Just For Fun / TV Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows Cellblock T

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1901. If I witness my mortal enemy being killed by a third party due to related or unrelated reasons, I won't save him because only I am allowed to defeat him. Such a decision is always counterproductive, so I will rather sit back and watch the show.
1902. Even if my henchman does indeed bring me the head of my mortal enemy, be very careful, especially in settings with highly advanced technology or highly powerful magic. After all, I might end up with one of those talking head things.
1903. In light of the previous vow, if I receive the head of my enemy, I will resist trying to do a " Alas, poor Yorick!" moment with it.
1904. I will not mount a war of extermination against the species my race happens to eat. It's a great way to make sure nobody is really loyal to me.
1905. I will make sure that the bathroom stalls at the base are wide enough for ANYONE to use them. Seriously, the only thing worse than having a bad case of diarrhea in a stall WITHOUT toilet paper, is to ALSO be in one that is WAY too small!
1906. If I'm into those role-playing games, treat the NPCs as if they might be real people - sometimes you never know.
1907. I, or any of my henchmen or partners, will never, ever relay secret information (even though it may sound deliberately ambiguous) in a public place, or even places with lots of recognizable ambient noises.
1908. If I have somehow convinced the head of a city or even a nation to work for/with me, I will not use him to immediately pass the bills favorable to my situation. That will arouse lot of attraction, and those snooping kids/detectives will no doubt put two and two together. Instead, I will advise him to act normally, and report to me about their 'protectorate' as well as potential kids/detectives to provide a countermeasure in the situation I do need to use him to pass bills favorable to my situation.
1909. If I am in hiding after being defeated and have to change my identity, I must select the one who has no close contacts, even people who are estranged from their relatives or friends for whatever reasons. Most likely, they won't bother keeping contact with 'the guy', so any changes will be automatically ignored, and if someone does notice my differing quirks, I will just cook up a reasonable excuse, perhaps being regretful of the guy's attitude (or whatever that might work).
1910. That said, if my former stints as the Evil Overlord is quite famous, I must not repeat those acts wherever I am hiding, not even agree with/denounce my former personality. I will simply be the guy in the background (if I can't avoid it).
1911. I will assume that luck and fate are not on my side and plan accordingly. Maybe the hero is actually a Decoy Protagonist, but if not, luck and fate are probably on their side. I make my own luck, and that is what makes me dangerous.
1912. I will not act like those "Karens". That attitude is counterproductive and attracts way too much of the wrong kind of attention.
1913. While on that subject, just don't act like an entitled jerk at all.
1914. If God Is Evil and I am said god in a universe where magic, mana or the like is commonplace, I will not screw with humans for the hell of it. Sure, it may seem fun in the short term, but humans are some tenacious little bastards, and when they, as a species, get pissed, bad things happen.
1915. Or I will just bid my time till they are divided.
1916. If the Hero has foiled my scheme to capture an important McGuffin to complete my plans, and then the next day I read in the newspapers that another such McGuffin is put on display in the City museum, I'll pass up the opportunity. The odds are it's a trap the Hero set up to catch me and the McGuffin is a fake.
1917. When I build a Flying Fortress of Doom to hover above the Capital City and launch missiles at famous landmarks, I will also include hidden sections in its design filled with canisters of nerve gas. When the Hero blows up my FFoD, the nerve gas tanks rupture and the Hero will destroy the city. Then, when the Hero is crippled with grief of having killed everybody, I will finish him off with some well-placed sniper rounds.
1918. All the escape pods on my Flag ship have a keypad so that I can verify my identity upon launching the pod. When I punch in the identification code, it triggers an automated self-destruct mechanism, which destroys the ship when I exit the ship with my escape pod as soon as the pod clears the blast zone. There is no other way to trigger the self-destruct mechanism.
1919. If I enter a race/game/competition with the Hero, I will not cheat. Instead I will frame him for cheating, or even better, trick him into accidentally breaking the rules. Then I will expose him as a fraud and have him disqualified. My minions will be present with cameras and surveillance equipment to record the Hero's cheating, so I can have it displayed globally with my vast propaganda machinery.
1920. My fancy new Flag ship has a hidden tracking beacon, which will activate automatically, if I don't punch in an identification code every morning. This prevents the Hero from stealing my expensive new ship and taking it to his Rebel friends.
1921. I will have a flash drive in my possession, which contains shutdown codes for every single ship in my fleet, in case the enemy captures my ships and tries to use them against my Fleet of Doom. Each of my ships will also have a secret backup radio receiver, in case the Hero smashes the primary radio.
1922. I will not kill my henchmen just because they made a mistake. I will forgive a blunder once. It's good for the morale, and making mistakes is how people learn and become more effective at their work. However, I will make it clear that each person in my payroll gets one and only one chance to make amends. I will not tolerate repeat screw-ups.
1923. If I trick another villain to team up with me, I will keep in mind not to gloat about it to the Hero. The odds are he is recording the whole conversation and uses it to turn my duped ally against me.
1924. If I fight the Hero and he disarms me, but is then unable to kill me in cold blood, I will not attempt to grab the nearest weapon and charge at him. That is suicide. Neither will I start to taunt him for his foolishness. Instead, I will admit my defeat, thank him for his mercy and escape when he is baffled by my response.
1925. If the Hero comes to my office, makes accusations about my schemes and then leaves, I will not rush to the telephone and make phone calls to my accomplices to have him killed. Most likely the Hero attempted to rattle me into action to expose me. Instead, I will meet with a lawyer and discuss with him about filing a lawsuit about a slander case against the Hero. That will throw him off my trail.
1926. When I go tell my Evil scientist that his project is cancelled and he should get out of the building, I make sure his entrance privileges are cancelled before I break him the news. Same thing for my business partner/apprentice/accountant/trusted lieutenant/whatever when I betray him.
1927. When I dispose of a body, I will first remove all electrical devices which may be used to pinpoint the body's location, such as GPS locators and cell phones, and then destroy them immediately. Alternatively, have said tracking devices moved to and activated in a nondescript location; so should any heroes connected to the deceased come to mount a rescue mission, a setup of high-explosive booby traps — ideally with a cadre of snipers a safe distance away for extra measure — will be there and waiting.
1928. Once my Plan for World Domination has succeeded, I will keep in mind the possibility of some random scientist inventing a time machine. The details of how I succeeded will be kept from public and a completely fictional story will be made available, designed specifically to mislead time travelling Heroes.
1929. The shark tanks on the walls of my office are nothing but wide screen televisions showing an image from my shark tank. That way the Hero cannot distract my mooks by shooting the shark tanks and flooding my office. TV screens are easier to replace than mouldy office furniture.
1930. If my guards capture the Hero snooping around my front corporation, I will not attempt to kill him with a Death trap. Instead I will hand him over to the police and accuse him of trespassing and industrial espionage, unless he has already found some critical information. That should confuse him.
1931. If my guards capture the Hero in my front corporation and he has found incriminating evidence, I will still order him to be handed over to police, but I will give my Trusted lieutenant a secret gesture. The Trusted lieutenant then protests and suggests us to handle the Hero ourselves. Then I will scoff him off and order him to do as I say. Then my Trusted lieutenant shall escort the Hero to be killed. This way, if the Hero escapes, he thinks that I am just an innocent dupe being played and my Trusted lieutenant is the real Big Bad.
1932. I will not attempt to duplicate the Superhero's powers and equip my army of minions with them to defeat him. That's counterproductive as Hero is the one person who knows most about the weaknesses of his particular superpower set.
1933. I will not attempt to set my organization to destroy the Superhero with robots and an army of superpowered minions. It is costly and wasteful. Instead I will hire only normal minions to get things done and a couple of C-list supervillains to keep the Superhero occupied. I will create a fake command center underground, which the C-lister guards from hero. When the Superhero comes, he beats up the C-lister, ties up my minions, torches the place and then leaves. Option for a masked dupe to work in the role of the boss to give the Superhero some closure and sense of accomplishment. The real operations will be handled in a regular office building by minions wearing suits undisturbed by Superheroes.
1934. Whatever logo my organisation or front corporation has, I will not have it displayed on everything, especially not stationary. That will only provide unnecessary clues to the Hero. All the little nicknacks, tools and supplies will be off-the-shelf products without any custom logos or extra markings.
1935. Whenever I use the points made in this list to foil the Hero, I will not gloat to him about reading this list. After all, if the Hero survives and escapes, he might take the time to read this list too.
1936. Whenever I use a disguise, I will pick a completely random fake name to go with it, rather than use clever anagrams or characters from my favorite book/movie/play etc. The Heroes are always good at figuring out those kinds of details.
1937. Whenever I use a disguise, one of my lookalike minions will also use a disguise and act as a decoy, complete with a fake name using an anagram or character's name from my favorite book/movie/play etc. The Heroes will always notice that kind of a fake name and I have a good opportunity to lead them to a trap.
1938. That big, menacing ship flying over the Capital city lobbing missiles at famous landmarks is called the diversion. My main operation is always something small and subtle happening elsewhere while everyone is distracted with sky war.
1939. The New Guy in my crew will not be trusted with crucial details of my plans, no matter what his credentials are and no matter how much my Lieutenant swears by him. That kind of trust can only be earned after I personally witness him committing acts unsuitable for undercover operatives.
1940. I shall wear the Spare key to my Safe visibly on my neck. Anyone stealing that key and using it to open my safe quickly learns that the key has an extra pin on it that triggers a spray of acid on the culprit. I will also keep in mind which pin is trapped and can file it down to open the safe without danger in case I cannot access my primary safe key.
1941. I will not allow any drug addicts in my drug-related operations. They will just stick the shipments into their own noses, do something stupid while wasted, get caught and draw unnecessary attention to my organization. If I find out one of my minions has developed a drug habit, I will kindly instruct him to check into rehab and at the very least I will move him to some non-drug related role.
1942. I shall reserve one cell in my Fortress of Doom exclusively for the Hero and I shall equip it with a TV monitor, so I can get the gloating done remotely. That way I don't have invite him to the control room, where he might attack the personnel and fiddle with the controls at the critical moment in my operation to help a group of allies break into my Fortress of Doom.
1943. I will not lie to the Hero just out of contrariness. That just pisses him off and erodes my credibility needlessly. I will talk to him as sincerely as possibly, carefully rationing lies for those times when they truly have an impact on Hero's behavior to my benefit.
1944. If I've defeated the Hero, and achieved World Domination, only to get bored of victory, and I decide to make the foolish mistake of creating some "Hero" to come after me, in addition to a criminal background check, I'll also check out their psychological profile. I don't want to accidentally create a villain who is worse than me.
1945. If I've located some dupe to be the "Replacement Hero", and I've sent my Snatch Squad to their home, only for the dupe to mistake my guys for ordinary thugs/bandits and tell them to "rob that rich little old lady across the street", said Snatch Squad is to leave the premises. In fact, said Snatch Squad is to leave a note with said "Rich Little Old Lady" about how cowardly her neighbor is.
1946. If I am too stringent about security, I would never use security technology, like security boxes or vault-designs already used by the rest of the world. I will have a part of my Research and Development team always focused on improvements. Some funding is necessary for the cyber-division as well, to think about it.
1947. If I have no records that could be used to find me, my face isn't too instantly recognizable, and I stay out of places where the hero could find me, then it really doesn't matter that much who sees my face.
1948. I will consider the advantages of forcing the hero onto equal terms as myself when we battle, possibly even extending this to my lieutenants; for example, refusing to fight him until grabs a standard soldier's sword that I've put in the arena. Not only does this make me look like a Noble Demon, it also will more often than not render moot all those fancy Infinity +1 Swords, Game Breakers, MacGuffins, and what have you.
1949. Furthermore, I will also make sure that the weapon I give them is not one that either is effective against me or my lieutenants (or the quest in general), or is the weapon type the hero specializes in. I mean, come on, giving him a battleaxe when he specializes in axes or a BFS? That's just suicidal.
1950. I will not raise a Tyke Bomb nor will I permit any of my subordinates to do so. Their eventual mental instability will make them a dangerous loose cannon who are just as likely to kill my other subordinates over an imagined slight as they are to kill my enemies. The former of which is incredibly bad for morale, and in a worst case possible scenario, will cause a lot of infighting among my subordinates that would greatly weaken my forces.
1951. Moreover, there is nothing to be gained from a Tyke Bomb that I could not get from raising a child who, in spite of enduring intense training, still had very healthy and happy relationships with friends and family. This way, the kid is unlikely to betray me in a fit of insanity or because of the hero’s persuasion, and the causality rates among my forces would possibly start to lower.
1952. I will never, in any circumstances, order a meeting of all my partners and underlings at one place. That's just providing an Anti-Hero or a Pragmatic Hero full scope to end us in one blow (literally). If it's necessary that a plan has to be circulated among my followers, I will opt for e-mail or video cameras. That will include funerals/family celebrations of higher-ups as well.
1953. Some advice from Quigley Down Under, just because someone tells you that they don't have much use for a certain weapon, don't assume that they don't know how to use it. More than one has learned this lesson the hard way. This also applies to those who claim to not like a certain weapon. After all, even Batman, who hates guns, knows how to use them.
1954. If I've figured out The Hero's Secret Identity, and I end up encountering their children, who might not know what their parent does for a living, I will simply smile, and tell them to tell their parent that I said "Hello". Nothing frightens a Hero more than finding out that their enemy knows about their family. Exception: if the Hero doesn't know my Secret Identity, and I am using said identity when I encounter the Hero's family, I will refrain from saying anything.
1955. That being said, never EVER do anything to harm the Hero's family, especially their children, while the Hero is able to retaliate unless they are clearly acting against me on their own. More than one fool has found out the hard way as to why this is a bad idea.
1956. If the Hero's family does take action against me, I wind up capturing them, and the Hero attempts to rescue them, I will tell the Hero and the captured family members that I will release the captives if the Hero promises that they will never again take action against me. The Hero will be desperate for a win, and will do his best to keep his word - and even if I eventually kill the Hero, his family will be honor-bound not to seek revenge. If they try anyway, they will find less public support for their dishonorable ways.
1957. If, for some reason, I feel the need to monologue about my evil plan to the Hero, I will first break or bind their wrists and ankles so they cannot interfere.
1958. If I operate a restaurant or some sort of retail store as a front for my base, I will make sure to stand up for those working in that decoy area. Should I spot some overly-self-entitled person (often known as a Karen or Chad) harassing another customer or an employee, I'll throw that Karen/Chad out of the place. If they threaten to call the police after I've tossed them out, I'll tell them to do so. When the police do come, I'll simply show them the security footage, after which the police will take away the Karen/Chad for whatever they did. Exception: if this is a Villain whose support I need, I will take them aside and instruct them on the necessities of maintaining a cover, including if necessary lying about accepting others as equals while in the disguised area. They might never be able to mentally process that all human beings have rights and legal protections, even when I might manipulate some of them, but they can understand lying (about something they firmly believe is false, even if it is actually true) in constrained circumstances (such as within the physical boundaries of the front) out of demonstrable necessity.
1959. I will learn from others’ mistakes, both fictional, historical, and those of people I know (or knew), especially those who tried something very similar to what I wish to do. They were kind enough to show me what does not work, usually at the cost of their treasure and/or lives. I have no need to spurn their gifts.
1960. If I am invading another planet, I will do research on the planet first. I want to know the planet’s military capabilities, the political landscape, how they see themselves, if they have powerful protectors, all the things that might be useful to know.
1961. In the event that I've managed to wipe the floor with the world's super-powered heroes, including those with fancy powersuits, only to end up facing a guy who has nothing more than some mundane weapons, gadgets, and martial arts, back away from them, right away! There's a reason he's part of this team, part of it being that he himself can take them out with no issues. The other reason is this — he doesn't know the meaning of the words "Surrender," "Quit," "Give up," "Stop," or "Just Die Already!"
1962. I will never indulge in Would You Like to Hear How They Died? to cornered heroes. That will just infuriate them into a Heroic Second Wind. I will taunt them only when The Hero is literally unable to oppose me anymore.
1963. If there have been cases of a Contagion-like virus around my turf, I will not treat it like a joke. Rather than put the whole land in lockdown, I will make sure the appropriate "cases" are quarantined for whatever my trusted medical advisors can prove to me is the likely incubation period.
1964. If my son, or daughter, is in that particular section of Health Ed, where they have to take care of that substitute baby, and I find out that the Hero is toting around one of them, I will call for a truce for the next four-to-five weeks, because it's possible that, just maybe, this Hero is my offspring's partner in that class, and I want my child to get a good grade. Likewise, I'll tell the other Villains to put their plans on hold for the next few weeks - should they not comply with this request, then the Hero just got themselves a new temporary ally, for the next couple of weeks. Nothing is more important than making sure that my child has a good chance at passing their classes.
1965. If I'm an Evil Wizard, and I've run out of spells that I can safely use, remember that my Magic Staff is a nice piece of wood that can be used to whack people with - hence why I will use a staff over a wand. Also, make sure that others under my command understand the reasoning why.
1966. Criminal enterprises can make for excellent information gathering and smuggling networks. Therefore, I will purposely seek out said enterprises among my allies and enemies, and quickly take them over under some heroic guise. This will grant me new means of waging war on my enemies by weakening, then exploiting, them from within, and all the while giving me some great PR points!
1967. Furthermore, by taking over any underworld criminal empires among my allies, in response for my aid in ridding them of a serious thorn in their side, the alliances I have forged with my allies will only grow stronger and more loyal. Should they try to betray and/or plot against me however, and count themselves as my enemies, see above.
1968. Everything’s better if it can be mass-produced for my Legions of Terror. If it’s too expensive to make more than one, it’s too expensive to make, period.
1969. Do not mess around in the kitchen of Gordon Ramsay — that dude makes me look nice!
1970. If I have an Artifact of Doom or even a Soul Jar containing most of my powers and it tends to slip a lot, the least thing I could do is to place a tracker (or a tracking spell) on the artifact, of which only I can get the location signal, not anyone else. I don't want to search for it and therefore waste my time, while my enemies still believe they have a chance.
1971. I should consider the merits of being The Man Behind the Man as well as Almighty Janitor and being the real brains behind the so-called Evil Overlord who is in the public. If I do have the tenacity and wits to control such a powerful individual subtly, I can certainly spin a convincing tale to make the heroes let me go without any suspicion on my head, in the case the organization comes crashing around us. That said, if stealth is my objective, I should never take a major role in the organization I am controlling.
1972. I'll never force someone to make Propaganda Recordings in the enemy's language to demoralize the enemy — such forced labor will cause the announcer to tell the enemy things I don't want them to know — things like my own troops' movements, any logistics issues, where important people are, and so on.
1973. Those who volunteer to produce propaganda will be carefully investigated, again, to prevent similar issues as above.
1974. If the hero has demonstrated an ability to grow significantly stronger through repeated battles, then I will acquire this ability myself (if I don't already have access to it), and follow up any preliminary victory over a hero who was just starting out with a great deal of training to maintain my superiority. It would be horribly embarrassing to be bested in Round 2 by a loser from a backwater peasant village just because I forgot to level grind.
1975. It is also best to make sure that these preliminary victories are also final victories — isolating the hero from The Cavalry will be a top priority.
1976. The local inn-owners, or bartenders will be directly or indirectly working for me. This way, whatever news some adventurers or mercenaries will be getting will be coming from me, and if they have to fulfill quests to earn their bread, they will unknowingly be doing my work.
1977. The above mentioned inn-owners and bartenders should be paid adequately and timely, especially if they have family, so that they won't even think about betraying me no matter how much the band begs them to drop information on me.
1978. Make sure that all underlings' contributions to any project, no matter how minor, is mentioned in the proper places, especially those brought on via a Happy Accident that either significantly improves the project, or exposes the flaws in a project.
1979. If I find out that some Head Advisor, or some other Supervisor person, steals credit from an underling, said credit thief will be fired — out of a cannon! And into a wall of spikes! The victim will then be compensated, with about six months of the thief's pay.
1980. If I have managed to capture the hero and strip him of his armor and weapons, but I refuse to kill him for some reason, rather than just hiding their gear nearby, I’ll simply have it destroyed. After all, the hero will inevitably escape, but my Mooks will at least have a chance at actually killing the hero if the hero doesn’t have any of their enchanted armor or weapons while they’re trying to escape their prison.
1981. If one of my mooks asks me, in regards to capturing the hero, "Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?" - I'd better have a good reason as to why I Want Them Alive!. If it turns out that I don't, I'll admit that the minion has a point, and alter the order accordingly - capture alive if possible, wounded if need be, and dead if keeping the hero alive isn't possible.
1982. When it comes to Ceremonial and Parade Uniforms, make sure that those are just as effective at keeping my men alive as those made for the front lines. Granted, I might be willing to skimp on the stealth capabilities, but I at least want them to be as good at taking a blow, or a round, as one meant for the battlefield. After all, one never knows if the enemy will attack me during some ceremony or other such things.
1983. In addition, I will also try to make the Mook uniforms as practical/stylish as possible. This is good for morale.
1984. Even though my Mooks will have to swear Undying Loyalty to me and my cause, I must assume some of them might try to be The Starscream. I will consider installing bugs that responds to trigger sentences, and punish the arrogant Mook who thinks he can overthrow me. The punishments are to be carried in a top secret manner, we can't let our soldiers know they're being watched.
1985. Finally, if possible, I should try to find a Awesome McCoolname for my evil army. If it's based on military lines, then this shall also apply to the divisional, regimental, and battalion level.
1986. I will strictly enforce Shoot the Dog in my evil organization. Honor and pride are worth many things, but victory is the first thing we all aspire to. If the former get in the way of victory, then we might as well be The Hero.
1987. If an Amnesiac Hero wanders into my territory, I will kill them at once. Granted I could manipulate them to my will, but the chance of the Laser-Guided Amnesia being reversed is always too great.
1988. If possible, I will contract a well-talented composer to write some songs and music for me and my evil army. If I have a time machine, I should also see about hiring long-deceased composers for this purpose.
1989. In addition, I should also see the possibilities of learning to play the Ominous Pipe Organ or any other related musical instrument. Not only can this inspire fear, it also has every chance of making me look stylish and cultured.
1990. See that guy teabagging my fallen minion — shoot him in the testicles! You just don't disrespect the dead like that! That being said, if teabagger is a woman, getting shot there still hurts! They will learn not to do it again!
1991. If it turns out getting a composer for my army's theme song is just way too expensive, I'll settle for using an already existing song. Plenty already do that trick.
1992. Don't underestimate a new hero - even rookies get lucky once in a while.
1993. If people from a place that has magic tries to conquer my technologically advanced land, I will ask them just how common magic is in their land. If everyone, and their mom, can use it, and it's superior to my technology, don't be afraid to make some sort of deal.
1994. If it turns out that only a handful of people from the magic world can use magic, and/or the magic is equal or less powerful compared to my technology, I'll demonstrate the power that any one of my people could easily access, even the magicless ones. They might be the ones trying to cut a deal afterwards.
1995. I will not try Hijacking Cthulhu unless I am absolutely, totally sure that I can keep control of whatever powerful being I’m trying it on. It sometimes works but more often the hijacker finds that Evil Is Not a Toy.
1996. If a person who is a One-Man Army has sworn themself to my services, then my priority regarding handling them will be not to piss them off, else their fury will be directed to me and my organization as in the worst case scenario, I will watch everything crumbling around me alone.
1997. If I do decide to betray them, No Kill like Overkill is the only possible way, and before they have a chance to process the betrayal at all.
1998. While some folks like to destroy history, and try to claim that they had "invented the Whooper" and not the person who actually did, I will actually take an interest in Historical Conservation. In fact, I shall see to it that funding is set aside to educate folks on those "increasingly lost" building methods. Even if I'm not a fan of that 16th century stone church, it looks good for PR purposes if I am supporting its maintenance. That, and the Hero's Secret Identity will, more than likely, try to also drum up support for said church, or whatever historical place I'm trying to help out.
1999. In the event that the Hero had some sort of monument made of them, and then I best them, I'll leave said monument alone. It's a good idea to have a reminder that it's possible for me to be beaten. Also, folks don't look kindly upon those who just destroy monuments for no good reason, especially if the other had dedicated their life to saving people. Beside, there's nothing wrong with showing respect to a fallen rival. Exception: if the monument is magic, or hiding dangerous technology that I would prefer not to allow into others’ hands. In that case I would make a copy and then destroy it.
2000. If I am off to invade The Hero's base of operations, to end the conflict once and for all, I must never leave my own lair unguarded. They will simply take it over and use my own devices and plans to destroy me and my army. If The Hero gets any smart ideas to invade my place, I will keep properly-tested and cleared Super Soldiers as well as Elite Mooks as a surprise.