"I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because rogues sometimes rest."
—Alexandre Dumas (attributed)
When they were halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog. "You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both drown! Why on earth did you do that?" The scorpion shrugged. "I'm a scorpion. It's in my nature."
"The evil I can tolerate. But the stupidity!"
—Professor Farnsworth, Futurama
"I am compelled to do evil, regardless of its utility."
— Dmitri Noumenon - Dark Kantian, Dresden Codak
Seth: Do you know what the words "low profile" mean? Let me tell you what low profile is not. Low profile is not taking girls hostage! It is not blowing up a gas station!! It is not shooting a cop in the fucking head!!!
Richie: (Bitch, bitch, bitch...)
"You may ask why I want to destroy Superman. In order to rule the world. You may ask why I want to rule the world. In order to obliterate Sweden."
—Dr. Abner Sedgwick, It's a Bird, it's a Plane, it's Superman!
Arcade Gannon: What are you thinking?! Do you want to see Vegas turned into the new slave capital of the west?!
Courier: Actually, yes. I would like to see New Vegas turned into a slavery hub.
Arcade Gannon: Great. You're either unimaginably cruel or profoundly insane!
"We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't think we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!"
Just because my character is evil doesn't mean I want to slaughter my party. They're a means to an end — it's a lot of work recruiting a group of grunts, and why would Suleidan waste time doing that when he has perfectly good damage sponges already living in his manor?
— I Have a Secret article on Wizards' site.
Zim: I blew up more than all the other invaders!
Tallest Red: You blew up all the other invaders.
Dr. Sivana: This is why you're always losing money, getting thrown in jail and killing each other!
Shimmer: Why, because we're evil?
Dr. Sivana: No, because you're schmucks.
Kreia: Are psychotic urges all that drive you?
"I theorize that the halfling does not possess a true sentient brain, like you or I, but rather a simple, primitive 'proto-brain' that can only process two emotional reactions to people: Hate or Lust."
"In the final seconds of the game, Detroit's Ben Wallace went up for a shot. Ron Artest, with a 15 point lead, punched him in the back of the head. It was such a pointless gesture of violence that elsewhere, Hitler's corpse shot its arm up for a high five."
"Poor DC. So many of the scenes of death and dismemberment they’ve written into their books recently have just been exercises in black comedy. For instance, take the death of Maxwell Lord, an event that was supposed to be a super big deal for Wonder Woman’s future characterization and a bunch of events planned out for then-brewing Infinite Crisis. The scene as written is just fucking hilarious...Max mwa-ha-has about how she can’t keep him tied up forever (which… actually she could, or long enough to find another way to deal with him, but whatever), and then boasts that the only way she can ever free Superman would be to kill him. In a scene with comic timing so goddamn perfect it had to be intentional, Wonder Woman thinks this over, and then… *KRK*
Fucking classic, is what that is. "
—Topless Robot, "The 10 People Who Have Stayed Dead in Comics"
Yahtzee: See, that's what I don't get: I mean, certainly you kidnap someone so you have some leverage on them. If Haggar's closing in on them—beating up all their men and stabbing them with knives—why don't they just threaten to kill Jessica unless he stops?
Gabriel: They don't understand crime. This is that kind of 80's/early 90s thing, where criminals did it for the fun of it. They weren't doing it for money or gain or anything, it was just, "I like crime, arrr!"
Yahtzee: The punks who threaten Arnie at the start of Terminator, those sorts of guys.
Gabriel: Like that, but organized somehow, and more of them.
Yahtzee: Just for the love of crime.
Gabriel: It's performance art, basically.
"And then there's a bloke with a goatee, shifty eyes, and an army of robots who starts off ostensibly an ally, but is so ass-wipingly obviously the villain that the game absent-mindedly forgets to establish that he is. After they complete their mission together, he just goes, "BORED NOW," and kidnaps someone for literally no reason and to nobody's surprise. Well, the reason he gives is that he wanted to the heroes to come to his house and look at some stuff he's been working on. Fucking ring them up! Or just ask them, they're right there! Offer them a lift on your getaway vehicle! It's like he only knows how to get things done in an evil way. All he wants is to work with the scientist to open an ancient ruin, something the scientist seems quite willing to do. But not after he's been helicoptered to a Dracula castle in a fucking cage! This guy needs an intervention!"
Shinzon: Even though I'm now literally hours from death, I think I'll delay kidnapping Picard so I can mind-rape Troi. This will show the audience just how villainous I am, in case they're totally retarded and don't get it yet.
"Starling can not only project the Doctor into his office, but also has enough programming abilities to torture him for information. Wow. With that kinda hacking ability, you'd think he could reprogram the Doctor to be helpful. But that's a lot less evil than torturing him so, y'know, no-brainer there. Plus, I mean, a physician with medical knowledge centuries more advanced? I think you could probably make a few bucks, since you'd now have the cure for, well, everything. But it's that or the torture, come on."
"Like any corporation involved in dangerous research, it all boils down to risk versus reward for the Umbrella Corporation. In this case, the risk is zombies, and the reward is zombies."
Chris: Wolverine survives, presumably because of Stryker’s encouragements to “come on, old friend.” Sadly, old friendship only goes so far, as he declares the project a success and tells the science team to “erase his memory”...why erase his memory now? He is like 100% on Stryker’s side at this point and they just made him an indestructible killing machine. Why not at least get a few missions out of him, or at least wait until he’s out of the room to be like “Man, we totally f***ed that guy over, am I right? High fives!”
Matt: Stryker’s so fickle. He’s like a kid who gets bored with his toys the minute after he unwraps them.
"Shaye has a gang of people that helped him escape and, like John McClane, (Howie) Long’s character has to take on each member. At least, that is how it is SUPPOSED to go. In Firestorm, Shaye picks off members of his own gang one by one. He does this so that he gets all the money and doesn’t have to split it. Now while that idea makes sense for the greedy villain, it is absolutely moronic that you would do that while Long is still hassling you. Couldn’t you, oh I don’t know, wait until he is dead and then kill your gang for the cash? I mean to use Die Hard as an example again, what kind of a movie would it be if John just chilled out in the air ducts until Hans killed off his whole gang and then had a showdown with him? It doesn’t really make John come off as a badass. Prudent? Yes. Badass? No."
Chimera: Uhmmmmmm... excuse me... but what in the seventeen hells are you doing?
Dewcup: Pardon me. I was told that poking and otherwise annoying huge, fearsome creatures was 'bad'.
Chimera: An apt description. Why would you want this?
Dewcup: I am Princess Dewcup of the Wood Elves. A recent encounter with a Drow has showed me a new way of life. A life of power and strength. I am abandoning my Wood-Elf ways and turning to badness. I wish to join the Drow.
Chimera: Gotcha. I see your problem. You have confused 'bad' meaning 'evil' with 'bad' meaning 'really stupid'.
Dewcup: And that's not what I wish to become?
Chimera: No, you seem to have that one down pat.
Why is this happening? Oh right, because he's an antagonist, so he has to do evil things even when they make no sense.