Funny / Jingle All the Way

The 1996 film:

  • Howard tries to make amends to Jamie after he misses his karate session. First, he asks his son "Are those hands registered weapons yet?" Jamie just scowls. Howard then spots Jamie's karate belt and ties it around his head, then starts doing karate moves, all the while letting out yells in a high-pitched voice that is altogether different from Arnold Schwarzenegger's normal voice. Jamie still isn't impressed.
  • Howard's reaction after Liz asks him if he bought the TurboMan doll for Jamie earlier. ("The doll?") He makes the look again after Liz remarks the toy will probably be sold out.
    • And he does it again in The Stinger after Liz asks him if he got her a present.
  • Myron's rant in his first scene. Howard eventually holds a hand up to his ear.
    Myron: I'm late because it's the busiest time of the year for me. Christmas letters people send to folks they don't even talk to but once a year! And relatives sending gifts they'll send back anyway. How many toiletry kits does a man need? Then what? Stupid letters from kids to Santa! "Dear Santa, can you send me a bike and a Slinky?" No! Your father's laid off! As if I didn't have enough pressure in my life, my son sends me out for some goofy-butt toy, some fruity robot named "Turtle Man."
    Howard: Turbo Man. My son wants one too.
    Myron: You know it's all a ploy, don't ya?
    Howard: Huh?
    Myron: Man, where have you been? Don't you watch TV?! We are being set up by rich and powerful toy cartels! These fat cats use the working class, like me and you! They spend billions of dollars on TV advertisements and use subliminal messages to suck your children's minds out! And I know what I'm talkin' about, because I went to junior college, and I studied psychology for a semester, so I know what's going on! I'm right in there! And then, they make a kid feel like garbage if you, the father, who's workin' 24/7 delivering mail to make alimony payments to a woman who slept with everyone at the office but me! And then the toy breaks and you can't fix it because it's little cheap plastic! You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to walk up in that office, grab one of those guys (grabs a random woman) and choke him until his eyes pop out! (Myron comes to his senses after crowd protests) ...Shouldn't wear fur.
  • After Myron shoves him out of the way in pursuit of a customer who has the last TurboMan toy, Howard grabs the controls of a remote-controlled truck ("This is war!") and drives it at Myron's feet, causing him to fall on his back. Howard then goes up to him, looks down at him, and delivers this gem:
    Howard: (with mock sympathy) Aw, poor baby! Heh! (heads off)
    • Even funnier is the remix featuring that line that can be found on YouTube.
  • Howard getting maced by Myron. "Ha-ha, I gaht it!" *sss!* "AAAAAAGGGHHH! HE MACED MEEE!!"
    • And after that: "HE'S GOT TWOOOOOOOOOO!!! GET HIM!!!"
  • From Roger Ebert's review:
    A kid gets the last numbered ball, Howard chases him through one of those McDonald's-style jungle gyms and eventually gets mauled by mothers who pound him with their purses while he protests, unforgettably, "I'm not a pervert! I yust vas looking vor a TurboMan toy!"
  • The password for the black market Santa factory: "Jingle bells, Batman smells."
  • During the warehouse riot, one Santa approaches wielding nunchakus and making all sorts of "Hwaaa" noises as he shows off his moves. After a few seconds of this, an annoyed Howard says "Shut up!" and smacks him in the face with a giant candy cane.
    • The giant Santa accidentally punching a midget Santa that's attacking Howard.
  • Howard's Bavarian Fire Drill against the cops who storm the warehouse.
  • Howard's daydream of Jamie being a loser like Myron, complete with postal get-up.
    Jamie: Here's to you, dad. (drinks from a flask, and grimaces) Ugh.
  • Howard's glee when he gets inside the radio station, hoping to win the TurboMan doll for giving the correct names of Santa's reindeer. He's so excited and certain of his victory that he bangs on the window of the recording studio, then actually breaks through the door and hugs the radio show host!
  • The "you've gotta be kidding me" look on Howard's and Myron's faces when the radio station DJ says that the prize is a gift certificate for a Turbo Man doll, not the doll itself. The sour music cue only makes it funnier.
  • Myron holds up the radio station with a package that he purports to be a bomb...only for the police to find out that it is a real bomb.
    Myron: That was actually a real bomb? This is a sick world we live in! Sick people!
    • The first time Myron tries the trick, it turns out to just be a music box that plays "Jingle Bells."
  • When Howard hits rock bottom, the angry reindeer makes his return. Howard is not pleased.
    Howard: You picked the wrong day. (punches the reindeer)
    • After the reindeer groans, Howard tells him, "You started it."
  • Jamie executing a Groin Attack on Myron.
  • Howard, as Turbo Man, attacking Myron, who's dressed up as Turbo Man's Arch-Enemy Dementor, with Turbo Discs and doing a victory dance afterward.
  • "It's Turbo ti-iiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiime!"
    • Howard shutting off the rocket thrusters, only to start falling to the ground far below.
  • "Get out of my way, box!"