While the Wondrous Ladies Room
may be a place for chatting, primping, and various Women's Mysteries
, the men's restroom is a place dedicated to speed and efficiency. When using the restroom, men must observe certain unspoken guidelines that dictate their behavior therein and speed up the process of using the lavatory. Except in extenuating circumstances, such as overcrowding, any breach of these guidelines is discouraged and can lead to some awkward and embarrassing situations.
- Keep all interaction to a bare minimum. Do not make eye contact with other men, as this may be interpreted as an unwelcome invitation. Also, never let your gaze wander to any body part of another occupant, whether or not he is of any genuine interest to you.
- When selecting a urinal, stay as far away from other men as possible, so as to better comply with the previous rule. If the only available urinals are adjacent to ones currently in use, use a stall.
- Avoid making unnecessary noises. While grunting is never appropriate, the occasional cough is usually all right, though there is always the chance that this could be misinterpreted, as per rule number 1.
- And finally, the one rule that must never, ever, be broken: Never say a single word while within the restroom. Not only is it an unnecessary noise, but it grates against the philosophy of speed and efficiency that governs Male Restroom Etiquette. It slows down the transaction process and makes using the restroom awkward and unpleasant for other occupants.
Whenever Male Restroom Etiquette is brought up in media, it is usually Played for Laughs
as we watch some poor soul try to use the restroom while another man shows complete disregard for the above rules. And while many men can attest that these rules are indeed Truth in Television
, most know that a breach of these rules is not so awkward as some make it out to be. Contrast The Can Kicked Him
, the ultimate breach of etiquette.
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- One one-page gag of the comic Le Petit Spirou was dedicated to this.
- Often referred to in Sid the Sexist in Viz, which also makes up some rules:
- Can't use the urinal until you've drunk 10 pints of beer.
- Anything more than three shakes is a wank.
- Real Genius: The hyperactive Jordan finds Mitch at a urinal and obliviously bombards him with questions. Doesn't help rather shy 15-year-old Mitch's composure in this situation that Jordan is female.
- Spaceballs - President Skroob gets a video phone call while in the restroom.
- One scene in Starman has the titular alien watching a man using the urinal in a gas station's men's room. Once he realizes he's being watched, the man gets annoyed, thinking that Starman is a gay guy who's interested in him.
Men's Room Guy: [sigh] Every god-damn place you go...
- In Waiting, this is what caused Calvin's phobia of public restrooms. One time a man was in the adjacent urinal, and just wouldn't stop staring at his junk. A few days later, he's in a similar situation, except this time the other guy was adhering to the standard rules. Calvin still yelled "QUIT STARING AT MY COCK!" and ran out.
Calvin: In hindsight, I may have overreacted on that one.
- Mentioned repeatedly in Isaac Asimov's The Caves of Steel and its sequels. In the society of the future Earth, the women's "Personals" are social centers, but the men adhere strictly to the no-interaction rule.
- Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys illustrates the urinal selection problem, and shows that five urinals can accommodate three guys using them by keeping a buffer urinal in between Guy C and Guys A and B (B will always take the far one even if it's located a mile away). Problems arise, however, if Guy D should happen to walk in at the same time.
- Possible outcomes include D waiting despite there being two open spots, going for an empty spot causing every male to stare resolutely at the wall as if the formula for Grape Nuts to platinum was engraved there, or go against the wall.
Live Action TV
- From KROQ's Kevin and Bean's Last Christmas show there was a skit which was essentially about bothering guys in the men's room on Christmas day.
- In Custom Robo, Harry has to go to the bathroom when nearing the Big Bad. You can choose whether or not to follow. If you go in, two Mooks will confront you after using the urinals. Harry makes a comment about them not washing their hands.
- In The Sims 2, Male Sims were programmed to use urinal bathroom etiquette as an Easter Egg, or just to avoid the Uncanny Valley.
- In Stacking, you can break rule #4 in the male restroom at the station. This is actually required for one of the Hi-Jinks.
- Violated by U.S. President Lyndon Johnson, who would discuss business with people while he was on the john (note, in person, not on the phone, with the door open). It is unknown whether he did this because he was genuinely uncaring about the whole thing or as part of a power trip showing off that he was the boss and you had to deal with him even while he was on the toilet.
- In Mel Blanc's autobiography, he talks about his son Noel coming in, sitting on his lap, and making Mel read to him, even when he was on "the can".