Funny: Jim Cornette
Jim Cornette isn't a man known for his reticence, past or present. There exist numerous promos and interviews featuring him, in which you will hear some of the funniest shoot material ever. Listed below will be some of his greatest hits:
- The Dairy Queen Incident, which could also double as a Crowning Moment Of Awesome. In 1994, after a show in Hyden, Kentucky, Cornette is riding shotgun in a van with a several wrestlers, driving back to Knoxville, and they had stopped at a Dairy Queen along the way. The line at the drive-thru was slow and backed-up, and from the time they ordered at the speaker to when they arrived at the window, a full twenty minutes had passed. When they got to the window to pay, the employee told them that they hadn't even started on the order; because it was a big order (around $40 for eight wrestlers), they thought Cornette and the group placed it as a joke. Cornette begins cursing, saying they wouldn't have placed the order if they weren't hungry, and the employee snaps back at him for cursing at her.note He then gets out of the van and proceeds to lay into everyone in the building! The manager sheepishly apologizes, and Cornette gets back in the van, where everyone had been holding in their laughter up to that point.
Cornette: I'll goddamn come through that fucking window and cuss you, you fucking cunt!
Jericho: Does this look like a fucking comedy bus to you?!
- Even funnier was the fact that one of the wrestlers in the van was none other than a young Chris Jericho! Contrary to popular belief, Jericho was not the one with the video camera,note but he contributed to the exchange with this gem:
- Cornette didn't even know it was being filmed at the time, making this a gut-busting case of Harpo Does Something Funny. You can hear his thoughts on the Incident in this video.
- Shit's on!
- After TNA Victory Road '11, Cornette ascends the Cornette Face on Twitter: "Just watched #TNA... I have to come up with a new face"
- One shoot interview has him describing Mark Calaway preparing to beat Shawn Michaels to a pulp should he screw "Stone Cold" Steve Austin like he did Bret Hart in Montreal. (thankfully, Michaels lost as planned.) He sums it up by outright speaking "to" Michaels.
Cornette: Because Undertaker cared about business and the rest of the boys rather than his own fuckin' little meager self. Shawn. Hi. "Born again." I was not in favor the first time, you were always a prick to me, I just wanted to remind you of that."
- His shoot interview about Joey Styles started off relatively calm until Republicans and Obamacare are discussed. Then it gets colorful.
Cornette: "I've paid approximately, probably a million and a half dollars in income tax over the past twenty-five years; if I get sick, they oughta have a nurse come to my house and blow me for free!"
- He also has quite a bit to say about some people hoping the president of their own country to fail.
Cornette: "And what's more un-American than publicly hoping the president of the United States fails? That's like hoping the power of your airplane fails because you don't like its opinion on Global Warming! We're all in this together, you fucking morons! You hope he fails; if he fails, we're fucked!"
- Cornette had a great throwaway line in the leadup to WrestleMania 12 (after Yokozuna's face turn) to acknowledge Mr. Fuji's absence: "I have no idea how poor old Mr. Fuji fell down that flight of stairs...and I was right behind him!"
- Cornette watching and critiquing the WrestleRock Rumble (a promotional song/video for the AWA's pay-per-view WrestleRock '86 and a parody of the Super Bowl Shuffle) during a shoot interview. His reactions are humorous, but the icing on the cake is his reaction to seeing Jerry Blackwell splash a piece of lumber.
Cornette: *laughing* "God damn, I could break that!"
- Jim Cornette guesting on "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's podcast some time ago and telling a bunch of road stories:
- One story featured Cornette telling about how Gene Anderson would grip the nerve point on the elbow and "he would grab the Barbarian and he'd say "Tell me you're a faggot, tell me you're a faggot" and the Barbarian would go "I'm a faggot Gene please let me goooo!"
- Another one had a rib being played on Tojo Yamamoto and Phil Hickerson by Dennis Condry.
- At a Mid-Atlantic Wrestling Convention February 4th 2004, the crowd who attended broke out into an impromptu "Russo Sucks" chant. Jim, one of the "legends" being in attendance, said that if anyone got that on tape he would send it to him.
- His Kevin Dunn impersonations. Cornette's hatred of him and how over the top he is, plus whenever he is asked he gleefully obliges.
- "...and you kick your feet up, and there's Big Bubba Rogers and and Dennis Condory and Bobby Eaton, and they'll catch you like they catch the girls at the football games!" The infamous 25 ft. Scaffold Match incident, as told to us by Jim Cornette, which resulted in the Cornette Face meme. "Boys...the University of Alabama Crimson Tide couldn't 'catch me like they catch the girls at the football games.'"
"First of all...Bobby fell like this—(whoosh!). Dennis fell like that—(whoosh!). I fell like this—(BAM!). Bubba's standing there—he never played baseball, I guess; he lost me in the lights, I dunno—what had happened was he's standing there like that and I went completely through his arms. And he looks down like that and when I hit, and my knee bent completely sideways in a matter other than nature intended, it caused me to whiplash back and the back of my head hit his knee, fortunately knocking me temporarily senseless, and serving as a natural anesthetic to the fact that a bone might be sticking out my leg!"
- After an infamous Raw match from the tail end of 1997 where Triple H and Shawn Michaels put on a complete mockery of a European title match, Cornette, on commentary, spews forth this awesome Hurricane of Euphemisms:
"It was a ruse! A ploy, a plot, a plan, a charade, a conspiracy, a sham! We've been conned, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flimflammed, had the wool pulled over our eyes, even!!"