Things You are No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG

Another I just remembered from my Werewolf days...

"Beowulf-Makes-You-His-Bitch" is not an appropriate name for a Get of Fenris.

It's not exactly triple the move speed... OK, it is for Shamus, but that's his fault for being short with the heaviest armor in the party. Also, if you really want to be annoying, take Shadow Blink at third level. 65 (?) foot move speed + Teleport Spam + Gerard = funny.

=really really funny.

Applies to another player but...

• Constant use of bad puns does not endear you to the group you have grudgingly allied with.
  • That goes double regarding the repeated My Little Pony jokes directed at Clan Hell's Horses; they already think you are lesser lifeforms so stop encouraging them.

Careful, leaping ahead of the rest of the party was how my monk died in Encounters the other week.

Now i have this image in my had where said clan gets up in the morning and find all their Mechs have been decorated with MLP:Fi M Pony paintjobs as a prank.

Exactly. I hang back with the party, my character just gets bored. :D His defining character trait is that he always has a book.

• My bard may not write songs whose lyrics consist entirely of euphemisms for masturbation, and especially may not get people to do interpretive dance along with them.
• There is no "Weapon Focus: Keyblade" feat.
  • Along those lines, we may not incorporate a hastily cobbled together D&D/Kingdom Hearts crossover into the campaign.

What about a thoughtfully cobbled together Kingdom Hearts crossover?

Actually, a Kingdom Hearts RPG would be pretty kickass.

You know, when I first downloaded Zodiac, that was the very first thing I thought of - although all your keyblades would have the same balance of stats. Never got around to it, though.

• I am not allowed to command my minions or teammates during battle as if they were pokemon. Even if half of them look like pokemon thanks to a few Baleful Polymorph spells.

• I am no longer allowed to role-play Majestic Word for longer then five minutes.
• No longer allowed to say "Thankfully, no one important got hurt" when everyone but you almost hit negative hitpoints.
• No longer allowed to play a heavy metal guitar riff whenever I use staggering note.
• When a guard of the corrupt state church asks us what we are doing so close to the treasure room, I am not allowed to answer 'grocery shopping', because I might actually make the bluff check required.

Guitar riffs should be mandatory, not forbidden.

Exactly, whatever DM forbid that needs a swift slap upside the head for obstruction of awesome.

It's an addition to the previous 'not allowed to play a Hallelujah chorus every time my Paladin uses a holy power'. apparently, it grows old after a while.

The greatest atrocity in the history of the Inner Sphere is not the Urbanmech and I am to stop insinuating otherwise.

..I am not allowed to ask about cows. Ever again. EVER. AGAIN.

I really should have learned this one last time.

Sharks do not count as guns.

Not even if you put a gun inside the shark.

There is not a gang running around hitting people with sharks.

Sharks are not peircing weapons.

Especially not hammerheads.

Not allowed to purchase any object longer than 12 feet that is not a dwelling or vehicle.

Seriously, just because the GM agreed I could play a Saurton like a Krogan doesn't mean I can just eat all our enemies. We recruited a kid.

(Almost posted this in Videogame Lessons Learned the Hard Way)

Doesn't really count, but: D&D 4th Ed. When making a Halfling character, don't forget to write Second Chance down in your notes. Spent a lot more time below zero HP in tonight's encounter than I would've if I'd remembered that I could force a reroll.

• I should not try and add more "interesting details" to other character's flashbacks.
  • Especially if they involve necrophilia.

• I am no longer allowed to yell "DOGPILE!" when using my Stirring Shout daily.
• I am no longer allowed to refer the the target of Stirring Shout as "Hit Point Piñata" *
  those unfamiliar with D&D 4e, Stirring Shout is a Bard power that does damage to the target, and once hit, for the rest of the encounter, every time someone attacks the target, that someone will regain a nice amount of hitpoints. Great power for ganging up on the final boss.

edited 29th Mar '12 12:03:32 PM by Kayeka

If it's a major plot point that a certain NPC has been using a mask to impersonate orcs while committing crimes, and my character discovers this, I am not allowed to destroy the evidence and never mention it to the other PCs. However, I am allowed to steal the disguise and use it to confuse the other players to no end, because that is just hilarious.

My stone and/or metal appendage is not the Trans-orbital Pimp Hand.

Not even if it can gain the Reach property.

I am not allowed to make troll-burgers.*

When told I cannot make troll-burgers, that does not mean I can make troll-in-a-jar souveniers for tourists.