If Lucasfilm hired YOU to write Star Wars Episodes VII-IX

Well, it looks like the Star Wars sequel trilogy is about as official as it's gonna get, but the story behind it is anyone's guess. So if it was up to you...how would you do it?

I thought the thread on how the tropers would have written the prequels spawned a lot of great ideas, so this looks like a perfect opportunity to do the same. Especially since nobody has any idea what to expect.

Remember, they've announced that the sequels will have little (if anything) to do with the Star Wars Expanded Universe, so casual Star Wars fans who've only seen the movies are on equal ground with everyone else right now. Anything can happen, and no idea is too outlandish.

EDIT: Guys, I can't stress this enough: this thread is for constructive ideas, not for bitching about how badly you think Lucasfilm is gonna screw this up, or complaining about how terrible you think the prequels and Expanded Universe are. "Fuck the EU!" is not a story idea. Anyone can rant about what they wouldn't do, but tell me what you would do.

And if you want to flame about how terrible Episode VII is, fine. But at least wait until it's actually been made.

edited 25th Sep '13 11:53:43 AM by TheMightyHeptagon

I sincerely, truly hope that the New Jedi in the sequels (and believe me, they're going to show up) are going to be more like the ones in the EU than in the Prequels. Because if they were like the prequel-era Jedi, then they're completely lost on how utterly flawed the previous order was.

And here else is what I want:

-No Darth Vader, or even anyone else resembling him. The Star Wars saga is ultimately about the Galaxy, with the constant warfare involving Jedi and Sith, Republic and Empire, Smugglers and Bounty Hunters, etc. We have a treasure trove of original villains in the franchise, what's wrong with adding one more in instead of reusing someone who's already dead?

- Since Lucas loathes the idea of Luke falling in love and starting a family, we might as well say goodbye to Mara and Ben. At the very least, I would try to make sure Jacen and Jaina make an appearance as Han and Leia's children and not create some run-of-the-mill eager generic hero as their offspring.

- Explore the rebuilding of the New Republic. The Empire is still a formidable threat, but nowhere near the superpower they once were.

- Absolutely no Amusing Aliens whatsoever. This is a franchise for people of all ages, not for toddlers and the easily frightened. I would put the age range more on the lines of what The Avengers had, and make it just as accessible as the 2009 Star Trek movie.

One of my biggest pet peeves in the prequels was that we never saw any suffering and chaos during the Clone Wars. Coruscant seemed to be handling the conflict just fine despite the recent space battle in Sith, for example. I would go more into the lives of the civilian populations during the conflict, and see how the war affects them. I wouldn't let it override the story and main characters, we just need to get a brief glimpse as to how everyday people view the overall main conflict.

edited 21st Nov '12 7:10:09 PM by Mistermister

Okay, now that's just funny.

• Forget the EU. All of it. It's unnecessarily constraining and it does not lend itself to film material. Also, it sucks.
• Forget the new trilogy. It just sucks.
• Outside of major characters, do not include anyone from the old trilogy.
• Do not use any major characters from the old trilogy without having a very good reason for them to be there.
• Do not bring back Darth Vader or the Emperor.
• Give the main character an arc. If the main character does not have some sort of arc, the movie is going in the wrong direction.
• Give the main character a goal. Do not make him just somebody who follows orders or goes with the flow.
• Use color-blind casting. Also, feel free to make the hero a woman, even though I know you won't. At least make a female character who isn't a stereotype.
• Try to give the characters something to do in most scenes; we don't need them to just sit at couches talking with one another.
• Do not assume you can lean on sequels. Let the movie stand on its own.
• Give the villains at least a few scenes to establish characterization. Do not kill the villain with the greatest connection to the hero; the prequels suffered for this, while The Empire Strikes Back benefitted from being able to reuse the Vader character.

edited 21st Nov '12 10:00:22 PM by Scardoll

Long story short: Scardoll encourages you to have a massive hate-boner for the EU, despite it being responsible for 90% of the lore of the Star Wars universe, and being several orders of magnitude better than the prequels. I disagree. You can ignore some stories, but don't be blatantly contradictory about the cultures and peoples. Don't, for example, make Kuat an old style feudal kingdom with a primitive patriarchal society, when it has long been established that Kuat is a corporatist oligarchy with a primitive and anachronistic matriarchal society.

edited 21st Nov '12 10:06:05 PM by CrimsonZephyr

^Agreed, even George Lucas took some inspiration from the Expanded Universe and added it to the prequels (Coruscant, for example, was created by Timothy Zahn and first appeared in Heir to the Empire, not the Phantom Menace)

One of the things the prequels failed at is that the Clone Wars were unable to garner the audiences' sympathy towards the conflict. The Original Trilogy had the underdog Rebel Alliance going up against the technological goliath of a Galactic Empire. We cheered for them when they won victories (Yavin IV, Endor), hoped for their survival when they lost battles (Tantive IV, Hoth), and were even shown how they operated out of the Empire's reach.

The OT also did an impressive job of showing us what the Empire was like besides Darth Vader and Palpatine. Imperials like Captain Needa were one of the few examples of Anti Villains in the series, who showed some concern for his men and acted much more pragmatically compared to people like Grand Moff Tarkin.

In the prequels, the whole conflict was about faceless, expendable clones going against an armada of even more expendable and cheap robots. The only real sympathy we could've hoped to hold for were the Jedi, and even then they were portrayed as emotionless pricks who didn't want to involve themselves in change and help others cope with their problems.

I'd toss them my copy of the Thrall Trilogy and say, "Make it".

A crossover with World Of Warcraft?

Personally when it comes to the new films and the EU; If it works, use it. If it doesn't, toss it. Don't go pointlessly retconning good stories. Don't get tied down making sure that you are correctly portraying the fallout of the events of some stupid story that destroyed a Throwaway Planet with out of control force powers.

The EU has some major problems with it. But there's also some damn good stories. And some even better worldbuilding. We need to balance what we preserve and what we can look back on as "Really Really Stupid" in hindsight.

No human characters on screen, only aliens and robots. Non humanoid robots. Completely separate war happening at the same time as the rebellion in a different part of the galaxy. All aliens will be voiced in stereotypical rapper accents(be that hip hop, reggae, reggaeton, John Cena, whatever the kids like these days). No force powers.

The emphasis will be on making the galaxy seem larger by relying on mostly new elements, with one or two familiar things to remind people it is still star wars(droids, maybe blaster sound effects or hyper drive too).

I assume that you jest with the first part?

First I'd try to get out of it somehow so all the hate that it'll get by merely existing does not go to me. If that doesn't work:

-Not completely ignore the EU, but not just adapt it. Use it as inspiration for characters, ideas, themes, design, similar but not exactly how the Marvel Cinematic Universe is in relation to the comics. Though some parts can and should be ignored and be left to easter eggs.

-No Vader getting a Revive, no Vader clone, no Vader in the story. No more elaboration to avoid a rant.

-Put it long enough after Rot J so that Luke, Han, and Leia can either be played by the original actors or don't need to show up, and instead focus on Jacen, Jaina, and Ben. R2 and 3P0 can return, with original actors if they want, since just a voice over would be necessary if they're too old to wear the costumes.

-The conflict would arise from either an Imperial Remnant, the Chiss, or exploration of the Unknown Regions, or some combination. I wouldn't use the Vong because they're too alien to fit in a movie that's the first sequel to a movie that came out over 20 years ago. Maybe if there's a fourth trilogy. And avoid Dark Jedi or Sith as much as possible.

-Not writing related, but practical-CGI combo effects, not just one or the other.

I'd put a Darth Vader Clone in myself. Not literally but someone with a red lightsaber and a aura of menace. It's been ages since we got a truly intimidating Sith warrior onscreen. Remember how awesome all the kids thought Darth Maul was when he was flipping around swinging that double-ended lightsaber in an extremely energetic ballet of laser sword death? After that we just get two old men... Sorry Christopher Lee. The only thing that was close since then was General Grievous, and not even the one from the movie. The Star Wars Clone Wars Hero Killer version. That guy was terrifying.

Make her a woman while you're at it.

Endless mothereffin' potential! Endless I tell you! They've got money flowing out of their butts over at Disney. I say put it to good use. Get Kevin Smith, Joss Whedon, Terry Pratchett, and Stephen King to write the new trilogy together. Get Quentin Tarantino, Ridley Scott, and Marc Webb to each direct an episode. Boom! Solid gold.

I understand how all this might seem a bit over the top, but seriously, why the fudge not? I'm pretty sure Disney could damn well buy the moon and shoot the films on it, if they really wanted to. If they don't already have a base there, that is... Hell, with that kind of money, they could reanimate Fritz Lang and get him involved too!

All absurdity aside though, there are certain things that I would like to see, such as, some actually good Light Saber battles. I'm talking about Experienced-Broadway-Choreographer levels of good here. Or, a cast comprised entirely of actors who can act, yes, that would be neat, and a first. Also, the EU is a treasure trove of inspiration, plus, it's Canon, so there...

Some fresh faces would be nice too. New characters, not polished or retconned relatives of former protagonists.

One last thing, I know it sounds kind of selfish, but I demand they at least try to deliver to the, already huge, fanbase. I don't wanna see no reboot crap happening. No "trying to appeal to a greater audience" bullshit. We're here dammit, in vast friggin' numbers, waiting.

I don't want Stephen King anywhere near Star Wars. His stuff is way too bleak.

I mean, not near the movies, anyway. A book would be okay, I guess.

With the money they've got, they could actually hire a writer for every single character. King could be in charge of creating the new Big Bad. Once again, over the top, but possible. :)

...You don't want that in Star Wars.

@$%&, I'm with Basterd here. Do something crazy for at least one of the episodes.

As long as you have the very basics necessary to make a Star Wars film work (Hero, Villain, Stars, at least one War) I say go batshit somewhere down the line.

edited 22nd Nov '12 5:27:12 PM by ShirowShirow

If it were MY Star Wars, it would be like this.

It starts with Darth Vader rising out of some tube thingy, wondering where he is and crap. We then see the Emperor walking towards them, fully covered. Yes, I know he "died" in Return of the Jedi, but who gives a shit? Hollywood magic, or a wizzard did it, whatever. He then tells Vader that he is just a clone.

Cut to Luke Skywalker, who is now kind of old and is doing some voice over work for Batman or whatever. He's retired though, so he's back to being a Jedi. So he's doing average stuff, like doing some farming, cleaning his house, banging his sister, when all of a sudden he feels some strange shit happening in space. Because, you know, Jedi magic. So he hops into his space ship thingy or whatever, and then he finds out that, surprise, Darth Vader is alive! So he rushes towards him, and then they have a brief battle when Luke asks him, "I thought you was dead." "Yeah, well, so did I, but I am dead, I'm just a clone." After which Luke responds, "If you're just a clone, why are you still wearing that mask?" "Because what is underneath this mask is more hideous than you could ever imagine, it's like observing Cthulhu, that sort of shit." "Try me mothafucka!"

So he takes off his mask, and then we see David Hasslehoff's face. THE HORROR!!!

Oh, and we find out the Emperor is actually Gantu.

All I know is I'd add tits. Lots of tits. A million tits suddenly crying out "freedom!" as they were freed from their clothy prisons.

Remember, in space no one wears a bra.

Yeah, George Lucas just wanted to see Carrie Fisher traipse around bare-chested.

Hearing what the cast has to say about the experience of filming those movies is pretty much always good for a laugh.

I'd watch Star Tits over the prequels any day.

And I said the prequels suck. I don't hate all the stories in the EU so much as I hate the very idea of the EU affecting the films beyond a few token references. It's unnecessarily constricting and reduces the scale of the conflict.

edited 22nd Nov '12 10:14:54 PM by Scardoll

If we don't include the EU, there's literally nothing except for another shit movie set half on Tatooine. I hate Tatooine. Basing the film's universe only on what has been in the films would suck because the films had a very limited scope. The lore from the EU had the benefit of effectively being crowdsourced over nearly twenty-five years by dozens of authors. It's simply more fertile ground.

edited 22nd Nov '12 10:39:39 PM by CrimsonZephyr

OH god, using characters like Jacen would make a lot more fanboys rage I assure you.