Funny / Jingle All the Way

The 1996 film:

  • Myron holds up the radio station with a package that he purports to be a bomb...only for the police to find out that it is a real bomb.
    Myron: That was actually a real bomb? This is a sick world we live in! Sick people!
    • The first time Myron tries the trick, it turns out to just be a music box that plays "Jingle Bells."
  • Howard getting maced by Myron. "Ha-ha, I gaht it!" *sss!* "AAAAAAGGGHHH! HE MACED MEEE!!"
    • And after that: "HE'S GOT TWOOOOOOOOOO!!! GET HIM!!!"
    • Even funnier is the remix featuring that line that can be found on YouTube.
  • From Roger Ebert's review:
    A kid gets the last numbered ball, Howard chases him through one of those McDonald's-style jungle gyms and eventually gets mauled by mothers who pound him with their purses while he protests, unforgettably, "I'm not a pervert! I yust vas looking vor a TurboMan toy!"
  • "It's Turbo ti-iiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiime!"
  • The password for the black market Santa factory: "Jingle bells, Batman smells."
  • When Howard hits rock bottom, the angry reindeer makes his return. Howard is not pleased.
    Howard: You picked the wrong day. (punches the reindeer)
    • After the reindeer groans, Howard tells him, "You started it."
  • "Get out of my way, box!"
  • After Myron shoves him out of the way in pursuit of a customer who has the last TurboMan toy, Howard grabs the controls of a remote-controlled truck ("This is war!") and drives it at Myron's feet, causing him to fall on his back. Howard then goes up to him, looks down at him, and delivers this gem:
    Howard: (with mock sympathy) Aw, poor baby! Heh! (heads off)
  • Myron's rant in his first scene. Howard eventually holds a hand up to his ear.
  • Howard's glee when he gets inside the radio station, hoping to win the TurboMan doll for giving the correct names of Santa's reindeer. He's so excited and certain of his victory that he bangs on the window of the recording studio, then actually breaks through the door and hugs the radio show host!
  • Early in the film, Howard tries to make amends to Jamie after he misses his karate session. First, he asks his son "Are those hands registered weapons yet?" Jamie just scowls. Howard then spots Jamie's karate belt and ties it around his head, then starts doing karate moves, all the while letting out yells in a high-pitched voice that is altogether different from Arnold Schwarzenegger's normal voice. Jamie still isn't impressed.
  • Howard's reaction after Liz asks him if he bought the TurboMan doll for Jamie earlier. ("The doll?") He makes the look again after Liz remarks the toy will probably be sold out.
    • And he does it again in The Stinger after Liz asks him if he got her a present.
  • The "you've gotta be kidding me" look on Howard's and Myron's faces when the radio station DJ says that the prize is a gift certificate for a Turbo Man doll, not the doll itself. The sour music cue only makes it funnier.
  • During the warehouse riot, one Santa approaches wielding nunchakus and making all sorts of "Hwaaa" noises as he shows off his moves. After a few seconds of this, an annoyed Howard says "Shut up!" and smacks him in the face with a giant candy cane.