The Film
NO SALE
- While Judy is trying to cover up Alan’s identity to Carl, Alan notices a pair of monkeys get in Carl’s cruiser and tries to scare them away. Because the monkeys hid before anyone can see them, they just think that Alan is screaming and hooting at nothing.
- Alan seeing a toilet for the first time in twenty six years:Alan: [Reverently] Thank you. No more banana leaves...
- While he's in the bathroom, he sings the Gilligan's Island theme song. And the lion doesn't care for it.
- Alan tries shaving... and it doesn’t work out.Judy: What happened to you? You shave with a piece of glass?Alan: What happened to you? The Clampetts have a yard sale? What do you want? I’ve never shaved before.
- Bonnie Hunt's delivery of the final line is perfect and hilarious in this exchange:Peter: I thought I could end the game myself. I was only ten spaces away!Judy: [Reads] "A law of Jumanji having been broken / You will slip back even more than your token."Sarah: You tried to cheat?Sarah: Oh, okay, honey, well, that would be cheating.
- Monkey madness doesn't begin to cover this movie.Sarah: [worried she might be seeing things] You just saw three monkeys go by on a motorcycle, didn't you?
Judy: Yes...?
Sarah: Good girl.- This exchange is made even funnier when you realize that Sarah is checking her sanity. She has, after all, spent the last twenty-six years being called crazy.
- Earlier in the same scene, the monkeys are enraptured with the flying monkeys scene from The Wizard of Oz playing on display televisions at a store; they even start hopping around like the flying monkeys. Some of them subsequently run into said store and steal some TVs and computer monitors.
- And then they take over the police station.Carl: (Takes out his police radio) Lorraine, this is Carl.(Monkey noises)Carl: (Not noticing) Yeah, I think I know who's behind all this. I'm heading to the old Parrish place. Gimme some backup.(More monkey noises, angry this time, along with sounds of crashing and fighting in the background)Carl: Lorraine?
- Sarah and Alan try to understand the obsessed hunter from the game.Alan: He's a hunter. He kills things, that's what he does. And right now, he wants to hunt me and kill me, okay?
Sarah: Why you?
Alan: Why me? I don't know. Everything about me he finds offensive. You'd think it'd be a waste of his time. Maybe he needs something for his wall, you know, a Parrish—something to go between penguin and partridge.- Fridge Brilliance: "Parrish" doesn't go between "Partridge" and "Penguin".
- And just afterward:Sarah: Well, have you ever thought about just sitting down and talking about your differences?
Alan: What, are you crazy? The man has a GUN.
Sarah: Don't ever call me crazy, Alan! EVER. 'Cause everyone in the town has called me crazy ever since I told the cops that you were sucked into a board game. - Which led to a very funny (off-topic with their situation) background exchange between Alan and Sarah, where they bicker like children.Sarah: Do you have any idea what it's like to be known as the little girl who saw Alan Parrish murdered? Do you think anybody showed up at my fourteenth birthday party?
Alan: Well— not even Billy Jessup? It's his kind of party, I'll betcha.
Sarah: Billy who?
Alan: We— oh, what are you, an owl? What? Come on 'Madam Serena', why don't you dig in the lower regions of your higher consciousness, and find the memory of your old boyfriend: Billy.
Sarah: [laughing] The little kid who used to steal your bicycle?
Alan: No-o, the big kid who probably took you to the movies. Come on, Sarah.
Sarah: Grow up... you're so immature.
Alan: No you're immature!
Sarah: No, you are!
Alan: No, you're the one that— I know you are but what am I?- The more mature response from the actual children, whom Alan and Sarah ignore:Judy: [To Alan and Sarah] Uh, hello? I'm rolling now! I'm gonna roll!
Peter: [Gives the dice to Judy] Here, just roll.
- The more mature response from the actual children, whom Alan and Sarah ignore:
- After Alan congratulates Judy on her quick thinking.Alan: Sarah and I would like to get out of the floor, so it's your turn, Peter.
- Carl's poor police car gets the crap kicked out of it throughout the whole movie, but still manages to hang on. When the killer plants finally take it, Carl just gives up on saving it.Carl: Fine! Take it!
- And before that, when the vine slithers past Carl's face and he starts screaming and jumps out the car.
- When Alan and Carl are driving to the store to save the rest of the group, a motorbike cop pulls up, with Carl saying they'll back them up. The motorbike is being driven by three monkeys, the driver who has a cops bike helmet over his eyes, while the one on the rear is holding a revolver. The two drivers eye each other and then Alan casually speeds up the car.
- Any time Carl Screams Like a Little Girl, really.
- Again, Carl is the universe's whipping boy.Carl: I should've been a fireman!
- Van Pelt declares that Alan should be arriving 'any moment now'. He arrives almost exactly then... screaming, in a cop car, crashing through cheap walls, and ultimately knocking down a wall of paint cans that falls on Van Pelt.
- Prior to that, when he grabs Sarah, this exchange happens.Van Pelt: As soon as Alan hears what happens to you, he'll come.
Sarah: He doesn't even know I'm here, so that's not even gonna work, your plan is ruined so I'm gonna get going.
Van Pelt: [Fires several shots into the air] Don't move, or I'll blow your blinkin' brains out!
[People run screaming, someone yells "call the cops!"]
Van Pelt: That ought to get his attention, don't you think?
Sarah: Oh, yeah. - When Van Pelt fired several shots, one woman who was about to steal a board game (a regular one) leaves it and runs off.
- Also Van Pelt screaming like a girl when he gets a ride on the “jet powered” canoe trap earns a little chuckle.
- Prior to that, when he grabs Sarah, this exchange happens.
- The junior novel gives us this when Alan and Bentley go to save Sara and the kids from Van Pelt at Sir Sav-a-Lot:Alan stomped on the brake. The pedal sank to the floor. Yellowish fluid spurted out the side of the cruiser. Alan pumped again. And again. Nothing. The brakes were dead. As the cruiser hurtled toward the solid wall of Sir Sav-a-Lot, Alan and Bentley exchanged a final word: "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
- Alan's reaction to Peter being turned into a half monkey is little more than "Oh, great..."
- Aunt Nora, on her way home, stops at a red light, only to see the stampede passing through. When she gets out to watch, one of the monkeys climbs into the back of her car. Then one very winded rhinoceros bringing up the rear wheezes by.
- After she returns to her seat, she begins casually driving before the monkey pokes its head up. Theres a sound of the monkey shrieking before Aunt Nora screams, swerving off the road.
- Peter whimpering on the walk back to the house makes it seem like the boy is having a hard time dealing with everything, so Alan gives him a heartwarming, fatherly speech......but it's not that; his tail is stuck in his pants, so Alan rips a hole in the seat of his jeans for it to come out.
- Sarah and Peter trying to pull Alan out of the quicksand using a music stand, then a trombone, neither of which work.Alan: STOP GIVING ME THINGS THAT COME APART!!!
- The scene where Peter scrambles to find a way into the shed to get the axe the group desperately needs. He finds the shed-door locked, and can't get in, so he grabs a nearby axe and starts whaling away at the lock, but then he remembers he came to get the axe in the first place, gives an embarrassed look to the camera, and runs back to the group.
- Aunt Nora tries to call the house in the middle of all the chaos.Judy: [In a posh British accent] Oh, I'm sorry, dear, you have the wrong number.
- When Carl and Aunt Nora get blown away by the water bursting through the doors... then float down the street on the flood, clinging to the doors, see the crocodile swim between them— and scream.
- Alan blowing at one of the giant spiders while he's still stuck in the floor to scare it off.
- Or perhaps in the vain hope that he might just blow it away, like one might a reasonably-sized spider.
- On a related note, when the spiders first show up, Judy and Peter scream bloody murder. Alan asks them what's wrong, only to be told, "Nothing."Alan: You don't go "Ahhhh!" for nothing! [Sees the spiders] Ahhhhh!
- The old rhino trying to catch up.
- The face Van Pelt made right before the game board sucked him into the vortex at the end of the game.
- Judy's pwnage of Van Pelt:Judy: Price check! [Uses scanner to blind Van Pelt momentarily]
Nearby cash register: NO SALE - Sarah fainting after the adult Allan reveals himself to her.Peter: You killed her.
- Which is then followed by Alan and the kids dragging her unconscious body back to the Parrish house.
- When Van Pelt goes to buy a new gun:
- Van Pelt's non-reaction to being told that ammo for his elephant gun hasn't been produced since 1903.Van Pelt: Damn. Then I shall need a replacement weapon.
- Van Pelt skipping the paperwork and waiting period by wordlessly slamming a handful of gold coins down on the order forms.
- Van Pelt's visible joy at being handed a massive drum-fed shotgun with an equally massive scope and suppressor.
- This last bit of dialogue:Salesman: Now anyone asks, you didn't get this here. ...You're not a postal worker, are you?Van Pelt: [Incredulous look]
- Van Pelt's non-reaction to being told that ammo for his elephant gun hasn't been produced since 1903.
- There is a scene in Sir-Sav-A-Lot where Peter engineers what looks like a couple of makeshift rockets to blast Van Pelt headlong into a shelf. He Screams Like a Little Girl while being propelled. Also counts as a Moment of Awesome for Peter.
- Aunt Nora has a passing one; apparently she's having a hard time taking care of the two kids and moving into the Parrish house:Aunt Nora: Peter, take this suitcase up to the attic. Then we can all have ice cream...[quietly] and bourbon.
- While the ending bit with the Christmas part is a different kind of trope, especially as Alan and Sarah finally meet Peter and Judy again, Alan and Sarah wind up being a bit too anxious about fixing things:Alan and Sarah: NO!(The party abruptly stops in shock)
