- The Witch. This is what you get when you have Bernadette Peters and Vanessa Williams as two of the iconic actresses in the role.
- This bit of the opening number:
Witch: In return, however, I said "fair is fair, you can let me have the baby that your wife will bear . . . and we'll call it square".
Baker: I had a brother?!
Witch: *annoyed* No! *sweetly* But you had a sister...
- In the filmed version, the Baker echoes Jack's Mother's, "Giants never strike the same place twice." The way Bernadette Peters delivered that Death Glare is hilarious.
- "And then BANG CRASH AND THE LIGHTNING FLASHED well, that's another story, nevermind, anyway..."
- The fact that she explains all of this while rapping.
- During "Your Fault", there's the hilariously blase way she does her tongue-twisting line about how "it's your father's fault that the curse got placed and the place got cursed in the first place".
- Also in the filmed version, the delivery of these lines:
Witch: A giant has a brain. A giant is like us, only bigger...much muuuuuuch bigger...SO BIG...that to them we are only tiny insignificant bugs. (She then proceeds to squash a bug and eat it. She leaves the Baker's house.)
- Before that, we have this exchange when debating what made the footprints in the Witch's garden:
Baker's wife: Who could do such a thing?
Witch: Anything that leaves a footprint that large is no who.
Baker: Could it be a bear?
Witch: Bears are sweet! Besides you ever see a bear with forty-foot feet?
Baker's Wife: Dragon?
Baker's Wife: Gryphon?
Witch: Possible. Very, very possible.
Baker's Wife: We should tell someone.
Witch: ...Who are you going to tell?
- This exchange before hand:
Baker: (when the Witch shows up in his house after the Giant crushes it) Have you done this to our house!?
Baker's Wife: What of your garden?
- Donna Murphy (who played the Witch in the Central Park production) has some pretty hilarious moments as well. For example, her improvised dialogue during the scene where she climbs Rapunzel's hair:
The Witch (as she is climbing Rapunzel's hair): I'm coming, darling, I'm coming! Just a little higher, darling! Have to use my pecs! (struggles) My goodness, could you pull me a little higher, darling? (almost reaches the top of the tower) Yes, yes, so close! Ah, I could feel it, I could feel it! (finally reaches the top) AH, SATISFACTION!
- There was also a hilarious instance where Murphy briefly messed up her lines:
The Witch: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CARES?! The cape is gone, get it back! I mean the cow for God's sake, GET IT!
- Little Red's hysterical, over the top screaming when the Baker takes her cape from her, topped by:
Baker: I just wanted to be sure you really loved this cape!
: (stomps on the Baker's foot and/or depending on the production, kicks him in the nuts
Jack's Mother: You need to be careful with your children.
Baker's Wife: (sadly) I have no children.
Jack's Mother: ...That's okay, too...
- The princes bickering in "Agony, Part 2", eventually getting to the "thing about dwarves". ("Dwarves are very upsetting!") And on the topic of "Agony, Part 2": "Ah well, back to my wife!"
- Not to mention in "Agony, Part 1": "Agony! Far more painful than yours! When you know she would go with you.... if there only were doors!"
- The filmed version of "Agony" deserves special mention. Picture Gaston and Captain Hammer in a display of shirt-ripping, Ham-to-Ham Combat machismo. It's kind of like that.
- There's a great subtext of Rapunzel's Prince being the younger brother, so he's constantly mimicking Cinderella's Prince, including sheepishly ripping open his shirt. Plus it takes place on a waterfall.
- "On The Steps of the Palace". The sheer wordplay of the whole thing.
- The 2014 movie blocks it so that everything freezes, including the Prince in the background, while Cinderella paces, changes positions, and considers what she's going to do.
- In the filmed version, there's just something constantly hilarious about Red Riding Hood's theft of as much of the Baker's wares as possible while the Baker and his wife futilely attempt to stop her.
- The Baker believes that his father died... in a baking accident.
- Which turns into a pretty great Brick Joke when Red asks about the destruction caused by the Giantess and the Baker immediately answers that it was a baking accident.
Rapunzel: (offstage) *hysterical, over-the-top screaming*
Cinderella's Prince: *looks startled*
Rapunzel's Prince: (Face Palm, looks resigned)
- "You can talk to birds?"
- Even better when you consider that the character saying this (Little Red) had an entire conversation with a wolf in the first act.
- Red Riding Hood's grandmother is usually over the top and hilarious. In addition to the sheer silliness of Red and Granny climbing out of the wolf's stomach after the Baker cuts it open, Granny turns out to be surprisingly sadistic.
Grandmother: *begins choking the wolf, who is already mutilated and writhing in pain* Kill the devil! Take that knife and cut his evil head of! Let's see the demon sliced into a thousand bits! No! Better yet, let the animal die a painful, agonizing, hideous death!
Red Riding Hood: Granny!
Grandmother: Eeeh, quiet, child! This evil needs to be destroyed! Now, you fetch me some great stones. We'll fill his belly with them, and then we'll watch him try to run away! *giggles gleefully*
Baker: *walks away, disgusted* I will just leave you to your task.
Grandmother: Wait! Don't you want the skins?
Baker: Oh, no, please keep them!
Grandmother: What kind of a hunter are you?!
Baker: I'm a baker!
Grandmother: *drags the baker back into the cottage to skin the wolf*
- The scene is considerably shorter in the 2014 movie, but it's made up for by the hilarity of the grandmother screaming at the Baker as he staggers off, clearly unable to believe what he just did.
- This little bit when Cinderella's Prince is seducing the Baker's Wife:
Baker's Wife: This is ridiculous! What am I doing here? I'm in the wrong story!
- It's entirely possible that Sondheim wrote the musical just so he could include the line "If the end is right, it justifies the beans!" It's unfortunately not in the 2014 movie.
- In the filmed Broadway production, Milky White is basically a prop cow. As a result, there are visual gags referring to its prop state. At one point, the Baker is about to pull the cow away, then he goes screw it, and picks up the cow quite easily as if it was a mere prop.
- In the original Broadway production, the way Rapunzel cries her healing tears on her Prince is hilarious.
- In the two scenes where characters step forward and state dramatic, foreshadow-heavy advice, Rapunzel's contribution... is to sing. Wordlessly. Both times. Right in the middle of the number. In her final note, she looks rather perplexed as she does it.
- This bit when they're trying to get Jack to give up his cow:
Jack: What kind of magic?
Baker's Wife: (to Baker) Tell him.
Baker: Magic that... defies all description!
- This little bit, where the Baker's Wife had lost the cow, but hasn't told her husband yet:
Baker's Wife: I see you've the red cape.
Baker: I've the cape. Only two items left to locate.
Baker's Wife: Three.
Baker: Two. I've the cape and the cow.
Baker's Wife (fake enthusiasm): ...You've the cape!
- Everyone standing around with no idea what to do after killing the narrator.
- The Prince Charmless trope summed up in a single line:
"I was raised to be charming, not sincere!"
- From the 2014 movie, the Baker's Wife gets visibly and heavily pregnant immediately after the Witch drinks the milk.
Baker: Well that was quick!
- Also from the 2014 movie - when the Baker's wife tells Cinderella she needs her slipper to have a baby, Cinderella says that doesn't make any sense. Later, during Cinderella and the Prince's wedding, they pass the Baker, his wife, and their newborn son, and she tells Cinderella "Thanks for the slipper!" with the Baker pointing giddily at his son. Cinderella gives the most hilarious look of bafflement that just screams "...Wtf?"
- And the Baker's Wife when the Prince leaves and she realizes what just happened.
Baker's Wife: What was that?!
- Basically, the 2014 movie is a masterpiece in the art of the Flat "What.".
Baker: (After Red Riding Hood steals a final pastry from the baker and his wife lets her) Oh my—!
The Steward: (After the Prince tells him to let the Baker's Wife keep one of Cinderella's shoes) Oh... okay.
Red Riding Hood: (After Cinderella talks to some birds) You can talk to birds?
- Meryl Streep's spell casting pose in the 2014 movie. She basically poises herself like Tim the Enchanter, one hand high over her head, and wiggles her fingers. It is hilarious.
- The Black Comedy of Cinderella's family trying to impress the prince. First, one of the stepsisters cuts off a toe so the shoe will fit, but the Sterward notices some blood. He wipes it off, and shows the blood drop on his finger to the prince. The Prince doesn't even need to ask where the blood came from, he just rolls his eyes like 'OMG, this is the tenth time some girl's cut off her toe for me' and pushes her off his horse. Then the second stepsister cuts off some of her heel, and tries to walk down the stairs with a smile. Her hyperventilation is clearly audible, and the prince is watching her fascinated, like 'wow, how much longer is she going to be able to keep this up?'. The answer; not long, as she passes out before she's even halfway down the stairs. And then, to top it off, when the scene ends and the very matter-of-fact narrator explains to the audience how the birds proceeded to blind the trio.
- The 2014 movie also has a relatively subtle gag later, in regards to the fate of the stepsisters. When the giantess is demanding to know where Jack is, the characters lie about where he is, so she'll leave. To try to make the lie more convincing, one of the stepsisters calls out that she "saw him". Keep in mind that this is said while both stepsisters are using very obvious walking canes and wearing black sunglasses.
- In the 2014 movie, Rapunzel's prince jumps out of the window after a make-out session, dramatically catching her hair on the way down - and then bashing into the side of the tower.
Rapunzel's Prince: Nope, bad idea!
- There's also Rapunzel's reaction. She's taken by surprise when he jumps and has to rush to grab her hair so it isn't yanked when he swings down.
- The Wolf, while still very dark and creepy, is portrayed in a somewhat cartoony fashion in the 2014 movie. He wears a zoot suit a la Tex Avery, he tries to lure in Little Red with a collection of candy in his jacket, he zips around Red at impossible speeds, etc. It's almost as if he was ripped straight from a cartoon.
- Jack's Mother wakes up when one of the beanstalk's leaves pokes her, so she runs outside to get a better look. THEN she shrieks at the top of her voice.
- As if "Agony" wasn't hilarious enough, the 2014 movie's incarnation has Cinderella's prince rip open his shirt, then Rapunzel's Prince makes an awkward face that says, "We're doing that? Well, okay," and opens his own shirt.
- There's also the second time he mimics Rapunzel's song. The first time, it's passionate and very emotional. The second time is...less so, since he does it while leaning back while hanging off of a vine. The awkward positioning makes his voice squeak and sputter awkwardly as he hits the end of the note.
- Upon getting "the hair as yellow as corn":
The Baker: Where did you find this?
Baker's Wife: (in a think-nothing-of-it tone) Pulled it from a maiden in a tower.
- Especially the way Joanna Gleason delivers it in the original cast recording.
- In the 2014 movie, Jack's mother's utter exasperation with her son in the prologue is hilarious. She has to continuously remind Jack that Milky White is a she not a he, makes him repeat back to her how much money to ask for (and subsequently has to remind him that it's no less than five pounds, when he predictably registers it as "no more than five pounds"), and seems to be on her last nerve when he insists that the cow is his best friend.
Jack's Mother: We've no time to sit and dither, while her wither's wither with her! And no one keeps a cow for a friend! Sometimes, I wonder what's going on in that head of yours...
- This blooper in a production of the musical, where Jack accidentally breaks off Milky White's leg. Bonus points for the actors just continue with the scene after the understandable shock.
- In the 2014 movie when the Baker's Wife meets Cinderella, she says that her husband's off undoing spell - in the same tone of voice one would use to say "He's off having dinner with the president" or something of the sort. And Anna Kendrick's excited "ooh" seals it.
- Also in the 2014 movie, during "Moments in the Woods", the Prince's lyric says "Life is often so unpleasant. You must know that as a peasant" and Emily Blunt gives him the best annoyed look at being called a peasant.
- This tumblr, Low Budget Milky Whites, shows off the Special Effects Failure that is often the cow.
- In one memorable local production, after being seduced by Cinderella's Prince, the Baker's Wife comes in with her hair all messed up... including a wire coathanger.
- Early in the 2014 movie, shortly after Red Riding Hood's encounter with the wolf, we see the Baker ambushed by the Witch to check his progress. The Witch sliding into frame upside-down in the air (presumably hanging from a branch like Spiderman) and James Corden's girly scream as he falls over is always worth a sensible chuckle.
- In the 2014 movie when the witch discovers the new cow is only covered in flour. Meryl Streep's switch between utter annoyance and complete deadpan is golden:
Baker: We thought that you would prefer a live cow!
Witch: (Surrounded by Idiots tone) Of course
I would prefer a live cow, (going completely deadpan)
so show me the dead cow, I'll bring her back to life.
- Jack's mother standing up to the Giantess, though it segues into a Tear Jerker, is still darkly hilarious. In particular: