"My reaction, when where babies came from was explained to me, was, and I quote, 'So you just take all your clothes off and bodyslam each other?'"
The Cat: (when asked where he came from) Hmmm... How do I put this?… When a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much, they decide that—
"When a man and a woman are in love, or very drunk, they…"
— Stan Smith, American Dad!
Oh, Papa, I know all about the stork. Mama told me about that years ago.
...No, wait a minute, Papa! Flower, seed, man, woman, bee, baby, small…
It isn't the stork, it isn't the stork, it isn't the stork at all!
Oh life is grand! It's very int'resting, I think I understand.
...No, wait a minute, Papa! Flower, seed, man, woman, bee, baby, small…
It isn't the stork, it isn't the stork, it isn't the stork at all!
Oh life is grand! It's very int'resting, I think I understand.
— "Man to Man Talk", Once Upon a Mattress
Simba: So you're going to answer that question I asked you yesterday Dad?
Mufasa: Of course, son. Look, Simba. It starts with a girl lion and a boy lion. Now the boy lion takes his—
Simba: No, Dad. Not that question!
Mufasa: Oh, okay well then, smoking can be very addicting...
Simba: No! Not that one either!
Mufasa: Well, damn it! There's so damn many of those 'little talks' parents have to have with their kids these days. I mean if they aren't smokin' they're drinkin'. If they aren't drinkin' it's drugs. If they aren't doin' drugs it's that cheap-ass whore on the corner passing out herpes like they were toilet paper!
Mufasa: Of course, son. Look, Simba. It starts with a girl lion and a boy lion. Now the boy lion takes his—
Simba: No, Dad. Not that question!
Mufasa: Oh, okay well then, smoking can be very addicting...
Simba: No! Not that one either!
Mufasa: Well, damn it! There's so damn many of those 'little talks' parents have to have with their kids these days. I mean if they aren't smokin' they're drinkin'. If they aren't drinkin' it's drugs. If they aren't doin' drugs it's that cheap-ass whore on the corner passing out herpes like they were toilet paper!
Well, son... baby geese come out of eggs... and don't ask me where the egg comes from.
— Mr. Ping, Kung Fu Panda 2
Carly: (jumps up from the couch) I am NOT having this discussion with you, Spencer!
Spencer: (jumps up and hugs her) THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Spencer: (jumps up and hugs her) THANK YOU SO MUCH!
— iCarly
"But there's some bits I don't get."
"Like what?"
"Like wot's fuckin' got to do wiv havin' babies?"
"Like what?"
"Like wot's fuckin' got to do wiv havin' babies?"
Randy Marsh: "Alright, now, now listen, kids, there's some things we need to put into context for you. You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina for both love and pleasure. But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man facing the other way so that they can put each other's genitals in their mouths. This is called "69ing" and it's normal."
Sharon Marsh: "See boys, a woman is sensitive in her vagina and it… feels good to have a man's penis inside of it."
Sheila Broflovski: "That's right, but sometimes a woman chooses to use other things - telephones, staplers, magazines. It's because the nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive, it's like a fun tickle."
Gerald Broflovski: "Now, on to double penetration, boys. You see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man, each man makes love to a different orifice."
Randy Marsh: "That's right. It's something adults can do with really good friends in a comfortable setting."
Sheila Broflovski: "It's also important that you understand why some people choose to urinate on each other."
Randy Marsh: "Going #1 or #2 on your lover is something people might do, but you must make sure your partner is okay with it before you start doing it."
Gerald Broflovski: "Okay boys. Do you have any questions?"
Stan Marsh: "…Wow."
Sharon Marsh: "See boys, a woman is sensitive in her vagina and it… feels good to have a man's penis inside of it."
Sheila Broflovski: "That's right, but sometimes a woman chooses to use other things - telephones, staplers, magazines. It's because the nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive, it's like a fun tickle."
Gerald Broflovski: "Now, on to double penetration, boys. You see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man, each man makes love to a different orifice."
Randy Marsh: "That's right. It's something adults can do with really good friends in a comfortable setting."
Sheila Broflovski: "It's also important that you understand why some people choose to urinate on each other."
Randy Marsh: "Going #1 or #2 on your lover is something people might do, but you must make sure your partner is okay with it before you start doing it."
Gerald Broflovski: "Okay boys. Do you have any questions?"
Stan Marsh: "…Wow."
Wynne: Well then, now that you're in an intimate relationship, you should learn about where babies really come from.
Alistair: Pardon?
Wynne: I know the Chantry says you dream about your babies and the good Fade spirits take them out of the Fade and leave them in your arms… but that's not true. Actually what happens is that when a girl and a boy really love each other—
Alistair: Andraste's flaming sword! I know where babies come from!
Wynne: Do you? Do you really?
Alistair: I certainly hope so.
Alistair: Pardon?
Wynne: I know the Chantry says you dream about your babies and the good Fade spirits take them out of the Fade and leave them in your arms… but that's not true. Actually what happens is that when a girl and a boy really love each other—
Alistair: Andraste's flaming sword! I know where babies come from!
Wynne: Do you? Do you really?
Alistair: I certainly hope so.
Young Ben: Where do baby Alien X's come from?
Kevin: When two constellations love each other very much…
Gwen: Kevin!
Kevin: Just trying to help the kid out. I had to learn about astrophysics on the streets.
Kevin: When two constellations love each other very much…
Gwen: Kevin!
Kevin: Just trying to help the kid out. I had to learn about astrophysics on the streets.
"Asuka… forgive me. I want to talk with you calmly… woman to woman… do you understand? I need to talk with you about… uhh… bees and flowers… ummm—"
— Misato, The Child of Love, chapter 1
"Now, listen, here’s how it works. She’s gonna pull her rig off and she’s gonna get on all fours. Now, you stand behind her and drop your rig. Now, you’re gonna see something that looks like some kind of Japanese food. It ain’t, so don’t eat it. That’s your bullseye. Then you just start tugging on your little soldier. Wait till he gets to attention, then poke him in there. Keep poking it in there till he spits up. You’re gonna need a raincoat. She’ll have one, so don’t worry about that. As soon as you’re done, run to the bathroom, wash your crotch. That way, you don’t wake up wondering why you got oatmeal in your carpet. Breathe through your mouth so that you don’t puke. Shouldn’t be a problem for you. You got it? You got $60?"
— Willie Soke, Bad Santa 2
Aunty: Just know, I'm here if you need to talk. About… things.
Kala: "Things?"
Aunty: You know… things a girl needs to know on her wedding night?
Kala: Oh. Don't worry, it's fine. We have the internet now.
Aunty: Oh, thank goodness! I knew that thing was good for something.
Kala: "Things?"
Aunty: You know… things a girl needs to know on her wedding night?
Kala: Oh. Don't worry, it's fine. We have the internet now.
Aunty: Oh, thank goodness! I knew that thing was good for something.
— Sense8
Timmy: What do you mean older? What happens when I'm older?
Cosmo: Ah, Timmy, it's time for a little talk about something we fairies like to call the wands and the wings. You see, when a mommy fairy and a daddy fairy love each other very much…
Wanda: Cosmo, no. Not that speech.
Cosmo: But I already have the puppets out.
Cosmo: Ah, Timmy, it's time for a little talk about something we fairies like to call the wands and the wings. You see, when a mommy fairy and a daddy fairy love each other very much…
Wanda: Cosmo, no. Not that speech.
Cosmo: But I already have the puppets out.
— The Fairly OddParents!, "Channel Chasers"
Simba: Son, we need to talk.
Kion: Oh, no… Dad, we already had that talk! "Can you feel the love tonight..." I know all about that mushy stuff!
— The Lion Guard: Return Of The Roar
The mortification the two of them experienced after Misato gave them ‘The Talk’ in the morning lasted for days, especially since Misato was so cheerfully nonchalant about the whole thing and seemed completely unashamed about the explicitness of her explanations. They had only been able to stare in mute horror as she showed them where her stash of condoms was located before she proceeded to give a demonstration on how to actually put one on using a banana as reference.
Their protests of “Too much information!” went on deaf ears, and even seemed to egg Misato on. When she started giving tips they had simply run screaming from the apartment, holding their ears.
Their protests of “Too much information!” went on deaf ears, and even seemed to egg Misato on. When she started giving tips they had simply run screaming from the apartment, holding their ears.
Shrek: I can't believe I'm going to be a father. How did this happen?
Puss: Allow me to explain. You see, when a man has certain feelings for a woman, a powerful urge sweeps over him...
Shrek: I know how it happened! I just can't believe it. (walks away)
Donkey: (to Puss) How does it happen?
My own dating history is a dark, meandering story filled with adventure, danger and lots of smeared mascara and naughty bits in various states of undress. And ever since the day that my own child proposed marriage to me, I have been filled with a need to tell her the entire story: the story of the men I loved before.
Of course I can't, because she's barely out of diapers. At best it would confuse her, and at worst, I'd be picked up by Child Protective Services and locked up for being a pervert because it isn't appropriate to tell your toddler about the first time you got French kissed by someone, especially since it wasn't her dad.
But what if I never get the chance? What if I drop dead from some all-over body tumor that I'll develop from standing too close to the microwave? How will I teach her what I learned about life from playing Strip Backgammon with my upstairs neighbor?
And if I live through the Cancer of the Everything, even if I wait until she's of an appropriate age (twelve? fifteen? twenty-one? sixty-five?) to talk to her about it, there's a high probability that she'll hatemyfrigginguts (mother hating being a mandatory rite-of-passage) and won't want to hear it from me. the way I didn't want to hear it from my mom.
And even then, if by some bizarre twist of nature, she doesn't hatemyfrgginguts, I'll be screwed because I'll be wearing sweater sets and pearls and suffering from a selective-memory syndrome that causes me to replace my personal history with the plot points of Grease (the sequal).
Of course I can't, because she's barely out of diapers. At best it would confuse her, and at worst, I'd be picked up by Child Protective Services and locked up for being a pervert because it isn't appropriate to tell your toddler about the first time you got French kissed by someone, especially since it wasn't her dad.
But what if I never get the chance? What if I drop dead from some all-over body tumor that I'll develop from standing too close to the microwave? How will I teach her what I learned about life from playing Strip Backgammon with my upstairs neighbor?
And if I live through the Cancer of the Everything, even if I wait until she's of an appropriate age (twelve? fifteen? twenty-one? sixty-five?) to talk to her about it, there's a high probability that she'll hatemyfrigginguts (mother hating being a mandatory rite-of-passage) and won't want to hear it from me. the way I didn't want to hear it from my mom.
And even then, if by some bizarre twist of nature, she doesn't hatemyfrgginguts, I'll be screwed because I'll be wearing sweater sets and pearls and suffering from a selective-memory syndrome that causes me to replace my personal history with the plot points of Grease (the sequal).
— Johanna Stein, How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane: And Other Lessons in Parenting From a Highly Questionable Source
Angelica: "Mommy, I have a question."
Charlotte: "Yes, dear."
Angelica: "Where do babies come from?"
(both parents look shocked)
Charlotte: (awkward chuckle) "What did you say?"
Angelica: "Where do babies come from?"
(parents look at each other)
Drew: "Well, you know, Angel Pie, that's a very good question."
Charlotte: "Yes, it is. Y'know, Drew, I think I left the beets boiling in the kitchen." (leaves)
Drew: "I think I'd better go help your mother. Boiling beets can be mighty tricky." (follows Charlotte, Angelica looks confused) "What we gonna do, Charlotte? What we gonna do?"
Charlotte: "Act relaxed. We agreed a long time ago how we're gonna handle this. We're just gonna tell her the truth."
Drew: "Right, the truth. Honesty is always the best policy."
Both: (muttering) "Okay, I'll get it, yeah…" (come back)
Angelica: "How were the beets?"
Charlotte: "The beets? Oh yes, the beets. Uh, they need a little more time."
(awkward silence)
Drew: "So, uh, uh, what were we talking about again?"
Angelica: "Babies. Where do they come from?"
Charlotte: "Yes. Well, honey, it's actually very simple. Drew?"
Drew: "Thank you, dear. Well, you see, Cupcake, it all starts with a mother."
Charlotte: "And a daddy."
Drew: "Right, and a daddy. Well, you see, they… well, first they decide they really want a baby."
Charlotte: "Right. First they make a responsible, well-thought-out decision, not recklessly or on the spur of the moment but after lots of careful businesslike consideration."
(Drew and Angelica look confused)
Drew: "Right, let me put it this way, darling. Well, we all start out as a tiny egg."
Angelica: "An egg?!"
Charlotte: "Oh, Drew, you're making it so complicated. Look, sweetie, to make a baby, mommies and daddies need to...well, they need to..."
Drew: "—Call the stork!"
Angelica: "The stork?!"
Charlotte: "The stork?!"
Drew: "Right, the stork! Y'know, that really big, ugly bird with feathers?" (flaps his wings)
Angelica: "So the stork brings them a baby."
Drew: "Right."
Angelica: "Wait a second. I thought you said babies come from eggs."
Charlotte: "They do."
Drew: "Stork eggs."
—- Rugrats, "The Stork".
"Where do humans come from?
I heard about it from Dad and Mom, but they won't tell me!"
— Star★Twinkle Pretty Cure, "Oshiete! Twinkle" ending theme
Hampton: And that is where babies come from, sir.
[Beat Panel]
Captain Rich: I refuse to believe that the poor come form the same place as me.
[Beat Panel]
Captain Rich: I refuse to believe that the poor come form the same place as me.
Amoeba 1: "Dad, where did I come from?"
Amoeba 2: "Well, my boy, when your mother and I felt that we were ready emotionally and financially, I just did this— (splits into two)"
Lynn Sr.: "Imagine you were a bee and Ronnie Anne was a flower. Now, the bee carefully approaches the flower, because it wants its nectar, and—"
Lincoln: "What kind of flower?"
Lynn Sr.: "Huh?"
Lincoln: "What kind of flower is Ronnie Anne?"
Lynn Sr.: "Well, um... I don't know. What kind of flower do you think she is?"
Lincoln: (thinks for a while) "Poison ivy."
Lynn Sr.: "That's... that won't work, Lincoln."
Lincoln: "Then, maybe a rose?"
Lynn Sr.: "Aw, how romantic!"
Lincoln: "No, dad, I mean because of the thorns. Actually, I rather see Ronnie Anne as a bee than as a flower."
Lynn Sr.: "What? But Ronnie Anne can't be the bee!"
Lincoln: "Why not?"
Lynn Sr.: "Because... because the bee stings!"
Lincoln: "So does Ronnie Anne."
Lynn Sr.: "You know what. Forget the flower and the bee, we're going at this differently. Imagine you were a ship and Ronnie Anne was your harbor."
Lincoln: "I should imagine Ronnie Anne to be a... harbor?"
— Of Flowers and Bees
, a fanfiction of The Loud House
, a fanfiction of The Loud HouseDr. Soaper: A fine talk you must have given them on the birds and the bees!
Miss Haggerd: Well I'm sorry, Doctor, but when I started talking about them, I suddenly realised I hadn't the foggiest idea what they did. Well, what do they do?
Dr. Soaper: Bees sting!
"And that's how babies are made." Mari put down the book, exhausted. She looked over at Hero, who seemed similarly drained. The other two, on the other hand, had unreadable expressions upon their faces.
"So? Any questions?" Mari tilted her head. Neither of them made a peep, or moved a muscle. Then, abruptly, Aubrey shot up.
"THAT'S GROSS!" Sunny also stood up, looking equally disgusted, which was a rare sight to see on the usually stoic boy.
"Why, Mari? I hate this! Can I just unlearn everything or something? Please?!"
"Oh please, quit acting like little kids." Mari frowned. "You'll get over it. I can't have you two pulling stunts like this over a silly misunderstanding." They seemed to deflate at this, sinking deep into the couch seats.
"So? Any questions?" Mari tilted her head. Neither of them made a peep, or moved a muscle. Then, abruptly, Aubrey shot up.
"THAT'S GROSS!" Sunny also stood up, looking equally disgusted, which was a rare sight to see on the usually stoic boy.
"Why, Mari? I hate this! Can I just unlearn everything or something? Please?!"
"Oh please, quit acting like little kids." Mari frowned. "You'll get over it. I can't have you two pulling stunts like this over a silly misunderstanding." They seemed to deflate at this, sinking deep into the couch seats.
—Big Responsibilities?, an OMORI fanfic
, an OMORI fanficHolst: “All right then, lads and lasses, who wants to know how babies are made?”
Dr. Robotnik: Well you see, Luigi, when a paisano puts his spaghetti noodle in a mama mia’s ravioli, a little bambino covered in prosciutto comes out about nine months later.
Ray: (covering his ears) "Uh, babies come from the baby store!"
—''Henry Danger
(Herman and Angela come in the room)
Angela:"Hey kids!"
Miles:"Sup moms, pops?"
''(Herman tries to leave but Angela stops him)
Angela:"Your father and I would like to have a very important and...personal discussion with you."
Herman:"But we're scared."
Angela:"Yeah. So, we paid a local celebrity on Howdee to have "The Talk" with you guys instead."
Miles:"Wait, what talk?"
Herman:"Just, watch the video!"
Herman: (wallking out of the room and plugging his ears) "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!"
Angela: ''(plays the video)
Brainstorm: ''(on video) "Hello Herman and Angela's kids. It's Brainstrom from Danger Force, here to give you "The Talk". You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much..."
Mika: (covering her ears) "No!"
Miles: (slides his hand across his neck) "Cut! Veto! Basta!"
Angela:"Kids, I know it's awkward but just push on through!"
Mika:"No!" ''(pauses the video)
Miles:"Mom! We already know where baby twins come from!"
Mika:"We don't need "The Talk!"
David: You will have to talk to them.
Catherine: I'm not gonna talk to that smouldering French import sexpot about... You'll have to talk to them.
Ian: For your sake, Chris, stop behaving as if you were brought up by Victorian grandparents who wouldn't even tell you about the gooseberry bush.
Chris: I know about the facts of life. They told us at the orphanage.
"(You can do this, you can have The Talk with Amity. You can do this. It’s going to be awkward, it’s going to be uncomfortable but try to be comfortable, for her sake - don’t tell her what Mother told you, tell her... what you would have wanted to hear. What you would have needed to hear.)"
"Well, I was real glad to hear that, because this is sex education week. That's right, sex-ed week! We're gonna be talkin' about the PENIS! We'll be talkin' about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butt-head? Do you find it amusing that we'll be talkin' about the TESTICLES? Yes, we're also gonna be talkin' about VENEREAL DISEASE! SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! THE SCROTUM! THE CLITORIS! And we will definitely be spending a lot of time talking about MASTURBATION!"
—Coach Buzzcut, Beavis and Butt-Head
