Quotes / I Take Offense to That Last One!

"Ghost the Racist Fruitbowl, had a very shiny hambone! Ghost the racist fruitbowl, he is a reptilian! On one foggy Hannukah night, Ghost was beating his son—"
"Wait a minute! Hanukkah night? HANUKKAH NIGHT!?!? YOU STUPID...!"
Ghost and an unfortunate caller

Princess Leia: Why, you stuck-up...half-witted...scruffy-looking...nerf herder!
Han Solo: ...who's "scruffy-looking?"

The Dude: Fuck the tournament. Fuck you, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: "Fuck the tournament?"

"I read in her diary that she thought me 'a talentless gigolo'... In any case, I'm only disturbed if the phrase means that I had no talent as a gigolo; I believe that this is actionable in law even if proof is no longer demonstrable by me in life."
Gore Vidal on the diaries of Anaïs Nin, Palimpsest

"He called me a rapist and a recluse. I'm not a recluse."
Mike Tyson

Leon: Finished?
Cid: Would be, if it weren't for the old loon's magic.
Merlin: OLD loon, you say!?

Ned Flanders: You ugly, hate-filled man!
Moe: Hey, hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I... um, what was the third thing you said?
The Simpsons, "Hurricane Neddy"

Officer Jenny: So tell me what you know about this Team Rocket Trio.
Ash: Well officer, all I know is they're three of the sneakiest, snakeiest, lyingest losers you'll ever meet.
Jessie: Who are you calling losers?!
James: But he's got the rest right.

Jack: (finding a near-dead villager) Poor unfortunate creature.
Villager: HEY! I'm not poor!

Red: You contemptible canine!
Carface: Hey, don't call me canine!

Inventor: The Grid's carbon-neutral, non-pollutive, and better yet... it's taken a bunch of useless brats off the streets. We can reduce our carbon footprint and curb overpopulation at the same time! So... what do you think?!
Miss Marvel: What do I think? I think you're a wannabe evil genius who thinks he's saved the future when really he's just given up on it. I think you're megalomaniac with some kind of weird Pied Piper complex. I think you're a bird!
Inventor: I AM NOT A BIRD!

Student 1: Did you see that new girl Linda Lee?
Student 2: I can't believe how dorky she looks!
Student 3: Her head is totally huge!
Student 4: Almost as big as her ego...
Student 5: Who does she think she is?
Student 6: She looks like some kind of monkey!
Student 7: Goofy.
Student 8: Outta her mind...
Student 9: Her nostrils must be at least a foot in diameter! Like caverns leading to a lost world...
Linda: Okay... For the record, just so everyone knows, I have petite nostrils! They're tiny and cute!