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"Aw, geez - I'm running LATE..."
—First lines, Episode 1
"Something tells me this training wasn't meant for the gifted."
- Episode 0: Freeman goes through the training course and mocks the simplicity of the entire thing before stopping at the "Jump to Target" part as he doesn't want to be injured.
Black Mesa Inbound
"Yeah, high security! That's why we leave armed missiles lying around for everyone to check out! It's part of the tour!"
- Episode 1: Freeman rides the Tram to work while contemplating the numerous safety hazards of his workplace and reflecting on a squirrel costing his university ten thousand dollars.
"This is freaking me out! It's like everything's backwards, and I'm not even left-handed! Okay, I'm just gonna go to work and hope all of these problems go away. Yeah."
- Episode 2: Freeman deals with office politics and basshead programmers as he puts on his suit and heads down to the test chamber..
- Episode 3: Freeman arrives at the test chamber, gets dizzy, and starts the "green apocalypse".
"Boy, we really fucked up this time, huh?"
- Episode 4: Freeman leaves Crazyland and makes his way out of test chamber, before encountering facehuggers and acquiring a crowbar. He then proceeds to kill two people by pressing a button.
- Episode 5: Freeman encounters the ghosts of the two guys that came back to haunt him (except they're not, they're just monsters) and finds a pistol.
- Episode 6: Freeman jumps in a sewer, takes a lift that takes a long-ass time to go down, and gets stuck at a walkway.
- Episode 7: Freeman meets a Cthulhu Dog and plays Extreme Hopscotch.
"MY EAR! I GOT SHOT IN THE EAR! WHY IS THE BUILDING TRYING TO KILL ME?! I'M AN EMPLOYEE! YOU DON'T SHOOT YOUR EMPLOYEES! (encounters headcrabs) YOU ARE NOT EMPLOYEES! DAMMIT! YOU'RE ALL FIRED!"
- Episode 8: Freeman encounters bugs, electricity, maintenance shafts and a machine gun turret.
- Episode 9: Freeman gets shot in the ear and teaches a class on- wait, what is he doing?
- Episode 10: Freeman goes through a freezer section before finding a vending machine to get Doritos.
"We've Got Hostiles"
"THIS IS THE WORST RESCUE OPERATION IN HISTORY!"
- Episode 11: Freeman hops over lasers and finds an MP5 before encountering two zombies.
- Episode 12: Freeman meets the "rescue team."
- Episode 13: Freeman finally gets to the surface, before immediately going back underground into a vent shaft maze because of the military bombing each other. He then goes into a ventilation shaft maze that leads to several dead ends.
"I was expecting to go down there and see this giant eyeball looking up at me, angry at me because I blew off its eyelashes or something, then the whole building starts shaking and I guess I'd...just ball up and cry. Because what do you do when something that big wants to kill you? I'm used to people being beneath me in so many ways."
- Episode 14: Freeman finds a wizard, a shotgun, heads downward and takes a tram to a pool of "radioactive...crap".
- Episode 15: Freeman teaches a lesson on muzzle energy and momentum, arrives at the rocket testing engine and gets fingered by Godzilla.
- Episode 16: Freeman wanders around silos and spots a large fan.
- Episode 17: Freeman gets winded, returns to the rocket propulsion test chamber and heads to the power room.
- Episode 18: Freeman becomes a monkey god and restores all power to the rocket engine.
- Episode 19: Freeman finally fires the rocket engine.
- Episode 20: Freeman jumps down a smoking hole where the alien used to be, and discusses Einstein haircuts and radiation poisoning.
"I am not happy right now."
- Episode 21: Freeman encounters the Gargantua and compliments the soldiers for finally "doing their job" and attacking it.
- Episode 22: Freeman does the soldiers' jobs FOR THEM and turns on the power generator for the tram. Speaking of the soldiers, Freeman also witnesses them run into their own tripmines.
- Episode 23: Freeman makes it back to track control, only to realize the power is still "off".
- Episode 24: Freeman defeats the Gargantua and gets the tram working.
On a Rail
"So...guess I just started World War 3. This has been a busy day. But in the end, there's only one thing that matters: I did not leave any fingerprints. I was wearing my suit. I'm getting out of here."
- Episode 25: Freeman goes around in circles on the tram, encounters a machine gun turret and ends up at a broken elevator.
- Episode 26: Freeman takes the tram back to the area with the crane and heads upwards (with the tram).
- Episode 27: Cap'n Goatbeard Freeman drops every lubber that gets in his way. Yargh.
- Episode 28: Freeman loses his tram (thanks to Rocky the Rocket Ranger) and is stopped by explosives.
- Episode 29: Freeman gets back to the surface.
- Episode 30: Freeman meets the Three Stooges, starts World War 3 and tries to escape only to realize he's in the middle of the desert.
"Well, this settles it. Black Mesa is a James Bond villain company. We have missiles, robots, lasers, sharks, and ninjas."
- Episode 31: Freeman decides to head back down after being shot, takes another tram, and finds a big pool.
- Episode 32: Freeman encounters a shark-thing (Ichthyosaur).
- Episode 33: Freeman bypasses the giant pistons and discovers he's being tracked.
- Episode 34: Freeman fights ninjas and is captured.
"Oh this is that door. So leaving was never an option. Now, crawling in circles until you fucking die, there's an option! I LIKE THAT OPTION! LET'S GO WITH THAT OPTION! RAAUUUGHH! ...Actually I was just kidding, I don't like that option."
- Episode 35: Freeman wakes up in a trash compactor and can't remember what he did yesterday.
- Episode 36: Freeman wanders around the room full of canisters filled with the same radioactive crap, and gets lost.
- Episode 37: Freeman finally remembers what happened by shooting a Bullsquid with a revolver.
- Episode 38: Freeman rides conveyor belts and runs out of ammo, before firing the guy whose job it was to reload.
"You know, for every mistake I make, someone else is making an even bigger one."
- Episode 39: Freeman passes through Bio Labs, kills a security guard in cold blood, and stops in the lobby.
- Episode 40: Freeman enters an area with four lasers that converge into one.
- Episode 41: Freeman escapes the Bio Labs (but not without dealing with some rather idiotic scientists), and reaches a damn dam.
"Whatever the name of this mission originally was, it's probably being called 'Operation Fuckup' by now. If I was in charge and one guy was gunning down everyone I sent to kill him, I would try something else. Hell, I could be a general. I have enough combat experience by now. I'm gonna sing about it. They can't stop me." (proceeds to sing Modern Major General while fighting soldiers)
- Episode 42: Freeman maneuvers his damn way around a damn dam, some damn soldiers, and a damn shark. Damn.
- Episode 43: Freeman runs around in circles while being harassed by helicopter.
- Episode 44: Freeman goes cliff-climbing, runs across a rickety bridge, and acquires a rocket launcher. He finally takes down the helicopter from the last episode.
- Episode 45: Freeman is the very model of a modern major general.
- Episode 46: Freeman dodges falling debris, avoids landmines, theorizes about alien gravity and the benefits of an extra finger, and meets the sniper from Episode 31 again.
- Episode 47: Freeman stumbles through the trip-wire maze, shoots an alien weapon dead, laments his inability to hotwire a military vehicle, and gets pinned down by a "tank".
- Episode 48: After blowing up the "tank", Freeman plans to become the Lord of War, plays air traffic controller with a rocket launcher, and teaches a guard about the importance of knocking before opening.
- Episode 49: Freeman displays his skill in "shotgun chess" amid alien vs soldier combat, considers if he has murdered enough people to alter the course of the timeline, and gets told to put a well placed satchel charge in his pipe and smoke it.
- Episode 50: Freeman almost shotguns another security guard, is disappointed in his lack of stamina and self-preservation instinct, and finally uses him as a decoy to escape another Gargantua. He also needs an airstrike map of the whole world.
"Forget About Freeman!"
"See, chess doesn't prepare you for this. You can't say that a rook and three pawns flanked your knight, but he laid down suppressing fire and punched through them anyway. You get disqualified if you try that! Maybe I've been disqualified from reality."
- Episode 51: Freeman laments his One-Man Army status while navigating through Snark mines, only find himself at a dead end.
- Episode 52: Freeman ponders if he's taking the longest possible route through the facility while hopping in and out of water, avoiding mines, sharks, and automated guns while he and the military keep each other's life interesting. Also, more rockets, another dead tank, and a suspiciously quiet elevator.
- Episode 53: Freeman hopscotches around radiation, finds a tank, and ponders the rarity of stupid aliens in media and the possibility that humanity is just better at invading places, stopping at a hallway full of blood.
Lambda Core Part 1
"There's probably gonna be a congressional hearing about us later, asking "How did this happen?" And every single person is gonna say, 'Uhhhhh..... uhhhhhhh... uhhhh....'"
- Episode 54: Freeman vs. Ninjas 2: Electric Boogaloo.
- Episode 55: As Freeman heads into the reactor core, he worries about guards that may have gone rogue.
- Episode 56: Freeman contemplates honor in battle as he prevents a nuclear meltdown.
- Episode 57: Freeman gets high off morphine as he discovers "portable stars".
"Who are you? I'm Gordon! I can solve all of your problems!"
- Episode 58: Freeman, still high, takes a detour into Half-Life: Uplink, where he thinks about the cover-up of the cover-up, hears his returning ghost, and realigns a radio antenna. The episode ends when he decides he can't fit through a small gap.
- Episode 59: Freeman sobers up, ponders the apparent growing intelligence of the zombies, experiences strange green flashes, then finds himself on the bad side of a Gargantua.
Lambda Core Part 2
"Why are divisions backstabbing? Are we Microsoft? I'm sorry, I thought I worked at Black Mesa!"
- Episode 60: Freeman tortures some sorcerers, discovers that Black Mesa invented teleportation, falls twice, and ponders why the hell his department is performing teleportation experiments.
- Episode 61: Freeman gets through the teleporter puzzle, reunites with the Long Jump Module from Episode 0, goes through the portal to Xen but hears something from Shephard before he went through.
"Welp, guess this is my new home. I'll get settled in."
- Episode 62: Freeman finally makes it to Xen. He attempts to adjust and fails miserably.
"Is this a god? Am I fighting God?! IS THIS WHAT GOD LOOKS LIKE?!?"
- Episode 63: Freeman encounters and battles against the Gonarch and laments about it being Made of Iron.
"You know, I think I understand the invasion now, because this place is trash. It's no contest. Earth kicks ass compared to this place. It's a series of small islands where you can fall to your death, and the only way to get around is a one-way teleporter."
- Episode 64: Freeman finds a new apartment, explores a cave, and almost falls to his death.
- Episode 65: Freeman evades monsters and encounters potential minions in alien hellworld #3.
- Episode 66: Freeman takes over one part of a factory and massacres the other parts.
- Episode 67: Freeman continues his conquest of Xen and desecrates alien religious icons.
Nihilanth & Endgame
"Okay, keep moving! I'm totally not fighting an Elder God! Nope! No, no, no! That's not what's happening! It's just really big, levitates and...looks like an Elder God!"
- Episode 68: Freeman fights the Nihilanth, plays around with lower gravity chambers, and meets the G-Man. Believing he's from the CIA, he wants to get pardoned, and accepts his offer. Then he doesn't, and has to fight a horde of G-Men. Final Episode of the original series.
"It's the same old shit. People think they can fuck with me, and there's only one way to prove 'em wrong!"
- Episode 10.5: Freeman messes up a jump, falls to his death.
- Doom Guy's Mind Episode 7: Doom Guy resumes being hardcore as he murders demons and searches for key cards.
- Freeman Across the Universe: Coming soon, Freeman enters every First-Person game ever made.
- Episode 61.5: Freeman teleports out of Black Mesa into a forest in an unknown location. He 'borrows' a jeep and drives out.
"You threatened me, you took my weapons, and you're a fucking Time Lord. This is bullshit."
—Final lines (Good ending)
"...yeah, I'm feeling pretty good right about now."
—First lines, Episode 1
"This is a complete shitshow! The CIA creep said he had an important job for me. You know what would've helped? Knowing what my job is!"
- Episode 1: Having his personal space invaded, Freeman is awoken out of stasis by the CIA Time Lord, and is placed on Earth many years into the future after Earth has been taken over by the Gestapo with alien tripods. Freeman is left disappointed that he wasn't sent off to Hawaii.
"A Red Letter Day"
"I think I'm the only person here who realizes just how dangerous Kleiner actually is."
- Episode 2: After briefly considering burning down some apartments, Gordon communes with the residents, before escaping to the roof when a police raid ensues. After a sudden beat-down, he is rescued by Alyx Vance, who takes him to Dr. Kleiner, a man whom Gordon respects and fears, likely for similar reasons. Then, another teleportation experiment goes to shit, with our hero once again caught amidst it.
"So let's recap: The Tripods have invaded. We didn't fucking clean up the existing aliens, apparently. We've enslaved the electric ones, though we've even managed to fuck that up because we've made them personal slaves which is totally irresponsible, and the police must've been Capped, that's why they have the helmets, and they shoot at everything. They don't even look."
- Episode 3: After almost getting devoured by a shark, Freeman is thrown out of Kleiner's teleporter room. Barney is no help either, with the only thing given to Freeman being a crowbar. Freeman goes on the run, first beating a cop for his gun, and then gunning down every cop that comes his way. He stops after encountering a helicopter near a railway.
- Episode 4: After a narrow escape thanks to a train running on-time, Freeman accidentally guns down an upstanding citizen's slave alien, ponders the 50s aesthetics of the society he's in, joins the police force, and blows up barrels.
- Episode 5: Freeman continues roaming through the canals, all the while contemplating the future of science fiction, attempting to aim at faraway targets, dodging helicopters, and vomiting his brains out.
- Episode 6: Freeman encounters a refugee having a bad trip, the products of redneck technology known as Manhacks, more cops, gets his beautiful face ruined, and acquires a machine gun.
- Episode 7: Freeman continues his way down the canals, all the while encountering more camera bots, contemplating the cops' gun ammo, seeing some familiar faces and the taco truck they were headed towards, and drops down into a Mario pipe maze with no exit.