Funny: The Shield
Moments for the TV Series The Shield
- Any reference to Shane looking like a redneck. A memorable early example is from "Two Days of Blood," where cock-fight runner Gabo offers to help the Strike Team go undercover in a cock-fight festival:
Gabo: I get some of my best fighters from rednecks in Louisiana. *looks at Shane* He'll blend right in.Shane: Blow me, chicken man!
- "Dawg Days": a corpse is stolen, and the perpetrator calls the mother and tries to demand a ransom...
Caller: *muffled* Bring the money to the cemetery at 10 o'clock sharp.
Caller: *more clearly* Bring the money to the cemetery at 10 o'clock sharp.
Dottie: I can't understand you.
Caller: *no longer disguising his voice* Bring the money to the cemetery at 10 o'clock sharp or Thurman's body will be chopped to pieces and you'll never see him again!
Dottie: Henry! Is that you?!
(Cue Henry getting arrested)
- "Dragonchasers": Shane enters the interrogation room and talks with stripper (and accused mugger) Tulips, who innocently asks if there's any way she can cut a deal. Shortly thereafter, Vic switches on the surveillance monitor...and finds Shane and Tulips having sex on the interrogation table.
- "Homewrecker": Aceveda finds a boy riding a stolen bicycle and takes it from him...only to later learn it's the wrong bicycle.
Aceveda: I just stole a kid's bike.
- "Bottom Bitch": Claudette's reaction when she realizes she's looking at a photo of Dutch's penis.
- In "Mum," the Strike Team walks in on Diagur performing cunnilingus on his girlfriend Yolanda. Somewhat amusing. Several episodes later, in "What Power Is," the Strike Team walks in on Diagur performing cunnilingus on Yolanda. Again.
- "The Cure": Assistant Chief Phillips confronts a rookie cop over him shooting a dog (obviously in itself not funny, but the aftermath).
Phillips: Where's the triggerman?
Vic: Kid's just a rookie, sir.
Phillips: Too young to read mandates from the Chief's office?
Vic: There's nothing else he could have done.
Phillips: *points* Is he the shooter?
Vic: Sir, I'm telling you, the kid had no choice. The dog was reaching.
(cut to the dog with a pistol planted between its paws)
Vic: It was kill or be killed.
- Even better is that Phillips actually finds it funny and looks the other way.
- "Tar Baby": The Strike Team watching hidden camera footage of Dutch's painfully awkward blind date which ends with Dutch singing Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf." The funniest part arguably isn't the date itself, but Shane's over-the-top laughter.
- "Extraction": The Danny Daddy Pool, on which members of the Barn bet on who's the father of Danny's baby. The pool includes "Gilroy's Liver," Monica Rawlings (3 votes), "Happy Turkey Baster," Ronnie (negative 1 votes), "Dirty Toilet Seat," and "Pearl Rabbit."
- "Jailbait": The Strike Team knows Lem's been bugged by Kavanaugh, so they communicate silently while Shane tells a very crude (and LONG) joke for the bug's benefit. Even funnier is when Kavanaugh later listens to the recording and laughs at the joke.
- "Rap Payback": The Strike Team begins chasing a suspect up a hill, but stops upon seeing what's at the top.
Lem: Hold it!
(the guy keeps running)
Shane: Hey, stop, dumbass! It's a barbed wire fence!
Lem: What the hell is he doing?
(the guy tries to climb the fence, hurts himself, and falls all the way back down the hill to the Strike Team)
- Billings blurts out a few gems in the later seasons.
- "Of Mice and Lem":
Billings: (about Claudette) Pretty loopy. *beat* Maybe that's why they call it lupus.Phillips: *unamused look*
- "The New Guy":
Billings: (after hearing about a raped runaway) I love the smell of underage sexual assault in the morning.(Dutch and Claudette stare at him)Billings: I didn't mean that the way it came out.
- "Of Mice and Lem":
- In late Season 7, Shane tells Vic and Ronnie he's mailed an incriminating letter to Claudette about the Strike Team. Near the end of "Petty Cash," Ronnie finally intercepts the letter and reads the message:
Hey Ronnie. Tell Vic he's a shithead. You've both just been PUNKED.(Ronnie throws the letter at the wall)
Moments for the Wrestling Stable The Shield
- THIS promo.
Ambrose: Does it look like we're sweating?Renee Young: Your hair is very wet.Ambrose: ...it's humid in here.
- Reigns and Ambrose arguing over whether it's called the double triple powerbomb or the triple double powerbomb.
- This promo that ended up turning into a talk about how they were like horses. The best part was probably when Seth said, "Okay... Tom's clearly a pony, can I be a pegasus? Can I have wings that flop around?"
- Reigns saying that he's a thoroughbred. Counts also as a Call Back to his NXT days where his nickname was The Thoroughbred.
- After Ambrose pointed out how he's the longest reigning champion in the WWE today, Roman pointed out that Dean's barely defended the title which prompts Ambrose to issue an open challenge to the locker room. Subsequently, the Shield head out to the ring for Dean's challenger, with Ambrose psyched up for a fight... until the opening chords of "Somebody's Gonna Get It" hit, and Reigns & Rollins just burst out laughing while Dean, realising what he's gotten himself into, has a suitably hilarious Freak Out. It continues into his match, where he is in mortal terror of Mark Henry.
- Ambrose after the Shield finally defeated the Wyatt Family. He gets the pin, stands up and gets his arm raised, before just flopping back to the ground as if he were a cardboard cut-out being knocked over.
- Ambrose's Cloudcuckoolander mannerisms are often good for a laugh.
- From this interview:
Ambrose: It's like he said- we're a shield from injustice.Rollins: *nods* Yeah.Ambrose: *looks over at Reigns, who looks back, and speaks louder* We're a shield from injustice.Reigns: *looks away from him and remains completely silent*Ambrose: *pauses* We are the Shield.
Cole: Are you working directly for WWE champion CM Punk?Ambrose: Nope. [camera fixes on Ambrose staring at Cole for about five seconds]Cole: Uh... O-OK.
- And this bit:
- Dean's Twitter. The description just says 'They made me get a twitter.....Fine....Enjoy', and he hasn't tweeted anything for years.
- This NXT promo starts out normally, but then quickly gets derailed by what is quite possibly the Shield's stupidest, funniest argument ever (before Seth Rollins gets it back on track). It really needs to be transcribed here in all its dumb glory. (Psst - Here's the YouTube version of it if you can't access it on the other site.)
Dean: Listen to The Wyatt Family, boys, listen to 'em! Makin' outrageous claims—sound stupid to me! (to Wyatts) With your stupid ugly beards and your stupid camel mask.[Roman and Seth, who had previously been doing their usual stoic and smug acts, respectively, immediately look confused.]Roman: Hold on, what?Dean: Trying to scare somebody-Seth: What?Roman: Camel mask?Dean: The camel mask he (Erick Rowan) wears.Seth: It's not a camel.Roman: [grinning and chuckling] It's a llama mask, bro.Seth: (squeaky) What? [looking back and forth at them] (normal voice) What are you talkin' about?Dean: Pretty sure it's a camel.Roman: I just went to the zoo; it's a llama.Seth: Hey! [puts a hand to each man's chest like he's trying to break up a fight]Dean: I know what a camel looks like.Seth: It's a LAMB, gentlemen.[Dean mouths "it's a lamb" and makes an "oooh" face at Roman.]Roman: (whispers) Shut up.
- On the May 19th 2014 episode of RAW, Rollins is booked against Batista with the rest of Evolution & the Shield banned from ringside. Come match time, however, Triple H & Randy Orton are announced as the guest time keeper & ring announcer, respectively to get around the Exact Words of the ban - the time keeper's area isn't technically classified as ringside. Rollins, however, proceeds to introduce the guest commentators, Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose to beat Evolution at their own game. Ambrose & Reigns proceed to spend the match mocking Evolution; with a .com segment featuring Regins & Ambrose smarking that Orton & Triple H aren't doing their jobs, before he & Roman decide to do the time keeping & ring announcing duties on top of commentary.
- This from the 2014 Payback post-match press conference:
Reigns: Pain is temporary. Our pride and honor are forever.Ambrose: That's great, sucks that it's already on a t-shirt.Reigns: *Gives Dean a Death Glare*
- From said press conference, if Dean wasn't talking, it appeared as if he was taking a nap with his head on the table.
- This moment from the RAW Backstage Pass for the week of June 9th, 2014.
Renee Young: Triple H also said tonight, that the Shield was going to be no more after tonight. What's your reaction to that?
Ambrose: Oh...? My best friend, I'm not gonna hang out with my best friend anymore, I'm not gonna work with my best friend anymore? I'm not gonna fight with my best friend & partner anymore, because... Triple H said so? 'cause the Authority said so. [To Roman] Where's he getting these rules from, anyway? How many miles have we travelled together?
Ambrose: How many cars have we crashed together?
Reigns: [Raises finger to his mouth in a hush motion] Shhhhh.
- The look Reigns have Ambrose on the 6/9/14 RAW after Ambrose finished his epic reaction promo ( to Seth Rollins' betrayal) by knocking the mic out of his own hands and to the ground. Normally that would be a moment where the entrance theme started playing, but the way the segment was written, Reigns still had to say his piece, and Ambrose seemed to have forgotten about that little detail (which, actually, wouldn't be entirely out of character...).
- After Ambrose drops the mic, Reigns gives him A Look to remind him that he has something to say. Ambrose then makes it up to him by going back, picking the mic off the floor, and handing it nicely to Reigns while the latter grins, clearly just as amused as we are.