Quotes: They Changed It, Now It Sucks

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    Film - Live Action 

NOOOO! What's it doing? Stupid, fat hobbit, you ruins it!
Gollum, upon finding out that the raw rabbits he caught have been cooked by Sam for a stew, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers


And its seems ugly, but it can get worse
'Cause even a blueprint is a gift and a curse
'Cause once you got a theory of how the thing works
Everybody wants the next thing to be just like the first
And I'm not a robot, I'm not a monkey
I will not dance, even if the beat's funky
Opposite of lazy - far from a punk
You all ought to stop talking
Start trying to
catch up, motherfucker!''
Linkin Park addressing their fans who want their Hybrid Theory sound back in When They Come For Me

    Video Games 

What happened to the penguin cameos? Damn you, Nintendo!
Elder Xelpud, La-Mulana (apparently complaining about Smash Ping Pong?)


I can't believe it! I'm actually going to play the game of my dreams! An embodiment of my childhood! Pipe bombs, pig cops, rechargeable shields, strip—waaaaiiit. RECHARGEABLE SHIELDS? Change to MY nostalgia? UNACCEPTABLE!!
Leo, VG Cats

    Web Original 

I tink Zeruda get stale, so I make Windu Waika.

You hate Windu Waika and tink it fo babies, so I forrow OOT and make Tuwairaito purincess.





I always roll my eyes when I hear people complain that there aren't enough dungeons in Wind Waker, when I would argue that the many islands to be explored in the overworld create enough gameplay to make up for it. But no, it's Zelda. Zelda can only frame its gameplay through the medium of dungeon, the Pope is infallible, we have always been at war with Eastasia, blah de blah de blah.

Kojima took advantage of MGS1's popularity in order to fulfill his greater storytelling ambitions, rather than simply cashing in. People wanted another Shadow Moses mission, with major plot twists and crazy badguys... Kojima refused to settle for the easy path, and in fact decided to parody popular expectations in order to demonstrate that he was aware of them! He wanted to challenge his fans intellectually, so he used the game's huge momentum to smash their simplistic hopes against the wall, all in the hopes of forcing them to think outside the box.

Predictably, most fans hated this experiment. The took refuge in the game's improved gameplay and graphics, ignoring the brilliant narrative in favour of ó wait for it ó running and shooting! The game game received huge criticism for its 'convoluted' storyline, with the highest praise boiling down to acknowledging its postmodern weirdness. Either way, most of his investment into the game's bizarre design went unappreciated, and fans were left begging for what they felt they could rely on: guns and shooting. 'Except next time, could you make it cooler, like you did with Metal Gear Solid 1, please?'

This was what Kojima feared. Sons of Liberty tested the players to see if his fans were, like Raiden, stupid and unfit to decide things for themselves. Because of the unflattering result, this is where the path to higher success began to grow darker for Kojima.

Comics. The medium for people who resent it when things happen in their media.

Since Elmo hit the big time, grown-ups have been like, "It's a huge mistake to give Elmo the spotlight over the classic characters! The show was so much better before he showed up!" But now the viewers who were in the audience for the first Elmo's World segments are becoming grown-ups themselves, and they're all like, "It's a huge mistake to change the Elmo character! The show needs the classic Elmo!"''

'The Principal and the Pauper', perhaps better known as the Armin Tamzarian episode, or just the one with two Principal Skinners. In a twist thatís more than a little reminiscent of the kind of shocking revelations that are often used to prop up dying shows, the real Seymour Skinner returns from being a prisoner of war to find that one of his men had come back from Vietnam and assumed his identity. That man, the upright public servant known to the audience since Season 1, is revealed to be ďan imposterĒ named Armin Tamzarian. ...In those years, Skinner had, among other things, been fired, rejoined the army, seen his school strike oil, settled a teacherís strike, flashed back to Vietnam several times, and fallen in love in two separate episodes. At some point, there just isnít a lot left to do with a particular character, and that more than anything explains why both the ďimposterĒ storyline was conceived and why it was so universally loathed. The writers were out of ideas, and the fans were attached to what they already knew. In hindsight, an episode where the two crashed head-on seems almost inevitable.
Dead Homer Society, "Armin Tamzarian"

Another round of applause for the waste of a tree Trek guidebook Beyond the Final Frontier that seems to suggest in their review of this episode that fleshing out your recurring guest characters is a bad thing. Nice one chaps, why donít you stick to reviewing Voyager in the future.
Joe Ford on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "It's Only a Paper Moon"

Despite there being limitless types of stories to be told in the Star Trek universe, the shows and movies have uniformly (with the exception of Deep Space Nine) been about a crew of explorers on a starship either discovering spatial anomalies or trying to save Earth (or occasionally, an alien planet) from getting blown up...In an ideal world, Iíd love to see Star Trek come back to TV. In an ideal world, the movies would be responsible for giving audiences all the exploding-planet action they crave, leaving a TV spinoff free to take its time exploring the rest of the Star Trek universe. Imagine an Earth-based show focused on Federation politics. Or a show about young cadets trying to survive the stresses of Starfleet Academy. Or an espionage drama involving Section 31, Starfleetís covert operations branch.

But in the real world, I fear a new Star Trek TV show would mean another TNG rehash where a boring, vanilla crew stumbles onto weird phenomena every week. It seems likely, because every time a fresh, novel Star Trek premise is floated, itís met with heavy resistance from both the studio and the fans. And the one time Trek did attempt to do something slightly different by producing a more politically-oriented series set on a space station, the ratings were never more than lackluster. Is CBS or Paramount really going to sink millions into a Section 31 series? ('You mean, that building that Khan blew up in the last movie? You want to make a whole show about that?') Doubtful. And the Starfleet Academy idea has received nothing but scorn since it was first pitched back in the Ď90s, with many fans referring to it as 'Star Trek 90210Ē ever since.

Chris: As much as this is the origin of treating super-heroes seriously in film, itís also the start of making those changes in order to ďappeal to a wider audienceĒ when you donít really need to. You can draw a straight line from Crystal Krypton to the Joker killing Batmanís parents, for instance.
David: Whoa, what? Chris, that makes absolutely no sense. Changing the aesthetic of a location is absolutely nowhere near changing the randomness of a heroís origin story... Itís the exact same level of freedom taken in the Nolan Batman movies we love. The aesthetics and details change, but the themes and concepts remain the same. Thatís whatís important to me, at least.
Chris: Again, not necessarily a bad thing, but it leads to those changes getting bigger, and eventually Superman and Batman donít even have trunks. Itís out of hand, I tells you!
—Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Superman

The need for geeks to have things be the way they always have been permeates their existence. It is not simply a desire to never see anything change, it's a point of view that simply refuses to acknowledge the existence of time altogether. A side effect of this is the way that geeks can take anything that's marginally amusing and run it into the ground until it's beyond unbearable. If something was ever funny to them, then it's always funny, and it always will be...it has been said that geeks are fueled by nostalgia, but that isn't completely true, because that term denotes a desire to reflect back upon the past. Geeks simply can't conceive of the past at all. For them, the way things were when they were twelve years old isn't just preferable, it's all there is. Having anything contradict that reality is painful to them."

Give them fantasy and give them the future, but don't change anything they already know because geeks LOVE the status quo.
"The Status Quo", Stuff Geeks Love

Jeffrey Dean Morgan: Wait! Donít kill me! I need to bleed onto my yellow smiley face button at an awkward angle so that the raging Watchmen fanbois in the audience are placated.
Morgan: Okay, ready.
Rapid Fanbois: Boo. The blood splatter is four degrees off.

Hardcore fans of Hellblazer will hate Constantine for not being an exact copy of the comic. Then again, Brazilian hardcore fans of Hellblazer probably don't fill a van.
— Brazilian magazine SET, reviewing Constantine

The second issue of MAD goes on sale on December 9, 1952. On December 11, the first-ever letter complaining that Mad 'just isn't as funny and original like it used to be' arrives.
Desmond Devlin, in a fictionalized history of Mad magazine

Your favourite character has been "promoted" and (they hope) forgotten; your second favourite character's role has been considerably reduced and his characterization changed; the people who look like you have either been made into a caricature or removed from the bridge altogether, and stuck in unattractive costumes as well (I know that's the division color. I'm sorry, but mustard is simply not a good color on black people). The weight of the show has been placed on an occasionally cute but minor character; the writers aren't doing anything with the two remaining characters, who get less interesting as time goes on - and there's a baby on the bridge where an adult should be. Given all that, might you not maybe possibly be just a little, tiny bit upset?
Textual Poachers, by Henry Jenkins gives us a more sympathetic view of this sentiment, quoting a Star Trek: The Next Generation fan called Junius.

You can't just change... You can't just change it, okay? Change is not good! Doesn't matter what Taylor Swift sings about! It's a bad thing!
NuttyMadam on the changes made to Breaking Dawn's ending.

"If there isn't one already, I'm claiming "Jeb's Law": Regardless of what change you do, no matter how small, someone will complain."

    Web Video 

Lord Of Games: Gamers today don't want all this, they just want to shoot things! But as we're broadening the demographic, I'll have to think of something original. Hmm...
Jon: (Creepy Monotone) "Something original", buh?.... "Broadening the demographic?" ...Okay.... I'll bite. Just what did you guys have in mind?
Jon:.....cars?...... CARS?....CAAAAAAAAAAARS?!?!!!

    Western Animation 

The more things change, the more they suck.

    Real Life 

'This show is going to reflect your sensibilities, itís going to be edgier, funnier, grittier, more character driven, and after two years Iím going to hand the show over to you.' So that sounded really good, and thatís why I came back. But almost immediately after the pilot, cold feet started to develop all over the place. It was like, 'Make the show more TNG-like'...the studio got freaked out and said, 'Should we put engines on the space station and fly it through the wormhole?'
Ira Behr on succeeding Michael Piller as executive producer of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

In the beginning, we tried to make Enterprise different from the previous Trek series. But we fell back on old habits and found ourselves revisiting previous episodes. Ultimately, it proved very hard to deviate or tear ourselves away from the original formula. The series never attracted the new viewership we hoped for.
Maria & Andre Jacquemetton on Star Trek: Enterprise, Science Fiction Television Series, 1990-2004

After losing your girlfriend to a tragic accident, you decide to start dating her cousin. This cousin reminds you of your ex-girlfriend but, very quickly, you realize that she is not enough like your deceased ex for your liking, so you start pestering her to dress more like her dead cousin, talk more like her dead cousin, and generally behave a lot more like her dead cousin. When she resists, you get angry and begin harassing her incessantly, stalking her online and wishing her dead as well.
Joseph Mallozzi, executive producer of the Stargateverse

Well, I think we missed the boat...If we could have had Ben [Reilly] adopt the Peter identity right away and just gone forward, onward and upward, it might have worked. But I think part of the problem is that a lot of people saw this blond guy named Ben Reilly running around as Spider-Man and their reaction was, "This isn't Spider-Man! Where the hell is Peter Parker?
Editor/Writer Glenn Greenberg on Peter Parker's 10-Minute Retirement, The Clone Saga

I heard a lot of voices out there that were saying things like, 'man, this isn't Chrono.' To tell you the truth, I was gravely disappointed. Yes, the platform changed; and yes, there were many parts that changed dramatically from the previous work. But in my view, the whole point in making Chrono Cross was to make a new Chrono with the best available skills and technologies of today. I never had any intentions of just taking the system from Trigger and moving it onto the PlayStation console. That's why I believe that Cross is Cross, and not Trigger 2. The thing that I can't understand is how could people possibly declare that this isn't Chrono? And for these people, I can't help but wonder what it was that Chrono meant to them? Is it possible that none of the messages that I tried to send out to these people ever really got through to them?
Masao Kato

SF writers and fans seem increasingly gripped by the iron hand of the past. I find it striking that at cons writers and fans are always talking about the history of the field, and the great practitioners of the past. The fact that Asimov's begins each issue with Silverberg's column, which is practically dedicated to Golden-Age nostalgia, fits in perfectly with the discourse of the field as a whole. Convention panels gripe endlessly about the bad new days and look back fondly toward the good old ones. Convention discussions often devolve into exchanges of trivia about Golden Age writers who have been transmogrified from being merely a part of SF's historical canon into cult figures.
Judith Berman, "Science Fiction Without the Future", The New York Review of Science Fiction #153 (2001)