Quotes / Bestiality Is Depraved

Sora: Where do mermaids come from?
Ariel: Well, when a man loves a dolphin more than society says he should...

"His educational career began, interestingly enough, in agricultural school, where he majored in animal husbandry, until they — caught him at it one day."

"Lord Melchett, Lord Melchett, intelligent and deep.
Lord Melchett, Lord Melchett, a shame about the sheep."

"Do you know that I walked in on my fiance trying to fuck his dog?"
Elizabeth Halsley, Bad Teacher

"Rick, I knew you were a vile, DISGUSTING degenerate, but bestiality?! This goes beyond my wildest dreams!"
Ed Thompson, Bachelor Party

Buddy Love: "Well, if it isn't Professor Sherman Klump, the inventor of Jumbo the Horny Hamster."
Dean Richmond: "PLEASE!"

"What in carnation?! My whore and my horse are cahootin' against me! Go make y'rself useful, hooker, and find me that damn map mak'r!"

Asif Mandvi: Larry Wilmore is a chicken-fucker. And from what I understand, the sex is not always consensual.
Jon Stewart: *startled, stammering somewhat* ...W-well, I mean, to be fair to Larry... is chicken-sex ever really consensual?

Bennett: What could possibly happen with two naked people? And in water! Not just any water, but warm water!
Caption: Oh, I can think of fifty different things they can do. Sixty if you threw in a few otters.
Bennett the Sage, sporking "Welcome To The Emo Parade."

"A man goes to a psychiatrist and tells him that every single night, he has a recurring dream wherein he fucks his horse repeatedly. The shrink asks whether the horse is male or female, to which the man responds 'Female, of course! What kind of pervert do you think I am?'"
— A joke

"Came the day that TC fucked the chicken."

A young man is walking through a small village one day and decides to stop by a bar and have a beer. He walks into a bar, and sees a grizzled old man, crying into his beer. Curious, the young man sits down and says, "Hey old timer, why the long face?"
The old man looks at him and points out the window, "See that dock out there? I built that dock with my own two hands, plank by plank, nail by nail, but do they call me McGregor the dockbuilder? No, no."
The old man continued, "And see that ship out there? I've been fishing these waters for my village for thirty-five years! But do they call me McGregor the fisherman? No, no."
The old man continued, "And see all the crops in the farms out there? I planted and have been farming those crops for my village for nearly 45 years! But do they call me McGregor the farmer? No, no."
The old man starts to cry again, "But you screw one goat."
— A joke

Neal Horsley: "Before I surrendered myself to the Lord Jesus Christ, I was an absolute hedonist. I smoked dope, I did everything that might feel good.... Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I..."
Alan Colmes: "You had sex with animals?"
NH: "Absolutely. I was a fool."
AC: "You had sex with animals?"
NH: "When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."
AC: "Ah, I'm not so sure that that is so..."
NH: "That's because you didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia. The fact of the matter is if they have....don't know that you experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it."

"You have no right to judge me! You weren't there! I was a stupid teenager! I was horny! And it was a really cute horse!"

Ramen: The past does not define who are, but gives you a starting point for who you're going to be.
Robo: Unless f**ked a sheep. Cause then you're a sheep f**ker. You really can't change that.
This Art of Trolling post

"There's a lot you can get out of goats, you can get cheese, you can get wool, you can get sex..."

Lawyer: This is entrapment! My client was visiting close personal friends in that motel.
Sgt Reed: Buddy, your client's "close personal friends" were a non-union video crew and a German shepherd!

"These [electricity-proof full-body condom] suits are also available in the appropriate size for household pets and equine companions, though like many things in the porn industry it’s best not to think why."
"Sara's Little Purple Book", Whateley Universe

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her old dog a bone,
But when she bent over, Rover took over
'Cause Rover had a bone of his own!
— Joke by Jimi Hendrix

"We as a culture have become so desensitized that sex with animals has become funny. We [have] grasped the concept and mocked it."

England: I'm painting [the sheep] on purpose because you twats keep stealing them! This way I can tell if it's my sheep you're running around with! What do you even do with them!?
Netherlands: We used to shag them, but we can't anymore because it's illegal now or whatever.

Aubrey: Well, I'm sorry that my porno lacks the intimacy of being mounted and mastered by a koala bear in front of a pack of pre-schoolers taking a field trip to the zoo!
Monette: Please don't mock the moment that Mr. Chim-chim and I had together, Aubrey.

Terrence: You are such a pig fucker, Phillip.
Phillip: Terrence, why would you call me a pig fucker?
Terrence: Let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
Phillip: Oh, yeah!

"[Pinkie] fucked a snail! I watched her fuck a snail once. That sounds weird, right, just hearing me say it. Imagine how weird it was to see it. She fucked. A snail."

"You can't fuck puppies. At least you SHOULDN'T."
Ingram, VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action

"Trying to determine how scale-itch got onto Normandy. Sexually transmitted disease, only carried by varren. Implications...unpleasant."
Mordin Solus, Mass Effect 2

Louie: Hey, I thought you said Troy McClure was dead.
Fat Tony: No, what I said is that he sleeps with the fishes. You see...
Louie: Tony, please, no! I just ate a whole plate of dingamagoo!
The Simpsons, "A Fish Called Selma"

Bosha: So I said to him, it’s my goat, I’ve been tending goats since I was four years old –
Kob: …Right, right.
Bosha: – and I’d know if my goat was in love with you.
Kob: For God’s sake.
Bosha: And he says to me, I know your goat is in love with me.
Kob: So you said “how?”, Bosha?
Bosha: So I said, “how?” And he says, well, she fucks me, doesn’t she?
Kob: And that’s when you hit him.
Bosha: Right across the eyes with a shovel. And now the headman says I have to pay the bastard money because he went blind. Hey, I find my goat lying in the middle of the field, fucked within an inch of its life, and a naked guy beside her, prick covered in blood and sawdust, what do I do?
Kob: Hit him with a bloody shovel!

The dogs and horses on the estate just loved you; indeed, all the animals were your best friends, and you expressed your appreciation for them in no uncertain terms. For your services, they rewarded you with their utter adoration... and an advanced case of brucellosis, a virus that causes spontaneous abortion in animals and remittent fever in human beings.
The Revolting Revenant, Vampire: The Masquerade - Ghouls: Fatal Addiction

Alternative Title(s): But You Screw One Goat