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Moviegoers who knowingly buy a ticket for The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor are going to get exactly what they expect: There is a mummy, a tomb, a dragon, and an emperor. And the movie about them is all that it could be. If you think The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor sounds like a waste of time, don't waste yours. I, as it happens, have time to waste...
Web Animation
"I feel kinda sorry for Mad Max. It's such good video game adaptation material. Christ knows why it's been fucking around with movies for so long. Movies are all like, 'Ooh, look! A little film about S&M perverts driving around a desert and blowing each other up. Well, the Academy need look no further for the best dramatic screenplay candidafnahahahahah!'"
Web Original
Every medium, of course, has things like this. Not every song is "Famous Blue Raincoat", and not every movie is The Fountain. (And as an aside, that is the best song and best movie ever, and if you disagree you are wrong) ...Frankly, the world would be no worse off if Sugar Ray's "I Just Wanna Fly" were eradicated, and that was a horrifically popular song. But all the same, there is some sort of line between acts of creation that matter and ones that don't.
Bill Condon's struggle to lift the Twilight saga above its adolescent supermarket trash novel trappings isn't so much a Herculean effort as it is Sisyphean.
Should I even mention the plot of this movie? Do you ever think Hudson Hawk will have some brilliant Mamet dialog or tight scripting?
It didn't matter what ID4 was about, but the trailer had a shot of the White House getting butt-fucked by a death ray, and who doesn't want to see that? Instant blockbuster.
Fifty Shades of Grey is going to win Oscars in the same universe where Parasite Hilton is going to sweep the Grammys, Tori Spelling is going to sweep the Emmys, Meryl Streep is going to sweep the Razzies, I’m going to win a Pulitzer for my dedication to writing about dick cheese and Lindsay Lohan is going to win something besides another court date. But Fifty Shades of Shit’s screenwriter, Kelly Marcel, thinks that at the 2016 Oscars, 2015′s Best Actress Oscar winner, January Jones for The Mother Theresa Story, will say the words, 'And the Oscar goes to JAMIE DORNAN,' as hell freezes over...If anybody’s going to get an Oscar for Fifty Shades of Mom Jizz it better be the tampon, because it probably gives the most multi-layered performance in that shit.
— Michael K.
, "Jamie Dornan Will Get An Oscar For Playing Christian Grey, So Says Fifty Shades Of Grey's Screenwriter"
, "Jamie Dornan Will Get An Oscar For Playing Christian Grey, So Says Fifty Shades Of Grey's Screenwriter"There is a sense that Out of the Shadows is a film comfortable with its own shoddiness.
"Neelix getting his rocks off with a buxom Klingon babe? What the hell is all this shit? ...At least most of the episode is played for laughs (or at least I hope that it is—most of the material is really very daft so there is no other way to view it!) so it is b-movie watchable, but throughout I was scratching my head thinking ‘why am I watching this?’ which has become my default Voyager setting.
...if I was hard pressed to find something actually good about the show, I’d have to say that it does a decent job with Lois. Not the best job, and not even the best on TV — she’s not as smart, sassy or well-acted as Dana Delany on Superman: The Animated Series, but that’s like comparing the Mona Lisa to fingerpaints.
Web Video
"Believe it or not, but it is kind of hard pulling a review together when a movie is basically perfect in being what it wants to be, but what it want to be is fairly humble as far as ambition goes. There is basically nothing to criticize as ”wrong” about Coco."
"Now if you'll permit me, I'd like to compare Revenge of the Sith with what is widely believed to be one of the greatest motion pictures ever made: Citizen Kane. Is that fair? Nope!"
"Do people really think that kids have no taste? It sounds to me like they’re saying that kids will enjoy anything, no matter how boring or ill-conceived, because kids just like looking at puppets on the TV screen. And I know for a fact that that’s wrong.
The fact that a show is “for kids” is just a category, like being a “sitcom” or a “medical drama.” There are good ones and bad ones, and I think kids deserve good ones. You never have to apologize like that for Sesame Street, The Muppet Show or Fraggle Rock, because those are good shows; their merits are obvious, and both adults and kids appreciate them."
The fact that a show is “for kids” is just a category, like being a “sitcom” or a “medical drama.” There are good ones and bad ones, and I think kids deserve good ones. You never have to apologize like that for Sesame Street, The Muppet Show or Fraggle Rock, because those are good shows; their merits are obvious, and both adults and kids appreciate them."
"Movies like Ace Ventura, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas were all panned by critics, but it's pretty obvious they weren't made to be liked by them. Ace Ventura worked on an immature level that spoke to the inner silliness of most kids. Ninja Turtles was great for fans of the cartoon, but it's just too damn ridiculous to grab someone looking to be challenged. And Fear and Nothing in Las Vegas, by design, is meant to not be liked and keep you in a raunchy and uncomfortable place. These films hit their specific audiences perfectly...If anything, we'd be more concerned if critics did like these movies."
—The Nostalgia Critic, "When Are Critics Wrong?"
Western Animation
Brian: It has no edge.
Stewie: Neither does a summer breeze or a letter from an old friend!
Stewie: Neither does a summer breeze or a letter from an old friend!
Real Life
"Let Walt make chicken salad and win awards. I'll make chicken shit and make money!"
—Leon Schlesinger, producer of the original Looney Tunes shorts.
The Mummy? It is an Action Picture wrapped up in a Comedy in a Romance in an Adventure and in a little bit of Horror and a thrill a minute kind of rollercoaster popcorn movie. I can still hear Rachel [Weisz] after a take whisper into my ear: "You know, they are going to take away our equity cards over this." and I am like, "Why? Because we played it to big?"
One evening I introduced the editor of The New Yorker to several hundred of the essential players, as stars and magnates of the largest multitude are currently known. I quoted myself: "To be truly commercial is to do well that which should not be done at all." Silence like the tomb engulfed these words. But the commercialites have their own weird integrity, and their productions are often rather better than those of the auteurs, as "serious" directors are inappropriately known in these parts.
— Gore Vidal, Palimpsest
"Someone like Jean-Luc Godard is for me intellectual counterfeit money when compared to a good kung-fu film."
"When you talk about a great actor, you're not talking about Tom Cruise."
"At certain points in my career, I’d tried to be a snob about material, and I thought, 'This is a silly, stupid comedy.' But I’d just seen Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, and I thought that was stupid, but it was funny. And I thought, 'Maybe this’ll be something. Maybe this’ll be stupid and funny!'"
—Tim Daly on Dr. Jekyll & Ms. Hyde
"I'd just as soon do a big-budget movie as an independent one. Sometimes the independent movies can get a little too arty-farty. You watch the IFC Channel and you want to throw up."
"There was a group of us girls coming up. A lot of us are surviving. Some of us are not. I used to go to auditions with Tara Reid. So, you know, we didn’t all make it. We’re not all still here. I do love Sharknado."
"How much money did Transformers 4 make? Exactly. Those people can complain — they all go to the theater. They're gonna love it. And if they don't love it, they can fuck off, and that's the end of that."
—Megan Fox on Michael Bay's critics
"I had a big argument with an actress friend of mine who said, 'The worst actors are in daytime!' And I don't even take it personally, because it's just out of ignorance. If she had said the worst acting is in daytime, I could go along with it, because time does not permit anybody to have the kind of quality that we'd like. It's like doing summer stock, and you can't compare summer stock to a Broadway show. It's tough."
— Sam Behrens on Sunset Beach
"It was only later that I realized that the older fans had reacted badly to it, so I went, 'Well, it's a shame that they have, but it wasn't meant for them.'"
— Matthew Graham on Doctor Who, "Fear Her"
"You ain't ever gonna get an Academy Award for doing Crank and you certainly won't for doing all the other movies I've done."
"I'm not looking to be Francis Ford Coppola. I see this more like those 1950s rock & roll movies."
— Prince on Grafitti Bridge
