Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, its half full cause they used the other half to waterboarding you.

I wish I was one of those random cannon fodder scouts from attack on titan.

Granted, You die the next episode.

I wish to marry the Doctor! (and that last wish, i was hoping for zombies...)

Granted. He turns out to be a doctor in theology.

I wish to be Athena's wife.

Granted. Athena is my pet dog, though.

I wish for eternal life.

Granted, but you are cursed to have everyone you love die horrible deaths.

I wish for control over the weather.

Have fun, it's a full time job.

I wish the dress code at work didn't prevent me from dying my hair an unnatural colour.

edited 1st Sep '15 10:35:51 AM by Bisected8

Granted, but now you have to dye it (insert least favorite color here)

I wish for a nifty hat.

edited 1st Sep '15 10:40:34 AM by StarBee

Granted! The inside is filled with super glue, and you must wear it while the glue is still fresh.

I wish for the power to purify any body of water simply by touching it.

Granted, purification comes at the cost of your sanity.

I wish for the end of the world.

Granted. You don't feel fine.

I wish to be properly disciplined for bad humour. There is no way I can say that and not sound like I want to participate in BDSM...

Granted. You are also disproportionately disciplined for good humor.

I wish for California's drought to end. _{inb4 flooding}

Granted, it ends when the entire state catches on fire.

I wish for a pet Direwolf.

granted, you get a particularly mean wolf which is 1 inch tall/long.

I wish for a text adventure game without limits.

doesnt matter to me.

edited 1st Sep '15 7:07:52 PM by Alucart23

Granted. It's completely unwinnable.

I wish pokemon were real and for me to have them.

Granted! A Killer Game Master programmed it and forgot to implement Anti-Frustration Features.

Granted, your Charizard sets your house on fire.

I wish to invent ice cream that melts only inside the mouths and stomachs of those that eat it.

edited 1st Sep '15 7:09:43 PM by aNinjaWithAIDS

Granted. The flavours vary from "inedible" to "there should be a new So Bad, It's Horrible subpage to this!" Also, the laws of physics break, but that's beyond the point!

I wish to live in a Schizo Tech house.

Granted. Your house is now being looked at by the military and antique weaponry collectors.

I wish golf wasn't boring to watch.

Granted. All of the furniture and decor are pulled from different time periods, so you've just ripped a giant hole in the spacetime continuum.

Granted, but it hypnotizes you into watching it forever.

I wish my yahoo account can accept my new password.

edited 1st Sep '15 8:39:37 PM by TroperNo9001

Granted. Since the system accepted your new password, it broke the entire system. With the failure of Yahoo's system, its mustache twirling executives come to your house, sue you for everything you have, steal everything you have, put you into debt, brutally beat you and everyone you love, and sell you into permanent slave labor in a brutal prison camp in one the most awful places in the world.

I wish people would stop being so stupid and sheeple like and get a fucking brain.

Granted, but they have to be the ones to put their brains inside their own heads. I don't have any faith in their chances to succeed either.

I wish for this wish to be contractually voided.

Granted, The wish's contract has been extended!

I want to be a spy!

Granted. The things you see in action cause you to become a Broken Ace.

I wish Invader Zim wasn't cancelled.

I see what you did there

edited 1st Sep '15 9:58:43 PM by trashconverters

Granted! It's given a comic book series.

I wish I have forgotten ALL about The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

Granted, but you'll never be able to remove (insert So Bad Its Horrible movie here) out of your mind.

I wish double jumping is possible in real life.

Granted, but the second jump is 1/10 the height of the first jump, making it absolutely useless.

I wish the new Steven Universe episodes would come sooner.