[The vampire turns into a bat and leaves in a huff]
Oh, hello creeps! As you can see, we've got an opening for a story deaditor. I've been conducting chop interviews all morning. No one seems to get what I'm looking for! Oh well, let's see who's next. Interesting, a brother team. Grimm. I think I've heard of them. This has potential, boils and ghouls. It's a twisted bit of gorytelling about three scaracters you may recognize... at first. It's called The Third Pig.
The Third Pig is the final episode in the 7th season of Tales from the Crypt and the final episode of the series.
In the final tale from the Crypt, we are presented with a unique take on The Three Little Pigs.
Once Upon a Time, there were three little pigs. The booze-swilling Drinky, the nicotine-loving Smokey, and Dudley. Dudley is the responsible and smart brother, living in a sturdy house of bricks. His dimwitted brothers on the other hand, live in a whiskey keg and a house made of cigarettes and matchsticks. And as expected, comes The Big Bad Wolf who blows their houses down. Dudley, too nice for his own good, offers to let his brothers crash at his place so the Wolf won't eat them. And of course, his slovenly brothers are horrible house guests. Refusing to cook, clean up, or go out and get jobs. The Wolf hasn't given up however. While Dudley steps out to get Drinky some more beer one day, he comes along. After tricking Smokey into letting him in (by holding a pig porno mag in front of the peephole) he proceeds to violently butcher and eat Smokey and Drinky. When he returns, Dudley calls the cops. Who take six hours to show up. And unluckily for him, all the cops are wolves. Arrested for murdering his brothers, he's "tried" in an all-wolf court. Complete with a wolf jury and a wolf Hanging Judge. Not surprisingly, he's found guilty and sentenced to death. In his cell that night, the souls of his brothers rise from Hell. They offer to get Dudley out. But only if he avenges their deaths at the hands of the wolf. Dudley agrees, and is brought to the abandoned castle lab of a pig Mad Scientist. Getting his Dr. Frankenstein on, Dudley constructs a murderous Zombie Pig (a Frankenswine, if you will). And orders him to "Kill, kill, kill, kill!" Getting drunk in the bar that night, the wolf brags about murdering Drinky and Smokey, and leaves the bar to molest Little Bo Peep. Trekking through the woods, he's caught by the Franken Pig, and ripped apart and eaten. But Dudley is having a moral quandary. He feels he's became a monster no better than the wolf by constructing this monstrosity. So when Franken Pig returns, Dudley attempts to stab him to death. But you can't really kill something that was dead from the start. So Dudley attempts something different. He throws a banana peel in Franken Pigs way, causing him to crash into a control panel and fry himself. All seems well...until Zombie Wolf springs out from inside Franken Pig, and eats Dudley.
Tropes:
- Aerith and Bob: The three pigs are named Drinky, Smokey, and Dudley.
- Amazing Technicolor Wildlife: Drinky and Smokey are green and blue pigs.
- Aside Comment: The Wolf gets a rhyme in, after being grabbed by Franken Pig. He looks our way when happily saying he finally pulled it off.
- Aside Glance: Smokey in response to Dudley agreeing to let him and Drinky move in.
- Ax-Crazy: The Wolf finally killed and ate Drinky, Smokey & Dudley.
- The Bad Guy Wins: When Dudley fries his creation The Franken Pig on the control panel the undead Wolf springs out of Franken Pig's stomach, sandwiches him between two slices of bread and eats him, starting with his head.
- Banana Peel: Up against Franken Pig, Dudley forgoes assorted weapons and quickly eats a banana before throwing the peel in the monster's path. Franken Pig slips and crashes into the control panel, getting fried.
- Beat Still, My Heart: When Drinky's innards are pulled out, his heart is still beating.
- Bloodier and Gorier: Compared to much of the series, and by extension, the Tales From The Cryptkeeper that the episode is styled after.
- Bloodless Carnage: Averted with Drinky and Smokey's deaths, which involve the Big Bad Wolf messily mutilating and devouring them.
- Darker and Edgier: The three pigs all get killed in gruesome ways.
- Denser and Wackier: By far the most nonsensical, comedic and just balls-out ridiculous episode in the series. Do NOT think for a second this makes it Lighter and Softer, though.
- Distracted by the Sexy: The Wolf tricks Drinky and Smokey into opening the door by using a magazine centerfold to make it appear like a desirable female pig is on the other side.
- Donut Mess with a Cop: The cops arriving at Dudley's house are all munching on donuts.
- Evil Laugh:
- Dudley when bringing Franken Pig to life.
- The Wolf when bragging in the bar about Dudley taking the fall for his crime.
- Franken Pig when brushing off Dudley attacking him with a knife.
- Eye Scream: The wolf stabbed Drinky's eye with a fork.
- Fake-Out Fade-Out: The Wolf breaks free of Franken Pig and stuffs Dudley in bread, getting ready to eat him. The episode starts to Iris Out, but the Wolf stops it to tell us how much he enjoys this ending. He eats Dudley and then the episode irises out for real.
- Flashback: Subverted. Dudley thinks back to the good times as his brothers mooch off him. After a brief flashback effect, though, he realizes there were no good times to look back on.
- Formula-Breaking Episode: A completely animated episode. The Crypt Keeper also gets more to do than just book-ending segments by being the outright narrator. Also, the only episode that had no basis on any of the comic stories.
- Fractured Fairy Tale: The basic premise of this episode is retelling The Three Little Pigs as a morbid horror story.
- Good-Times Montage: As Drinky and Smokey are laughing about how they're not going to make one effort in finding jobs, Dudley decides to look back on all the good times he's had with his brothers... and evidently, can't think of a single one.
- Hanging Judge: The judge of Dudley's "trial". When your name is "Vic 'Leave 'em Hanging' Johnson", what other path do you have in life?
- Hope Spot:
- Dudley is relieved when the police arrive at his house. Then the Chief accuses him of killing Smokey and Drinky.
- When heading through the woods, the Wolf can hear Franken Pig approaching and gets increasingly panicked. After running a bit, he hears the wind rustling and thinks he was just imagining danger. Then Franken Pig steps out into the open and grabs him.
- Iris Out: When the story ends for real. Amid a blood splatter, no less.
- Kangaroo Court: Wolves make up the prosecutor, judge, and jury in Dudley's trial. It takes the jury longer to get to the deliberation room than it takes them to actually deliberate.
- Lampshade Hanging: The Wolf asks why people have to rhyme in these stories. Later, after the Crypt Keeper keeps criticizing his poor rhyming ability, the Wolf points out how our horror host hasn't tried to rhyme once in this whole story and tells him to shut up.
- Lemony Narrator: The Crypt Keeper constantly insults the characters. Several times the characters talk back.
- Mad Scientist: Smokey and Drinky's ghosts take Dudley to the abandoned castle of one, specifically a mad proctologist. Dudley quickly embraces the role and gets to work making a monster to use against the Wolf.
- Mood Whiplash: Don't go thinking being animated meant this episode shied away from the blood and gore.
- My God, What Have I Done?: Dudley has a moment of this when Franken Pig kills the wolf, feeling he's become no different and tries to kill Franken Pig.
- Mythology Gag: The episode is a sort of an acknowledgment to how EC Comics did several horror-themed fairy tales.
- Narration Echo: After Franken Pig eats the Wolf.Cryptkeeper: ...Poor little Dudley Pig was having second thoughts about what he had done.
Dudley: What have I done?! - Not Quite Dead: Franken Pig eats the Wolf. After the monster is defeated, the partially digested Wolf breaks free from the roasted pig.
- Off with His Head!: Dudley suffers this when the Wolf starts chowing down.
- Oh, Crap!:
- Dudley upon coming home and finding the bloody scene.
- The Wolf, as Franken Pig lumbers towards him.
- Dudley again when he finds that the Wolf is Not Quite Dead.
- Police Are Useless: After finding the grisly aftermath of his brothers' deaths, Dudley calls the police. The Crypt Keeper says it took them six hours to get there.
- Rake Take: The Wolf when running through the woods.
- Revenge of the Sequel: Parodied. While interviewing a prospective writer, the Crypt Keeper goes over the guy's past credits: Son of Dracula, Return of the Son of Dracula, and The Son of Dracula's Revenge. The Crypt Keeper denounces this lack of versatility.
- Rhymes on a Dime: Everyone but the Wolf (who has trouble with rhymes), the jury at Dudley's trial (who only have two lines anyway), and The Crypt Keeper (who just doesn't bother).
- The Thing That Would Not Leave: Drinky and Smokey are absolute leeches living with Dudley, having him cook and clean for them, bringing home prostitutes, and not bothering to look for jobs.
- Tome of Eldritch Lore: At the lab, Smokey's ghost presents Dudley with what he describes as an ancient grimoire: How To Build a Zombie Pig.
- Vomit Discretion Shot: Dudley faints and makes sick noises after calling the police, but we don't actually see him throw up.
- Vomit Indiscretion Shot: We do, however, see Drinky throwing up a few times onscreen. Seeing as he's a stinking drunk, that shouldn't be surprising.
- World of Jerkass: With the exception of Dudley, most characters in this episode are rude, useless and downright cruel.
[The Crypt Keeper knocks out a struggling man tied to his table with a hammer and cackles]
