Quotes / Dysfunctional Family

"I am a Family Organiser. I am solely responsible for the family well-being at all times."
X, Halfway Across the Galaxy and Turn Left, on her role in her family, aged ten

"Mom's resentful that she has to work so hard, which obscures her guilt about actually wanting to work so hard. Dad's guilty about being less driven than Mom, but thinks it's wrong to feel that way. So, he hides behind a smokescreen of cluelessness. Quinn wears superficiality like a suit of armor, because she's afraid of looking inside and finding absolutely nothing. And I'm so defensive that I actually work to make people dislike me so I won't feel bad when they do. Can I go now?"
Daria Morgendorffer when being asked about her family by a psychiatrist.

"Let me share with you a typical Thanksgiving at the Turk household. It starts with my mother yelling at my sister for yelling at my grandmother who's yelling at the television screen, which happens to be the microwave. And then my militant brother Jabari, formerly Bob, gives my father attitude for using the word black, even though he's referring to the turkey, which, by the way, only got burnt because instead of turning the oven off, my bi-polar Aunt Leslie tried to shove her head in it!"
Christopher Turk, Scrubs

All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents: "Damn it George, I told you I'd leave you if you didn't quit drinking", "Well, I guess that makes you a liar, 'cause I'm drunk as hell and you're still here", "Stop yelling, you're making Sheldon cry", "I'll tell you what's making Sheldon cry, that I let you name him SHELDON!".
Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

The most detestable collection of people that you will ever meet - my family.
Henrik Vanger, The Millennium Trilogy

From now on a household of five will be divided,
three against two and two against three;
a father will be divided against his son
and a son against his father,
a mother against her daughter
and a daughter against her mother,
a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law
and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.

Old Prince Bolkonsky is crazy,
and Mary is plain.
Andrey's family...
Totally messed up.

[After being captured by and subsequently witnessing a bonding moment between Webby and her grandmother]
Bigtime Beagle: It's okay, Ma. I tried! A-and that's what matters, right?
Ma Beagle: Shut up. Bigtime.
Bigtime Beagle: Why can't we have what they have?!

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/DysfunctionalFamily