Funny / One Tree Hill

  • Episode 1x02, "The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most"
    • Mouth & Jimmy's response to being kicked out of the locker room by Whitey.
    Mouth: Dude, did you hear that? We're media!
    Jimmy: Not just media, banned media.
  • Episode 1x05, "All That You Can't Leave Behind"
    • The first half of the Father/Son Basketball game, with the sons pulling out the Harlem Globetrotters play book - Of note, is Dan telling Nathan not to pull that crap with him, and Nathan doing it anyway.
  • Episode 1x06, "Every Night Is Another Story"
    • I don't like that name, let's call you, Brooke.
    Brooke: I hear birds.
    Peyton: Unbelievable, Brooke, did you not think to put gas in the car.
    Brooke: (to Haley) Answer the question, Brooke.
    • Thing, Thing One, and Thing Three, who was the third.
  • Episode 2x01, "The Desperate Kingdom of Love"
    • Haley's parents asking if Nathan entered the James house through the window. Especially when Haley's father sarcastically gives Nathan a So Proud of You response.
    • "I think I see where this is going, Nathan. But we can't adopt you. I mean, if we do, the making-out with Haley is going to have to stop. [Beat] At least in public, anyway."
  • Episode 2x06, "We Might As Well Be Strangers"
    • Lucas busting out the "And what time do you call this?" routine on Karen, before revealing he's only been home for 5 minutes.
      • Even funnier when you realise that it's the exact same dialogue from when Karen caught Lucas sneaking in after curfew in Season 1.
  • Episode 2x15, "Unopened Letter to the World"
    • Dan in church.
    Jules: You couldn't turn your cellphone off in a church?
    Dan: Might be God.
  • Episode 2x19, "I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning"
    • The women of Tree Hill at Tric.
    Deb: I miss Nathan.
    Karen: I miss Keith.
    Peyton: I miss Jake.
    Brooke: I don't really miss Felix at all... Or my parents that much... But I miss my money.
  • Episode 3x06, "Locked Hearts and Hand Grenades"
    • Brooke wakes up in bed with Lucas, only for the alarm to go off & wake up Lucas from his dream, who has Chris Keller in his bed. The alarm then goes off again, waking up Haley, who then gets in bed with Brooke & relates that she had a dream about Lucas & Chris in bed. Brooke & Haley then decide to make out, at which point a third alarm goes off & wakes up Nathan.
    • Skills gets really into The Notebook.
  • Episode 3x09, "How a Ressurection Really Feels"
    • The deleted scene featuring Brooke, Haley & Peyton getting their mug shots taken for stealing Brooke's designs back from Suburban Filth - Brooke's complaining that she didn't have a chance to put on make-up, Haley's upset because the arrest will go on her permanent record, and Peyton's happily asking if she can get a copy of her mugshot.
  • Episode 3x15, "Just Watch The Fireworks"
    • Pete Wentz hitting on Peyton.
    Pete: So... Be right back, I'm gonna go save the world.
    [Beat. Pete leaves, Patrick Stump (FOB lead singer) walks up.]
    Patrick: Did he just roll out "Gotta go save the world"?
    Peyton: Yeah?
    Patrick: ...That's my line.
  • Episode 3x18, "When it Isn't Like it Should Be"
  • Episode 4x03, "Good News for People Who Love Bad News"
    • After Nathan gets an award for Valor, Rachel runs up & kisses him.
    Haley: Stay the hell away from my husband.
    Rachel: What? I was just thanking him.
    Haley: Well, your thanks send people to the Free Clinic.
    Peyton: Ha!
    Brooke: What are you laughing at? Your love sends people to the morgue.
    Peyton: Well then, I love you, Brooke.
    • After sitting out the first half, Skills rants to Nathan about Whitey holding a brother down, and that someone should tell Whitey that they don't call him Skills because he's good at picking splinters out of his ass. Nathan simply replies "Okay." and turns his head slightly to the left & repeats that to Whitey.
  • Episode 4x04, "Can't Stop This Thing We Started"
  • Episode 4x15, "Prom Night at Hater High"
    • Deb returning from rehab to find the house littered with empty beer, whiskey & vodka bottles from the party Nathan had thrown the previous night... And thinking that it's her mess, apologises for it. Nathan simply responds with a simple "Whatever, Mom. Just clean it up."
  • Episode 4x17, "It Gets The Worst At Night"
    • Everyone brings something for road trip, except Nathan - he brought Haley, who brough the food.
    • The gang reading what people wrote in Lucas' old year books.
    Haley: Okay, Brooke - Freshmen year: "Lance Bass" - really?!
    Brooke: He was cute, okay?
    Nathan: I'm not sure I'd go there Hales, check it out - "Luke, stay cool forever! Haley"
    Haley: So what's wrong with that?
    Lucas: Okay, you think that's bad? Check this out - Peyton wrote to me in my Sophomore year book... Peyton Sawyer.
    Peyton: Come on! I didn't even know you then!
    Lucas: You know how hard I worked to get my year book infront of her? And then she signs her damn name. I was crushed!
    Haley: Okay, how about this one - "Lucas, you know you want me. Taylor James"
    Lucas: Damn, I wonder what she wrote in Nathan's year book.
  • Episode 4x21, "All Of A Sudden I Miss Everyone"
    Skills: If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends...[Realises Lucas is watching him] What? It's catchy.
    Lucas: Mmmhm.
    • Haley freaking out when Deb won't answer the phone.
    Nathan: Okay, okay, lets not freak out. It doesn't mean my mom's not on top of it.
    Nathan: ...It wouldn't hurt to check.
    • "4 years of high school, and zero girlfriends for Junk & Fergie."
  • Episode 5x01, "4 Years, 6 Months, 2 Days"
    • Jamie & Lucas's first scene together.
    Lucas: J-Luke! Are you in high school already?
    Jamie: No, I'm only 4.
    • "Junk & Fergie play video games, drink beer & eat pizza; I'm Mouth McFadden, and I'm still unemployed."
    • Haley picking Jamie up after spending the day with Lucas & the River Court guys.
    Jamie: Bye Uncle Lucas, I have to go home now. Besides, you should be writing.
    [Haley & the guys burst into laughter]
    Lucas: I don't wanna hear it.
  • Episode 5x02, "Racing Like A Pro"
    • "For evey step you take, we kiss."
    • "Have you ever had a wine hangover?" "I have a fluffy earred bunny named Chester."
    • The sponsors on Jamie's racing uniform.
    Jamie: Peyton Sawyer - Unemployed!
  • Episode 5x03
    • Brooke suddenly buys a lady's house and everything in it, complete with the roast cooking in the oven. She lets the lady keep her cat.
  • Episode 5x06, upon Jamie having nightmares about Dan escaping from prison:
    Nathan: Did you tell Jamie my dad's in prison?
    Skills: Yeah.
    Nathan: Why would you do that?!
    Skills: Because he's in prison!
    • Later, Jamie asks Skills why his grandpa went to prison, we Jump Cut from Skills' panicked expression to Jamie straightening up and insisting to Nathan that his room's clean to Nathan confronting Skills:
    Nathan: You told Jamie my dad went to prison for not cleaning his room?!
  • Episode 5x07, "In Da Club"
    • Brooke attempts to impress Owen with her fame by pointing out how many people in Tric are wearing her designs. Owen responds by pointing out that everyone in Tric is drinking one of his drinks, so he must be famous too.
    • Peyton finally admits to Brooke that she came back to Tree Hill for Lucas, and asks why Brooke came back.
    Brooke: Duh, Lucas. Game on, bitch!
  • Episode 5x11, "You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side"
    • Owen bringing Chase as a blind date for Peyton to the joint bachelor/bachelorette party, completely oblivious to his history with Brooke. On the car ride to the Scott house, Chase asks if he remembers the girl he told Owen about when he first moved in with him, specifically her name. You can see the cogs turning in Owen's brain, before he suddenly realises it's the same Brooke, much to the amusement of Chase, Brooke & Peyton. Later, Chase comments to Owen that one of them should have realised, since he said Brooke & Owen said Brooke... Only for Owen to point out that Chase said "Brooke who started a clothing line".
    • Skills being utterly terrified of Chester.
  • Episode 5x12, "Hundred"
    • Brooke complaining about Owen & Chase electing to take a camping trip rather than escort Brooke & Peyton to Lucas' wedding by asking what kind of guy does that. Peyton responds "Jake Gyllenhall" & suddenly Brooke becomes very receptive to the idea.
    • Skills tailgating before Lucas's wedding to Lindsey, before going on to encourage Peyton to interrupt the wedding & declare her love for Lucas, before musing that maybe Lucas will say the wrong name at the altar, with Brooke commenting that none of that will happen because This Is Reality. Peyton then follows up by saying she'll just get drunk at the reception & have sex with some random guy, if that's okay with Skills... Who promptly starts hitting on Peyton.
      • And when Peyton does stand up to declare her feelings for Lucas, Skills happily declares "That's what I'm talking about!". Of course, it's swiftly revealed to just be a dream.
    • Brooke finally revealing why she came back to Tree Hill.
    Brooke: I want to have a baby.
    Peyton: ...With me?
  • Episode 6x04, "Bridge Over Troubled Water"
    • Lucas ribbing Nathan overDeb dating Skills.
    Lucas: The way I see, Skills'll be better father than Dan ever was.
    • When Nathan and Jamie discuss Skills and Deb dating:
    Jamie: What's the problem? I like Nanny Deb, and I like Skills.
    Nathan: Well, it's a little more complicated than that. Nanny Deb is also my mom.
    Jamie: So? I let you kiss my mom.
  • Episode 6x07, "Messin' with the Kid"
    • Nathan teasing Haley over not walking away.
    Nathan: I'm gonna call his mom a bitch & push her. Oh wait, you already did that!
    • The entire Lucas & Peyton subplot, which involves a running gag over Peyton reading an article in Brooke's magazine about how difficult it is to move in with someone. Namely, getting to know new things about each other, and making a hilariously big deal over it. Snark-to-Snark Combat abounds:
      Peyton: How can you not like The Cure?
      Lucas: Well, their music's depressing and whiny.
      Peyton: Yeah, and if it could squint, it would be you.
      ...
      Peyton: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my Cure albums where they're appreciated.
      Lucas: Like the trash?
      Peyton: *in mock horror* You see? We are totally different!
      • Peyton turns off the TV whilst Lucas is playing a video game, as she has the remote on her side of the house. Cue Peyton waving the remote & doing a little dance before going back into her room.
      • The Brick Joke about Peyton texting Fergie with Lucas' phone.
      • Then, there's the part where Peyton insists on sleeping in the master bedroom. Only problem is, it's Karen's room, and Karen's bed, and Lucas can't get it up because of how weird it is:
      Lucas: *pouting* It's not funny!
      Peyton: *laughing* I'm so sorry. I'm only laughing because of how angry you got. I mean, I've never heard anybody yell at it before. *laughs some more* Oh, honey, it is not a big deal! Doesn't it happen to every guy at some point?
      Lucas: And it wouldn't have happened at all if we weren't in my mom's bed. *beat* This is your fault!
      Peyton: Well, you have never complained before.
      Lucas: I'm talking about your obsession with this stupid magazine.
      Peyton: Oh my God, the magazine has been dead on. It has predicted pretty much everything. *beat* I just wish it would've warned me about this.
      Lucas: Ok, alright, ok. It seems I've made a huge mistake. I'm calling Lindsey.
      Peyton: Fine... if you think that'll help. *goes back to laughing her ass off*
  • Episode 6x14: Nathan's advice to Chase about dating a singer on the road:
    Nathan: And if she ever meets anyone named Chris Keller, you punch first, ask questions later.
  • Episode 6x16, "Screenwriter's Blues"
    • Mia & Peyton's attempt at making a crib.
    • Whilst babyproofing the house, a frustrated Peyton asks what else the baby's going to get into.
    Haley: Your heart. [Haley draws a valentine's heart on her chest]
    • Peyton "auditioning" for the role of Peyton in "An Unkindness of Ravens" & being turned away by Reece for being too old. Especially in a meta-sense, when you remember the Dawson Casting that the characters were originally subject to, and that James Vàn Der Beek was in the trope naming show.
  • Episode 6x18, "Searching for a Former Clarity"
    • Brooke, Haley, Mia, Skills & Lucas at Tric.
    Brooke: I feel guilty. Julian was being so nice to me, and I freaked out & I took it out on Sam. I am a horrible person.
    Haley: "As a teacher, I must adhere to a higher standard of conduct and I failed to live up to that higher standard, for that I am truly sorry." I'm also sorry Principle Rimkus is a hairy backed bitch.
    Mia: Guitar. Play it on guitar. That's their great idea. Maybe I could just play it on spoons. A nice spoon ballad.
    Skills: What the hell she mean I'm too good for her? I am NOT too good for her. Trust me, I know me. Luke, am I too good for anybody you know?
    Lucas: Dude, I just lost three hundred thousand dollars, do you understand that? Three. Hundred. Thousand dollars. And you lost Deb?! Shut up! [Beat] What the hell are you doing here?
    [Reece happily jumps into shot]
    Reece: Celebrating! [Drinks shot] I just got paid for doing nothing! Hahaha! Everybody! Drinks! On! Me! Who's with me?
    [Everybody looks at Reece with "Dude, SHUT UP" faces]
  • Episode 6x19, "Letting Go"
    Rimkus: Congratulations. You've set a new record for failing.
    Jack: We didn't fail, you failed. Bring back Mrs Scott.
    Rimkus: You. Detention in my office.
    Jack: Here's how little you know - I'm not even in this class. You shouldn't be either.
    [Jack gets up & leaves the class]
    Rimkus: Anyone else?
    Sam: He's got a point. Maybe we wouldn't be failing if you hadn't fired our teacher.
    Rimkus: Watch it, or you'll be joining your friend, Mr No-Name.
    Sam: All I'm saying is, that either we all got instantly dumber, or you should've been a little bit smarter. I'll see myself out.
  • Episode 6x21, "A Kiss to Build a Dream On"
    • "Welcome to Tree Hill; try to find a boy who didn't lose his virginity to Brooke Davis."
    • The "Stay out of it, Nick Lachey" scene at TRIC.
    • Peyton vs. Bed Rest.
  • Episode 6x23, "Forever And Almost Always",
    • Lucas and Peyton's wedding has arrived and Brooke and Julian, recently broken up, have attended separately. Julian has brought "movie Brooke" as his date and Brooke has brought... Nick Lachey. At the reception, to piss off Nick, Julian says the quote mentioned below, earning himself a punch in the face in the process:
      Julian: It's, like, crazy hot in here; it must be, like... 98 degrees...
      • Jump Cut to Julian putting ice on his eye, and asking Peyton why guys in Tree Hill keep punching him, and Peyton pointing out that Julian was asking for it by mocking Nick's boyband... Which Julian responds to with a simple "Well, yeah!" in a tone that basically sounds like he's really saying "Well, of course I was going to mock his boyband! What did anybody expect?" & Peyton responding to that by reminding Julian that he likes 98 Degrees.
    • Brooke bursting into the tent where Haley & Peyton are getting ready.
      Brooke: I am SO pissed right now, that whore stole my man!
    • Skills refusing to let Jamie out of his sight since he was kidnapped at the last wedding.
    Haley: [Stopping in the middle of conducting the wedding ceremony] Really, Skills?!
    Skills: [On walkie talkie] Jamie Scott! Macauley, where you at?!
    [Skills realises that Jamie is literally 5 feet away, petting a dog]
    Skills: Boy, get yo' ass back over here.
    • Haley completely drowning as the minister - first, she gives the definition of matrimony & how it connects to motherhood, leading to an awkward silence; then she quotes "Every Rose Has a Thorn" by Poison to Peyton's disbelief; and then finally succeeds as she recounts how Lucas & Peyton first spoke at the very spot they were getting married.
    Haley: And finally, in our junior year, Lucas gathered up his courage and talked to Peyton for the first time, right here at this lake. [Beat] And she was a bitch.
    • Nathan's advice to Lucas at the altar.
    Nathan: Whatever I said before Lindsey's wedding, just go with that.
    Lucas: You really suck at this, y'know that?
    • Brooke basically forcing Nathan, Lucas & Haley to tell her that she looks better than Julian's "Brooke-a-like".
  • Episode 7x02, "What Are You Willing To Lose"
    • Haley's "conversation" with Peyton & Lucas, with Bethany Joy Galeotti's pitch perfect impersonations of Hilarie Burton & Chad Michael Murray.
  • Episode 7x08
    • Haley high on the pot brownies.
    • Jamie using the story of Nanny Carrie as his scary camping story.
  • Episode 8x06, "Not Afraid"
    • Quinn's nightmare about a Zombie Apocalypse hitting Tree Hill.
      • Quinn & Haley arguing about whether everyone is turning into vampires or zombies, despite Haley already being bitten.
      • Brooke & Julian fighting zombies, only for Brooke to get distracted by one of the zombies knocking the cover off her wedding gown, and Quinn's frustration that everyone keeps calling the zombies vampires.
    • The Reveal about why Julian hates Halloween.
    • Haley's costume - a pregnant cheerleader, or as she puts it, "Me in high school."
  • Episode 8x07, "Luck Be A Lady"
    • If ever proof was needed that Clay Evans is an Man Child, the opening scene of this episode should be cited, with Nathan walking in on Clay dancing & lip syncing to "Get Down Tonight" by KC & the Sunshine Band.
    Clay: Quinn's out of town, what'd you expect?
    Nathan: Literally anything else.
    Clay: Yeah... Hey, I got an interesting phone call this morning.
    Nathan: Yeah. Sorry, about that. Jamie's been calling everybody about this frog he found.
    Clay: Nah it— Jamie found a frog? That's awesome.
    • After Nathan screws up a deal for a player he's representing:
    Nathan: I haven't felt that stupid since high school. At least then I could beat people up to make myself feel better.
  • Episode 8x13, "The Other Half Of Me"
  • Episode 8x21, "Flightless Bird, American Mouth"
    • Nathan's reaction to learning that Julian somehow managed to get Brooke pregnant when they had been told she couldn't have kids.
    Nathan: You fertile bastard. Wow.
  • Episode 9x03, "Love The Way You Lie"
    • Haley dragging Chris Keller into the kitchen & making him cook burgers, with his reassurance that he can cook. Jump Cut to Chris screaming like a girl over a frying pan fire, whilst a completely deadpan Haley walks in & deals with it.
    • After Millie explodes at Mouth over his weight problems on air after he starts going on about idiotic conspiracy theories rather acknowledge his weight gain, they go to commercial... And continue arguing during the commercial break. Come back from commercial, and Mouth recaps what happened before the break & asks their viewers to let them know if they think he's gained weight. Cut to Jerry giving the biggest What an Idiot grin & thumbs up.
  • Episode 9x05, "The Killing Moon"
    • Jamie is convinced Clay's fugue states is caused by him being a werewolf and gives Quinn a silver dollar to help protect herself.
  • Episode 9x12, "Anyone Who Had A Heart"
    • Brooke's reaction to the fact that her parents had sex
    • Kylie's attempt at being a news reporter
    Millie: Just say stuff that British people say, like crumpets or wanker.
    Kylie: Wanker
    • Brooke gives Julian her high school diary to help him with the production of the Ravens show. As he starts to flip through it she gets a horrified look on her face, snatches it back, and rips out a specific page that she proceeds to tear up. When Julian tries to get it back from her, she eats it.
  • Episode 9x13, "One Tree Hill"
    • Nathan finding Jamie at the River Court.
    Nathan: Hey, little boy - Can I kidnap you? Oh wait, you've already been kidnapped.
    Jamie: So have you.
    Nathan: Exactly. We go to say goodnight, you're missing, your mom starts freaking out - You realise we're the Scott family, right?
    ...
    Nathan: I'll have to figure out how to talk your mom into not grounding you.
    Jamie: Oh! Maybe we could say I was kidnapped again!
    Nathan: Eh, it's a little played out.
    • "You named your guitar after my wife?"
      • The version in the Gag Reel might be even better, with Chris declaring that he did name his guitar after Haley, getting angry & smashing the guitar on the floor, before screaming "THERE! IF I CAN'T HAVE HALEY JAMES, NO-ONE CAN!" and running away crying.
    • Chris Keller & Clay both having the immediate reaction to slap Chase after tasting one of his drinks for the first time. Not to mention Mouth remembering how bad Chase's drinks are.
    • During the Commentary track, Bethany Joy Lenz/Galeotti comments that after the series wrapped, she took the Julius Caesar book given to Lucas in the pilot, and when she told Chad, his response was "What book?"
  • An Evening With One Tree Hill
    • Mark Schwahn telling the story of how, before OTH was on the air, The WB would repeatedly tell him things like the scripts weren't right & it got to the point where he was convinced that there was no One Tree Hill & that the real show was a hidden camera show playing a cruel trick on him, which led to him checking the ceiling for hidden cameras.
    • Mark Schwahn commenting that Antwon Tanner didn't realise that Lucas & Nathan were brothers, until he saw the pilot six months after shooting it.
    • When the cast are asked about how they got into acting, Stephen Colletti briefly talks about Laguna Beach. When Robert Buckley speaks after him, he starts with "Wait, Laguna Beach? Oh my God, you're THAT Stephen?! Such a fan!"
    • Antwon Tanner commenting that he'd usually alter Skills's dialogue from the script to match his own verbal patterns, and Mark Schwahn recalling the network's criticism of the way Skills was being wrote, thinking Mark was writing Skills in that way.
    Mark: I got criticised once for how I wrote Skills's dialogue, and I said "I don't write that, that's how he says it!"
    • Jackson Brundage's sarcastic What the Hell, Hero? treatment of Mark Schawhn for not taking him to Puerto Rico for the episode that was filmed there.
    • Daphne Zuniga commenting if she wasn't actress, she'd probably be a therapist... Except she doesn't have the patience. Mark Schwahn then chimes in "You'd be the best therapist ever! 'Oh, grow up! Everyone has problems!'"
      • Austin Nichols only says one word - Pirate.
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