- The Witch. This is what you get when you have Bernadette Peters and Vanessa Williams as two of the iconic actresses in the role.
- This bit of the opening number:
Witch: In return, however, I said "fair is fair, you can let me have the baby that your wife will bear . . . and we'll call it square".
Baker: I had a brother?!
Witch: *annoyed* No! *sweetly* But you had a sister . . .
- In the filmed version, the Baker echoes Jack's Mother's, "Giants never strike the same place twice." The way Bernadette Peters delivered that Death Glare is hilarious.
- "And then BANG CRASH AND THE LIGHTNING FLASHED well, that's another story, nevermind, anyway..."
- The fact that she explains all of this while rapping.
- During "Your Fault", there's the hilariously blase way she does her tongue-twisting line about how "it's your father's fault that the curse got placed and the place got cursed in the first place".
- Also in the filmed version, the delivery of these lines:
Witch: A giant has a brain. A giant is like us, only bigger...much muuuuuuch bigger...SO BIG...that to them we are only tiny insignificant bugs. (She then proceeds to squash a bug and eat it. She leaves the Baker's house.)
- Donna Murphy (who played the Witch in the Central Park production) has some pretty hilarious moments as well. For example, her improvised dialogue during the scene where she climbs Rapunzel's hair:
The Witch (as she is climbing Rapunzel's hair): I'm coming, darling, I'm coming! Just a little higher, darling! Have to use my pecs! (struggles) My goodness, could you pull me a little higher, darling? (almost reaches the top of the tower) Yes, yes, so close! Ah, I could feel it, I could feel it! (finally reaches the top) AH, SATISFACTION!
- There was also a hilarious instance where Murphy briefly messed up her lines:
The Witch: WHO CARES?! The cape is gone, get it back! I mean the cow for God's sake, GET IT!
- Little Red's hysterical, over the top screaming when the Baker takes her cape from her, topped by:
Baker: I just wanted to be sure you really loved this cape!
: (stomps on the Baker's foot and/or depending on the production, kicks him in the nuts
Jack's Mother: You need to be careful with your children.
Baker's Wife: (sadly) I have no children.
Jack's Mother: ...That's okay, too...
- The princes bickering in "Agony, Part 2", eventually getting to the "thing about dwarves". ("Dwarves are very upsetting!") And on the topic of "Agony, Part 2": "Ah well, back to my wife!"
- Not to mention in "Agony, Part 1": "Agony! Far more painful than yours! When you know she would go with you.... if there only were doors!"
- The film version of "Agony" deserves special mention. Picture Gaston and Captain Hammer in a display of shirt-ripping, Ham-to-Ham Combat machismo. It's kind of like that.
- There's a great subtext of Rapunzel's Prince being the younger brother, so he's constantly mimicking Cinderella's Prince, including sheepishly ripping open his shirt. Plus it takes place on a waterfall.
- "On The Steps of the Palace". The sheer wordplay of the whole thing.
- In the filmed version, there's just something constantly hilarious about Red Riding Hood's theft of as much of the Baker's wares as possible while the Baker and his wife futilely attempt to stop her.
- The Baker believes that his father died... in a baking accident.
- Which turns into a pretty great Brick Joke when Red asks about the destruction caused by the Giantess and the Baker immediately answers that it was a baking accident.
Rapunzel: (offstage) *hysterical, over-the-top screaming*
Cinderella's Prince: *looks startled*
Rapunzel's Prince: (Face Palm, looks resigned)
- "You can talk to birds?"
- Even better when you consider that the character saying this (Little Red) had an entire conversation with a wolf in the first act.
- Red Riding Hood's grandmother is usually over the top and hilarious. In addition to the sheer silliness of Red and Granny climbing out of the wolf's stomach after the Baker cuts it open, Granny turns out to be surprisingly sadistic.
Grandmother: *begins choking the wolf, who is already mutilated and writhing in pain* Kill the devil! Take that knife and cut his evil head of! Let's see the demon sliced into a thousand bits! No! Better yet, let the animal die a painful, agonizing, hideous death!
Red Riding Hood: Granny!
Grandmother: Eeeh, quiet, child! This evil needs to be destroyed! Now, you fetch me some great stones. We'll fill his belly with them, and then we'll watch him try to run away! *giggles gleefully*
Baker: *walks away, disgusted* I will just leave you to your task.
Grandmother: Wait! Don't you want the skins?
Baker: Oh, no, please keep them!
Grandmother: What kind of a hunter are you?!
Baker: I'm a baker!
Grandmother: *drags the baker back into the cottage to skin the wolf*
- This little bit when Cinderella's Prince is seducing the Baker's Wife:
Baker's Wife: This is ridiculous! What am I doing here? I'm in the wrong story!
- It's entirely possible that Sondheim wrote the musical just so he could include the line "If the end is right, it justifies the beans!" It's unfortunately not in the 2014 film.
- In the filmed Broadway production, Milky White is basically a prop cow. As a result, there are visual gags referring to its prop state. At one point, the Baker is about to pull the cow away, then he goes screw it, and picks up the cow quite easily as if it was a mere prop.
- In the original Broadway production, the way Rapunzel cries her healing tears on her Prince is hilarious.
- In the two scenes where characters step forward and state dramatic, foreshadow-heavy advice, Rapunzel's contribution... is to sing. Wordlessly. Both times. Right in the middle of the number. In her final note, she looks rather perplexed as she does it.
- This bit when they're trying to get Jack to give up his cow:
Jack: What kind of magic?
Baker's Wife: (to Baker) Tell him.
Baker: Magic that... defies all description!
- This little bit, where the Baker's Wife had lost the cow, but hasn't told her husband yet:
Baker's Wife: I see you've the red cape.
Baker: I've the cape. Only two items left to locate.
Baker's Wife: Three.
Baker: Two. I've the cape and the cow.
Baker's Wife (fake enthusiasm): ...You've the cape!
- Everyone standing around with no idea what to do after killing the narrator.
- The death of the narrator itself is pretty amusing in a Black Comedy kind of way, if only because who the hell expected that?
Narrator: You need an objective observer to push the story along!
Witch: (would-be casual tone) Some of us don't like the way you've been telling it...
- The Prince Charmless trope summed up in a single line:
"I was raised to be charming, not sincere!"
- From the movie, the Baker's Wife gets visibly and heavily pregnant immediately after the Witch drinks the milk.
Baker: Well that was quick.
- Also from the movie - when the Baker's wife tells Cinderella she needs her slipper to have a baby, Cinderella says that doesn't make any sense. Later, during Cinderella and the Prince's wedding, they pass the Baker, his wife, and their newborn son, and she tells Cinderella "thanks for the shoe!" Cinderella gives the most hilarious look of bafflement that just screams "...Wtf?"
- And the Baker's Wife when the Prince leaves and she realizes what just happened.
Baker's Wife: What was that?!
- Basically, the movie is a masterpiece in the art of the Flat "What.".
(After Red Riding Hood steals a final pastry from the baker and his wife lets her) Oh come on!
(After the Prince tells him to let the Baker's Wife keep one of Cinderella's shoes) Oh... okay.
- Meryl Streep's spell casting pose. She basically poises herself like Tim the Enchanter, one hand high over her head, and wiggles her fingers. It is hilarious.
- The Black Comedy of Cinderella's family trying to impress the prince. First, one of the stepsisters cuts off a toe so the shoe will fit, but the Sterward notices some blood. He wipes it off, and shows the blood drop on his finger to the prince. The Prince doesn't even need to ask where the blood came from, he just rolls his eyes like 'omg, this is the tenth time some girl's cut off her toe for me' and pushes her off his horse. Then the second stepsister cuts off some of her heel, and tries to walk down the stairs with a smile. Her hyperventilation is clearly audible, and the prince is watching her fascinated, like 'wow, how much longer is she going to be able to keep this up?'. The answer; not long, as she passes out before she's even halfway down the stairs. And then, to top it off, when the scene ends and the very matter-of-fact narrator explains to the audience how the birds proceeded to blind the trio.
- In the movie, Rapunzel's prince jumps out of the window after a make-out session, dramatically catching her hair on the way down - and then bashing into the side of the tower.
Rapunzel's Prince: That was a bad idea!
- The Wolf, while still very dark and creepy, is portrayed in a somewhat cartoony fashion in the film. He wears a zoot suit a la Tex Avery, he tries to lure in Little Red with a collection of candy in his jacket, he zips around Red at impossible speeds, etc. It's almost as if he was ripped straight from a cartoon.
- Jack's Mother wakes up when one of the beanstalk's leaves pokes her, so she runs outside to get a better look. THEN she shrieks at the top of her voice.
- As if "Agony" wasn't hilarious enough, the film's incarnation has Cinderella's prince rip open his shirt, then Rapunzel's Prince makes an awkward face that says, "We're doing that? Well, okay," and opens his own shirt.
- Upon getting "the hair as yellow as corn":
The Baker: Where did you find this?
Baker's Wife: (in a think-nothing-of-it tone) Pulled it from a maiden in a tower.
- Especially the way Joanna Gleason delivers it in the original cast recording.