? Not sure though
Very next panel: "O mighty Satan, we sacrifice this cat to you, on your birthday." Because otherwise we wouldn't be able to tell it's a cat.
And actually, the cat looks like it has stripes. I am incredibly surprised.
...AND IN CRASHES THE GREAT PUMPKIN, WIELDING A WEAPON. And can you guess what weapon it is? If you guessed laser pistol, you would be wrong. It's a chainsaw. And, of course,
The Great Pumpkin doesn't just want a cat. He's going to come and slaughter Carrie! Okay, I've decided to revise my final prediction: at least one of them might survive to tell the world why you shouldn't celebrate Halloween.
And in the very next panel, instead of showing The Great Pumpkin killing everybody, it shows everybody screaming and one guy running out of the house yelling "He's killing EVERYBODY!
". Really, Jack, it doesn't show confidence in your art's ability to show when you have to tell like that.
Next panel, we cut to two fat policemen(you can tell they're evil, because they're fat) yet again telling us what we already know. I remember Signature Style
, after telling us that Frank Miller
likes whores, that he repeats himself. I think Jack Chick
repeats himself more.
And 40 minutes later, they presumably get an army, and despite the fact that it's the same killer
as last time, they do exactly what they
did last time.
The Great Pumpkin pulls off his
mask to reveal himself as Satan
. But because the stereotypical image isn't enough, we have a fat policeman telling us that this guy with pointed ears, a pointed nose, horns, and a goatee is in fact the devil, and not, say, Coach Mike Krzyzewski...wait, Coach Mike Krzyzewski is
Satan. Bad example.
Two panels of boring exposition. Not much to snark at, except maybe the weird shape of fat policeman's head.
And now we're at a church. So now, instead of one-dimensional, strawmannish villains, we get to see one-dimensional, strawmannish heroes
. And Satan reminds us that he is evil by hating on the supposed hero as uncool. He spawns inside the church in order to scare the square who's praying
when it's party time, but runs away screaming when he realizes that this child knows Satan's true weakness:
yelling at him!
The next morning, our Anviliciously Good Christian Child, who apparently has a name, asks his
pastor if Halloween is really Satan's birthday. His answer is "Of course not, my son. It was a Celtic harvest festival repurposed by the Catholic Church as All Saints' Day in order to more easily convert the Irish." No, wait, that's what he'd say if he were knowledgeable, and this is Jack Chick.
He starts telling the story of Lucifer, which, by the way, never actually appears in The Bible
(I think this story comes from Paradise Lost
, but I could be wrong) about fallen angels and such. It's mostly exposition, among the ridiculously boring art of Jack Chick
And now we enter the most anvilicious part of the work, which is a real feat, when you consider that this is Jack Chick
. The pastor tells us how Satan has corrupted everybody who isn't part of our tiny little church, and how Halloween is part of Satan's evil deception. And as we get closer to the Second Coming, evil Satanists that practice human sacrifice will become more popular. Fun fact: in the early 90s, there were reports of a Satanism epidemic, mostly culled from repressed memories "recovered"(read: created) by hypnosis. Of course, nobody ever actually found
anybody killed by Satanists. It's kind of hard to kill someone without somebody noticing, especially at the scale these Satanists were said to kill people.
And now we get to the history of Halloween. The picture here is of a druid, who has a staff that looks like an ankh. Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought the ankh was Egyptian. But anyways, Halloween was originally named "Samhain"(one thing he does get right, surprisingly, but only the name), and victims were stolen for human sacrifice, because they aren't Christian, and non-Christians can only do evil. And in exchange for the victim, they gave a Jack-o-Lantern, which wasn't actually associated with Halloween until the 20th century.
And here we learn about how Halloween is actually an attempt to turn kids from Christianity into witchcraft, and how Satan is attempting to block the message of Jesus's crucifiction. He clearly isn't doing very well, because I hear a lot more people telling me about Jesus than I do telling me about witchcraft.
And here we have even more blatant preaching than the last few panels
. Here, little bars on the top and bottom tell us to accept Jesus Christ as our savior blah blah blah.
And there we have it, the evils of Halloween.
SHIKI is dead.