De-constructing and then Re-Constructing the Magical Girl

So I am in the process of creating an Urban Fantasy series that is pretty much a kitchen sink where all myths are true. The setting is a high school and focusses on a group of 10th grade primary characters. One of them is a young girl named Elizabeth "Minty" Green, she prefers to go by Minty because she has a single lock of hair that she has dyed green.

She's an American exchange student to the every much European high school of the setting. She's an otaku, loud, shrill and very hyper-active, the most annoying person you can imagine. She dreams of being a magical girl like in so many of her favourite TV shows (Magical Girls don't really exist, since magical powers in this universe are sell-your-soul to demon and get possessed variety or at least they come with a very very heavy cost.)

She gets lucky thanks to the school's newly formed Occult Sciences Club (the plot arc of the first book I have planned, ends badly for the Club Head) and gains the attention of the "Celestial Bureaucracy" (inspired by Chinese Mythology) who turn her into an agent of theirs and in Minty's eye into a magical girl just like in the tv shows complete with cute animal companion. The deconstruction I wanted to perform was that being a Magical Girl is a ton of work & responsibility and for every epic battle there are hours of paperwork to be done especially if there is property damage or god forbid civilian casualties.

So I need some help with this. How can I balance it out? I want Minty's character to grow and become more mature. She initially begins to hate herself and the whole Magical Girl business but learns to take the bad with good. How do I do a proper decon and recon? Also, would like suggestions for cute animal companion that becomes giant monster in the presence of danger. Should the animal talk?

I realize I want her to be a heavenly bounty hunter of sorts who brings in evil demons or perhaps even mortal souls to be judged in a typical courtroom (as per Chinese Myth). So she starts off with a fairly frumpy or bland outfit (which she insists on putting on in typical MG style with lots of flashy lights which in turn results in her nearly losing her first big fight.) but then she would modify the outfit to be a lot more flashy much to the dismay of her superiors and the companion

edited 5th Feb '15 5:12:56 AM by SmokingBun

Can I get a response? Some help would be greatly appreciated

Yes, you can get a response. Can you please wait some time for that?

It takes time to construct something that might actually be of any help rather than being a wordy "yes" or "no".

I love this idea. Maybe the animal companion could be a quilin / kirin / or how it is spelled... (They are a Chineese mythological animal which is said to be the incarnation of goodness and pureness.)

edited 6th Feb '15 8:06:23 AM by TheBorderPrince

@ Kazeto

I apologize, I must have sounded incredibly rude

@ The Border Prince

Not a bad suggestion. Kirin's are typically the go to Chinese mythological critter Considering the different depictions, I could have it transform has well Minty's first outfit (the non-glammed up one) could be based on a horse rider's attire But what kind of personality should the companion have? By-the-Book? teacher-like? Bored and nihilistic?

Or how about the fact that she's actually in school? I mean, I know it's not the focus of your story, but wouldn't constantly battling be at odds with her studies? How much are they important to her? And also how do these battles influence her relationships outside of her "Magical Girl" life?

There's an idea that I had (that I've since not been interested in writing) about a girl who is sort of this warrior in a school-wide war, but as a result of it her grades start to suffer and she has to seek help. Ironically, the person she seeks help from (a tutor) ends up becoming a very important ally in her battles.

I'm just mentioning this because I think it would be an interesting deconstruction to look at.

This is how i magine the Kirin: I imagine the poor Kirin as nearly being bored and fustrated out of its mind by Minty and her antics. It is an idealistic, good, official who sees its current job asignment as babysitting a lunatic who live in her own imaginary world. It is most likely also a Servile Snarker...

edited 6th Feb '15 1:54:15 PM by TheBorderPrince

Oh, you didn't really sound rude. More like impatient, and I know the feeling, hence the blunt reply to let you know that someone actually is trying.

Anyhow, onwards onto the message proper.

The thing you need to ask yourself is, how exactly do you want to deconstruct and reconstruct the whole Magical Girl thing. The standard way to pull a Decon-Recon Switch in this case would be to make it into a "coming of age" story and have the whole experience be fundamentally unpleasant and potentially horrific but also something that ultimately shapes the character into a better person. However, if it is to count as a reconstruction then there must also be a reason why it is at all necessary and why her; if the enemies she is fighting could have been defeated by people without any Magical Girl powers with the same or lower casualties then it can't really be a reconstruction, and the same if it could all have been better had they pulled anyone but her into the service.

Also, you'll have to pay attention to portrait the so-called "European" setting properly, as Europe is not just one place with a few languages or a collection of states; I don't know if you are aware of that so I'm mentioning it because I've seen some people try to portrait Europe somehow, fail to do the research, and end up with world creation on a level that can only be called an abject failure.

That being said, is there any reason why exactly it is her who got contacted by said "Celestial Bureaucracy" rather than anyone else? I mean, with her being the sort of person she is, she appears to be someone who doesn't care about authority at all and is thus difficult to control, so why would anyone rely on her if there are any other options?

Additionally, why would it being a lot of work and there being paperwork be the way to deconstruct it rather than the fact that people can die as a result of what she does, if casualties are a possibility? I mean, is she really that much of a witch that she cares about paperwork and working hours but not about hurting people? If so then again, why is it that anyone is relying on her? I mean, unless the whole "Celestial Bureaucracy" is secretly evil and wants to corrupt her to the point where she becomes a monster, that is, but I presume that is not what you intended so we go back to the question.

And now that I properly broke you with the questions, let me try to make something that might or might not work but I hope it will.

Her character at the beginning of the series is honestly of barely any relevance for as long as it is played well, so let's ignore that for now and start with the why, as in "why was it her who got conscripted and not someone else", and try to answer it adequately. And answering it adequately means that we have to limit the magical higher-ups' choices in a way that would leave them with just her, or with her as the best choice.

The easiest way to do this would be to have their previous agent (assuming they have one) perish when she was there, but not before Minty could do something that would show them the she has some sort of aptitude for that sort of thing; it all relies on there being someone before her in that line of duty, but it's a fairly simple solution that works well, as someone who had proven themselves to be of some worth is a better choice in a situation of need than a person whose potential is unknown.

Alternatively, it could be that one can only become their agent after doing something and it just so happened that out of all the people anywhere or in that given place she was the only one to do it. It is a bit ... more difficult to play well, as one has to make this something into something that genuinely only she could do then and there, because otherwise we get back to the "why the heck would anyone choose her" point. So the best bet with that one would be to make this "something" a limited-use thing and simply have it that at this time she was the first person to get to it and thus the only choice.

There might have been another way to do it, by simply saying that for one reason or another she has the highest magical potential of all the available people, but the description you gave us suggests that humans have no innate magical powers in this setting, not even any inaccessible until a contract would be made, so that one appears to be out. However, all in all it might be a good reason to go for if you write it into the story that some humans do have some trace of magical potential, as stuff like that can serve as a great way of limiting the possible candidates, to the point where she might simply happen to be the only such person in the area when they need someone and thus the one they have to recruit; you'd just have to remember to do something later so that the readers don't think she is the only person like this.

To be honest, I'd go with the last option if possible, or the first one if not, and if neither is a possibility then the second one albeit that's ... very much not the optimal choice. Anything else, as in "anything that does not limit the magical higher-ups' choice to just her or her and people who are even worse choice than her", is straight out.

Anyway, now that we have the reason ... that hopefully makes some sense, for her to be a magical girl, let us proceed to the next element, the animal companion.

At that point I do presume that the animal companion, rather than only appearing later, is either something that appeared at the same time that she became their agent, or that its presence (or maybe her ability to interact with it, which presumably would be the last choice in the previous part, assuming that being able to interact with it is not something just anyone is capable of). Any mythologically-relevant animal would probably work, and the earlier choice of a Qilin (a Chinese unicorn, essentially) is a good one, though personally I am more partial towards Zhu Que which is a firebird—do keep in mind that Zhu Que is not a Chinese phoenix, as the Chinese phoenix (Fenghuang) is not actually associated with fire but rather with "positive" energy (and forms a "Yin-Yang" pair with a "negative" dragon)—but whatever you choose is something you should probably think about on your own as a different animal opens different possibilities.

Anyhow, whichever animal you choose you also have to think about whether or not you will make it possible for everyone or even many people to see the animal, let alone communicate with it in any way, or if it's only visible to those who have ... let's say, a "spark of magic" in themselves. I'm leaning towards the latter, to be honest, as not only is it a good way to explain why she was the one chosen (the previous point, yet again) but it also allows her to keep to her life (well, sort of) in spite of having a pet that is clearly a mythological creature. So yeah, let's go that way, and make it so that the pet is not visible to most people unless it's in its combat form (which could also serve as an incentive for Minty to be able to fight lesser foes without it, in the long run).

So, can her animal companion talk to her? Assuming we make it invisible to most people, sure, why not; after all, since most people can't see it, anyone who freaks out is in the minority and so it's not much of an issue. You might be tempted to make it capable of communicating via thoughts or something like that though, which I admit is a fine option in that case because that way you can just say "magic" instead of explaining to people how an animal can talk in a human language, but both that and just having it talk seem fine to me (it's "magic" anyway, so whatever, not a problem).

Suddenly, something about clothes ...

Reconstructing that particular part it's actually fairly easy. Because yes, frilly clothes and ribbons aren't good armour. However, her attire as an agent isn't frilly clothes and ribbons, but rather magical (or quasi-magical) energy given form of such clothing.

Ribbons can be used to extend the range of physical attacks, tie opponents up and move around the battlefield efficiently by using them as hook-shots. In other words, battlefield control.

Frilly dresses can easily have many layers, and each of those can be detonated (as already-prepared energy) in order to negate attacks that would otherwise be strong enough to ignore armour entirely. In other words, limited use heavy-duty armour with the number of uses nigh-impossible to discern for the enemies.

Detached sleeves can be manipulated into shields, bladed weaponry, or even ranged weapons, without expending much or even any additional energy because it's already there separate from the rest of the outfit and waiting to be modified. In other words, a Swiss army weapon that can be used for easier adaptability to the situation at hand.

If there are any ribbons on the back, those can be turned into wings that allow her to float or maybe even fly, and can potentially be used as a form of attack. In other words, even more forms of battlefield control.

Hair accessories can be used as bomb-like or mine-like device that either deal damage or provide distraction by creating some specific effect like making smoke or creating a copy of herself or anything else, by simply detonating the energy they are made from as soon as they come into contact with the enemy or even just anything. In other words, consumable attack/utility items

And so on, and so on ...

So the Decon-Recon Switch of that aspect is easy, just deconstruct it first by making her lose fights by concentrating on the looks rather than efficiency, and then as she matures have her realise that not only does "flashy" not have to equal "ineffective" but it also has the element of "unexpected". Sure, it probably takes more time to use a sleeve that morphs into a blade than it would to use a blade from the get-go as you have to change it as you fight, but that way the enemy doesn't know if you'll make it into a blade, a bow, a shield, a couple of combat tentacles, or heck knows what else, making this into a Difficult, but Awesome combat outfit for those who are quick-thinking.

Now onwards, onto breaking Minty ... and maybe putting her together after that.

Right now, I'll say this: if you want to deconstruct it in any meaningful way, don't try to use paperwork for it. It'll fail, really. Best case scenario, it's just annoying and used to showcase that diligence is a good trait to have (which is not deconstruction), and worst case scenario it's just a misplaced ongoing joke.

Now, I'm not saying that you should not have her doing paperwork of any sort at all, but make the amount less moderate. Say, make it so that she only has to fill paperwork for the stuff she'd botched when working as their agent, or for the calls to work she'd missed. You could even have them tell her that the standard-issue paperwork they'll take care of so she doesn't have to worry about it unless she messes up. That way it serves as an incentive for her not to mess up in any way (so it's annoying her), it sort of makes sense (if nothing got damaged, they can fill the paperwork themselves because it's just standard-issue stuff, and if she messes up she has to do paperwork to explain why it happened and all that), and even that way it's going to take enough of her time that along with her standard homework it'll almost drive her crazy.

Anyway, getting to the point now ...

The thing is, if you play it properly, there doesn't need to be any paperwork for it to be a deconstruction. Thinking about it, it's a dangerous job to which you can be called at any hour without being able to refuse unless you want potential destruction and/or deaths on your conscience. So it's dangerous and bloody, which by itself could be enough to deconstruct it if played well. It also means she never has guaranteed free time, sometimes she might not even have enough time to actually study which would result in her grades getting worse and her parents obviously won't be happy when her grades are slipping and she is going out at weird hours only to return home all beat up or tired; usually, parents come to really ... unfortunate conclusions in those cases, so it might make her relationship with her parents really strained as a result (imagine how it would look to them if they grounded her because ... let's say they think she is spending too much time doing various activities with local boys—hence getting back tired—only for her to sneak out because she got a call and not being able to explain anything when she returns and finds her parents waiting for her and clearly disappointed and angry); obviously, it also means that actually still being friends with people she will want to be friends with will obviously also be difficult. And any failure at work means that bad things happen to people, which the paperwork (which she only has to do when something goes wrong) only serves to make more clear; imagine how she, or most people if we are to be honest, would feel if they had to do paperwork because someone died due to their own incompetence or whimsy at work; especially since at that point she is still going for "flashy over effective".

It gets even better if you notice that it's classic for magical girls to hide their identity from the world, so not only does she have to do that but she also can't get any fame from what she is doing.

With all of the above, I can see her raging about it more than once, to be honest. I can even see her trying to get out of the whole thing once she gets broken enough, only to learn that it's not possible or that it will make the situation worse, and then do something as abrupt as running away from home and vowing not to be a "magical girl" any more, cursing herself for her past stupidity.

And that's the point at which it's sufficiently deconstructed.

Let's say the above does happen, she gets fed up with it, runs away from home, maybe interacts with people who don't understand why she feels so bad because she wants them to get it without saying anything about magic or whatever it is (so obviously they don't understand). Even spend the night out because she doesn't feel like returning home as her parents "just don't understand", and chase her animal companion away or at least try, because she's not really being rational at that point. And then be called by the magical higher-ups about something that requires her to fight, but either ignoring what they say or even outright refusing to listen to their message.

Have her actually encounter the monster or whatever it is, and still avoid it, try not to care about it and about what will happen to anything.

And then go for the cliché thing, and have one or both of her parents be in danger from the very thing she ignored. Have her realise that unless she does something, her parents will get hurt or maybe even dead. Have her fight that thing in order to protect them, but be really bad at it—she is, after all, fatigued, hungry, and not exactly calm at that point—and get injured during the fight, only winning because of her animal companion and because in desperation she used her "flashy" outfit in a way that was also "effective". Have her injury be bad enough that she collapses afterwards and it's all in her parents' hands.

Have her wake up then, maybe at hospital or maybe at home if the injury wasn't that serious but still enough to cause her to collapse when combined with the fatigue. Have her parents talk to her and understand, even if not really condone, that this is something she has to be doing and that she is pretty much alone. Let her have them too, have her not be alone.

This isn't much, but believe me, knowing that there is someone who understands, having someone to talk to about something that breaks you inside, it can make all the difference.

Then after she comes to term with it ... somewhat, have her realise the peculiar way in which she'd used her powers in that last fight. Make her start thinking about how to actually use her powers effectively (as mentioned in the section about her clothes, if used properly it can be effective, have her do something in one of her next fights that will make her proud of herself; maybe make her save someone with her new-found abilities, have it be a situation in which that person could not have been saved otherwise (extended reach via ribbons makes saving people much easier). For bonus points, have that someone be a kid, because nobody will believe a kid if they tell anyone who exactly she is, and yet there is someone right there who knows who she is and what she is doing and potentially even fangirling/fanboying over her.

Use that to make her grow into the role, make her more mature as time passes, make it that sort of reconstruction; have her learn that while it's not at all about her, that while sacrifices have to be made, it doesn't end everything. Have her get to the point where she can use her powers for non-combat-related stuff and actually knows when she should and when she shouldn't. The job of an agent would still be a not-necessarily-happy one so deconstruction it would still be, it's still an all-hours job that has to be done by someone (namely her) and that can result in her being hurt if she does it improperly; but at the same time it makes her into a better person than she would have been otherwise.

And as for what exactly sort of person she would grow up to be ...

... well, that depends on the exact story. I can try to guess or make suggestions, but I think it would be best to think about it as the story progresses, really.

Anyhow, that's it from me for now.

OK, which European country are Minty going to terrorize? As a Swede might I be able to help you with at least some European details. I agree with Kazeto that works of fiction that portray Europe wrong throws the Willing Suspension of Disbelief out the window in most cases.

Is she defending only a certain city, a certain country, all of Euroupe or all of the World? It depends on what the #&!! that classmate of her did.

The idea about Minty getting the job from the "original champion" is a good idea. My idea: Minty, thanks to her being Wrong Genre Savvy starting to fangirling over what she thinks is a Magical Girl fighting some evil being and joins the fight. She of course messes up the fight, causes the death of the Magical Girl. However, You Broke It You Bought It... On top of that, she learns the ugly truth about what her newly earned job actually is...

While I totally agree that school and social life will be greatly impacted, what about the relationship with her family? She is an exchange-student so I think it should be somewhat easy to hide everything but her grades since her family live in another continent....

And finally just a question: Is the supernatural elements in this universe only based on Chinese mythology, or do other mythologies, legends and folklores exist there?

On top of that, if she only protects a certain area in Europe, what happens when she are supposed to go home to the US when school is finnished? Maybe she is forced to put "job before family" and stay in Europe. Dealing with that causes loads of potential trouble with a teenager running away from home and on top of that is in another continent...

When I say Class Teacher, I mean a teacher of one or more subjects who is assigned as the "lead teacher" to one particular class. So say Class 3-A has Maggie Smith but class 3-B has John Carter. This is a British/Indian educational style.

@ Kazeto

Wow! Thanks for the detailed response.

1. A classic coming-of-age story was what I was trying to go for anyway. Honestly at this stage I am trying it hard to figure out why Minty in particular is needed and why anyone else can't do her job. My story has some of her classmates has empowered individuals themselves forming a Magic Justice League if you will. So the question comes that what can Wonder Woman do that the Justice League can't achieve without her. Then again they are all inexperienced and the story is about learning to adapt so they can take down a big bad at the end. For Minty I could make her a specialist and say that demons from Chinese Myth can only be truly defeated by her because she sends them back to the appropriate afterlife, the rest could only take it down temporarily.

2. I know that Europe is a pretty big continent. To be precise I wanted the city to be a based on Prague in the Czech Republic because it's architecture and how it mixes old and new fascinates me. However I will put the city on the coast and the high school itself slightly outside the main city on a picturesque hilltop. Too much?

3. The Occult Sciences club is the center piece of the plot being head by a young man named Casey Simmons. Initially the Club is kind of a failure because most magical knowledge is kept under strict lock and key but Casey is obsessed just the same. People know magic exists but it's treated like Nuclear Energy except they don't even use it for electricity production due to the aforementioned dangers. Some spirits or creatures may choose to live among the humans but they must 'look' human always or at least not publicly show off (Like in the Fables comic book series.). There are multiple world wide organizations devoted to keeping things 'normal'. So Casey manages to steal a book of magical knowledge from their class teacher (She privately shows it to Casey as a sign of good faith).

The book itself is an encyclopedia of sorts. Imagine if Marco Polo was an avid demonology researcher and traveled the world in search of all kinds of beasts. Now Minty is one of the members of this club and like the other's decides to peruse from it. She's lucky in that she manages to summon a harmless Kirin, the creature becomes bound to her and she's made responsible. It is then that she is brought to the Chinese equivalent of Heaven or the "Celestial Bureaucracy". She is offered the opportunity to become a bounty hunter of sorts since Kirin's are meant to be the steed's of such agents. Might change the Kirin creature to something different (Pixiu or winged lion seems more interesting). Is this too convoluted? However I do like your Green Lantern-esque call to action idea. The "ring" or I suppose in this case Kirin chooses Minty.

4. You make a very good point of potential death's being a much larger deconstruct-er rather than paperwork. And she certainly cares about helping people, it's just that she hates the paperwork. The story itself is supposed to be fairly light and not exactly hundreds of people getting murdered despite Minty's best efforts. But as you said, I'll tone down the focus on the paperwork aspect and standard issue paperwork does make more sense, file a report only when you screw up. Though the various demons and souls she would bring in for judgement would require an initial report. I'm sure you are aware the whole reason it's called Celestial Bureaucracy is because the Chinese envisioned the afterlife as a big government office. It was even parodied in Dragonball. So I wanted to capture the boredom Minty would feel at the Heavenly DMV. "I'm surrounded by spirits and demons and all kinds of magical things... so why is it so boring?!"

5. Minty's not a Molotov throwing Anarchist rebel, she's just an airhead or perky. She gets asked if she would like to apply for the bounty hunter position, she figures it sounds exactly like being a Magical Girl and says yes. Cue bumbling her way through the thing but being somewhat competent primarily because she tries very damn hard.

6. Though humans posses no innate magical ability, contracts can be made. Finding Mr. Demon/Spirit's phone number is the tough part. Or you can have a spirit (a good one, like an angel even) possess you like what happens with another student.

7. The talking animal thing. Telepathy always. May keep it visible to everyone but as mentioned before give it a mundane disguise which comes off when it or it's master are threatened.

8. Liked your points about the clothing, almost sounds like move set for a fighting game or say a Bayonetta knock-off. What I wanted to do is that the Celestial Bureaucracy gives her the equivalent of formal/office wear which she doesn't like. She later glams it up (after doing research into Chinese clothing styles) and turns into a very flashy set of party wear or perhaps even looking good enough to be a wedding dress. She would end-up weapon-izing the frills and ribbons as you suggested. But as you said it requires skill and quick thinking. Might actually make all of her "attacks" cloth based. FEAR THE FABRIC OF JUSTICE!

9. The dual life aspect is something every hero has to deal with and yes that's a pretty good decon by itself. The work-life balance is super hard to maintain as it is and add the caveat that people can die if you get sloppy is nightmare-inducing especially for someone so young. Very good points. It would be interesting for her to turn meaner on her opponents as a way of letting off steam.

10. Finally, Minty will be part of a team (different kids, different power set) however and will have others to confide in. In fact the aforementioned class teacher, who I call Saya becomes a mentor of sorts especially because she herself has powers but never used them since a long time ago and keeps them hidden on purpose. Saya typically acts as the Zordon to her students' power rangers.

@ The Border Prince

1. As mentioned before, Minty and friends are based out of a fictional European city based on Prague. Occasionally one or more may need to go abroad for investigative purposes but they mostly stick around their home town since danger is naturally drawn to it. Think Sunnyvale from Buffy. I use the concept of ley lines in my story and one of the crossing points is directly under the city. So trouble has a tendency to come looking for them. Saya (the class teacher) herself is contacted by one of the "organizations keeping things normal" and told that the kids should hone their abilities because it could come in handy in the future.

2. Not limited to Chinese Mythology. Kind of a Fantasy Kitchen Sink. But the various gods have either left humanity to it's devices or living among-st us as common folk (but Muggles don't know that) because they no longer desire to be worshiped since over the years their words have been twisted for personal gains.

3. Minty would have a good relationship with her family in the States.

4. I have an idea for say a sequel that could be "What I did during my Summer Vacation" for each of the hero's. Much like any good office she can apply for and does get leaves from the Bureaucracy. It's not like she's the only one who can save the day. She can live in America and fly to wherever for missions and such. Her parents don't know about her "second job" though.

edited 8th Feb '15 10:19:05 AM by SmokingBun

As I read it did I imagine this: The town lies in something that could be described as "the condenced version of the Baltic, the country should never really be specified". A mix of Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Germany, and Poland (and of course Prauge.)

The old, mainly Hanseatic, archetecture is mixed with Prauge. All with plains in the surronding that ends with high mountains far, far away on the horizon.

As a hobby-linguist,I can suggest you to make sure names of places and characters fit and that Aerith and Bob only appears when there are a reason for it.

@ The Border Prince

While I love you idea behind what the city should look like and the names of the places will have a theme that gels with the location, I wanted to go a bit multi-cultural with the names especially the main cast. I do have two characters named Alastor and Rusulka for instance, the former is German while the latter is the name for the Russian mermaid or siren.

Glad you liked my suggestion. A multi-cultural cast can make sense, since I guess Minty is not the only exchange student in the school, maybe you can bring up that the school is well-known for its old tradition of having many Exchange-students? Make sure to show that the large majority of the students still is from the country where the school is tough.

And some more potential feedback from me. The feedback isn't in order because I'm thinking about it as I do other things and then noting it all down, so presumably it is from what my mind deemed most important to the least important ... well, presumably, it might also be that I'm just going blind and whimsical.

>> "5. Minty's not a Molotov throwing Anarchist rebel, she's just an airhead or perky."

Oh, I'm not saying she is an anarchist or a rebel or anything else of that sort.

However, there's this part:

"She's an otaku, loud, shrill and very hyper-active, the most annoying person you can imagine."

Such a behaviour does not mean that the person is an anarchist, but it is a possible indication of a self-centred and obnoxious person. And both self-centred and visibly obnoxious people often tend to be arrogant. And arrogant people often tend to have problems of varying severity with submitting to authority. Then there's the fact that those who have problems with authority might choose to ignore orders and do their own thing instead.

As you see, it is long chain of "maybe" that links her behaviour to not being able to follow orders. Minty might not be that sort of person, but impressions matter too, and her impression is (as seen above) that of a rebel. The whole impression might as well be a misconception, but her own stubbornness at doing what she wants to do does reinforce it even if that too might be a misconception.

And the readers will not know what sort of person she is until it is shown to them. In the same vein, the aforementioned Celestial Bureaucracy very likely will not know the details but instead will only see the surface-most or her character. It means that later along the way she might give the readers a reason to stop thinking about her as such a person, but this early in the story it is ... quite unlikely. So the readers will ask why are they "trusting a rebel" even if a rebel she is not, because she appears to be one to those who do not know her.

Remember: you know what sort of person she is, but writer's knowledge does not equal characters' knowledge or readers' knowledge. It is not a major mistake unless you botch it really badly, but it is quite a common mistake amongst beginners (in much the same way skipping over basics that do matter and should be explained is common amongst those who are new to tutoring, because it's "basic" and "obvious" to them and they forget that for some people it isn't).

>> "2. I know that Europe is a pretty big continent. To be precise I wanted the city to be a based on Prague in the Czech Republic because it's architecture and how it mixes old and new fascinates me. However I will put the city on the coast and the high school itself slightly outside the main city on a picturesque hilltop. Too much?"

For as long as you don't make it into any real country or city and instead make a whole new world custom-tailored for the story and place it there, not too much. With such a world, anything goes, for as long as it makes sense and is consistent.

Mind you, going that way means that you shouldn't be making any references to "States", or at least not any references which make it clear that the country in question is USA rather than merely some fictional country based on it. And I do recommend going that way, mind you, as I generally believe that creating a made-up world that fits the story instead of trying to shoehorn it into a "realistic" world is the way to do it, unless it's a historical story that wouldn't make sense in a fictional world or an atmospheric piece akin to a Film Noir because with those creating a world that works is more difficult than doing the proper research.

So yeah, sure, go for it. Take a notepad and scribble down some notes that will help you to create some sort of world for the story to take place in, and then create the city the way you want it to. I'm all for it and I think that outside of the people who analyse books rather than read them, you won't get any complaints about that unless you just botch it (which is kind of hard to do when you are the one shaping it, unless you go too far).

>> "She's lucky in that she manages to summon a harmless Kirin, the creature becomes bound to her and she's made responsible. It is then that she is brought to the Chinese equivalent of Heaven or the "Celestial Bureaucracy". She is offered the opportunity to become a bounty hunter of sorts since Kirin's are meant to be the steed's of such agents. Might change the Kirin creature to something different (Pixiu or winged lion seems more interesting). Is this too convoluted?"

No plot introduction is too convoluted for as long as it is explained properly and there are no reasons for people to call "bullshit". So ask yourself the questions that your readers could ask when reading that, and make it so that you only write it if you can provide satisfactory answers to each question. You don't always need to give answers, and even when you do it doesn't always have to be instantaneous, but some of them generally should be addressed or alternatively lampshaded.

On that note, it is a minor criticism but I really think you should stick to the names that are translations from the version that corresponds to the mythology used for it. I mean, "Kirin" is a Chinese to Japanese to English translation, which is ... weird; meanwhile, "Qilin" is how you'd translate it straight from Chinese. It's not a major issue, but people who care about the mythology or details will be wondering where the heck the discrepancies in names come from.

>> "I do have two characters named Alastor and Rusulka for instance, the former is German while the latter is the name for the Russian mermaid or siren."

I don't mind those names nor do I have anything against the Aerith and Bob trope (as we know, Reality Is Unrealistic, and parents don't consult other parents when naming their children but rather give them the names they like themself), but the same as the minor critisism above, you might want to pay attention to the details in names and titles that are supposed to be "something" as some people will research those.

What I mean is, I don't mind the name "Alastor" nor do I mind the name "Rusulka". But the Russian mermaid is "rusalka", and "Alastor" is actually a Greek name (as a translation of "Alastair") or a Scottish one (as a translation of "Alexander"). There's nothing stopping you from using the names as you envisioned them, and "rusulka" is similar enough to "rusalka" that it clearly can be treated as a reference, but I do want to warn you against revealing details that happen to be wrong ... well, revealing them as an author, for if a character says it is something-or-the-other then nobody can prove it's not a deliberate decision of yours to have the character be wrong.

Just a friendly piece of unsolicited advice from me, the above ...

>> "For Minty I could make her a specialist and say that demons from Chinese Myth can only be truly defeated by her because she sends them back to the appropriate afterlife, the rest could only take it down temporarily."

I think that, rather than this, it would be better to make every single member of the team into a specialist of some sort, and make it so that while they can be generalists if they want to, it is only when they specialise that they truly shiny. If you go at it that way, then Minty might be the one who can defeat certain monsters not because of this but rather because her speciality (which, assuming you go with what I suggested, would be "versatility and battlefield control") would give her advantage over some monsters that can be slowed down or even halted but not truly defeated by others.

Mind you, I'm not actually against situations in which a particular person has to defeat a particular thing due to some arbitrary-sounding limitation, but those can really suck if done improperly so I'm not sure if you want to actually risk it.

>> "2. Not limited to Chinese Mythology. Kind of a Fantasy Kitchen Sink."

Hmm ... I like that, Fantasy Kitchen Sink is good for stories with their own world.

That being said, a random idea from me. Have monsters from each mythology fundamentally different from monsters from other mythologies, to the point where every mythology requires different approach to be able to fight stuff from it well. That could play really well with the above idea about having every member of the team specialise, as that way every character could de facto specialise in a different mythology due to their speciality simply being a good match against the monsters in question.

>> "6. Though humans posses no innate magical ability, contracts can be made. Finding Mr. Demon/Spirit's phone number is the tough part. Or you can have a spirit (a good one, like an angel even) possess you like what happens with another student."

Hmm ... that might actually serve as some sort of reason to use to justify why she became an agent. I mean, assuming that you put a restriction of the "can only be summoned by worthy ones" sort on the pet she would manage to summon, that in itself could be used to explain why they would conscript her in spite of her appearing to have quite an attitude. Mind you, you would probably have to lampshade that a bit, but it could work.

Anyhow, that's it from me now, and I hope it happens to be helpful.

@ Kazeto

1. Concerning Minty's personality. Very good points and something I have to consider. I don't want the perception of her being someone who is mean or doesn't care about others, more so she's rather helpful and outgoing. A natural social butterfly who makes friends easily (or tries to) but fairly reckless and outspoken. In that way she is sort of a rebel, she doesn't drink but likes to party just the same. She would be a polar opposite to the Shrinking Violet that is Emma Thompson, the girl who gets possessed by an angel, more on her in a bit.

2. About the setting and location. Why can't I do it in the style of say Marvel comics, where the US and New York exist alongside the fictional African nation of Wakanda? I can have the story take place in a fictional European nation which could easily exist alongside real world places and nations right? I ask because the Class Teacher, Saya will be teaching History/Literature for one and it would be easier to have her talk about WW-II than some fictional war. Also, I plan on using a real historical figure as one of the heroes, Joan of Arc as an angel sent to investigate the strange happenings in the city (turns out she DID hear god's voice after all).

3. Quilin it is. Might even make a joke about it, the celestial being hates being called a Kirin.

4. Will double check the names as suggested.

5. Honestly my justification of "Only Minty can defeat this monster, because it's a Chinese Monster!" was kind of pulled directly out of my ass and not much thought put it. Will probably go with your suggestion that she's the crowd control of the group. Now we need DPS, Tank, a Healer and then we'd have an RPG going. Which honestly is an idea I like.

6. Occult Club members dedicating themselves to one or more mythologies and becoming specialist to take those down is something I really love. And yes the monsters would be different and behave differently based on their origins, a Kappa for Instance would absolutely freak out if it encountered an Ifreet since the Ifreet is both foreign and a creature of fire.

7. Going with Minty = Green Lantern, the Quilin would be the ring in this case since it chooses someone who is worthy i.e. one with a strong will (which in the comics manifests as green cosmic energy). May even lampshade the similarity since Minty has a "green" theme going on.

@ The Border Prince

I don't think we need a "tradition" of exchange students though. There are many prestigious schools all over the world that people are desperate to enter since it sets them up for life like say Cambridge or Oxford. Of course neither are high school's.

edited 10th Feb '15 8:17:40 AM by SmokingBun

You can have the story in the real world, but you have to consider the location and size of your country quite a bit if it is placed in the real world. Its history, politics and how other nations would have reacted to it. (Or am I just an overthinking worldbuilder...)

The easiest way to do this would be to have their previous agent (assuming they have one) perish when she was there, but not before Minty could do something that would show them the she has some sort of aptitude for that sort of thing

Alternatively, it could be that one can only become their agent after doing something and it just so happened that out of all the people anywhere or in that given place she was the only one to do it.

Why not combine them? An agent dies in the line of duty while Minty happens to be nearby. The agent leaves behind a power source/macguffin/whatever. Normally the bureaucrats pick them up when an agent dies so that they can be reassigned, but Minty stumbled on the scene before they got there and messed with it and either it's Bind on Pickup or the bureaucrats figure they might as well pick her now that she's in on the Masquerade.

What rule decide how beings from mythologies/cultures/folklores/whatever show up in the story? Is it as I tought that that they only appear "naturally" where they come from in the stories and has to be summoned if they has to appear in other areas?

If it is to be in a vaugely Baltic area, (or the anywhere else) then can the extremely under-used Scandinavian folklore be a good choice. We Scandinavians do not only have Trolls to offer...

How do the summoning work? (As in do you know beforehand what kind of creature you will get?) If so, then are there probably a narrow selection of a few favourite things people try to summon (if it is inteligent to summon those things is an completely different matter...)

Can everything be summoned?

>> "2. About the setting and location. Why can't I do it in the style of say Marvel comics, where the US and New York exist alongside the fictional African nation of Wakanda? I can have the story take place in a fictional European nation which could easily exist alongside real world places and nations right?"

Well, that's a bit of a heavy question if you want an answer that will be helpful, so please bear with me as I might sound weird or rude (or whatever) in some places.

Because the world creation in the Marvel universe is a motley of mishaps and thus pretty much nonsense that nobody takes seriously unless they are the people who take everything seriously.

Yeah ... that's it about the question.

Thing is, you absolutely can do it in the same way they did it. Really, I'm not saying you can't. What I am saying, however, is that I discourage doing so unless you really know what you are doing because otherwise you may put yourself into a situation where the world of the story happens to be some kind of nonsense and you can't fix it.

Think about it that way: there were reasons why World War 2 happened, and those reasons were deeply rooted in the political situation of Europe of that time. That means that any sudden changes to Europe before that time could shift the situation massively, and truth be told most writers simply do not have the knowledge or experience to make realistic changes to the history after introducing a change that heavy. I am not saying you don't, mind you, but due to it often being the case I find myself doubting and thus give advice as if it could be the case (worst-case scenario, so to say).

Likewise, any changes heavy enough to result in creation of a new country after the war would need a trigger, and while you'd be right to say that there would have to be some sort of trigger for that regardless of when it had happened, the readers will want to see that trigger if you present the world of the story as "real world, only with that one change after the World War 2" because it's kind of recent history and they will ask "why did that happen, what was it that caused the difference".

The point is, all of that matters because Europe is important. Wakanda from Marvel, on the other hand, is "somewhere in Africa" and the exact political situation in Africa—as far as the readers are concerned—doesn't influence the global politics enough for it to be marked as "important" by the readers; and all that in addition to it being only superficially presented to the readers (because, again, it is of no real importance) rather than being the place where the main characters live.

That being said, there indeed is a lesson to be taken from Marvel. The lesson in question being ambiguity.

When you describe the world, be ambiguous, leave the readers wondering whether it's the real-world-thing that is being referred to that way or instead another thing that exists in the story and it's just a variant of Names The Same. Sure, have "States", just don't make it clear if that's our-world-USA or other-world-USA or some other place that is called that way. Sure, have "World War 2" in history, just make it ambiguous whether it's the same one we had or some sort of ... let's say regional equivalent. Withholding details about the world the story is present in that don't matter to the plot is generally good, because that way you won't get into a situation where you have conflicting details that make the readers stop reading because it makes no sense.

And if you withhold enough details, it might as well be another world rather than ours with changes because the readers won't be able to tell which one is the case.

Also, technically, if you are making changes to the world it already isn't our world and you are making a new one based on the one you know. The same about the Marvel worlds, or any other world in any other fantasy story that has a world similar to ours.

So to sum it all up (if you need a "too long; didn't read" version or are simply confused by all the blabber above), it's not about not making it the way you want to do it (as I'd said previously, I'm all for it), but about not making it explicit that you just changed one thing and left the rest as it is. Ambiguity is your friend when creating worlds that differs from ours only superficially.

I agree with Kazeto in that ambiguity if it is the real world should be the way to go. An extra little country in Europe would be fine up untill the mid-1800s but, mid-1800s onwards are Europe starting to change greatly in its set-up and all these little nations are starting to be swallowed up. The forming of Nation-states like Germany and Italy, two World Wars, (Each with redrawings of the borders and of the political map) and lastly the East-West split during the Cold War... If you go for the real world, then I am sad to say that your little Ruritania -like state would cease to exist sooner or later.

If this country was in the Eastern Block would it most likely become independent again after the Collapse of the Soviet Union and the Warzaw pact... This would however give the usual post- Commie Land feel to the place, something I guess you were not aiming for...

I'm not really writing a history book here. Can't I just have a generic "THE CITY!" with it's own identity that is vaguely somewhere in Europe?

Like how Springfield in Simpsons is never elaborated upon besides being in the USA, they never specify the state and/or county

edited 4th Mar '15 2:16:56 AM by SmokingBun

Well, sure, you can.

Just know that creating generic whatever and keeping it generic can, depending on the circumstances, be harder than it appears. And the "keeping it generic" part can be a real nightmare to execute well if you don't know what to do.

But if you are feeling up to the task, sure, go for it.

edited 4th Mar '15 4:41:41 AM by Kazeto

Of course you can. We are just saying that it can be done good and it can be done bad.

I would, as I said in an earlier post, aim for a mix of a few, preferabely bordering, countries and go with that for the city instead of drawing inspiration from all over the continent. If you want your heroes to beat up some bad guys in "Ireland" and "Crete" for example, make sure to show that they have to travel for a while instead of having those places "just happen" to be nextdoors to the city...

And remember, the Tropers are here to help...

Well, personally I'm not against monsters appearing out of their "designated" areas.

It's mostly about the creation part, and about the fact that if you want a "generic" place you have to use ambiguity to make it generic. Dumping information about the surrounding world on the readers makes it harder to make anything "generic" while keeping it somewhat realistic.