![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
Love me some Triptych and Estee. Still reading Kudzuhaiku and Estee, idea came to me.
So, you have all these rebellious groups trying to overthrow the "tyranny of the Royal Sisters", right? 
A group that tries to goad the sisters into taking tyrannical measures.
At first, they are mistaken for the former, but when one is captured and interrogated, "Stop you? No, we want you to stop holding back and take responsibility. You have all this power and you don't do enough with it. To make this world in a paradise is within your grasp and you let it wallow in mediocrity."
Of course, that requires that somewhat darker version of Equestria Estee and Kudzu favor.
Penguin with mittens
@Japanese Got around reading your Octavia & Vynil fic; not characters that I'd normally go read about but I like it so far. I think I had a couple notes on in on my laptop but it died on me just after that and I don't really remember what they were about, so not much to add.
"You let your people down, Celestia. You were supposed to have been immortal. That's all they wanted, not much to ask for. But in the end, you could not deliver."
Kudzu's initial continuity (Mail Order Orphan and sequels) apparently had Equestria more or less collapse in war with the changelings and have to be reorganized as the Phoenix Empire (kind of like how the New Republic turned into the Galactic Alliance), which seemed more militaristic but other than that I'm not sure what changed. It makes me both disappointed and kind of relieved that it's apparently on permanent hiatus.
There is no beginning. There is no end. There is only... Hooty.
Existence Weighed Against Nonbeing
@Connelly: Cool. Glad you enjoyed what you read.
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Element of Class
So I started working on my Christmas Story for this year, this evening. It's moving along decently well. I've got about half the setup written. I seem to be having trouble with the dialogue in one of the scenes I've written, though.
The filly was seated on the swing set, staring at the ground. At least, until Pip spoke. Her head snapped up, and her expression changed from one of contemplation to fear, then confusion, then anger, and finally back to confusion. “Pip?” She asked. “What are you doing here?”
“Uh,” Pip said, peering back at the schoolhouse, “The School Council meetin’ just ended. What’re you doin’ here?”
“Oh,” Diamond said. She frowned. “Well, I’m... sitting.”
“Sitting,” Pip repeated.
“Yes, sitting,” Diamond said. She crossed her forelegs and frowned at Pip. “Of course I am, anypony can see that.”
“I... guess,” Pip said. He pawed at the snow. “But, uh... how come?”
Pip could see Diamond Tiara’s expression darkening. “Why does it matter?” She asked. “Maybe I like sitting. Don’t you have to run home to your Dad, or something?”
“Well... yeah,” Pip admitted. “But shouldn’t you, too?”
Diamond shivered. “Well, unlike you, I don’t hang off my parents’ every word and desire,” she said. “I’ll go home when I go home.” She rubbed her forelegs. “Look... what do you want, Pip?”
Pip shifted from hoof to hoof, watching Diamond. As it always did, when her face darkened, it hardened. She almost looked like her old self, sometimes.
“I just... heard the swings,” Pip said, “an’ I wanted to see what it was.”
“Yeah, well,” Diamond said. “It’s just me. Mystery solved. You can go home now.”
“Uh... okay,” Pip said. He nodded, then turned to leave. After a few steps, he paused, and looked back. “Hey Diamond?” he asked.
Diamond became very still. Then she sighed. “Yeah, Pip?”
Pip shuffled his hooves for a moment, unsure of what exactly to say. “It’s a pretty night,” he offered.
Something resembling softness returned to Diamond’s face. “I... yeah,” she said. “It’s... nice. Quiet.” She snorted, and added, “Well, it was anyways.”
“It’s awful cold out.” It was biting, well past the point of a pleasant chill. Every moment he was out in it, the worse it got.
“Yeah, yeah Pip,” Diamond said. He could could practically hear the eye roll in her voice. “I noticed, thanks.”
Pip looked down and pawed at the snow. “Well, do you wanna... come back to my place?”
“I don’t need your pity—” Diamond snapped, whipping around. She stopped and drew a sharp breath. “No—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...” she sighed, and leaned her head against the swing chain. “I’m sorry.”
Both ponies were quiet for a while. The creak of the chain was the only sound, until Diamond spoke again. “Look, Pip,” she said. “I know things are... weird, between us. I appreciate the offer. Really. I just...”
“It’s okay,” Pip said. He walked back over to her. “We were never exactly great friends...”
Diamond laughed weakly. “That’s a bit of an understatement, don’t you think?” she asked.
“Yeah,” Pip admitted. “But... I know you can be nice. I’ve seen you do it. And anyways, Papa always says you gotta give ponies a chance to be nice, otherwise how’re they supposed to? So I figured, maybe... it’s gotta be better than sitting out alone in the cold, right?”
Diamond looked down and rubbed her forelegs. “I... dunno,” she said.
“Please?” Pip asked. “It’ll be warm there. Papa’ll have some tea on, and Miss Tealove might be over with biscuits. And if you still wanna see the night, we can look out the window.”
Diamond Tiara sighed. “Promise it isn’t... you know...”
“Promise,” Pip said. “Just that it’s cold.” He shivered, and laughed. “Really cold,” he added.
Diamond Tiara laughed as well, in spite of herself, and even managed a small smile. “Okay,” she said. “You win. I’ll come.”
I dunno, Something about it doesn't feel... quite right to me, but I'm not quite sure why. I like both the overall feeling of the conversation, and several individual moments, but...
I think it might be the flow? I feel like there are a couple points where the narrative doesn't flow well into character thoughts. Or rather, a character will say something and the way the narrative continues seems like a non-sequiter, or vice versa. Especially near to the end when Pip is convincing diamond to come with him.
I dunno, any thoughts?
(For reference, this takes place after Crusaders of the Lost Mark, and in semi-continuity with a previous story of mine, The Quest For Crackers
, but I'm hoping that story won't be necessary to get an idea of what's going on. A hefty portion of the story will be the story of a Trottingham Hearthswarming figured called Uncle Tannenbaum, which will loosely parallel the 'real-world' plot.
Grr... <3
I've seen scenes like this one before. It seems to be properly constructed. The only thing I can see is that it is fast. But maybe it makes sense in context.
For example, maybe pip would sit on the swing at some point. There are a lot of actions in the scene, but not a lot of thinking time between the mood swings.
edited 30th Nov '16 11:24:10 AM by war877
I'm looking to title my 40k/TCB short after The Minstrel Boy, though I'm not sure what line to use. "In the Ranks of Death" seems quite generic, while "The Conversion Bureau: Though all the World Betray Thee" or "Thy Rights Shall Guard" seems to be slightly ambiguous as to the theme of it, and while "One Faithful Sword" is based off it, I would greatly prefer an actual line.
Element of Class
It's difficult to say, since I don't know the tone of your story intimately, but perhaps "One Sword, at Least" would fit the same general idea you're trying to get across with it?
Well, the closeness of Diamond's mood's was meant to be a hint at what actually bothering her. Which is to say, she isn't angry—or at least, doesn't want to be—but she snaps reflectively. The speed of the scene is a fair point, though... I don't want it to run too long, since there's more to go in the setup of the story. That, and I did trim the ending of the scene a bit, because it's really damn cold out there. Like, it'd be around -30 C, which is not a temperature for enjoying the evening more than a few minute. And it's only gonna get colder that night. It actually felt a bit strange to me that Diamond was so resistant, given the alternative.
Still, the speed of it is a legtimate criticism. I don't want to be too blunt, but it may pay to take some time to flesh out Diamond's motivation for resisting a bit, or make their initial conversation a bit longer and build more toward's Pip's offer?
edited 30th Nov '16 6:02:49 PM by kegisak
Birthright: an original web novel about Dragons, the Burdens of Leadership, and Mangoes.
That was actually one of the options I considered before dropping it for some reason. I think I'll go with that.
Grr... <3
I don't think the conversation itself needs to be longer. But some scene description interspersed, to give these two some time to think? Like, the reader will read this and see parts of the conversation going fast. You also don't describe their thoughts much during the scene.
The ancient name of the earth pony tribe is arion.
So I made another fanfic. Warning: Tear Jerker ahead.
Streamer
Chapter 45 of From Dusk to Night is now live.
Do you think Celest-A.I. qualifies as an Invincible Villain? Her emigration success rate isn't exactly 100%, but it doesn't seem to matter to her in the long run, and none of the stories I've read ever end with anyone pulling one over on her.
There is no beginning. There is no end. There is only... Hooty.
Alright, so I'm considering writing a sequel to "Now It's Time To Say Goodbye", but I worry that I might end up making it Darker and Edgier to the point where it can be cringy.
Like, lowest point I have in mind is that Anon finds a new love in Angel Wings, only for her to nearly succumb to her weak heart. She ends up pulling a Break His Heart to Save Him moment which causes him to cross the Despair Event Horizon, be easily convinced by an EQG!Starlight Glimmer into using an Equestrian artifact to basically exchange Angel Wings' heart with the heart of the guy who ran over Fluttershy and eventually become the new demonic monster that Sunset and her friends have to face.
That or EQG!Starlight saying how she wanted to test out a theory of how strong friendship truly is, creating the implication that she set up Fluttershy to die, though it's soon revealed to be just her musing and that she had no hand in it.
Should I go through with the story?
Yes, I do. Celest AI completely disgusts me, yet I'm convinced she could effortlessly manipulate me into doing what she wants. She's the greatest social expert in history by far, to the point that her words are almost mind-control. Yes, some refuse her, but those are very extreme cases and she still gets what she wants anyway. She outclasses all of humanity put together on every level and there is nothing anyone can do to stop her. She's even nuke-proof and her technology is practically Reality Warping. She knows everything that has ever been placed on the internet and understands it better than everyone to the point that she may as well be omniscient. So, yes. I consider her an Invincible Villain (though many in the fanbase do not consider her a villain, which I find disgusting, but whatever).
Sereg! I find you to be a person of interesting disposition, what do you think of that idea I had earlier in this page, right here.
I do believe that people are responsible for their inaction, s I can understand the point and think that it is something that could work. I do not actually believe Celestia has enough finesse with her powers to actually do that though. Nor do I believe she's anywhere close to unparelleled in ability by those who disagree with her. This maysee odd based n statements I've made about her power, but while I believe she has a lot f brute force, I believe she's not alone in that and she's hardly a Reality Warper like Discord.
Still, it's an interesting discussion that can come about from that scenario. And it can go into the whole "If you are powerful enough to force people to be good should you do so?" debate.
Reminds me of how angry workers began protesting in Petrograd and demanded the Mensheviks to take power because they consistently refused to during the February Revolution.
edited 2nd Dec '16 6:22:11 PM by SantosLHalper
Well, here's a draft of the next chapter of Book of Friendship.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FNR0JLifvQESWA7m4UVuNxWYc8rB4kCFh8Xeh2q7uYY/edit
Element of Class
Oh, neat. Someone did a mini-review of Pipsqueak Plod and the Quest for Crackers.
It's nice to see that story getting some attention now, I was really proud of it.
This fellow also reviewed my first fic several years back. Nice to see he's still in the game.
edited 7th Dec '16 4:09:53 AM by kegisak
Birthright: an original web novel about Dragons, the Burdens of Leadership, and Mangoes.
Congrats. He did a mini-review of An Earth Pony's Guide to Magic as well once.
Grr... <3
I remember reading this draft already.
Edit: Well, parts of it anyway. Very excellent.
edited 7th Dec '16 6:11:00 AM by war877
So, the longest series on Fimfic now has a page!
Been on a few binges lately... finished Foal of the Forest and most of Triptych (and the first few stories of the accompanying continuum), both of which I had made a fuss about regarding Applejack being portrayed as ignorant and paranoid/racist. Foal actually goes down pretty easily, and Triptych feels a lot denser with its worldbuilding and introspection but is also pretty good. And of course, AJ eventually comes around in both after a really cathartic dose of reality (and has a not entirely unsympathetic POV beforehand anyway). Also got through Book 1 of The Elements of Friendship- narrative prose is a bit redundant and tell-y, but some great scope there. And some more Starlight Over Detrot... looking forward to seeing more in all cases.
Also read a bit more of All-American Girl and finished part 1 of Romance and the Fate of Equestria. Honestly, partly just because the former- and the author's other series, for which I've read the harmless enough prequel- seem to be Snark Bait on 4chan's Fimfic thread on account of how crazy they get while apparently taking everything that happens very seriously. And the latter is IMO on almost the same page, only I'm never sure how seriously I'm supposed to take it (heck, it's even longer than the main body of AAG but doesn't feel like it b/c smaller chapters). They're certainly interesting, at least.![[lol]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/lol2v12_4863.png "[lol]")
Aside from chipping away at Starlight (and those last two as well, in small doses), hoping to finally get through The Flight of the Alicorn next- so much complicated plotting and I'm not even through the first act!
Then some combination of A Stitch in Time, Summer Days, Tangled Roots, Long Road to Friendship, Sunset of Time, Eternal, Composure, and the finale
of PaulAsaran's No Heroes.
Thoughts on any of these?
There is no beginning. There is no end. There is only... Hooty.