Benedict: I've always thought about you! How you embarrassed me! How you humiliated me! How you destroyed my relationship with Muriel Finster! The only woman I ever loved! T.J.: That part still grosses me out, sir. Prickly: Shhhh!
Vince:(right after tractor beam is fired, but shorts out) "Okay that right there... that was messed up."
Promptly followed by Mikey fainting with an audible thump.
Vince getting in line to board the bus to baseball camp, only to see the Ashleys in line, too.
Vince: Don't tell me you Ashleys are going to baseball camp!
Ashley T.: Eww, as if!
Ashley A.: Cheerleading camp is like, across the lake, duh!
Vince: I hope it's a big lake.
The scene where T.J. is upset about not having his friends around during the vacation, when the audience is introduced to Becky, who comes into the room right before going to work.
Becky: Bye Mom, bye Dad...bye T-jerk.
Mrs. Detweiler: Now Becky, be nice to your brother. He's feeling a little S-A-D right now.
T.J.: I can spell, Mom.
The gang finding out that the villains weren't using a laser on the moon, but a tractor beam.
Mikey: You mean they're going to plow the moon's surface? Whatever shall they plant?
Spinelli: Not a tractor, you goomba; a tractor beam!
The kids at the wrestling camp's version of "Kumbaya":
Someone's wrestling, my lord, kumbaya/Heads are smashing, my lord, kumbaya/Bones are cracking, my lord, kumbaya...
The scene where they are hiding in the vent. TJ's line: "Sssh, the bad guys are talking!" Then Mikey lets out a burp so loud that not only does it shock everyone that hears it, it blows their cover too. What Benedict says sounds both funny and badass.
(beat) T.J.: Uh... Dad! Dad! (runs off to the garage, where Mr. Detweiler is working on his car) Mr. Detweiler: What is it, boy? T.J.: Those evil bad guys at the school have a laser beam, and they're lifting a safe, and—! Mr. Detweiler: T.J., did you run into the sliding glass door again? T.J.: No, but... (beat) Well, yeah, but... (beat) GAH! (runs off again) Mr. Detweiler: Come back! Your mom's gonna want to take your temperature!
Spinelli headbutting Ugly Bald Guy in the crotch (both an awesome and funny moment)
Benedict punishing Rosenthal after the laser suddenly shut down. Never thought you'd hear James Woods punishing Tony Jay (in other words, Hades punishing Frollo!)...
Benedict: Dr. Rosenthal? Why did the beam suddenly, oh what's the technical word for it, um...stop?! Rosenthal: Well... as I believe you were told before— Benedict: "Told before?" [chuckles, then walks menacingly towards Rosenthal] Do you think I care what I was told before? Rosenthal: (nervously) P-P-Please, sir! I-I-I'll do better next time. Benedict: "Next time?" Isn't that cute? Rosenthal, lemme ask ya something. Say you were a teacher—or even better say... the principal of a school, and you had to deal with a delinquent student, a naughty child, who didn't know his place, who kept telling you over and over that he'd do better next time... but he never did. What would you do? Rosenthal (whining): Oh, no! N-Not detention! NOT DETENTION! Benedict: Take him away! Rosenthal: No! Please! I can fix it! DON'T DO THIS TO ME-E-E-E-E! [is dragged out the room by Bald Guy and a guard]
Ms. Finster tries to climb the rope TJ & the gang climbed...only for the rope to snap and she falls right on top of Randall.
Randall: (muffled) Ms. Finster? Could you please get off of me?
Then as she tries to go through a basement window: