Quotes / Annoying Video Game Helper

"Why are tutorials built into games nowadays? Remember when I fucking put in Super Mario World? It went 'Da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da DAA-da!', and I pushed START, and I pushed A, and I was PLAYING THE FUCKING GAME!! I didn't need Monita to be like 'You must push A to jump, and go left.' FUCK YOU!!! You stupid, fucking, whore, computer, BITCH!!! I KNOW HOW TO PLAY GAMES!!!"

— Jon Jafari, Game Grumps

"That's because if Kuni gets the last hit, you don't get to perform a floral finisher. Kuni basically will killsteal. I know, it's annoying. But, like they say, partners are only there to killsteal from you. I don't know who says that, but I just did. So therefore, it is a thing. Now, make a TV Tropes page about it."

— Chuggaaconroy, commenting on game mechanics in Ōkamiden (and Tempting Fate in the process)

"EMERGENCY, LEFT TURN, LEFT TURN. EMERGENCY, LEFT TURN, LEFT TURN. EMERGENCY, LEFT TURN, LEFT TURN. EMERGENCY, LEFT TURN, LEFT TURN. EMERGENCY, RIGHT TURN, RIGHT TURN. EMERGENCY, RIGHT TURN, RIGHT TURN. EMERGENCY, RIGHT TURN, RIGHT TURN."

—Top Landing typical run

"She'd waste entire Health Sprays on me if I so much as stood on a thumbtack. I appreciate the sentiment, but you're not my fucking mum, woman! One time I was low on health — but not too low — and was about to use a Small Herb to keep myself going when I saw my partner coming towards me brandishing a valuable Large Herb, and when you're running away from your support character with more desperate terror than you feel for any of the actual monsters, something has definitely gone wrong somewhere."

— Zero Punctuation, Resident Evil 5

Ganondorf: "Huh. Didn't know that sword came with a Microsoft Office Assistant."
Commander Badass: "That's cool I guess."
Ganondorf: "You'd think that after a quarter-century of questing and some twelve reincarnations they'd give the kid an option to turn that off."

— Manly Guys Doing Manly Things, on Fi

Navi: Hey! Listen!
Link: SHUT THE FUCK UP, NAVI!

— There Will Be Brawl

Roll: MEGAMAN! THOSE PLATFORMS FALL WHEN YOU-
Egoraptor: HEY NO FUCKING SHIT! They're falling! They're fucking falling! I can see that! How many fu-UGH! I'm going crazy here!
(Roll starts sobbing)
Egoraptor: (sighs) I'm sorry; I just... I don't feel sorry for you?

— Sequelitis

"Listen up, Player! Here's where I give you advice you didn't ask for!"

— Rotom Pokédex, Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon

"You again! And there's that phone again too! Why? Why?"

— Patrick/Starfish Man, Sponge Bob Square Pants Creature From The Krusty Krab

"Graham, watch out! A POIsonous snake!"

— Cedric the Owl, King's Quest V: Absence Makes the Heart Go Yonder!

"I dunno, Omochao maybe wanted to tell me something there, like 'Kill all the enemies, and all the enemies will be dead!' Wow! Never would've thought of that!"

— raocow, AtS 346 - prison province

"Previously in the dungeon, we saw that there was an important treasure chest in the underworld. And then Fi appeared and told us that there was an important treasure chest in the underworld."

— Mark Brown, Boss Keys, on The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Omochao: You got a Light Speed Shoe! You can travel along a trail of rings at super speed! You got a Magic Hands! They're useless, though, so, ignore them. (Sonic rolls his eyes) You got a ring! You got another ring! (Sonic runs off in frustration; to Knuckles) You got a Fighting Gloves! They're yellow!
Knuckles: What the hell?! Why don't you just give me some gloves with "I Am Gay" written on them?!
Omochao: You got the I Am Gay Gloves! (Knuckles snarls; to Robotnik) You got mail! (to a kiss-covered Sonic) You got herpes! (to Elise) You got serious issues. (to Toon Link) You got the Iron Boots! (to Big) You got a Life Belt! It'll stop you drowning! (Froggy pops the Life Ring; to a pained Knuckles) You got a serious spinal condition from carrying so much junk! (Smash Cut to Knuckles' grave) You got a tombstone! (to Shadow) You got the Omochao Gun!
(Shadow happily smiles; fires Omochao into the mouth of an orca)

— Sonic Shorts Volume 5

---