"After previous investigations in four different states, we've seen and heard some strange things, but even we were surprised at what we found here in Florida."
“Kim Jong-un doesn't understand that we aren't afraid of him. What that guy doesn't get is that we already have an unstable peninsula that will ultimately bring down America. It’s called Florida.”
"It was what amounted to a happy ending for the starring couple in a tragic and inimitably Floridian morality tale involving sex, liquor, self-defense law, erectile dysfunction and a man shot to death with his pants around his knees."
"Everyone in Florida is stupid.
Everyone in Florida is dumb.
I may not be the brightest guy, but next to them, my IQ's high.
If they played guitar, this is how they'd strum.
(unprofessional guitar solo
"I've heard a bit about [Florida] from demons who used to live there when they were humans. Apparently, it's essentially a very large retirement home in which bizarre, sometimes Lovecraftian events are rather commonplace. Is that about right?"
"Florida, mmmh! I feel like Florida and Arizona are locked in a harm's race!"
— Jon Stewart
, on the Trayvon Martin shooting and the Stand Your Ground law, The Daily Show
"Florida, you don't get to judge others when your state motto is, 'If Darwin was right, we wouldn't be here.'"