Quotes / Brainless Beauty

Anime and Manga

It seems like the rumor that bust size and math test scores are inversely proportional is true.

— Kamen no Maid Guy

Film — Live-Action

Hobson: Thrilling to meet you, "Gloria."
Prostitute: Hi.
Hobson: Yes, you obviously have a wonderful economy with words, Gloria. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness.

—Arthur (1981)

"Don't think, honey. Just be beautiful."

— Gary Fennell , Missile to the Moon (1958)

Nurse: Dr. McJoy, she looks brain dead.

Boner: Maybe, but with her looks it really doesn't matter.

— Sex Trek: Charly XXX

Literature

He disliked nearly all women, and especially the young and pretty ones. It was always the women, and above all the young ones, who were the most bigoted adherents of the Party, the swallowers of slogans, the amateur spies and nosers-out of unorthodoxy.

— Nineteen Eighty-Four

She was a dull person, but a sensational invitation to make babies.

— Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut

Some of the most beautiful bodies are seldom endowed with the keenest of minds.

— Huma D'Este, The Ribbajack

Madame Zeroni: Myra's head is as empty as a flowerpot.
Elya Yelnats: But she's beautiful.
Madame Zeroni: So is a flowerpot.

— Holes

Stiffy's map, as a rule, tends to be rather grave and dreamy, giving the impression that she is thinking deep, beautiful thoughts. Quite misleading, of course. I don't suppose she would recognize a deep, beautiful thought if you handed it to her on a skewer with tartare sauce.

— Bertie Wooster, The Code of the Woosters

Whenever an occasion arose in which she needed an opinion on something in the wider world, she borrowed her husband's. If this had been all there was to her, she wouldn't have bothered anyone, but as is so often the case with such women, she suffered from an incurable case of of pretentiousness. Lacking any internalized values of her own, such people can arrive at a standpoint only by adopting other people's standards or views. The only principle that governs their minds is the question "How do I look?"

— The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, by Haruki Murakami

So desirable — so innocent — so stupid... No wonder they don't let virgins travel off her planet. They'd never make it home. Not as virgins, anyway.

—Feltipern Trevagg, on his date, Nightlily, Nightlily: The Lovers' Tale

I hope she'll be a fool—that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.

—Daisy Fay, The Great Gatsby

Katharine was a tall, fair-haired girl, very straight, with splendid movements. She had a bold, aquiline face, a face that one might have called noble until one discovered that there was as nearly as possible nothing behind it. Very early in her married life he had decided — though perhaps it was only that he knew her more intimately than he knew most people — that she had without exception the most stupid, vulgar, empty mind that he had ever encountered. She had not a thought in her head that was not a slogan, and there was no imbecility, absolutely none that she was not capable of swallowing if the Party handed it out to her. "The human soundtrack" he nicknamed her in his own mind.

—Nineteen Eighty-Four

"It was as if some god had said, 'Sorry, kid, you're going to be thicker than a yard of lard, but the good news is, it isn't going to matter.'"

— Sergeant Angua (on Tawneee), Discworld, Thud!

Even dressed in winter clothes that covered her from chin to ankle, Callie’s beauty could melt icicles at ten paces. It was a shame those same icicles could probably outthink her.

—Eddie LaCrosse

Live-Action TV

Liz: He is a doctor who doesn't know the Heimlich maneuver! He can't play tennis, he can't cook, he's as bad at sex as I am, but he has no idea!
Jack: That is the danger of being super-handsome. When you're in the bubble, nobody ever tells you the truth. For years, I thought I spoke excellent French. (gibberish)

— 30 Rock

Sidas: Do you know what the difference between her IQ and mine is? 91 points. In relation, she's closer to a gibbon than she is to me. Having sex with her would be an act of bestiality.
Foreman: I assume you didn't marry her for her skill in applied physics.
Sidas: I just wish she could spell it.

—House, "Ignorance is Bliss"

"Hot as lava, but just as thick"

— Lily on Robin's Satellite Love Interest Nick, How I Met Your Mother, "Splitsville"

"Oh Andy, you fine but you simple."

—Donna Meagle, Parks and Recreation

"You smarty, me dumb!
Help pwetty have fun?
Boopy doopy doop, boop, sex!"

—Annie in Annie's Christmas Seduction, Community ^note "You know, eventually you reach diminishing returns on the sexiness..."

Music

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb girl
Dump with the cap of a bee
Stupid as can be, right down, dump, the girl is
Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb girl
The girl is dumb

—Run–D.M.C., "Dumb Girl"

Theatre

Harold: Well, I suppose he has an interesting face and body, but it turns me right off because he can't talk intelligently about art.
Emory: Yeah, ain't it a shame?
Harold: I could never love anyone like that.
Emory: Never. Who could?
Harold: I could and you could, that's who could.

— The Boys in the Band

Video Games

Won the Miss Atlantis title with her looks, not her brains. Plans to spread world peace by selling beauty products in her Bikini.

—"Miss Atlantis" description, Atlantis Underwater Tycoon

Webcomics

Ben, you're super cute, but I also think you might be the dumbest man alive.

— Cleo, Bobwhite (source strip)

Web Original

A great singer. But on her cd, she keeps reminding us that she is a virgo. I don't care what your sign is, Beyoncé

—Urban Dictionary

Will plastic surgeon please warn patients that sometimes the plastic jelly they inject into their ass can travel up to their brain and eat their sense of reason?

—Michael K., "Iggy Azalea Thinks Iggy Azalea Made Hip Hop More Accepting"

[Watches Amanda attempt to hide from this list by putting on a blond wig backward.]

—Drew Magary on Amanda Bynes, "The 25 Least Influential People of 2013"

This is pretty much the reaction my dog would have if she suddenly became sentient.

—Jezebel, "Britney Spears' Delusional 'Documentary' is a Hot, Glittery Mess"

Thinking is not for everyone, Megan! You know when you put an extra large load of laundry in the dryer and it can’t handle it, so it starts violently shaking during the spin cycle? That’s what Megan’s brain does when she tries to think too hard. Megan, keep the load light, hon.

—DListed

Democracy was never more threatened than when Reagan was in office, pissing off the Communists and (even worse!) the air traffic controllers while Nancy was busy formulating national policy with astrological charts.

— Noah Antwiler on Invasion U.S.A. (1985), Knights of the Dinner Table

Web Video

"Omigod".

You're a professional lyricist, and that's the best you could come up with.

—Todd in the Shadows on "Shake It Off"

Western Animation

Why are the cute ones always tube-heads?

— Blackarachnia, Beast Wars

Bugs: Hey, Lola.
Lola: (over the phone) Hey, Bugs! Whatcha doin'?
Bugs: Standin' on the side of the road.
Lola: Fuuuun! ... Oh my gosh. Psh. You're never gonna believe this! There is a guy standing on the side of the road who looks just like you. I'm about to hit him! (Nearly crashes into Bugs and rolls down the window) You look just like my boyfriend!

— The Looney Tunes Show

Real Life

...men who, considering females rather as women than human creatures, have been more anxious to make them alluring mistresses than affectionate wives and rational mothers; and the understanding of the sex has been so bubbled by this specious homage that the civilized women of the present century, with a few exceptions, are only anxious to inspire love, when they ought to cherish a nobler ambition, and by their abilities and virtues exact respect.

— Mary Wollstonecraft, A Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792)

A gift for selecting fine bodies attached to heads filled with the bright confetti of lunacy.

— Gore Vidal, on friend Tennessee Williams' taste in dates

So Miss USA doesn't know the capital of her home state? To be fair she probably doesn't know the capitals of any of the states.

—Sarah Michelle Gellar, tweeted 6.19.14

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