Funny / Heartland

Season One

• In the pilot episode, Jack is understandably pissed to see Ty returning with Amy from a party after having warned Ty that any body part that came within close proximity to his daughters would promptly be removed, and he tells Ty that he is done working there. After having learned that Amy's boyfriend was too drunk to drive her home and behaved like a total asshat accordingly, Jack approaches Ty as he's loading his truck with his things and says, "If it were up to me, I'd kick your ass so far down the road you'd be crapping in Montana," and orders Ty to get back to work.
• When they're working on filming a commercial for Heartland, Lou tells Ben and Mallory to move the pile of horse manure away from the front of the barn so it won't accidentally get filmed. So where do they move it to? Right outside of Lou's bedroom window!
• When Lou's New York boyfriend, Carl, comes to stay for a bit, he tries to impress her by proving he can ride a horse. Unfortunately, the horse he chooses is a former rodeo pony named Pirate, who bucks him off into a mud puddle. Twice!
• When Mrs. Bell's pony Sugarfoot comes to stay at Heartland for a bit, he quickly works out how to escape his stall. One of the first things he does afterward? Break into the bathroom where Lou is showering!
• After warning Amy not to get too attached to Sugarfoot, what does Lou do? Get so attached that she shows Sugarfoot a photo of the two of them together when they were young, as well as sing the song that Mrs. Bell always used to sing to Sugarfoot.
• In the same episode, Mallory is adorably concerned for Jack's health (even if the reason for this is eventually revealed to be genuine worry after what happened to Mrs. Bell), including reminding him to wear sunscreen (his response is (basically) "I don't need sunscreen; I wear a hat") and making him decaf coffee.
• When Ty's probation officer comes to Heartland to check on his progress, Ty reaches out to shake the man's hand, and what falls out of his sleeve? A necklace that Ty's ex-girlfriend Kerry-Anne had previously stolen, but that hadn't yet been reported missing. Lucky the probation officer didn't see it!

Season Two

• When Lou is angry at Jack for not letting her make changes at Heartland for her business retreat, Lou takes a job as a waitress at Soraya's mother's diner, which she is absolutely horrible at.
• Jack says that the old boardhouses are in perfectly good condition and no one should be tearing them down. He knocks on one of the doors to demonstrate, and it falls right off.
• Lou winds up telling off two "tourists" whose car she accidentally backs into in town. Too bad it turns out they're actually her first-ever guests for her corporate retreat, who also run a travel blog.
• Ty and Caleb wind up having a fight over by the gate to the cattle on the cattle drive, they accidentally leave the gate open, which allows most of the cows to escape. The cows wind up running into the dance space that the ranch-hands are dancing on, so they all have to stop long enough to put the cows back.
• While walking two of the horses past the river to bring them to the paddock, Ty stumbles upon a teenaged girl who is naked save for a towel.
• Both Ty and Caleb are openly lusting after Lou's New York friends, even though they are presumably similar in age to Lou, who is nearly ten years older than either boy is. When Lou comes out after her friends, she tells the boys to "get [their] eyes back in [their] heads".
• When Caleb's partner is unwilling to come to Heartland to perform in a lassoing competition, Amy offers to partner up with Caleb, even though she has little experience. When Caleb flat-out tells her he's never partnered with a girl, she lassos him and brings him straight to the ground.
• Caleb, Amy, Mallory, and Ty have a really cute waterfight during the summer heatwave.
• It does not take long for Mallory to run away from her all-girls' boarding school and wind up back at Heartland, unfortunately in the same cabin where a celebrity guest is staying.
• Diva, the "divorce horse," snorts at Ty and absolutely covers his arm in boogers.
• The man Lou has been e-chatting with for the past several weeks is the owner of the oil crew that has been tearing up the locals' land, looking for oil.

Season Three

• Miracle
  • During dinner Jack answers a phone call from Tim checking up on Amy following the school bus accident, and Jack confirms that she is fine. Amy reaches out her hand and asks to talk to him, but Jack immediately starts yelling at him, so Amy withdraws her hand and says, "I guess not." Jack angrily hangs up the phone and growls that Tim spent the money that Jack lent him on a herd of cows. Jack storms off, while no one else understands what the big deal is.
  • Within minutes of Ashley saying that, if she never sees Caleb again, it'll be too soon, guess who shows up? Caleb!
  • When Caleb moves into the loft with Ty, Ty is barely able to get any sleep with Caleb's snoring.
  • Every time Ty and Amy are about to kiss throughout the episode, Caleb manages to interrupt them on his way back up to the loft.
• Little Secrets: Caleb and Jack are going on a supply run into town, and when Tim shows up unexpectedly, Jack starts driving off without Caleb.
• Man's Best Friend:
  • When Peter (with his dog Max) come to see Lou at Heartland, Lou is more excited to see Max than she is to see her boyfriend.
  • Caleb is so pissed off about Ashley still living in his trailer that he attaches it to his truck and starts driving away with it (with Ashley still inside it). The two then have a huge argument outside, during which the sunshade of the trailer completely breaks off.
• Glory Days: Tim decides to pay Jack's loan back in cows, which he brings to Heartland's front pasture without telling anybody first. Even better, Jack actually agrees!
• Growing Pains:
  • After finding out that Amy and Ty will be raising Merlin (at least temporarily), Mallory brings them the parenting book that her parents used on her. That's right, a HUMAN parenting book to raise a baby HORSE.
  • Right after Ty insists Merlin doesn't have behavioral problems, Merlin bites him.
  • Ty tries to train Merlin to use a halter and says he's a good boy once he finally gets the halter on him. Mallory tells Ty off, saying that the baby-raising book specifically says not to reward "naughty behavior".

Season Four

• What Dreams May Become:
  • Lou brings Tim's new girlfriend, Janice, up to the Dude Ranch, only to find it full of Tim's cattle. She is not even remotely amused.
  • Caleb and Jack were connecting up the new water pump, and it works really well ... for exactly three seconds. Even though Jack said it wasn't a good idea to fill in the dirt already, Caleb has already done so and has to go grab a shovel in order to dig the water line back up.
  • Lou eventually realizes who Janice reminds her of: Tim himself! No wonder they seem to get along so well!
• Graduation:
  • Taking place during dinner:
    • Amy is reluctant to accept her full scholarship to Colorado State University. Lou argues that Amy will regret it for the remainder of her life if she doesn't. Realizing that she is unable get Amy to see things her way, Lou angrily storms off.
    • Equally pissed, Amy mutters that she has work to do and excuses herself as well, with Ty awkwardly following.
    • Tim then asks Lisa if she's reviewed the figures for the dude ranch, which he and Lou plan to sell to her. Lisa points out that this is inappropriate dinner-table conversation, but Tim says that he needs an answer ASAP as he has submitted an ad in the Hudson Times. Lisa is rightfully pissed herself as she was guaranteed exclusivity in the sale; she tells Tim off and is the next person to leave.
    • A butt-hurt Tim makes his own exit within a few seconds.
    • Jack is left with Mallory and Badger, who are clearly uncomfortable with the family drama that just transpired. Jack orders them to do the dishes. The two object, but Jack then growls, "Dishes," prompting the two to realize that they had better comply if they want to live through the evening.
  • On the eve of graduation, Amy stays overnight with Spartan, who is suffering from colic. She awakens in the morning to find that Spartan has pulled through and is expected to fully recover, so Ty rushes her on his motorcycle to her graduation ceremony currently in progress. Right after Amy's name is called, Ty speeds through the grass and onto the stage, and Amy receives her diploma.

Season Six

• Keeping Up Appearances: Preoccupation with his relationship with Amy and finals results in a comedic mixup for Ty at the veterinary office. A woman arrives to pick up her dog. Ty solemly hands her a box containing ashes and offers his condolences for her loss. The woman screams and drops the box, resulting in the lid popping off and the ashes scattering among the floor. Scott immediately returns from running errands and reminds Ty that she had brought her dog in for a simple nail trimming. She accepts their apologies but her nervous smile clearly indicates a What the hell just happened? kind of look.