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Funny: Pirates of the Caribbean

Curse of the Black Pearl

  • Jack Sparrow's entrance into Port Royal, standing proudly atop the mast of his ship... which is mostly underwater as he enters the port, and sinks completely just as he casually walks on the dock.
    • Made all the more funny by the fact that at that moment, the music is blaring the main heroic theme, and not playing to the sheer ridiculousness of it.
    • And, immediately afterwards, "Hold up there, you! It's a shilling to tie your boat up at the dock!" (cut to mast sticking out of the water next to the dock)
    • Awesomely called back in the third film. Jack appears on the mast of the Black Pearl, riding his ship across a desert. Made absolutely priceless as, just as the ship enters the water and the awesome music fades:
    Ragetti: (shakily points at the Pearl) ...boat...
  • Just watch anytime Jack Sparrow tries to talk to a woman.
    *SLAP*
    Jack: I'm not sure I deserved that...

    *SLAP*
    Jack: I may have deserved that one.
    • Especially when they discover the first mate among the crew is actually Anamaria:
    *SLAP*
    Will: I suppose you didn't deserve that one either?
    Jack: No, that one I deserved.
  • During the final battle on Isla de Muerta, Will and Elizabeth skewer three undead pirates together, stuff a lit bomb into the middle one's empty ribcage, then push the three out of the moonlight, effectively trapping the bomb within the pirate's newly reformed flesh. The unfortunate fellow's "No fair!", followed by the ensuing explosion, was magnificent.
    • From the same scene:
    Elizabeth: Whose side is Jack on?
    Will: At the moment?
  • The very beginning of the above scene: Jack and Barbossa are fighting in Isla De Muerta, Barbossa knocks Jack down and says "You can't beat me, Jack!". Jack then runs Barbossa through with his sword. Barbossa stabs Jack, who (unbeknownst to Barbossa) is cursed, and turns into a skeleton.
    Jack: [in skeleton form, examining his own hand] That's interesting... [starts walking the medallion across his fingers and grins at Barbossa] Couldn't resist, mate.
  • When Jack's crew steals the Pearl in the final battle.
    Ragetti: Is it supposed to be doing that?
    Pintel: They're stealing our ship!
    Ragetti: BLOODY PIRATES!
  • "BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE?!?!"
    Jack Sparrow "Why is the rum ALWAYS gone? (staggers) "...oh, that's why."
    • The best part of the above is when Jack picks up his pistol - the one with the single shot he was saving for Barbossa - and almost shoots Elizabeth.
    • And before that.
    Elizabeth: So that's it, then. That's the secret, grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow. You spent three days lying on a beach, drinking rum.
    Jack: Welcome to the Caribbean, love.
  • Barbossa's expression as Jack alludes to him not wanting to kill Will and lift the curse. It just says it all, he doesn't want to listen and is likely going to regret it, but he just has to find out what Jack means.
  • This exchange:
    Jack Sparrow: Mr. Cotton! Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?! (Cotton is silent) Mr. Cotton! Answer, man!
    Gibbs: He's a mute, sir; poor devil got his tongue cut out! So he's trained the parrot to talk for him. (beat) No one's yet figured how...
    Jack Sparrow: Mr. Cotton's... parrot! Same question.
    Cotton's Parrot: Awk! Wind in yer sails, wind in yer sails.
    Gibbs: Mostly we figure that means "yes".
    Jack Sparrow: Of course it does!
  • "Say goodbye!" *falling shop sign to the face* "...Goodbye."
  • "You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught Captain Ja-" (slips)
  • The visual metaphor of a "skeleton crew".
  • In the attack on Port Royal, Will is confronted by a pirate:
    Pirate 1: Hello! (throws a bomb on the ground. It fails to explode. The pirate looks dejected. Will happily reaches for his sword. A second pirate runs past him).
    Pirate 2: Outta my way, scum! (Clubs Will on the head, knocking him out cold).
  • Sea turtles.
  • Jack meeting Murtogg and Mullroy
    Jack: (Jack has just been ordered to explain why he's aboard the Interceptor and not to lie) Alright, I confess. It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, then raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
    Murtogg: I said no lies!
    Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth...
    Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us!
  • The following:
    Barbossa: Why thank ye, Jack.
    Jack Sparrow: You're welcome.
    Barbossa: Oh, not you. We named the monkey Jack.
  • The list of Jack's crimes as he's about to be executed, including "impersonating a clergyman of the Church of England", which elicits a wry grin from a reminiscing Jack.
    • From the beginning of that scene, the herald says "Jack Sparrow!" and Jack sighs and says "Captain!, Captain Jack Sparrow!"
  • "STOP BLOWIN' HOLES IN MY SHIP!" Made even better by the fact that he's locked in the brig of "his" ship.
  • Will accidentally pulling one of the candle fixtures free, and quickly having to hide it when Governor Swann comes to see him.
  • After Will fumbles the romantic moment between him and Elizabeth after the battle is over:
    Jack Sparrow: If you were waiting for the opportune moment...that was it.
  • Governor Swann's fight with the skeleton arm - after he smashes it with a hammer for trying to steal his wig.
  • The Black Pearl crew back on Isla de Muerta the second time, getting all chanty, until Jack politely makes his way through the crowd, derailing what had been a dramatic moment the first time around.
  • Pintel and Ragetti inform Elizabeth that if she doesn't agree to have dinner with Barbossa, she'll instead eat with the crew, naked. Intimidating on paper, but what makes it funny is they clearly think this might actually happen, and are sorely disappointed when she doesn't go for it.
  • Jack's response to Will's query about Elizabeth and basically summing up everyone's positions near the end of the movie:
    Captain Jack Sparrow: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Captain Norrington, just like she promised, and you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word, really. *beat* Except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.
  • Elizabeth pulls a knife on Barbossa during dinner and stabs him in the chest with it. Barbossa (who is, at this point, immortal) calmly pulls it out, and then asks what Elizabeth was thinking doing such a thing.
    Barbossa: I'm curious. After killin' me, what was it you were plannin' on doin' next?
  • One scene in the movie has the heroes, out of cannon balls, loading their guns with bits and pieces of whatever they had at hand, including forks and knives. This was a Real Life practice, and such Abnormal Ammo was known as Langrage, used as a sort of improvised canister or grape shot.
  • When Norrington declares, "The ship is ours," after the pirates become mortal again, all the soldiers start cheering, "Huzzah!" Governor Swann joins in and as he does so, he wags his finger at a pirate and then mimes punching him.

Dead Man's Chest

  • "It's the Bible. You get credit for trying."
  • "I've got a jar of dirt!"
  • The scene where the kebab!Jack falls through the bridges. Especially when the tribeswomen just watch for a second, one basically says "Eh, whatever," then they walk away, as if it happens ALL the time.
    • Before that, when one of the tribesfolk hurls a coconut at him, Jack tries to duck it, and ends up accidentally spearing said coconut on the tip of the bamboo pole that he's tied to. We see him look at what he's done, and then—if you turn the sound up—you hear the ding of a cartoon idea bulb turning on!!
  • When Jack is revealed as the cannibal tribe's apparent chief, he makes a show of examining a tied-up Will, looks to the tribe, and speaks to them in their native tongue. We don't get any subtitles, but we get what he's saying well enough, thanks to interjected English:
    Chieftain Jack Sparrow: *Tribal gibberish* ...Eunuch-y. Snip-snip.
    • "Ahh. Eunuch-y."
  • Later, when Jack finally makes his escape from the tribe (they were planning to free their "god" from his "fleshy prison" by cooking him alive), he scales the side of his ship, turns back to them, and says triumphantly:
    Jack Sparrow: Alas, my children; you will always remember this day as the day that you almost
    Huge splash of water hits Jack right in the face.
    Jack Sparrow: (Looking rather put out) ...Captain Jack Sparrow.
    • After that scene, after giving some rather confusing orders to Gibbs, Jack adds, looking rather peeved after all he's been through:
    Jack Sparrow: Now, where is that monkey?? I want to shoot something.
  • Jack's first response when Will tells him that Elizabeth's in danger—again.
    Jack Sparrow: Have you considered keeping a closer eye on her; perhaps lock her up somewhere?
  • The swordfight on Isla Cruces. It's not the fight, it's Elizabeth's reaction to it. She even walks sarcastically.
    Elizabeth: This is barbaric! This is no way for grown men to settle...Oh, FINE! Let's just...haul out our swords and start banging away at each other, that will solve EVERYTHING! I'VE HAD IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH WOBBLY-LEGGED...RUM-SOAKED...PIRATES!
    • Made especially hilarious with the audio commentary: According to the writers, everything was going great that day. Then came Keira, sweet little Keira having an absolute MELTDOWN.
  • After Elizabeth's little fit, Pintel and Ragetti walk onto the scene, with the former taking one look at the three-way fight and wondering what set this off. The latter responds with a freakishly accurate summation of each duelist's motivations...which is all the more hilarious because not only would you not expect the Plucky Comic Relief of Those Two Guys to figure it all out, but he wasn't even there when Will ran into his father!
    • Elizabeth pretending to faint, then opening one eye to see if they've stopped to check on her. Made funnier after she resigns herself to watching the duel. Pintel and Ragetti run past at that point and she glances at them, then turns back to the duel... and then jumps up and chases after Pintel and Ragetti.
  • The part where three pirates are trying to have an honest-to-goodness swordfight on a moving water wheel.
    • The one where the wheel falls over, Will and Norrington stumble out, and Will tries to rush over to Liz and help her...and he's too dizzy to even walk properly.
    • And then there's when Jack is on the inside of the water wheel, grabs the key, and gets a triumphant look on his face...right before a metal bar smacks him in the head, knocking him out of it.
    • And of course, the part where Ragetti, Pintel, and Elizabeth abruptly pause their battle just to stare blankly as the wheel rolls past them, then once it's off-screen they shrug and return to the battle as though nothing had happened.
      • A similar scene shortly afterwards where Elizabeth is struggling to hold off Davy Jones' crew. The water wheel rolls flattens Jones' crew and barely misses Elizabeth, and she and the remaining crew pause to watch the wheel roll to a stop before resuming their fight.
  • One of Davy Jones' crew mates is running with the chest, when Jack throws a coconut and knocks his head off. The head shouts directions to the blind body (about 2 minutes in).
    Hadras: Aiyaaa. Anido. Anido! Follow my voice, follow my voice. To the left... no, turn around. Go to the right. Go -
    (the body rams against a tree)
    Hadras: ...No, that's a tree.
    Jack: Oh, shut it.
    • A little while later, Norrington makes a run for it with the Dead Man's Chest in tow and the crew of the Dutchman in hot pursuit, only to be brought up short by Hadras, who's currently holding his severed head under his arm. After a tense standoff, Norrington simply tosses the Chest at Hadras- who drops his head to grab it - and runs for it; then, Hadras' body and the other crewmembers stroll off, leaving the very annoyed head shouting after them; eventually, it mutters, "Pirates!" then sprouts crab legs to follow them with, grumbling irritably to itself.
  • This gem:
    Will: What about Jack? I'm not leaving without him!
    Jack: (Being chased by cannibals) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
    Will: Time to go.
  • And, when asked, "What vexes all men?"
    Gibbs: Well, the sea!
    Pintel: Sums?
    Ragetti: The dichotomy of good and evil?
    (everyone stares)
  • When they're rowing everyone to the island, Pintel and Ragetti get into an argument about how to pronounce 'kraken' and Ragetti comes out with things about how it's pronounced in the original Scandinavian. Meanwhile, Elizabeth and Norrington are giving each other confused looks that clearly say 'When did he suddenly grow a brain?'
  • Elizabeth, dressed as a guy, finds Jack at Tortuga.
    Elizabeth: Captain Sparrow!
    Jack: Come to join me crew, lad? Welcome aboard!
    Elizabeth: I'm here to find the man I love.
    Jack: I'm deeply flattered, son, but my first and only love is the sea. (Gestures to Gibbs: get rid of him)
    Elizabeth: Meaning William Turner, Captain Sparrow.
    Jack: Elizabeth. (to Gibbs) Hide the rum!
    • When Elizabeth shows up at Jack's crew recruitment dressed as a man and reveals to him who she is Jack says "It should be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin."
    • Watch Gibbs afterward as he quickly tries to drink his flask dry.
    • Just after that, when Jack first meets ex-Commodore Scruffington
      Jack: You look bloody awful, mate, what are you doing here?
      Norrington: You hired me. I can't help it if your standards are lax.
      Jack: (as immaturely as humanly possible) You smell funny.
  • *peck peck* *peck peck pe-* *BANG!*
  • The part where the crew are trying to scare off the Kraken, only to discover they're short on gunpowder. Will tells them to bring up the rum, and all the crew stop dead in their tracks. After a moment, Gibbs (reluctantly) agrees, and starts crying afterwards...
  • The 'three people, two swords' scene at Isla Cruces, right after Elizabeth's freakout (mentioned above). She notices Pintel and Ragetti trying to make off with the chest during the Mle Trois going on between Jack, Will, and Norrington. She chases after them, and when they meet in the forest, she tries to pull out her sword to fight...only to realize that Will, who had arrived unarmed, yanked her sword in order to fight. The awkward Oh Crap smile she gives Pintel and Ragetti is priceless. And then Pintel and Ragetti go from advancing menacingly towards an unarmed Elizabeth to passing her both their swords and running away the moment Davy Jones' crew attacks, and the three end up juggling two swords between the three of them while trying to protect the Dead Man's Chest.
    • The scene is replayed later on when Will confronts Pintel and Ragetti, who were trying to steal the chest, pointing his sword at them and grinning menacingly. They reach for their swords to fight... only to remember they gave them to Elizabeth, and give Will the same Oh Crap smiles Elizabeth gave them earlier.
  • Moments later, Jack knocks Will out with a rowboat oar.
  • The pirates trying to swing the cages to the cliffs.
    • Made even more hilarious with the background music being something one would hear at a carnival.
    • And afterward as they're climbing:
      Will: Come on, men! It'll take all of us to crew the Pearl!
      Leech: Actually, you won't need everyone! About six would do! (Everyone stops and all eyes turn to Leech) Ohhh...dear.
  • Jack bartering with Tia Dalma.
    Tia Dalma: You must provide payment.
    Jack: We have payment. Look! (He shoots Jack the monkey, smiling like a used car salesman) An undead monkey!

At World's End

  • This:
    Ragetti (stuttering): Boat.
  • Jack struggling to match up to Barbossa's 'telescope'. Made so much better by the looks Geoffrey Rush gives him in the two scenes.
  • This little exchange as all the pirates at the meeting give up their "Pieces of Eight".
    Pintel: Those aren't Pieces of Eight. They're just pieces of junk.
    Gibbs: Aye. The original plan was to use nine Pieces of Eight to bind Calypso. But when the First Court met, the Brethren were to a one skint broke.
    Pintel: So change the name.
    Gibbs: What, to "Nine Pieces of Whatever We Happened To Have In Our Pockets At The Time?" Oh yes, that sounds very piratey.
  • "NOBODY MOVE!... I dropped me brain."
    • Heck, any time we have multiple Jacks on screen at once is a hoot.
  • Also the wedding.
    (in the middle of the massive battle)
    Will: Elizabeth! Will you marry me?
    Elizabeth: (parries sword) I don't think now is the best time!
    • Then, when Will tells Elizabeth he wants her and asks her what she wants, she says "Barbossa!" and Will just looks terribly confused.
      Elizabeth: Barbossa! Marry us!
    • However, he is persuaded:
      Barbossa: Dearly beloved, we be gathered here today— (Gets attacked and starts kicking ass) —TO NAIL YOUR GIZZARDS TO THE MAST, YE POXY CUR! (later) YOU MAY KISS— *sword sword* YOU MAY KISS— *more sword* ...JUST KISS!
  • Referring to Tia Dalma:
    Barbossa: Take this fishwife to the brig.
    Pintel: Right this way, Mrs. Fish.
  • The Brethren Court fight scene.
    Elizabeth: This is madness!
  • The scene where Will, Beckett and Davy Jones are having that little tea party is amusing. Just think about it: A Cthulhu-look-a-like pirate captain, blacksmith turned pirate, and an evil lord having a nice and tranquil teatime while trying to betray and kill each others. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Mind Screw. It's such a surreal situation all by itself that it has its own comedic value. Made funnier due to Jones having to stand in a bucket.
  • "Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?"
    • Cue his actual crew, all bit players most of the time, slowly raising their hands, starting with the midget pirate with no lines.
      • You mean Marty? He has awesome lines!
    Marty: The Enemy is here! Let's get em!
  • Sao Feng confronting Jack Sparrow:
    Sao Feng: (Venomously) You paid me great insult, once.
    Jack Sparrow: (Managing a grin as he puts his nose back into place) Call it even, then?
  • This exchange after Barbossa and Jack shout over each other, giving orders.
    Barbossa: What are you doing?
    Jack: What are you doing?
    Barbossa: No, What ARRRRRRREEEE you doing?
    Jack: What are YOU doing?
    Barbossa: No, What AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRREEEEE you doing?
    Jack: What are YOU doing...The captain gives orders on the ship.
    Barbossa: The captain of this ship is giving orders.
    Jack: My ship, makes me captain!
    Barbossa: They be my charts.
    Jack: Well, that makes you...chartman!
  • And after that, Pintel steps in:
    Pintel: STOW IT! THE BOTH OF YOU! THAT'S AN ORDER! UNDERSTAND?! (Jack and Barbossa stare at him in surprise) ...Sorry, I just thought with the captain issue in doubt I'd throw in my name for consideration.
    • What makes it funnier is that after Pintel snaps at them, EVERYONE on deck stops and stares at him.
    • Arguably followed by a rather Heartwarming moment after Pintel has backed out of the fight:
    Ragetti: I'd vote for you.
  • After failed Mexican Stand Off, "We can still use them as clubs!" (gets bonked over the head with a gun)
    • Don't forget the lead-in to the failure: Everyone points their pistols at everyone else... then they all start laughing... and then they point their pistols at each other again.
    • After Jack fires at Barbossa in that scene, Barbossa gives him a look like "You were actually going to shoot me!"
  • Ragetti with a fork in his eye (the wooden one). It Makes Sense in Context.
  • Jack is swinging around the Pearl and the Dutchman on a rope, then comes face-to-face with one of Jones' crew. He looks at the guy's belt, noticing something.
    Jack: Oy! (grabs pistol out of guy's belt) My pistol! (hits guy over the head)
  • Jack's incredibly long, detailed, and round-about way of voting during the Pirate Council:
    Jack: Cuttlefish. Eh? Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish. Flipping glorious little sausages. Pen them up together, and they will devour each other without a second thought. Human nature, innit? Ooor... fish nature. So, yes... we could hold up here, well-provisioned and well-armed, and half of us would be dead within the month - which seems grim to me any way you slice it! Or, ahh, as my learned colleague so naively suggests, we can release Calypso, and we can pray that she will be merciful. I rather doubt it. Can we, in fact, pretend that she is anything other than a woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath none? We cannot. Res ipsa loquitur, tabula in naufragio, we are left with but one option. I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of me mouth... Captain Swann. We must fight.
    • This exchange follows right after that speech.
    Barbossa: You've always run away from a fight!
    Jack: Have not.
    Barbossa: You have so.
    Jack: Have not.
    Barbossa: You have so!
    Jack: Have not!
    Barbossa: You have so and you know it!
    Jack: Have not! Slander and calumny! I have only ever embraced that oldest and noblest of pirate traditions. I submit that here now, that is what we all must do. We must fight, to run away.
  • The scene in the Singapore bath house is full of funny moments.
    • When Barbosa and Elizabeth go to Singapore, they are ordered to leave all their weapons with other pirates to gain entry to Sao Feng's hideout. Elizabeth removes a large amount of hidden weapons, including a rather large blunderbuss that by all rights, shouldn't fit anywhere... comfortably. If you look closely during that scene, you'll see Barbossa look behind her with a "how in the hell...?" expression.
    • Later in that same scene, Pintel and Ragetti trying to get a peek under Elizabeth's robe (it's implied she's got nothing on underneath) through a hole in the floor. Ragetti is successful. Pintel... not so much.
    • Sao Feng: "MORE STEAM!" Nothing happens. Cut to Sao Feng's rather large 'steam attendant' on the ground with Marty sitting on his chest. The attendant rouses - Marty whacks him over the head with a shovel and knocks him out again.
    • Sao Feng orders his men to draw their weapons.
    Barbossa: Sao Feng, I assure you, our intentions are strictly honorable.
    *swords come through the floorboards at that exact moment and land in Barbossa and Elizabeth's hands.*
  • After coming upon Shipwreck Island, which contains Shipwreck Cove, and the town of Shipwreck, Jack realizes how unimaginative pirates are at naming things.
    Jack: I once sailed with a geezer what lost both his arms and part of his eye.
    Gibbs: What did you call him?
    Jack: ...Larry.
  • The "Up Is Down" scene. Nearly everyone confused, but still following Jack, while Barbossa just stands there watching everyone (until he realizes what Jack is up to).
  • Jack's escape from the Endeavour to the Pearl with a rope tied to a cannon. For added funny, he sticks a tiny figurine of Beckett inside the cannon.
    Beckett: You're mad.
    Jack: Thank goodness for that because if I wasn't this would probably never work. (Fires the cannon which pulls the rope hard enough to catapult him to the other ship)
    • And then after seeing him go sailing through the air, his crew members start looking for him in the water, only for Barbossa to do a hilarious Double Take when he sees Jack standing neatly on the Pearl's stern.
    Jack: And that was without a single drop of rum!
    • Don't forget Becket asking how long it'll take for them to be ready to pursue, and is answered by the cracking of the main mast as it falls over from the cannon blast. He doesn't even turn. And then the Lampshade Hanging.
  • After being captured by Sao Feng's men
    Jack: (pointing at Barbossa) He's the captain.
    Barbossa: (rolls his eyes)
    • Made funnier by the fact that they had been arguing about who was captain just days(?) before. And later, when they're brought back on the boat, Jack is hiding behind Barbossa.
  • Jack proudly saying that he has the key to Davy Jones' chest. Jones then raises the key himself and says "No, you don't!"
    • During their fight, Jack and Davy Jones are trying to escape by running around a capstan. Jones suddenly gets a look of "Wait a minute... I'm going to try something else," and proceeds to force himself into the capstan. Jack's response? Spin it around while Jones flails in confusion! Unfortunately, when it stops spinning... Jones is face-to-face with Jack. Whoops.
  • This exchange:
    Jack Sparrow: You have no idea.
  • This exchange.
    Elizabeth: Our location has been betrayed.
    Jocard: Who is this betrayer?
    Barbossa: Not likely one among us.
    Elizabeth: Where's Will?
    Jack: Not among us.
  • A blink-and-you'll-miss-it one, but the Parley just before the final battle has the two sides meet on a small island, this includes Davy Jones who can't set foot on land, so he has to stand in a bucket of water and there are several smaller buckets leading back to the water.
  • There's also the scene with the Brethren Court where, after Jack votes Elizabeth be 'king' of the Brethren Court, everyone voices their disagreement.
    Jack: Am I to understand that you lot will not be keeping to the code, then?
    (Teague breaks a guitar string and bestows a Death Glare on the entire Brethren Court- everyone goes silent)
    Keep in mind, this was mere moments after Teague shot Sri Sumbajhee's aide for suggesting they should set the Code aside.
  • Jack's disgust when he sees Will using dead bodies to form a Trail Of Breadcrumbs, especially when he learns that this is the result of Will "thinking like Jack."
    Jack: And this is what you came up with?
  • Maelstrom! Elizabeth's immediate reaction? "Captain Barbossa! We need you at the helm!" Crosses over into Heartwarming when you contrast it with her reaction to the waterfall earlier.
  • Murtogg and Mullroy turning up after the final battle on the Pearl, disguised as pirates and spouting off cliche pirate phrases. Pintel and Ragetti take one look at them, decide "What the hell", and go along with it.
  • The Black Pearl is gone, Jack's only ship is a dinghy, and he's got a map leading to the Founain of Youth. He pulls out his compass that points to whatever he wants most, and it points behind him and to his right... so he picks up the bottle of rum behind him and pulls the cork. Then it points him to the fountain.

On Stranger Tides

  • After Jack's failed mutiny:
    Jack: Captain, I wish to report a mutiny. I can name fingers and point names.
  • Jack's long, Big "NO!"-ish scream when a voodoo doll of him is thrown off a cliff, leading into a slightly embarrassed silence when nothing bad happens to him.
    • Then, he actually does jump, and his scream sounds exactly the same.
  • Angelica near the start to Jack:
    Angelica: I was innocent of the ways of men!
    Jack: You displayed quite a lot of technique for someone I supposedly corrupted.
  • While discussing the circumstances of their first meeting:
    Angelica: What were you doing in a Spanish convent anyway?
    Jack: I mistook it for a brothel- it was an honest mistake!
    • Which is a nice Viewers Are Geniuses moment; that was still the era where "a nunnery" more properly referred to a whorehouse.
  • And just after that:
    Angelica: *surrounded by red coats* We are at a disadvantage.
    Jack: Speak for yerself. Unlike some who pretend to be, but cannot in fact hold a candle to, I am Captain Jack Sparrow. *proceeds to slash open beer barrels, creating distraction, then stops to drink from an opened wine barrel*
  • Philip tells Blackbeard to open Syrena's tank and let more air in. Jack agrees, saying "I support the missionary's position!"
  • Jack looking at the Black Pearl in a bottle...and then jumping back when Jack the Monkey pops up.
    Jack: He's even more annoying in miniature.
  • The Stinger at the end. Angelica is sulking by the tree, alone on an islet, when the voodoo doll!Jack washes up to shore. Cue devious smirk on her face. Poor Jackie. Poor poor, Jackie...
  • Jack and Angelica's faces moving closer... and the music suddenly stops when Jack bails out.
    Jack Sparrow: I gotta go.
  • Jack and Barbossa's raid on the Spanish camp.
    Jack: How's that escape plan workin'?
    Barbossa: Here's your chance to improvise.
    • This is followed by Barbossa removing his peg leg to get to the secret compartment in it - which doesn't contain a sword, but rum,
      Jack: (pouting) I want one.
      • Which leads to a Heartwarming moment when Barbossa lets Jack have a drink.
  • What does Jack need for his plan to release the Black Pearl from its bottle?
    "I know a man with a goat!"
    "Excellent. I can go like this (wiggles fingers)."
    • Possible Call Back: in the first movie, when Will is asking Gibbs about why Sparrow always behaves so strange, he makes a very similar gesture with the fingers.
  • Barbossa confronting Blackbeard: "You are charged with murder, piracy, and the theft of one hairy, well used right leg!"
  • Jack trying to lock Angelica in her cabin so she'll be safe. It... doesn't work out too well.
    Angelica: "Sparrow! Ven aqu o te arranco la cabeza!" (Translated: "Sparrow! Get back here or I'll cut off your head!")
    • She then wings her sword into (and through) the door so the tip ends up about an inch from Jack's face. Nice Ironic Echo to Will throwing his sword into the smithy's door beside Jack's face in the first movie!
  • "Someone make note of that man's bravery."
  • "Well, Your Heiney...."
    • The whole scene with the king, really.
  • Jack in the judge's wig. Reminds one of how Jack was being charged with "impersonating a member of the clergy" that one time.
  • Jack realizing that the Ponce de Leon really wants to keep his map.
    • Bonus points for Barbossa clearly mouthing "Don't touch the map!" Something about Rush's expression is hilarious.
  • Jack is running off to find Ponce de Leon's ship. Then he trips over some plants and falls out of sight. Then he stands up and starts stabbing the plants with his sword.
    • Better yet, that was improvised by Depp.
  • During the climax, just as Barbossa's and Blackbeard's crews are about to start fighting, Jack interrupts and states that it's foolish for the two crews to kill each other over Barbossa's grudge against Blackbeard, so they should just sit back and let the two captains duke it out personally. There's silence, and then one of the Blackbeard pirates nods in agreement and sheathes his sword... and then everyone fights anyway.
  • When Jack and another pirate are freeing Philip during the mutiny:
    Pirate: You're either with us, or against us!
    (Beat)
    Pirate: Can he do that?
    Jack: He's religious, I think it's required.
  • Barbossa makes a metaphor about his footsteps in sand to describe why he can't turn back... then his jackass second-in-command feels the need to point out that it would technically be "footstep" on account of his infirmity. Barbossa's expression is priceless.
  • Something about Jack's expression after claiming that it's not Blackbeard's ship and they have been deceived, only for another pirate to feel the need to reply "We are decepted then", is simply hilarious.
  • During the mutiny, when Angelica is half-awake;
    Angelica: Jack, if this is a dream, then you can keep the sword and boots on. If it's not...
    Jack: It's a dream!
  • When Jack and the crew are planning the mutiny:
    Jack: Blackbeard. What are his habits?
    Scrum: Stays mostly to his cabin.
    Crew: That's right, mostly to his cabin.
    Jack: Yes, but when he comes out.
    Kid: He don't really come out.
    Crew: (mumbles in agreement)
    Jack: He must come out sometime.
    Crew: Not really, no. (mumbling in agreement)
    Jack: Any of you sail with him before?
    Crew: "No, no." "I've never." "Definitely not."
    Jack: Any of you seen him before?
    Crew: Not really, no. (mumbles some more)

The Ride

  • The pirates sing a merry song about how they are going to Rape, Pillage, and Burn the fort to hell and back, but most are just getting drunk and having fun.
  • A seagull has made a nest out of a skeleton's hat, which is still on its head.
  • The bar scene with the drinking skeletons. Two are sitting at a table, posed like they are having a casual drink while covered in cobwebs. The third "drinks" a bottle, with the contents trickling through his ribcage.
  • The crowned skeleton most now know as Ponce de Leon sitting in a large bed reading a treasure map.
  • The pirates dunking the town's mayor over and over again in the well to make him talk. Every now and again, the mayor's wife, a real Grande Dame, bursts out of a window above to scold her husband (who is tied up and soaking wet). One of the pirates shuts her up by firing a gun at the window, only for her to appear again.
  • The iconic auction scene. The pirate auctioneer tries to sell off a fat lady, while all the pirates are more interested in the redheaded beauty nearby.
  • Pirates fleeing from broom-wieldng women for stealing their food.
  • An elderly drunk pirate tries to persuade a cat to drink some rum. The cat's enraged screeches only add to the scene.
  • The surly singing of the pirates is just priceless.
  • There is one pirate who is trying to steal Lots of Luggage but has got stuck with one foot in the boat and another on the dock, balancing precariously in-between while whimpering in despair.
  • A pirate sleeping with some pigs.
  • The iconic scene where jailed pirates are trying to tempt the prison dog with a bone.
  • Two looney pirates sitting on tilting cannons, trying to shoot each other while singing and laughing.
  • Jack's appearance at the end of the ride, sitting in a throne surrounded by stolen gold.

Bloopers of the Caribbean

  • Granted, they're not part of the films themselves, but the blooper reels for the films are very funny.
  • "Mr. Cotton! Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?!"
    • Take one:
    Jack: Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay...I love you man, let's just face the fact.
    • Take two:
    Jack: Do you have the courage to fortitude...
    • Take three:
    Jack: Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay brave in the sea...oh, god, I hate this bloody line. Where are the writers? I'm gonna kill them...
    • Not to mention, he said all of that last bit in character.
  • On the deck after rescuing Elizabeth, Norrington is mocking Jack's equipment and then suddenly...
    Johnny Depp: Was that a plane?
  • At the Pirate Council:
    Johnny Depp: "Let us not, dear friends, forget our... lines. Yes! Let us not forget our lines."
  • Johnny Depp forgetting the name of the Flying Dutchman and calling it The Davy Jones Crocodile Machine.
  • There's also Orlando Bloom's "Aarrrr, swash swash, buckle buckle," and Tom Hollander and Johnny Depp's numerous tries to get a scene done (the bargain upon the Endeavour), which includes Hollander's haughty "I'm trying to work here," and Depp's "That be...You can't curse on a Disney film, mate. *pause in which the director confirms* ...see, I told you!"
    • Context for the repeated failed shots: Hollander and Beckett are filming the scene with a foghorn outside. It's so loud and close by that when it goes off, it nearly knocks both of them off their feet. Of course, this happens more than once...
      • Actually, the scene is where a cannonball bursts through the room right before they shake hands to close the deal. The foghorn was there as a way for them to know when to act out being surprised of the explosion. They know it's coming so they have to simulate a realistic reaction if cannon ordnance suddenly bursts through right next to you. Being 'nearly knocked off your feet' is an understandable reaction to an explosion. Still, it is surprising so their reactions are more forced since it's not a cannonball but a very loud horn, simulating the force a cannonball would project when exploding nearby will need to be forced.
  • Hollander doing an impromptu jig while filming a scene.
  • One take of the otherwise dramatic opening scene in Dead Man's Chest:
    • (Beckett) *long beat, points* "Kill him!"
    • (Governor Swann) "The charge is conspiring to set free a man convicted of...*takes a sigh with a long beat* ...I can't read my own writing. Crimes! Thank you very much!" (If you look closely, you can also see Tom Hollander (Beckett) struggling not to crack up.)
    • This one ties into Governor Swann's above quote:
    Beckett: The charges are conspiring to set free a man legally... lawfully... Sorry, I'm slightly confused because I didn't know which verse we were doing. Shall I say it or Jonathan (Governor Swann) say it?"
    Governor Swann: It's my line, dear.
    Beckett: Sorry!
    Governor Swann: It's all right. (Jokingly mimes while shaking his fist at Beckett: I'm going to f-ing kill you, you f-ing b*stard...)
  • Jack's conditions of help: "I shall help you to find the compass, if you'll do strange things to my dog. His name is Tim."
  • Geoffrey Rush staying in character when he flubs his lines:
    • "Calypso! I come before you as but a servant... *his hat is blown off* Ye blew my hat off, ye *bleep*!"
    • "And I won't let the likes of Beckett Cutler... *pause* er, sometimes known as Cutler Beckett..."
    • Will: *yells an order to the crew.* Barbossa: "NAY BELAY THAT!" * long beat* "...DO SOMETHING ELSE!"
  • Geoffrey Rush accidentally hitting himself in the eye with his spyglass is known to cause giggles and sympathetic wincing at the same time.
    Depp: That's powerful.
  • Anytime someone fails to catch something.
  • "There's a female presence here sir, all the men have felt her. No they haven't... "
  • In another outtake, Depp is shooting the Locker scene where he swings from the Pearl onto the desert below. He preps, swings, the camera follows, and crash; Depp crashes onto the ground, having mistimed his landing.
    Johnny Depp: *under his breath* "Oh, my god..." *gets right to his feet completely in-character*
  • During the Parlay scene from At World's End, as Geoffrey Rush, Keira Knightley, and Johnny Depp are walking, Rush's hat flies off due to the wind. What does Depp do? Staying perfectly in the character of Jack Sparrow, he tosses his own hat off and strikes a dramatic pose.
  • Jack's incident with the Jar of Dirt.
    Jack: Why fight when you can negotiate? [Begins to remove Jar of Dirt from his pocket.] All one needs — [realizes his wig is caught in the jar] Help?
  • Helicopters keep interrupting during On Stranger Tides
    Johnny: What I want first...is Ponce de Leon's helicopter.
    (later)
    Scrum: ...or when an helicopter flies over your head, and you're supposed to be in the middle of a scene. It's not real.
    Extra: It screws everything.
  • "I'm Peter Pan!"
    • Even funnier if you've played Kingdom Hearts 2. Due to the lack of a Neverland level in that game, Sora gets the Peter Pan/Tinkerbell summon in Port Royal instead.
  • Johnny's numerous attempts to get the hat off Penelope's head.
    Johnny: I think this take's going very well, don't you?
  • Rush attempting to get his wooden leg back on.
    Rush: No, it's broken.
    Depp: Can't help you, mate. I don't want to touch it.
    • The best part: both say this in character.
  • "God, stop it, please!"
  • On Stranger Tides: Johnny appears from round the corner...with his hat on wonky. He notices, straightens it before backing out of the scene.

Deleted Scenes

  • Deleted Scene from AWE. Barbossa and Jack are fighting (like children) over who gets to steer the ship. They even go so far as to wrestle over the wheel. Even more so when it's revealed that they've split captaincy of the ship between them...by sides.
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