"During a recitation by their Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning", four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off."

"I'm only on page four. This comic is 48 pages long. Expect a lot of crying in this episode."

Charlie: Did [Edward] hurt you?

Mike: In the sense that boredom can be painful, yes.

"That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!"

"I have no memory of last year’s Ubisoft conference. I’m told that when the medics finally arrived, I was in a state of catatonic shut-down, common in trauma victims. My psyche had endured such an immense shock, it simply refused to allow any further input. The jokes were that bad."

''"On Monday, February 8, 1999, a horrific offense to humanity was committed. This offense, yet unmatched in scope, was so sinister in scale that it elicits emotions of terror and panic just at the very thought of it. This offense was the herald of the downfall of civilization. This offense was so horrific that the human mind can barely even hope to fathom it. This horrific offense of which I speak was the first strip of "Look What I Brought Home", as it spawned itself from the deepest layers of hell. And, directly from these deep layers of hell, was a joke about an exposed nipple.

After this badly drawn horror, almost demonic by nature, the world stood and waited, hoping that nothing more would emerge. But, 2 days after the beginning of this comic, another strip was written. And, as this gruesome terror of a webcomic continued, the world witnessed in horror as jokes about farts and rape were made.

At last, on February 22, 1999, the world's fate was sealed. A sight is witnessed on this date that is so disgusting that any human being who witnesses it would immediately lose any trace of sanity. Bess was seen naked. I would not recommend clicking on that link if you value your sanity."''