Secret Wars (2015) / Funny

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Last Days

As Loki sits in the void of the after the end of existence, he notes how the only things that survived the end outside of Doom's patchwork planet was himself and the Silver Surfer. Deciding that he'd rather avoid Battleworld and that Norrin probably would not appreciate his company, Loki opts to skip ahead by breaking the fourth wall in a manner that would make Deadpool blush in shame. Literally drawing the next issue preview around him.
Verity: You're... joking...
Scott Lang spends his Last Day shagging the new Beetle, who he had already dealt with before and ran into the night before at the club.
- "Never...ever...sleep with the bad guys."
The Punisher kills a terrorist who was using the washroom via The Can Kicked Him.
Frank: Usually I enjoy instilling fear in my enemies, but for your sake... I hope I didn't scare the &*#@ out of you.

Secret Wars (main title)

As both Earth-616 and Earth-1610 are in their death throes, Wilson Fisk decides to throw an End of the World Party.
- And emails all his old buddies (Norman Osborn, The Sandman, The Lizard, Bullseye, and eighteen others) to come drink and party and watch it all. He caps his email thusly: "...Please join me for a most raucous celebration at that place where we met that time for the thing."
- "I'm buying."
- And then Frank Castle strolls in.
  The Punisher: Gentlemen, they say that when you die, you can't take it with you. Which begs the question: exactly what am I gonna do with all these bullets?
From issue #2:
- The sheer fact that even after having the ability to recreate the universe In Their Own Image, Doctor Doom still has to take away Reed Richards' kids and wife, despite probably being able to wipe him out of existence altogether is some Black Comedy.
- Some Thors are riding over to the Bar Sinister to bring Baron Sinister before Doom for arbitration, and Sinister looks down his nose at them.
  "Ah, the law... how very trashy."
From issue #3:
- The Cabal is resting from their escape and plotting their next move. As they do, Thanos declares they'll have their answers soon enough. When Namor asks how he knows that, Thanos replies "Because... I am looking up." and sees the army of Thors descending.
A Brick Joke: in issue #2, Baron Sinister was ordered to pay reparations to the Braddocks. In issue #3, Strange notes that while Sinister complied, he couldn't resist having an unflattering statue of the former Baron made and delivered to the Braddock clan.
From issue #4:
- When the 616 Heroes finally face off with Doom:
  Doom: Richards.
  Ultimate Richards/The Maker:: Is he talking to me? I don't really care for his tone.
  Maximus: No. He is most certainly not talking to you.
When Reed notes that Doom has put himself on a throne, Spidey goes Deadpan Snarker.
Spider-Man: Yeah. We're all absolutely shocked by that. Just floored.
The cover to the fifth issue has a tiny Beyonder coming out of Doom's mouth.◊
Issue 6 has Captain Marvel convincing Mr. Sinister to go against Doom... by punching him in the face. Multiple times.
- Also, it has Peter Parker and Miles Morales talk to the Molecule Man. Molecule Man asks for something to eat, so Miles gives him a hamburger that he still had in his pocket. The following conversation between him and Peter is just pure gold.
  Peter: How do you forget you have a hamburger in your pocket?
  Miles: We've been busy.
  Peter: It's a hamburger.
  Miles: Hamburgers are what I like. Puberty is rough, Pete. I'm starving all day long. 'Cause I'm gonna be big.
  Peter: No, Miles. I mean, where did you get it? Don't say your pocket.
  Miles: From home. You know, my Earth.
  Peter: So you're telling me that's an eight-year, three-week old hamburger?
  Miles: I don't think the suspended animation counts.
  Peter: Okay. So that's a three-week old hamburger?
  Miles: Yeah.
  Peter: And?
  Miles: Oh, man. He shouldn't eat that.
In Issue #7, the zombies are all - predictably - obsessed with brains. And flesh. Cue Black Panther, King of the Dead, with the Infinity Gauntlet, who takes command of them and gives them a Rousing Speech about "glory and honour". They still prefer brains, and a zombie Modok tries to argue against it, before being skewered by Namor, who then casually tells them to listen to their King - who asks them once again what they're willing to fight for. There is a visible pause, before, "GLORY AND HONOUR!"
- The next issue, they're pouring out of the Siege Courageous, crying, "GLORY! HONOUR! BRAINS!"
Issue #7 begins with grandiose narration about how the Prophet is crossing Battleworld and inspiring the locals to rise up against Doom. But who is this Prophet? it's Maximus, inciting Battleworld's own Last Days scenario.
"It's me, you idiots!"
Baron Sinister was decapitated in Issue #7. In issue #8, he's still headless on the ground as Battleworld starts to fall apart around him:
"The Maestro's ship is coming down! Run! Alas, I cannot. How embarrassing."
Also in Issue #7, the Maestro arrives with his Hulks, Worldbreakers each, with his gory Helicarrier, and makes a grand speech about how he's going to tear down Doom and take his place... then gets swatted out of the sky by Ben who just sees him as something in his way.
- At the same time, Terrax dramatically rededicates himself to Galactus, who Franklin's orienting to face off against Ben... and is promptly a) ignored, and b) stepped on.
Molecule Man's constant complaining about being hungry ends up becoming an important plot point. He nonchalantly strips Doom of his godhood because he didn't bring him food, and so that Reed could have a fair fight. Plus, there's something oddly hilarious about Miles' mom being brought back to life because Miles gave him a hamburger.
When Doom confronts Reed in Molecule Man's chamber, the first word out of Doom's mouth is "RICHARDDSSS!" Classic Vic.

War Zones

Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows

Basically any time Peter and Mary Jane pull the parent card on Annie, a rambunctious kid with superpowers.
Spider-Man defeating Regent with an Incredibly Lame Pun.

1602: Witch Hunter Angela

The reveal that King James is a Witchbreed, and also Wolverine. Angela impales him on her staff, and he tries repeatedly slashing at her with his claws while she looks bemused at best.
- Also, the Mr. Sinister of this world is the King's wimpy aid, who spends most of his time screaming and cowering behind Angela any time something bad happens.
Serah's tale of how the kind, beautiful, pure-hearted, clever, etc... nun "Sarah" turned the tables on the harsh and Lawful Stupid "Angelo", who demanded her hand in marriage in exchange for the life of a prisoner who was incarcerated on extremely weak charges, and how Sarah tricked "him" by swapping out the marriage contract with a contract to join the Witch Hunters for life. Angela is facepalming the entire time, groaning that that isn't how it happened.
- The contract itself reads: "Signees below swear to serve faithfully for their lives entire! In the name of Doom Almighty who wil smite the bottoms of the naughty if any do disobey! You won't even get to serve on the Shield, defending the lands! So DON'T!"

1872

In a setting largely bereft of humor, the Vision is a coin-operated fortune-telling machine.

A-Force

First time we see Nico she is stuffing her mouth with cereal while rolling her eyes over America and Loki, which in combination gives her an incredibly goofy expression.
This exchange when America decides to throw the megalodon over the wall
Dazzler: America, no!
America: America, yes! Nobody tell P.E.T.A.
In the final issue, Kamala Khan mentions that, if they made it through this, that she would have to admit that the zombie invasion is way better than any of her fanfics. The other heroines decide to give her better fanfic recommendations.
- Also, the Ho Yay moment between Spider-Gwen and Mary Jane.

Age of Apocalypse (2015)

Armor Wars (2015)

Captain Britain and The Mighty Defenders

The flashback to "Spider Hero's" origin. Hobie Brown was determined to fill in for Spider-Man after he was killed during Spider-Verse, but no-one calls him that. Adding insult to injury is the Daily Bugle's reaction
Daily Bugle: New Spider Hero in Town. Definitely Not Spider-Man.
Prowler: Aw, come on!
A bit earlier we also got two digs at the poor guy in one panel, first She-Hulk referred to him as Spider Hero, which he corrected to Spider-Man, and then the narration introduced him as "Hobie Brown. Spider Hero. (No hyphen^note.)".
She-Hulk is a Thor, but her hammer is just a tiny gavel.
Faiza Hussein's entrance: Wandering out of the wastelands, Excalibur in hand, she smashes apart the unbreakable wall keeping her out of Yinsen's domain with one blow... and then apologises.
Uh, sorry about breaking your wall-thing. I do come in peace, though. Honest.
Mondo City's War Machine is a huge sentient tank with drills and chainsaws on mechanical arms.
War Machine: Lookit all my guns!

Captain Marvel and The Carol Corps

Civil War (2015)

Storm brings back a drone (that was looking for Miriam Sharpe's killer) to Colossus and asks what they should do with it. He and Magneto turn the drone into a ball and toss it into the Iron with "next time, it's a Hulk!" painted on it.

Deadpool's Secret Secret Wars

The revelation that Deadpool was the reason the Venom symbiote went insane.
Deadpool: Gee... I hope communicating with my brain doesn't mess this thing up! Whatever it is... I'd hate to think my twisted psyche might have driven it nuts or something! *puts the symbiote back in its prison*
Spider-Man: *enters the room* Hey... uh... Deadpool. Hulk said there's some sort of super-science seamstress in here or something.
Deadpool: *exits* Yeah. Right over there. Knock yourself out. Just remember — black is slimming.
Deadpool's Handsome face, complete with Moustache and invoking envy. How Handsome is it? It's the reason why Doom decided to just kill everyone because he couldn't stand someone being more handsome than him.

E is for Extinction

Beak is flirting with two mutant girls when he gets caught by Angel Salvadore. Angel later mentions she thought the one on his right was pretty hot.
The Cameo of Daria and Jane at the Atom Institute.
Cyclops and Emma Frost sleeping together
Cyclops: We've been over this - - Technically they're not lasers, they're optic for-
Emma Frost: Stop.

Future Imperfect (2015)

Giant-Size Little Marvel: a vs. x

Spider-Gwen turning down Iron Man for a date 'cause he's "a kid with a mustache and goatee like a creep."
Magneto pulling apart Tony's booth while the X-men look on and laugh.
Tony's response?
Tony: Thor?
Thor: Aye?
Tony: Hammer time!
Thor: Word.
While attempting to recruit the twins into the Avengers via showing off their clubhouses, the twins find Wolverine over there, who tell them not to tell Cyclops or he'll get "eye hurt".

Guardians of Knowhere

Hail Hydra

Hank Johnson, Agent of HYDRA

M.O.D.O.K. as a priest at a random Hydra grunt's funeral.
As Hank goes to human resources to report sexual harassment claims, the HR manager immediately (and correctly) assumes this is about Madame Hydra before Hank even gets in the door.
As Baron Zemo gives a speech at a charity event for a Hydra run school, he shows off a "guess how many marbles are in the jar" fundraiser where the school would get money for each guess. Immediately after he mentions this, M.O.D.O.K. immediately shouts out the correct answer to the whole crowd.

House of M (2015)

Pietro's attempted mutiny backfires on him and his family milks it for all it's worth.
Magneto: Put my idiot offspring down!
- Later when he's explaining the situation to S.H.I.E.L.D he very cheerfully states
Magneto: It's a long story, Shaw. My son is a treacherous nitwit.
Quicksilver: (Look of utter embarrassment)
Magneto: I'll explain the rest later.
- And finally when Quicksilver is confused how he's walking away from this unpunished.
Polaris: Father has two soft spots, Pietro. And you have the distinct advantage of being both of them: mutant and family. (Decks him) But me? I intend to make you pay dearly.

Howard The Human

Howard utterly drooling and offering to give all the money in the world to eat an egg which came out of a chicken mobster. He then exits the area threatening to shoot Pete the Possum if he didn't leave without the egg.

Inferno (2015)

Issue #2 introduces us to little Nate Summers. Little gun toting Nate Summers who is insistent on being referred to by another name.
Nate Summers: My name is Cable!
Goblyn Queen: [rolling her eyes] Sigh. Of... course it is, sweetheart.

The Infinity Gauntlet (2015)

In the first issue, Anwen's father and grandfather have a heated argument while she hears something and tells them both to shut up. Each of them immediately starts scolding her for talking like that to the other like if they weren't yelling at each other just seconds ago.
Two words: Nova dog.

Mrs. Deadpool and The Howling Commandos

In issue #3, Dracula suspects that the Howling Commandos have betrayed him, and that the Invisible Man is hiding somewhere in his castle. (They have, and he is.) So he uses the most logical method available to him to find the invisible spy... randomly punching the air around him.

M.O.D.O.K. Assassin

Old Man Logan (2015)

Planet Hulk (2015)

Secret Wars 2099

Spider-Island

Pretty much everything about Tony Stark after he gets dosed with Goblin Formula.

Spider-Verse

Spider-Verse #2, the spiders are comparing origin stories, with all of them stating that they were bitten by a radioactive spider, until we get to Spider-Ham, who gives us this gem:
Spider-Ham: I was a spider bitten by a radioactive pig.
- The best part, for those not familiar with the character, is that this is absolutely true!◊
In issue 3, Gwen is utterly horrified at the sight of Spider-Ham eating a BBQ rib sandwich, pointing out that he's eating pork. Even funnier as it's a Call-Back to an incident in Spider-Gwen #2 where she hallucinated a version of Spider-Ham eating a hot dog.
In #5, while fighting a Thor, Spider-Ham says that he can get hit really hard and not get hurt. He then pulls a Your Mom on the Thor, and gets slammed through several walls.
Spider-Ham: Hey, Brunhilda! Your Mamma was a frost giant!
- The Thor slams Ham with her hammer. WHAM
Spider-Gwen: Oh my God! She just killed Ham!
Spider-Man Noir: That...is not a useful skill.
- Fortunately, Ham was quite correct about his ability to survive the blow.

Squadron Sinister

Weirdworld

Where Monsters Dwell

Phantom Eagle, while running away from a T-Rex, runs past by complete coincidence a native tribe... who are promptly eaten by said T-rex while Karl continues to run in fear and covered in blood.

X-Tinction Agenda

Years of Future Past

Battleworld

Age of Ultron vs. Marvel Zombies

Battleworld

M.O.D.O.K. decides that the only people he can trust not to fail in taking over the world are the other M.O.D.O.K.s - including a Hulk-M.O.D.O.K., Spider-M.O.D.O.K. and even baby-M.O.D.O.K.. Hilarity Ensues when they all inevitably butt heads and kill each other.
The Silver Surfer of 2099 versus The Maestro. The Maestro tries his usual technique of clapping hard enough to create a sonic boom... and the Surfer doesn't even notice.

Ghost Racers

The Inhumans: Attilan Rising

The Korvac Saga (2015)

Marvel Zombies

Zombie Azazel teleports away from the Shield with Elsa in his clutches. The reader can only hear Elsa's visceral threats (involving Azazel's genitals and arsecheeks) when the two pop back into reality.
Elsa Bloodstone ranting about misogyny while blasting zombie Doc Ock's head off.
Elsa describing the landscape of distant mountains as a "compensation haircut for someone with short-man syndrome."
Deadpool's dialogue in issue #3 is total Black Comedy, but certainly counts when he tells Elsa that he hasn't been zombified because the local pack have been eating his brain with... "le spork!" In a spork-shaped speech bubble, no less.
As the intelligent zombies slowly lose their smarts from not feeding, Mystique starts tripping over her words.
Mystique: Perfect. Hurry. Stoke the weapon's fires whilst those fools are brains. ...B-busy. I m-mean while they're busy. Braaains.
- Then, as the zombies are about to fire their weapon:
Shriek: The Scrap-Head is in position! The hunter's been braaains to the ground! The redhead's acting really meeeat!
Mystique: Good enough. Ready... aim— FLESH! I mean fire!

Master of Kung-Fu

Red Skull

Runaways

The art is great at delivering goofy facial expressions that can make you laugh all the time.
Character introduction boxes, featuring such gems as calling Amadeus "Bugging little @#$%" and that Skaar is the only reason nobody had killed him yet or how Tyrone "Doesn't like drama but somehow always gets in the middle of ALL THE DRAMA" or Lampshade Hanging on Molly's Improbable Age with "Does she even go here?".
Molly trying to join Jubilee's gang - last time Jubilee told her she needs a jacket like the others, so this time Molly made one. It's a regular jacket with poorly sticking star on the back, where Night Witches' pentagram should be.
Molly smashed a locker into Skaar, Son of Hulk from land full of Hulks, while yelling "Smash Hulk!". From the look on his face, he is not amused.
When Bucky stops escalating fight between Night Witches with Molly and Shanna and Skaar, Dagger immidiatelly starts underlining he has nothing to do with these people.
Amadeus reprograms a detention Doombot to let them go but when it looks like they managed to avoid punishment and nobody will ever find out about it... Molly tears off the door.
- And moments after she is laughing how awesome it feels doing stuff like that.
  Delphyne Gorgon: Oh my god, we ruined this kid.
- The Detention Doombot itself is pretty funny once reprogrammed
  Doombot: Such nice kids.
When Bucky informs them there is only one spot left for a team to register and they'll have to all be in one together, Jubilee drops her relaxed posture and just goes for a Big "NO!".
As Valeria gives Bucky a cold and calculated pep talk about how he is efficient at doing what needs to be done and convincing him to hunt down the Runaways even if he must resort to lethal force, the reader is immediately reminded that she is still a small child as she end's the pep talk with this:
Valeria: I lost a tooth. See? (Valeria opens her mouth to show Bucky)
Bucky: Wow! Did it hurt?
Valeria: Nope. It bled some though.
Bucky: You're very brave.

Secret Love

The cover alone, being a throwback to old romance comics, with an overwrought Kamala Khan yearning for Robbie Reyes.
- The actual story they feature in subverts it hilariously. In the aftermath of a monster attack that had them teaming up to subdue it, they start slowly leaning in closer while looking into each other's eyes, much to the anguish of their existing wanna-be love interests... and then shake hands.
Robbie: Ha ha!
Kamala: Crossover besties 4 lyfe, bro!!!

Secret Wars Journal

Secret Wars Journal #2: The dishes made by Supreme Chef Matt Murdock for Baron Sinister and his guests have included magret de canard caricaturee ã l'excelsiorange and macedoine de flora colossi. Poor Howard. Poor Groot.
Secret Wars Journal #5: Just about everything about Mill-E, a perky fembot tasked with bringing the word of Doom to the outer territories, but failing hilariously at it, whether it be through corny raps in Westchester, or by trying to rally the forces of Hydra with "Hail Hydra! Only not Hydra! Doom!" When her efforts finally succeed in converting one little girl (with chibi Doombots) the Council of Doombots get fed up and pull a manual override and just start using her to blast everything while shouting "Submit to Doom!" She's then sent to the Deadlands to try to convert the zombies.

Siege

There's a version of Kitty Pryde on the wall that's a talking cat. A Lying Cat, to be specific.
In issue #2, there's a splash page of Leah and Magik fighting the Annihilation Wave on top of a bestial Colossus... and Illyana is grinning like a kid at Christmas.
Leonardo DaVinci's Enlightenment Cannon. It shoots philosophy, so when aimed at the zombies, waves of living dead stop in their tracks and exclaim, "I'm a logical contradiction!"

Star-Lord and Kitty Pryde

How does issue #1 start? With Quill singing "Part Of Your World".
Pompadour Drax. Pompadour, jive-talking Drax.
The Disney crooning comes back up when Quill and Kitty are captured by an alternate Kitty who is a robotic frog. As it turns out, in any universe Kitty Pryde is vulnerable to the charms of "Once Upon A Dream"

Thors

Thors is a modern Police Procedural where the cops happen to all be alternate versions of Thor. And King Thor ends up giving his two best cops (Thor from the Ultimate Universe and Beta Ray Bill) a very traditional rant!
Any scene with Throg in it.

Ultimate End

Ultimate End #1 has Peter's major reasoning for getting things back to normal: they all know who he is and he doesn't like that.
- Even more, the Avengers and X-Men gathered there now know who he is, too!
- Emma Frost gets a separate panel when everyone raises her hand, and the cheekiest smirk imaginable. Knowing Emma, she'd likely read his mind, and found out who he was beforehand.

X-Men '92

For those who have watched the cartoon, admit it, it's impossible to read Storm's dialog and not hear her shouting everything in your head.
The X-Men practicing combat training... in a laser tag arena. And that's how the book opens.
Sabertooth hugging Wolverine. And Wolverine being thoroughly freaked out by it.
Weapon X: Y'know, a hug can be stronger than adamantium.
Rogue and Gambit are having a heartfelt moment, where Rogue is talking about her past and wondering how Gambit could possibly claim to love her when she doesn't even understand who she is. Gambit assures her that, even if their relationship will be difficult, he still loves her and the two are about to kiss... when Cassandra Nova suddenly pops out of their picnic basket exclaiming how disappointed she is in all this sexual tension. She exclaims that the X-Men are supposed to be role models, summoning up child versions of Colossus, Dazzler, Longshot, Havok, and Nightcrawler, to make a point about their effect on impressionable children. The kids are actually more interested in what Rogue and Gambit were gonna do.
Kid Dazzler: Were you two gonna kiiiiiiisss?
Kid Nightcrawler: I heard zat's how you make ze baby.
- During a flashback to Gambit abandoning Belladonna in the night, it shows his breakup letter: "IT NOT YOU, IT GAMBIT"
- Cassandra Nova in general straddles the line between a hilarious parody of Political Overcorrectness and Moral Guardians, making sure the X-Men are acting appropriate and sanitized, and a horrifying mind rapist turning them into puppets.
Deadpool's surprise cameo along with '92's version of X-Force, investigating the mysteriously quiet Xavier Institute.
Bishop: I don't like this. If something's happened to Xavier, we may be too late to stop Westchester from becoming my future.
Deadpool: Yeah, the grim darkness of a tomorrow where the mullet never went out of style.
As awesome as it is, the sight of Onslaught armed with the Phoenix Force's wings, Psylocke's katana and Cable's gigantic gun and using said gun to shoot the Shadow King over the horizon is just as goofy.
Beast is able to pop open a steel door, when Sabretooth's head sticks out, vowing to gut and eat anyone inside... before revealing it's Deadpool with Sabretooth's head, the head begging for help.
Due to Nova's psychic conditioning, Wolverine finds himself unable to rescue a trapped bystander. Until said bystander snaps him out of it...by asking him to go and get Cyclops.
At the end, Jubilee and Rogue get their first look at the new students as they're helping Gambit clean his car. Gambit winks at Rogue, getting her to blush and causing Jubilee to tease, but when Chamber flirts with Jubilee, it's her turn to get ribbed.

Secret Wars Too

The cover, a spoof of the "Most likely to..." page in high school yearbooks. Doom's is "Most likely to become a god," with a red "twice" scribbled under with an arrow.
Some of the domains are completely ridiculous, like Domain #615, inhabited entirely of versions of Uncle Ben who only say "Malkovich", or Hell's Kitchen's Kitchen, where Galactus is a food blogger.

Funny / Secret Wars (2015)

Edit Locked

Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows

1602: Witch Hunter Angela

1872

A-Force

Age of Apocalypse (2015)

Armor Wars (2015)

Captain Britain and The Mighty Defenders

Captain Marvel and The Carol Corps

Civil War (2015)

Deadpool's Secret Secret Wars

E is for Extinction

Future Imperfect (2015)

Giant-Size Little Marvel: a vs. x

Guardians of Knowhere

Hail Hydra

Hank Johnson, Agent of HYDRA

House of M (2015)

Howard The Human

Inferno (2015)

The Infinity Gauntlet (2015)

Mrs. Deadpool and The Howling Commandos

M.O.D.O.K. Assassin

Old Man Logan (2015)

Planet Hulk (2015)

Secret Wars 2099

Spider-Island

Spider-Verse

Squadron Sinister

Weirdworld

Where Monsters Dwell

X-Tinction Agenda

Years of Future Past

Age of Ultron vs. Marvel Zombies

Battleworld

Ghost Racers

The Inhumans: Attilan Rising

The Korvac Saga (2015)

Marvel Zombies

Master of Kung-Fu

Red Skull

Runaways

Secret Love

Secret Wars Journal

Siege

Star-Lord and Kitty Pryde

Thors

Ultimate End

X-Men '92

Secret Wars Too

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