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Funny: Hawaii Five-0
  • The lift scene from "Ohana".
  • "Ma Ke Kahakai": Five-0's investigation leads them to Masaharu Morimoto's restaurant... and Morimoto himself is there, SINGING KARAOKE.
  • Masi Oka's character meets Greg Grunberg's:
    Max: Don't I know you from somewhere?
  • In "Ike Maka", Chin Ho uses a Benelli M1 to knock on the window of a muscle bait car used to take down a couple of carjackers.
    Chin Ho: License and registration, please.
  • Anything involving McGarrett and Danny.
  • Danny to Steve: "Why do you do that? You're like a devourer of dreams. You eat them, like a little Pac-Man in cargo pants!"
  • The whole "Sexy Eyes" conversation:
    ("Sexy Eyes" comes on the radio)
    (beat)
    Danny: Are you serious?
    Steve: What?
    Danny: You're not gonna do something about this, you're not gonna do change this?
    Steve: What's wrong with this?
    Danny: You're going to leave this, youíre not going to do something about this?
    Steve: It's OK.
    Danny: It's OK? I know you have been trained to endure torture... but this, this is unbearable! This is not right. Songs this bad make stable people wanna kill other people! You understand?
    (Danny turns it off; Steve looks at Danny with the most hilarious facial expression)
    Steve: I think it's kinda catchy. (turns it back on)
    Danny: (twitches)
  • In the Pilot, Danny is ranting at Steve about getting him shot:
    Danny When you get somebody shot, you apologise!
    Steve I'm sorry.
    Danny: You don't wait for a special occasion!
    Steve: I'm sorry.
    Danny: Birthdays, or friggin' President's Day!
    Steve: I am sorry,; OK? I said I am sorry, I am sincerely sorry, that is what I have been trying to tell you last year. When this conversation started.
    Danny: Your apology is noted. Acceptance is pending.
  • Danny mocks the idea that spirits are going to punish him for entering a sacred area. Gilligan Cut to a huge rock smashed through the windshield of the Camaro, and Steve with an "I told you so" expression.
  • Steve rides a motorbike up a flight of steps to crash into a gang's club:
    Danny: I have a number of a therapist to give you, OK? Walk up steps like a human.
  • Similarly, after Steve blows open a door with a hand grenade:
    Danny: You need help. I will pay for it.
  • About Steve's Drives Like Crazy tendencies:
    Danny: Please donít do that.
    Steve: What?
    Danny: Please donít put both hands on the wheel. Every time you do that something terrible happens, and I have to pray. Wait, wait. (puts on seatbelt) Okay. (Steve drives through a gate)
  • Danny is trying to be sympathetic towards a criminal to convince him to let go of his hostage:
    Steve: What are you doing?
    Danny: What?
    Steve: What are you doing, the guy's clearly a psychopath, you're trying to make friends with him? You're trying to connect?
    Danny: He's standing right here in front of us!
    Steve: Danny you're a cop, not a therapist.
    Danny: Hey, hey I've been trained for this kind of thing okay!
    Steve: What, to bore people into submission?
    Danny: (to the criminal) Don't listen to him okay, his idea of communication is he drops a witty one-liner and shoots you in the face!
    Steve: You know what maybe I should just shoot this guy now so he doesnít have to listen to you talk!
  • Danny is complaining about having to ride a horse to get to the bad guy's place because an ATV would be too loud:
    Steve: But let me tell you something Danny, your whining is probably louder than an ATV—
    Lori: How long have you two been married?
  • Steve's car breaks down:
    Steve: Would you like to steer?
    Danny: Do I wanna steer? No. No, I wanna to continue to push this three ton hunk of metal, up a hill, in 95 degree weather! That's what I wanna do. Yes, I would like to steer, thank you.
  • Bickering again:
    Steve: Do you realize how much of your life revolves around food?
    Danny: Do you realize how much of your life revolves around armed conflict?
  • And again...
    Danny: Okay, letís say I am you, and you are the bad guy here. I would know that all the ways onto the ship are visible somehow. So, how would you outsmart yourself and get yourself onto that ship without yourself seeing yourself?
    Steve: okay, was that an actual question, or were you just throwing words together and hoping they made sense?
  • A last one for the road...
    Danny: First you have to seek to understand before you can be enlightened.
    Steve: I will literally pay you cash to stop talking.
  • Kamekona and Sang Min go undercover. Hilarity Ensues.
  • Kamekona's Halloween costume.
  • Max's reasoning with Sabrina (the bank teller) on why he's coming to deposit directly instead of a direct deposit.
  • Steve and Kono chasing Makani Jacobs, who originally had a hula skirt until the former tore it off. Guess what follows? The sequence is notable for its elaborate use of foreground objects to avoid unwanted exposure. What's even funnier is Kono trying to get out of restraining the suspect since he's naked.
  • "Who wants to learn how to remove a bullet from a gunshot wound?"
  • In the cold opening of "Guardian", a car jacker makes the mistake of trying to rob Steve at gun point. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
  • Catherine calls McGarrett and Danno's trip to the football game a "mandate" and Kamekona tagging along a "bromance".
  • Danny gets upset when McGarrett changes his catchphrase.
    McGarrett: Book 'em, Kono.
    Danny: What, no love?
  • This bit from ""Na hala a ka makua" when Roy Parrish tries to carjack someone's sedan after stealing the Five-0 badge.
    Civilian: (After seeing Roy in prison clothes) Wait. Are you... even a cop?
    Roy: No. But, uh, (Points to the Camaro behind him) they are. (McGarrett and Danno show the civilian their cuffed wrists)
    Roy: What size pants do you wear? Like 34?

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