Funny / In the Heights

  • The origin of Usnavi's name.
    "It was engraved on a passing ship the day your family came! Your father said 'Usnavi! That's what we'll name the baby!'"
    "It really said US Navy, but hey! I worked with what they gave me, okay?"
  • "How do you get this gold shit off?! D:"
  • Usnavi at the club. Let's just say when he says he doesn't get out shows.
  • "She was my babysitter first!", "Does your cousin dance?" "...Like a drunk Chita Rivera", and many other lines by Sonny.
  • "I'm the #1 earner, the fastest learner, my boss can't keep me on the damn back burner!"
    "Yes he can!"
    • What makes it side-splitting is the absolutely unapologetically cheerful way Usnavi delivers that second line.
  • Usnavi in "In The Heights" when he gives directions on how to get to Washington Heights, especially when Lin-Manuel Miranda directs the "test ya later" line at an audience member
    "You must be thinkin'
    "I'm up shit's creek
    I never been north of ninety-
    sixth street!"
    Well you must take the A Train
    Even farther than Harlem
    To northern Manhattan and maintain
    Get off at 181st, and take the escalator
    I hope you're writing this
    Down, I'm gonna test ya later"
  • Several lines in "96,000," especially "Yo yo yo yo yo: I'm sorry, is that an answer? Shut up, go home, and pull your damn pants up!"
    • This line is made funnier by the fact that that's precisely how Usnavi introduces himself a few songs later, in "Carnaval del Barrio". And in the club, when he takes a moment to pull Graffiti Pete's low-riding pants the rest of the way down.
    • Or "Damn, we only jokin'. Stay broke, then."
  • In the club, Vanessa leaves Usnavi to dance with other guys in what is strongly hinted to be an Operation: Jealousy. Usnavi decides two can play at that game and decides to chat up a hot girl at the bar. Being Usnavi, he runs at the mouth for several measures before panicking and begging her to say something:
    Hot Girl: No hablo ingles.
    Usnavi: Yes!
  • The minute the power goes out in the club, the entire theater is pitch black. Cue all the actors on stage pulling out cell phones for light.
  • Daniela & Carla's gossip from "In the Heights" when they walk into Usnavi's bodega
    Daniela: "She screams, 'Who's in there with you, Julio?' Grabs a bat and kicks in the door! He's in bed with Jose from the liquor store!"
    Carla & Usnavi: "No me diga!"
  • In fact, the entire song "No Me Diga" where Daniela & Carla try to solicit gossip from Vanessa and Nina. Especially this exchange:
    Daniela: They say he's got quite a
    Carla: I don't think I know what you mean.
    Daniela: Carla! He's packing a stretch limousine!
    Carla: As long as he keeps it clean.
    • In the same song, Daniela says she's heard a rumor that Usnavi had sex with a girl named Yolanda. Vanessa reacts negatively to this and claims Daniela is joking. In the recorded version, Daniela admits that she just wanted to see how Vanessa would react. In performance, she asks Vanessa if she expects Usnavi to wait forever for her.
  • In "Finale" when Graffiti Pete lifts the grate to show his mural, after a beat of silence:
    Graffiti Pete: He hates it.
    Sonny: He's forming an artistic opinion.
  • The song "Piragua", which implies a rivalry with the unseen Mr. Softee ice cream man, and the reprise, where he expresses glee that the truck has broken down, meaning that his business will double, "I told you I run this town!"
    • In the staging, Piragua Guy holds up a wrench for "and Mr. Softee's truck has broken down", implying he's responsible for said breakdown
  • Graffiti Pete's sale's pitch for his T-shirt.
    Graffiti Pete: What up? Buy my t-shirt.
    Usnavi: That's your sales pitch? Get the hell out of here.
  • "It Won't Be Long Now"—Vanessa slyly brushes off the guys that drool over her as she goes to the corner store. Then they start crowding her, and Usnavi literally has to beat them off of her.