The end, when the diggers actually dig a hole to China. However, they end up in a Chinese kindergarten. One of the kindergarteners sees them, and repeats the line the kindergarteners from Third Street School said earlier, but in Chinese: "Let's eat 'em!"
When the gang need help breaking T.J. out of detention, they go to the Guru Kid for advice. He tells the gang to "consider the bumblebee", as when with "other bees, he becomes a swarm", saying that if they get more kids to help them, they can get T.J. out. Right after the gang leave, another kid comes up to Guru Kid, and asks him how he can get an A on his next spelling test. Guru Kid proceeds to give him the exact same advice.
The New Kid
Due to the "constitution of the playground", Gus, who just moved to town, has to be refered to as "new kid" until the school gets another new kid. Gus is upset about not having his name anymore, when Mikey comes and says this to try to make him feel better:
Mikey: Don't worry, there are a lot of people without names. The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, the Unknown Soldier, and the other four guys in the Jackson Five.
Butch's over-the-top way of telling the gang about his brother kissing his girlfriend, and how they're going to end up enjoying it when they get older, to their horror. Kath Soucie even said that it was one of her favorite scenes to record.
Butch: I have seen the future, AND IT IS GIRLS! Boys kissing girls, girls kissing boys! And you know what else? YOU'RE ALL GOING TO LIKE IT!
Gretchen trying to fail her test so she can stay at Third Street School with her friends.
Teacher: Who invented modern medicine?
Gretchen: Dr. Seuss.
Teacher: Who was the first person to make it to the North Pole?
Gretchen: Santa Claus.
The beginning of the episode involves Miss Finster giving out an achievement test to the students, when Miss Grotke tells them not to worry about it, as it won't affect their grade. Miss Finster's reply is hilarious:
Miss Finster: ...You're a wimp, you know that, Grotke?
When the kids are taking the test, Mikey is filling the bubbles in on his test to make it look like a smiley face.
I Will Kick No More Forever
Ashley Q. beating Vince in kickball...by kicking the ball all the way to Communist China.
Chinese Man: NO GATHERING, NO GATHERING! This ball is property of the state!
Also, Ashley Q's general attitude while making the kick. She clearly isn't even interested and gets right back to talking on her cell-phone the moment she kicks it, not even noticing what an amazing thing she just did. It makes Vince's embarrassment at being outkicked by her even worse, but it's definitely funny.
Another moment from that same episode had Gretchen making a super bouncy kickball which they intended to have Vince kick in order for him to regain his confidence. Of course, it turns out the ball Vince kicked was a regular ball, which leads Gretchen to ask what happened to her super ball. It cuts to Mrs. Finster putting the ball on a shelf in the sports equipment room, only for the ball to start moving at super speed, causing all the other balls to start moving and leaving Finster trapped in a ball storm.
The Kid Came Back
The gang realize that every time Peanut Butter Kid follows them around, bad luck happens to them. In one of their drastic measures to get rid of him, they make a fake treasure map for him, saying that the treasure's all the way on the other side of town. The kid walks off with the map... and actually found treasure there.
Another way the gang try to get rid of him is by having Vince hitting a baseball to the kid, and having the kid go catch it. The kid comes back in traditional Chinese clothing with the ball.
T.J.'s rant on what would happen to them if the kid kept tagging along with them.
T.J.: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Mikey: Calm down, T.J.!
T.J.: Calm!? I can't keep calm! This kid is driving me NUTS! If we don't get rid of him soon, we're going to have bad luck for the rest of our lives! Oh, sure, at first it won't be so bad; a hit on the head here, a broken back there, but THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING! Pretty soon we're going to get Fs in spelling and losing OUR FAVORITE COMIC BOOKS!
T.J.: Pretty soon before you know it, we'll be slackers in our twenties, clerking in a video store, and spending Saturday nights ordering pizza over the internet! And why? Because we can't get ONE LITTLE KID TO LEAVE US ALONE!
It's also one of the very, very few instances where T.J. loses his temper.
The Legend of Big Kid
T.J. joining the kindergarteners.
After he realizes that he's a fourth grader again, he breaks down in tears...and as a Freeze-Frame Bonus, look closely at the kindergarteners walking away; they have a hilarious creeped-out look on their faces.
T.J.'s reaction to the kindergarteners making him finger-paint.
T.J.: Finger-painting? That's for kinder-
Captain Sticky glares at him
T.J.: Oh...heh heh...who's got yellow?
T.J. when he's been put in "the box" (a box drawn on the blacktop for a "time out"), and going through a Madness Mantra. it goes over into Crosses the Line Twice, but it's still kinda funny.
T.J.: This old man, he played two...HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE! He played knick-knack on my shoe...
Which is nothing compared to Miss Finster's Villainous Breakdown when T.J. reveals he's not a blubbering mess anymore, to the point that even Randall is creeped out by it.
After Mikey tells his side of the story, he begins crying the violence of the dirt clod war:
Mikey: When will you people learn? WAR IS NOT A GAME!
Kid #1: I thought it was a game.
Kid #2: Yeah, a fun game!
The kids imagining what the teacher's lounge is like. Especially the part where Miss Finster scores a basket, jumping 12 feet in the air and doing a 180.
Mikey ends up with a crush on his music teacher, and proudly admits it to the rest of the gang. Gus's reaction is plain hilarious:
Gus: She's old, really old. She's got to be at least 24!
Kids in the Mist
Dr. Quilty's breakdown after her unsuccessful attempts at trying to film the kids:
T.J.: Hey lady, you okay?
Dr. Quilty: Okay?! DO I LOOK OKAY?! I'M A LOSER! A FAILURE! All these years of studying children and reading about children and writing about children, I DON'T EVEN LIKE CHILDREN! No offense.
Gretchen: None taken.
Gretchen begins to cacklemadly while editing Dr. Quilty's video, then begins choking horribly, and feebly tells T.J. that she thinks she's swallowed her retainer.
The episode opens with T.J. getting a C- on a book report.
T.J.: C-? Hey, no fair, Miss Grotke!
Miss Grotke: I'm sorry T.J., but 'A rollercoaster ride I couldn't put down' is not a book report. It's a cover blurb.
Spinelli is the subject of playground ridicule for calling the teacher "Mom". So Gretchen gets the idea to make everyone else do it by playing the words "Momma, Daddy" over and over again over the intercom...on an ultra-high speed.
TJ: Sounds like Gerbils on helium.
Mrs. Finster: What is that INFERNAL Racket?! The birds...they're up to something.
Principal Prickly: Uh oh...the kindergarteners must have given helium to the gerbils again!!
Gretchen and Ashley A.'s conversation on their way to school.
Ashley A.: So the Earth, like, revolves around the sun?
Ashley A.: Hmm, that's strange. Daddy always said the world revolved around me!
Operation Field Trip
Spinelli having about all she can take with "This Old Man" non-stop on the bus.
Spinelli: If I sing that one more time, I'M GONNA PLAY KNICK-KNACK ON SOMEBODY'S HEAD!
When Principal Prickly's older brother, also an elementary school principal, arrives at Third Street School, the first thing he notices is the flagpole, and how his is bigger.
Mikey's reaction to his doppelganger easily getting the kickball during the gang's game against their doppelgangers at 98th Street School.
T.J. and Vince's impersonations of Madmoiselle Pavlova
The Beauty Contest
The Ashleys sign Spinelli up for a beauty pageant against her will, and the gang try to get her ready for it. One of these includes teaching her to walk in high heels...taught to her by Vince, no less.
The gang's "What the Hell?" expressions during the scene add to the hilarity.
"We're the girls who didn't win!"
"Thank you girls who didn't win, and there'll be a lot more of you once we announce the finalists!"
T.J.'s attempting to "train" Gretchen for going into space. One scene has her having to use the swing as a flight simulator, and she starts goofing off.
The Reveal that Spinelli has not only read the Hardy Boys expy from the title but has apparently read more than TJ and Vince whose love of the books got the kids into the mess in the first place. How do we find out she reads them? She proves smart enough to call the police rather than be a Snooping Little Kid.
The Ratings Game
Singer Kid's song about the nines.
The Spy Who Came In From the Playground
This exchange at the beginning:
Ashley A: Miss Finster! Someone stole our precious Ashley flag and replaced it with...some kind of tent!
Miss Finster looks through binoculars to see the "new flag"
Miss Finster: My bloomers!
Recess Is Cancelled
Throughout the episode, all the students at Third Street are suffering from extreme mental exhaustion after going without recess and being subjected to several standardized tests. When Principal Prickly makes an announcement reinstating Recess, Gus has the most priceless reaction:
Anything King Bob says and does is hilarious, really, because he's a kid who takes his position as king of the playground REALLY seriously.
Prickly Is Leaving
In attempt to get Prickly to stay at Third Street instead of leaving for a Middle School, the gang tries to give Prickly a sample of the problems he will be facing all while Superintendent Skinner is there.
Skinner: (To TJ, dressed as a punk) Hello, son! I notice you're not lined up with the other students!
TJ: That's because I reject you, man! You, and everything you stand for!!
Skinner: Well, that's fairly disturbing...
Prickly: W-well that's just TJ Detweiler, sir! He's just joking around! (shoves TJ aside, brings Gretchen forward) Ahhh, here's the intelligent and courteous Gretchen Grundler! Say hello to the very important man, Gretchen!
Gretchen: (dressed as a Goth) Greetings are depressing. Life is pointless. Leave me now to grapple with my own irrelevance as I confer to young adulthood...Man!
Vince: (desperately grabs Prickly) I know I gotta make weight, but I can't live on Ginseng and egg whites forever!!
Mikey: (Covered in zits) I'm breaking out!!! Yet another sock hop spent alone with my regrets...
Gus: (blandly) I have father issues.
Skinner: By Jove, Prickly! These are just the types of problems you'll be encountering in Middle School! It's the perfect opportunity for you to show off your one-on-one counseling skills.
Prickly: Oh...well, certainly, sir! (To TJ) You, back off! (To Gretchen) You, cheer up! (To Vince) You, eat something! (To Mikey) You, cut back on the fried foods! (To Gus) You, mow the lawn!
Spenelli: (Dressed up as a cute valley girl) You are so dreamy!
Prickly: Ohhhhh! Get a hampster!
Skinner: Prickly! What decisive handling on those children's strange problems!
Gus and Misdemeanors
Gus steals a bunch of gum in order to impress some kids and is immediately wracked with guilt. He begins imagining the gum everywhere, including when he looks at his pet snake. The snake's body morphs into the gum, and begins to harshly judge him for the theft.
Snake: You stole Beany McGum!
Gus: But it wasn't my fault-!
Snake: NO EXCUSES!!!
A Science Fair to Remember
T.J.'s speech on why Gretchen shouldn't give up:
T.J.: Did Albert Edison give up when they stole his theory of regularity? Did Benjamin Frankmin give up when the Germans shot down his kite!?
Every student did a unique volcano project for the science fair. Randall's happens to have the "lava" go over a playground full of children.
After ripping his pants, Mikey tries looking for something that will cover the rip up so Miss Finster doesn't have to take him in to get them sewed and have him risk humiliation. So he sees Captain Sticky playing in a cardboard car, and trades his comb to use the car to cover the rip. Captain Sticky's response to the comb?:
Captain Sticky: *Takes comb* Mommy use on me; now ME USE ON ENEMIES!
This Brain for Hire
T.J.'s excuse for not doing his homework
(We see T.J. tearing up his paper with his mouth, then takes it out and gives it to Miss Grotke)
Miss Grotke: Uh, T.J., this paper is moist.
T.J.: Well you see, my dog, we call him Scrufster, saw it, and let's say that paper and saliva don't mix.
After Gus pushes down Fillmore for picking on Corn Chip Girl, Fillmore instantly starts bawling and this goes on for 2 more times in the episode.
League of Randalls
Randall turns the Ashleys' brothers into snitches.
Ashley A: You like turned our brothers into snitches?
TJ, Vince, Gretchen, Gus, Spinelli and Mikey: Scandalous!
The gag reel, which was given to the cast and crew during the show's wrap party (the party thrown after a show finished production) has so many of these (Basically, it's the recording bloopers, "What Could Have Been" moments, and other funny stuff recorded). Some funny lines:
Pamela Segal (Spinelli's voice actress): Do you know at The Disney Store they have Gus and Gretchen, but they don't have f**king Spinelli? The f**k they have Gus for! note They did eventually release Spinelli dolls, as well as Mikey and Vince, but they weren't out by the time that was recorded.
Ricky D`Shon Colins (Vince) trying to record the "We might not have a ball, but we have a rubber sack!" line, but can't take it seriously because of the Double Entendre.
Followed up by this:
Paul Germain (Co-creator): You dirty, dirty kids.
Courtland Mead (Gus): Not me!
Jason Davis (Mikey): Kids this day and age, they take everything the wrong way!
Miss Finster: AAAAUUUGHH!!!
Allison (Assistant director): That's what Miss Finster sounds like when she's having sex!