Funny / South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

  • Due to the genuine innocence and From the Mouths of Babes quality of speech with which Stan says it, after Shelly tells the boys that she's in charge while they're grounded:
    Stan (awkwardly, wording carefully): Shelly, where's the... Clit... oris?
  • Doubling as a Moment of Awesome: "Operation "Human Shield" my ass!"
    • Chef objecting to the General's blatantly racist plans:
    Chef: Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
    General: (beat) I don't listen to hip-hop.
  • The long, awkward pause from Conan and the audience, and subsequent slap from Terrance, after Brooke Shields blurts out that she once farted on the set of Blue Lagoon.
  • Cartman randomly telling Kenny he hates him for no reason whatsoever.
  • The "German Scheisse Video" scene.
    Stan: Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?!
    • And a bit later:
    Cartman: If you were in a German scheisse video, you'd tell me, right?
    Liane: Sure, hon.
  • When Cartman is singing "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch":
    Cartman: What? (Turns around to see Kyle's mom right there) Aw, fuck.
    • How about before he begins singing?
    Cartman: Weeeeell~!
    Kyle: Don't do it, Cartman!
    Cartman: Weeeeell~!
    Kyle: I'm warning you!!!
    Cartman: Okay, okay! (walks off-screen)
    Kyle: I'm getting pretty sick of him calling my mom a—
    Cartman: Weeeeell Kyle's mom is a bitch! She's a big fat bitch!
    • Then he proceeds to show how you would say it in different languages, with background changes, outfit changes, and proper stereotypical music cues, for absolutely no reason other than to just get back at her, and annoy Kyle, even more!
  • When a transmission of Saddam Hussein was interfering with a military computer:
    General: (powers down the computer) It's fucking Windows 98! Get Bill Gates in here! (Bill Gates is summoned, escorted by soldiers) You told us Windows 98 will be faster, and more efficient with better access to the internet!
  • "All the Baldwins are dead?!"
    • Plus, the scene where the Canadian army bombs the Baldwins and their mansion with a dozen planes and bombs. One surviving Baldwin shouts "Ha-ha! You missed me!", followed by one more plane coming in and bombing him.
    • "Hey Alec, you know what sucks about being a Baldwin?" "No, what?" "Nothing! Ha-ha!" [Cue carpet bombing]
  • "Donkey-raping shit-eater."
  • The scene after the entire class have seen the Terrance & Phillip Movie is raw, unadulterated humor at its purest and most unrefined:
    Kyle: (Raising his hand) I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison.
    Cartman: (making funny noises, mocking Kyle's voice)
    Kyle: Shut up, fat boy!
    Cartman: Hey! Don't call me fat, you fuckin' jew!
    Mr. Garrison: Eric! Did you just say the F-word?!
    Cartman: (bluntly) Jew?
    Kyle: No, he's talking 'bout "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fatass!
    Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
    Cartman: Why the fuck not?!
    Mr. Garrison: Eric!
    Stan: (Points at Cartman) Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
    Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
    Kenny: (muffled) Fuck.
    Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
    Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck!
    Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
    Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
    (Whole class gasps in shock...)
    Mr. Garrison: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!
    Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What I said was: (Picks up a megaphone) "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS!?" Mr. Garrison...
    (Mr. Garrison ends up speechless...)
    Stan: Holy shit, dude.
  • This gem...
    Cartman: Kyle, all those times I called you a stupid Jew, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
    Kyle: Yes I am, Cartman. I am a Jew.
    Cartman: Don't be so hard on yourself!
    • And the one that follows immediately after...
      Cartman: (notices Mr. Hat in his hand) The hell am I still holding this for? (tosses Mr. Hat back into said warzone)
      Mr. Garrison: (in the distance) MR. HAT! NOOOO!!
  • And speaking of Mr. Garrison, this other gem...
    Sheila: Throw the switch, Mr. Garrison!
    Mr. Garrison: Hey, I'm supposed to be anonymous. (shows Garrison and Mr. Hat in black masks)
  • "Did you hear that? Sounds like a giraffe is dying over there!"
  • This piece of art...
    Mr. Mackey: (over the intercom) All children wearing Terrence and Phillip t-shirts must be sent home immediately.
    Students: (beat) HOORAY!!!
  • After Kenny's Meat Grinder Surgery.
    Doctor: We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live.
    Kenny: WHAT!? (intestines explode and splats all over the boys)
    Cartman: Aw fucking weak, dude!
    Doctor: DAMMIT! IT NEVER! GETS! ANY! EASIER!!! (pause, then walks off, whistling nonchalantly)
  • In a case of Mood Whiplash, after the sad duet between Kyle and the Mole ending with the latter's death, Kyle suddenly spouts "SHIT!".
  • When Mr. Mackey shows the moms the phrases the boys were using.
    Sheila: What the heck is a rimjob?
    Liane: (nonchalantly) Well, that's when you put your legs behind your head and have someone lick your ass. (long pause)
    • Afterward when the boys are questioned about where they learned the words.
    Stan: We can't tell you, we all made a secret oath and threw ourselves into secrecy.
    Cartman: It was the Terrence and Phillip movie.
    Stan: DUDE!
    Cartman: What? Fuck you guys, I want to get out of here.
    • And even earlier:
    Stan: We heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before.
    Mr. Mackey: Boys, I seriously doubt that Mr. Garrison ever said, uh... (awkwardly, carefully wording) "Eat penguin shit, you ass-spelunker."
  • When Stan and Kyle lead the crowd of soldiers into excitedly chanting for an encore from Big Gay Al in order to stall Terrance and Phillip's execution:
    Big Gay Al: Well, I do have a little song I wrote about the war; oh, but we haven't rehearsed.
    Stan: SING IT!!
    Soldiers: Yeah, sing it!
    Big Gay Al: Oh, I can't!
    Kyle: [offscreen] SING THE FUCKING SONG!!!!!!!!!
  • Cartman's V-Chip, designed to shock him every time he utters something profane. He ultimately doesn't learn (when the doctor proclaims "the child doesn't want to swear", Eric does, he is resentful of the multiple electric shocks)
    • When Kyle is informed about the V-Chip:
    Cartman: Hey dudes.
    Stan: What's the matter, Cartman?
    Cartman: It's this V-Chip, I hate it. I can't say any dirty words.
    Kyle: Really? So you can't say "fuck"?
    Cartman: No.
    Kyle: And you can't say "shit"?
    Cartman: Nope.
    Kyle: So you can't say, "I'm Eric Cartman, the fattest fucking piece of shit in the world"?
    Cartman: FUCK YOU!!!!!(ZAP)
    • Even attempts to get around it end poorly...
    Kyle: Cartman, you're late!
    Cartman: I had to ride my bike here; my behind is killing me.
    Kyle: (stunned) ...your behind?
    Cartman: I have to say "behind" cuz I get shocked whenever I say ass—(ZAP)
    Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner, bitch, muff, pussy, cunt, butthole, Barbra Streisand!!!!
  • After viewing the Terrance and Philip Movie for the first time, Cartman gives us this:
    Cartman: Yes, yes I saw the Terrance and Philip Movie. Who wants to touch me? (Beat) I SAID WHO WANTS TO FUCKING TOUCH ME?!"
    Butters: (While touching Cartman's arm) Ooh...
  • The severe case of Mood Whiplash when Kenny dies:
    Singer: Head so full of wonder, worries in the past... could it be, you are free at last? (Beat) NO!
    Kenny: WHAT?! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?!?!
  • Cartman's solution to Kenny being on fire is hitting him with a stick