Quotes / Dysfunction Junction

Anime and Manga

"It's strange that Evangelion has become such a hit — all the characters are so sick!"

— Hideaki Anno

"Makes you wonder if anybody normal works in this place..."

— Seras Victoria, Hellsing

Fan Works

Like the Avengers and the X-Men before them, they had shown her that super-teams, at best, are little more than dysfunctional families.

— Carol Danvers, A Prize for Three Empires

"...but she gets DISTRACTED when DAVID straight-up MURDERS HIS FATHER which I don't have to tell you is NOT AT ALL A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM, I am starting to feel like I am the only one who PAID ATTENTION to my GUIDANCE COUNSELOR."

— Garrett, Animorphs: The Reckoning

Yuki: she puts up with me what more do you need to know
Hatsuharu: i still need more details
Rin: is she emotionally scarred like all of us
Yuki: lol
Yuki:... but yea

— Whats your sign, a Fruits Basket chat fic

"Man... we're all fucked up. All of us, completely effed all to heck. A self-loathing depression case, a self-harming headcase, a prickly stand-offish little bitch and a self-made, self-broken, formerly psychotic functional goddess with a guilt complex that matches all the rest of our neuroses combined. Our truncated little world is a real piece of Hell, isn't it?"

— Natsuki, Doki Doki Literature Club Loops

Luz: I almost died and then fought an island-sized monster.
Amity: My ex-mom participated in a genocide.
Hunter: I lost my best friend.
Willow: I wanted to protect everyone but I couldn't keep Hunter safe from Belos.
Gus: I was this close to be branded with an abomination sigil.
Vee: Everything feels like a blessing after being trapped and experimented for years.
Camila: All my six kids need therapy and only one of them has insurance. (chuckles nervously, then sighs)

— The Owl House fan comic by MoringMark

Film — Live-Action

"What are we, a 'team'? No, no, we're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're a time bomb."

— Bruce Banner, The Avengers (2012)

"WOW. The insecurity level with you guys is RIDICULOUS!"

— Kevin Sandusky, Tropic Thunder

Literature

Wedge Antilles: The Wraiths have a new pilot for their roster — Targon, please stand.
Elassar Targon: Flight Officer Elassar Targon reporting for duty, sir.
Wedge: Targon comes to us fresh from Fleet Command Academy; in addition to being a competent pilot, he's a medical corpsman. Once again we'll have a unit medic who can do more than put on pressure patches and make squealy noises. And unlike the rest of you, he hasn't yet had time to ruin his career or his mind.
Wes Janson: Then he won't do. Send him home. Get us another lunatic.
Targon: Excuse me! [strikes a Captain Morgan Pose] Elssar Targon, master of the universe, reporting for duty!
Wedge: [Fascinating Eyebrow]
Janson: I withdraw my objection.

— X-Wing: Solo Command

Live-Action TV

"There's a reason spies don't have a lot of parties. [ducks flying cup] Everybody's got a history with everyone else."

— Michael, Burn Notice

Dr. Cox: Listen, Dan...
Dan Dorian: Ah ah ah! [points to bubbles on his chin] Captain Bubblebeard. SHEAHT YER SCUPPERS, ME HARDIES!
[Dr. Cox shoves Dan's head under the bathwater]
Cox: Now you're Dan again. Let's break down the kid's support structure, shall we? He's got me, an emotionally-crippled narcissist; and he's got you, an emotionally-crippled narcissist who is soaking in a tub of what must be, by now, mostly your own urine.
Dan: I believe the ratio has shifted that way, yes.
Cox: And I have to believe that together, together, Dan, we can make it at least half way to one legitimate adult!

— Scrubs, "My Cake"

Alison: Do you have any idea how insane this sounds?
Number Five: You know what else is insane? I look like a thirteen-year-old boy. Klaus talks to the dead, and Luther thinks he's fooling everybody with that overcoat. Everything about us is insane. It always has been.

— The Umbrella Academy (2019), "The Day That Was"

"This administration doesn't even need an opposition party, do you know that? We do fine by ourselves."

— Toby Ziegler, The West Wing

Music

But both boy and girl were glad
'Cause one kid had it worse than that...

— Crash Test Dummies, "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"

Video Games

"Dear god, why me?! Why do I always seem to attract the who's who of mental illness?!"

— Platinum vs Ragna, BlazBlue: Continuum Shift Arcade Mode

"A dummy, a psycho, a waste of space, and a pervert. Yeah, we're a merry band, all right."

— Zero, Drakengard 3

"Statement: oh, yes. my master had quite the collection of tortured individuals that seemed unable to confront their basic personality conflicts."

— HK-47, Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords

"You would hardly be the first member of our merry band to have issues."

— Grimoire Weiss to Emil, NieR

"Diligent Salia, strong-willed Hilda, big-hearted Ersha, foul-mouthed Rosalie, and withdrawn Chris... It seems each one is struggling with her own inner demons. I'm dying to see what happens when they at last find freedom from their tormentors."

— Hopes doing a monologue on the cast of Cross Ange, Super Robot Wars X

Webcomics

"I'm not sure why the Light Warriors worry about obstacles or monsters standing in their way. They are nothing compared to the obstacles and monsters within the party."

— Brian Clevinger, creator of 8-Bit Theater

"We're Light Warriors, damnit.. I bet he can't hurt us any worse than we hurt each other every day."

— Thief, 8-Bit Theater

"I am sick of hearing you two bitch about each other. Hell, not just you two. Everyone in Foxhound is constantly at each other's throats. I of all people can appreciate the enabling power of seething hatred, but we can't be bickering over the radio while the enemy points and laughs."

— Liquid Snake, The Last Days of FOXHOUND

Durkon: Tell tha truth, I been wantin' ta punch me own smug face in tha face fer days.
Minrah: Uh, OK. Does everyone in your group have weird emotional issues?
Durkon: Eh, tha cat's prob'ly fine.

— The Order of the Stick

"I'd refer you to my therapist but she's already said she won't work with anyone else in my social circle."

— Faye, Questionable Content, "Too Hot to Handle"

Dora: I had some people ask about jobs while you were away, but they were all fucked-up twentysomethings.
Hannelore: I'm a fucked-up twentysomething. All your friends are fucked-up twentysomethings.
Dora: Exactly. I'm full up.

— Questionable Content, "We All Were, Once"

Web Original

Hey, remember Morph, the shape-shifting X-Man who was killed by Sentinels in the pilot in order to add an element of danger to the series, who was then resurrected as a hollow-eyed lackey of Mister Sinister who pretended to perform Cyclops and Jean's marriage, only to run away screaming in a mineshaft? [...] Moira, however, isn't so sure that he's fully over his trauma, but as he reminds her by shapeshifting into the other people on the team, he has a long way to go before he's the most screwed up member of that little family.

— Chris Sims on X-Men: The Animated Series, "Courage"

Owen pumps bullets into Jack because 'he's sick of people doubting him.' What the hell were the psychological evaluation team doing during the Torchwood interview process? This is the man who is entrusted with powerful alien technology?

— Joe Ford on Torchwood, "End of Days"

Someone's going to have to realize that throwing wrestlers in a psychiatric ward makes about as much sense as having security break up the matches. To point:
· Sting - Identity Problems
· Konnan - Clear nervous tic with the catchphrases
· Goldberg - Masochism (and he grunts more than all of Flair's new friends combined)
· Macho Man - Madness (that one is too easy)
· Chris Benoit - Does diving headbutts onto steel chairs.... hello?
· Hogan - Lives in the past
· Bischoff - Megalomania
· Schiavone - Selective amnesia and excessive hyperbole
· Rey Mysterio - Napoleon complex
And if they take away people for narcissism we'd lose Scotty Riggs, Lex Luger, our Paragon of Virtue, Lenny Lane, and Big Sexy. All we'd have left is Ralphus.

— DDT on WCW Monday Nitro 5.3.99

Illusive Man: Shepard, I've gathered the perfect crew for you. Miranda Lawson. She had a troubled childhood and hates her father. Jacob Taylor. He also had a rough childhood and problems with his father... Samara, an Asari justicar who has problems with her daughters. Thane Krios, a Drell who was trained as an assassin since he was a child and who has problems with his son. And then there is Jack...
Shepard: I'm beginning to see a pattern here that I'm not so sure I like.

— Fan comic about Mass Effect 2

"These people don't have 'issues' so much as they have subscriptions."

— GG Crono on the Katawa Shoujo forums

Web Video

Starlight: Look, dudes, whatever Twilight and her stupid friendship lesson says, I know I'll probably never be a part of your clique and I'm okay with that. I mean, I'm a crazy bitch who's barely capable of casual social interaction.
Mane Six: Yep, you sure are. And that's why you fit right in.

— My Little Pony: Totally Legit Recap, "Every Little Thing She Does"

"Just open the DSM-IV at a random page and you're likely to find on it some disorder that Curtis has."

— Spoony, Let's Play Phantasmagoria 2

"What a fuckin' useless bunch of cunts we are."

— Sullivan, Satellite City

Fleischer: You're all fucked in the head!
Lucy: The good kind!
Fleischer: There is no good kind!

— Satellite City

Western Animation

"You realize the Avengers are a complete disaster, right? Iron Man is completely unqualified to lead a team like this. Thor is crazy. The Hulk is a bomb waiting to go off! Ant-Man couldn't be less interested in taking down bad guys. And Wasp belongs in the party circuit, not law enforcement."

— Hawkeye, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, "Masters of Evil"

"All of the ponies in this town are crazy!"

— Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

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