Funny: Guardians of the Galaxy

Add examples in chronological order if at all possible.

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    The Comics 
  • Force trying to activate the powers of the legendary weapon he's got his hands on, while the Guardians just watch and laugh (or in Charlie's case, facepalm). Said legendary weapon, by the way, happens to be Captain America's shield.
  • Volume 2 issue #1 sees the gang trying to name the team while in the middle of a fight:
    Rocket Raccoon: "Ass-Kickers of the Fantastic?"
    Star-Lord: No!
    Rocket Raccoon: How about "Rocket Raccoon and His Human Hangers-On"?
    Drax: How about "Drax and His 'Coonskin Hat"? That grab you?
    Adam Warlock: Listen! I would appreciate it if the team could stay a little more focused on the matter at hand.
    Gamora: "Team"? Ugh. All we need now is a handshake and a clubhouse.
    [Gilligan Cut to Gamora's debriefing]
    Gamora: I don't know what made me say that. We have a clubhouse. At least we don't call it a clubhouse. That would be unbearable.
    [later]
    Rocket Raccoon: What about "The Annihilators"? "Protectors of the Universe"! "The Quantum Band"? "The Pro-Actives"! "The Defenders"! Is that taken?
    • Later on in the run, when encountering the classic Guardians of the Galaxy, Star-Lord decides to make up another temporary name for his team to avoid problems or confusion with the other Guardians. The name he picks: Ass-Kickers of the Fantastic.
      Star-Lord: All the good names were taken.
  • Also from the first issue:
    Drax: You see that? That's what "not good" looks like.
  • During Rocket's debriefing:
  • Sticking with Rocket, his drunken response to something Groot says (we can't tell what it is because Groot is too small, but it is Groot).
    Rocket Raccoon: You sure are, buddy.
  • In Issue 2, while on an iceberg floating through space, Drax determines what exactly it's made out of.
    Drax: Time.
    Phyla-Vell: "Time", Drax?
    Drax: Uh-huh. Old, old frozen time.
    Phyla-Vell: Right. And that tastes like what?
    Drax: Regret.
    Phyla-Vell: Anybody got a sensible answer? Drax just went all existential on me.
  • After Mantis examines Major Victory, Rocket's still going on about team-names.
    • Also, Rocket wanting to "try out" Captain America's shield. Indoors.
  • Vol 2 #7
    • Bug's witty banter.
    Bug: Man, just like old times. Man, old times sucked.
    • Groot "helping".
    Groot: I AM GROOT! I AM HELP! SEE GROOT HELP!
    • Note that this is while he's tearing a cyborg tank in half, then slamming the remains into the ground.
    • The Badoon's response to seeing the Guardians in action.
    Badoon: Have the organisms been identified?
    Badoon 2: They have proclaimed themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy
    Badoon: Then I pity the galaxy.
  • Vol 2 #8
    • As the team is fighting to stop Badoon weapons-testing on a defenseless settlement. The Badoon release their super bioweapon, the monster, and this conversation occurs.
    Mantis: In five point two seconds, a positive swing in our fortunes will be signaled by three words.
    Rocket Raccoon: What three words? "We are leaving"?
    Bug: "Here comes Peter?"
    Mantis: No.
    Groot: I AM GROOT!
    [Groot destroys the monster with a single punch]
    • Major Victory's reaction to this.
    Major Victory: You know, for a tree, he has a beautiful right hook.
  • This bit from Vol.2 #13.
    Star-Lord: This is what we were formed to stop?
    Rocket Raccoon: Yes. It. Is.
    beat
    Star-Lord: We can do this, right?
    Rocket Raccoon: Don't spoil the moment.
  • Vol.2 #17:
    • When Maximus reveals that Groot's apparent form of Pokémon Speak actually translates to an incredibly intricate understanding of quasi-dimensional superpositional engineering. As the two converse, Crystal and Rocket Raccoon only stare in shock as they ponder if Maximus has gone even more insane than he already was.
      Maximus: My lord, you were saying?
      Groot: I AM GROOT!
      Maximus: Now that is brilliant, and all we'd need is a socket set and a very long piece of string.
    • Earlier from the same issue:
      Karnak: Whatever it is, it's started to hatch.
      Major Victory: In the sense of—?
      Ronan: Look at the feeds, human. It's spawning organisms from pustules on its tentacles.
      Rocket Raccoon: That sentence combined so many of my least favorite words.
  • Vol 2. 18: Jack Flag's expression on seeing Mantis has been turned into a baby.
    • Everything about puppy Cosmo.
  • In Vol.2 #19, as half the team is stuck in an alternate timeline, another temporal distortion appears, leading to this:
    Jack Flag: It's a time-door!
    Bug: Yeah? Full of Time-Energy? and Time-Swirlies? Jack, just because you put the word "time" in it doesn't - tik - make it any clearer!
    • Mantis flirting with Kang, even as reality is falling apart. Even if it is a Call Back to The Crossing, it's still funny for the sheer randomness of Mantis flirting with someone.
  • Vol 2 #24
    • Rocket's plan for dealing with some nanotic bioweapons.
    Jack Flag: So what do we do?
    Rocket Raccoon: Well, Jack, you stand there and say: gee, Rocket Raccoon, I'm so glad you brought that unfeasibly large cannon with you... And I go like this! (fires gun, taking out all the creatures)
    Peter Quill: Nice work, Rocket.
    Rocket Raccoon: I try.
    • Major Victory's awkward reaction when Gamora starts flirting with him.
  • Vol 2 #25
    Cosmo: Comrade Racoon.
    Rocket Racoon: Mister Cosmo.
    Cosmo: Is pleasure to be seeink you.
    Rocket Racoon: Glad you're not too dead.
    • Groot's reaction to being sent flying by Thanos.
      Groot: (weakly) Groot am... ow.
  • In the Rocket Raccoon and Groot mini-series coinciding with the Annihilators: Earthfall event, as Rocket and Groot are flung through a rapidly changing virtual reality environment in the Mojoverse, Mojo soon finds Rocket Raccoon's sentient Timely Inc. shipment processing and analysis device pointing a laser rifle at his face.
    Timely Inc. SP&A Device: Turn the V.R. environment off now or I will blow your head clean off. Uhm... PUNK!
  • From V3. As Star-Lord and Rocket Raccoon are rescuing Abigail Brand, Rocket Raccoon dives into an army of Thanos' soldiers shouting "Blammo! Murdered you!" a catchphrase that Brian Bendis tried to associate with the character in earlier books with negative reaction from the fans. At that moment, both Star-Lord and Brand tell Rocket that they both find his new catchphrase annoying and disturbing.
  • This is mostly a heartwarming look into Groot's insight and personal views on the human race. Except for Latverians. He doesn't really like them.
  • In issue 13 (the final part of The Trial Of Jean Grey crossover storyline with All New X-Men) the Guardians are on earth with the (time-traveling) original 5 X-Men, the Starjammers, X-23 and Shadowcat (Kitty Pryde). Groot sees some earth trees which he makes a beeline for. Rocket Raccoon's response is hilarious.
    Rocket Raccoon: Oh no, you're not going to get weird with the trees again, are ya?
    You're making it weird.
    • Then Rocket sees an Earth raccoon and gives the response:
      Put on some krutacking pants.
    • From the same event, Iceman's reaction to teaming up with Rocket.
      Iceman: I just like talking to the talking raccoon. It makes me feel like a Disney princess.
      Beast: We're here because... princess?
      Iceman: What?... I'd make a better princess than you.
  • Also the Star Lord and Kitty Pryde Ship Tease.
  • A preview image from 2015 which shows a page, without text, of the Guardians in the back of Star-Lord's ship playing a Tabletop Fantasy RPG. Especially amusing are Gamora's "I can't believe I'm doing this" face and Drax, who is not only really into the game, but has managed to completely destroy his character sheet, note papers, pencils and dice.

The Film

    Trailers/Other 
  • The First Trailer of Awesomeness gives us… The Line Up.
    • Drax; 18 Counts of Murder, 5 Counts of Grievous Bodily Harm (GBH)
    Rhoman Dey: Drax, A.K.A. The Destroyer. Since his wife and family were killed, he's been on a rampage across the galaxy in a search for vengeance.
    • Gamora; 12 Counts of Murder
    Rhoman Dey: Gamora. Soldier. Assassin. Wanted on over a dozen counts of murder.
    • The look on Gamora's face. Her little smile almost seems to say: "That you know of."
    • Rocket; 13 Counts of Theft, 14 Counts of Escape from Incarceration, 7 Counts of Mercenary Activity, 15 Counts of Arson, 50+ Counts of Vehicular Theft
    Rhoman Dey: Rocket. Wanted on over 50 charges of vehicular theft and escape from custody.
    • His profile states that he "has a tendency to bite”… just as the fuzzball snarls and spits at the screen.
    • Groot; 3 Counts of Grievous Bodily Harm (GBH)
    Garthan Saal: What the hell…
    Rhomann Dey: Groot. He's been travelling recently as Rocket's personal houseplant slash muscle.
    • Star-Lord; 1 Count of Fraud, 1 Count Sex Crime: "Illegal Manipulation of Gramosian Duchess"
    Rhoman Dey: Peter Jason Quill. He's also known as Star-Lord.
    Garthan Saal: Who calls him that?
    Rhoman Dey: Himself, mostly. Wanted mostly on charges of minor assault, public intoxication and fraud...
    [Quill winds up his finger and flips the bird at the screen which reads: OBSCENE GESTURE ALERT]
    Peter Quill: Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know how this machine works...
    • Even funnier is that before he flips the bird, the scanners have already covered up his hand with the text "OBSCENE GESTURE IMMINENT" appearing. Best part, James Gunn says that it was ad-libbed by Chris Pratt. Doubles as a Funny Background Event in the movie propernote  - in one of the next shots, he tries to tuck the finger back down with his other hand, only to have it pop up again. He gives an exasperated look and shrugs as if to say "sorry, it's stuck like that"! Peter's profile lists one of his charges as "Illegal Manipulation of Gramosian Duchess". And it's listed separate from his other charges, as if it was such a bizarre charge that the Nova Corps couldn't lump it in with anything else they had.
    • Then the trailer suddenly segues into Blue Swede's "Hooked on a Feeling". Fitting, as it's depicted being on Star-Lord's Walkman. Made even better because when it drops it serves as the background music to a montage of action scenes - yet manages to be epic anyway.
      • An alien prison guard is curious as to what the Walkman is and places the headphones on his ears, so Star-Lord just casually shimmies through a closing gate, ready to kick ass in handcuffs if need be. And then he gets tazed.
      • It's a sci-fi film in the year 2014... and Quill owns a Walkman. That says a lot about the guy (like where would he get the batteries in space?).
      • All of this becomes unfunny when you realize why he has it. The Walkman has a mixtape given to him by his late mother. Cue tears.
    • The coup de grace. Peter is yawning, Gamora looks bored, Groot's staring around curiously, Drax's body language screams "I'm going to murder people when I make my inevitable escape", and Rocket is standing in a Badass Arm-Fold, or at least it would look badass if he weren't just three feet tall. Not to mention the hilariously out of place Blue Swede music playing in the background. It ends up looking like the worst Team Shot ever.
    Rhomann Dey: They call themselves the "Guardians of the Galaxy."
    Garthan Saal: What a bunch of a-holes.
  • The poster's tagline? "You're Welcome".
    • It could also work as a subtle nod to the fans who thought Marvel would never take a chance on such a cosmically weird-ass comic.
  • When Peter Quill is caught on Morag, he introduces himself as "Star-Lord" as if he expects everyone to know that name. He's visibly disappointed when Korath just responds with a "who?" and a shrug.
  • DC/WB is all like "Wonder Woman's too confusing for a movie!" and Marvel/Disney is all like "Here's a raccoon with a machine gun."
  • From TV Spot #7:
    Quill: I think she likes me.(referring to Gamora)
    Rocket: You got issues, Quill.
  • These Japanese trailers (given a rough English translation here) provide a humorous exercise in Mood Whiplash.
  • From the Blu-Ray's gag reel:
    • While Yondu orders a bounty on Peter, he and the other Ravagers accidentally walk into an area of Morag that still has the green screen visible. Yondu breaks the fourth wall and exclaims to one of his mates, "You walked us right off the set!"
    • One of the outtakes has Ronan actually taking Peter up on that dance off challenge. Gamora, Drax (the only cast member on set who didn't receive advance word about this), Rocket's stand-in, and about 200 Xandar citizens also show off their moves. The gag reel also has some smaller bits of Spontaneous Choreography scattered throughout. See a part of the dance off for yourself.
    • Despite Rocket's warning that Groot can't fit in a Knowhere mining pod, their animators created a scene in which Groot suddenly appears in one, and tickles Rocket's ear.

    Film 

  • During the Power Walk, Peter scratches his nose, Rocket adjusts the crotch of his pants, Drax is looking down at his feet, and Gamora yawns during the dramatic slow-motion shot.
  • Groot's continued insistence that he should be paid just as much as everyone else after they sell the Orb.
    Rocket: Asleep for the danger and awake for the money, as per frickin usual.
  • This exchange from when the Guardians are incarcerated in the Kyln.
    Quill: So, this orb has a real shiny blue suitcase-Ark of the Covenant-Maltese Falcon sort of vibe... what exactly is it?
    Groot: I am Groot.
    Quill: Who cares?
  • Prior to the prison break, Rocket's outlining the plan, and mentioning that yanking a certain component out of a fuse box is instrumental...
    Rocket: ...Now this is important. Once the battery is removed, everything is gonna slam into emergency mode. Once we have it, we gotta move quickly, so you definitely need to get that ''last.''
    [at this point, Groot—having turned to approach the fuse box when Rocket first mentioned it—proceeds to yank the piece out, setting off all the alarms at once]
    Rocket: (shaking his head in resignation) ... Or we could just get it first and improvise.
  • When Gamora says that they will have to wait to see the client interested in the orb, Drax says, "This is no respectable establishment! What do you expect us to do while we wait?" The next scene cuts away to Rocket, Groot, and Drax placing bets on small lizard monsters that are being chased and eaten by a larger lizard monster with Groot looking rather upset. Then we have this dialogue between Drax and Rocket:
    Drax: My Orloni has won, as I win at all things! Now, let's put more of this liquid into our bodies!
    Rocket: That's the first thing you said that wasn't batshit crazy!
  • Drax and Rocket get drunk at a bar on Knowhere. When Quill has to break up the inevitable fight between them, Rocket responds to Drax's rage with a variation on the Blunt "Yes" trope.
    Drax: This vermin [Rocket] speaks of affairs he knows nothing about!
    Rocket: That is true!
    Drax:: He has no respect!
    Rocket: That is also true!
  • Rocket, Drax and Groot have all agreed to rescue Gamora and Quill from the Ravagers, unaware that they've already managed to talk their way out of being spaced.
    Rocket: YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO HAND OVER OUR COMPANIONS OR WE FIRE! FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO...
    Quill: Rocket, wait! It's me! It's Quill! We're fine, don't fire.
    Rocket: [long beat, then nonchalant] Oh, hey Quill. What's up?
    • During the scene, Yondu and the Ravagers aren't very intimidated or concerned by Rocket's threats. Quill and Gamora however know Rocket is serious, and are almost frantic in warning calling him off.
  • When the team is trying to sort out their issues while formulating their game plan on what to do next:
    Peter: I have a plan!
    Rocket: You've got a plan?!
    Peter: I have part of a plan!
    Drax: What percentage of a plan do you have?
    Gamora: You don't get to ask questions after the nonsense you pulled on Knowhere!
    Drax: I just saved Quill!
    Peter: We've already established that you destroying the ship I'm on is not saving me!
    Drax: When did we establish that?
    Peter: Like three seconds ago!
    Drax: I wasn't listening. I was thinking of something else...
    Rocket: She's right, you don't get an opinion. [to Peter] What percentage?
    Peter: I dunno... Twelve percent?
    Rocket: Twelve percent? (laughs)
    Peter: That's a fake laugh!
    Rocket: It's real!
    Peter: Totally fake!
    Rocket: That is the most real, authentic, hysterical laugh of my entire life because that is not a plan!
    Gamora: It's barely a concept.
    Peter: You're taking their side?!
    Groot: [In a "to be fair..." tone] I am Groot.
    Rocket: So what, "It's better than eleven percent!" What the hell does that have to do with anything?
    Peter: Thank you, Groot! Thank you! [pats him on the shoulder] See? Groot's the only one of you who has a clue.
    Groot: [eating a leaf off his own shoulder]
    Peter: [Face Palm]
  • After being granted amnesty by the Nova Corps for saving the planet, Rocket and Drax try to stretch the limits of what is legal so they can continue to steal and murder while keeping their newly squeaky clean records.
    Rocket: Question: what if I see something that I wanna take and it belonged to someone else?
    Rhomann: You would be arrested.
    Rocket: But what if I want it more than the person who has it?
    Rhomann: It's still illegal.
    Rocket: That doesn't follow. No, I want it more, sir, you understand me? [Gamora walks off with him] I can't have a discussion with this gentleman?
    Drax: Say someone does something that irks me, and I decide to remove his spine.
    Rhomann: Th-that's actually murder, one of... the worst crimes of all. So, also illegal.
    Drax: [genuinely surprised] Huh.
    Peter: [pats Rhomann's shoulder] They'll be fine, Dey. I'm gonna keep an eye on 'em.
    Rhomann: You!?
    Peter: ...Yeah. Me.
    Rhomann: [Beat] ...This might not be the best idea.
  • Some fridge humor: the entire ending is predicated on Peter being helped by the Guardians sharing the power of the Infinity Stone in order to defeat Ronan. In other words, they take him down with The Power of Friendship expressed as a Care Bear Stare.
  • In the middle of freaking out about the Infinity Stone's power, Peter and Rocket take a moment to argue about whether Peter's bag is a purse or a knapsack.

Peter Quill/Star-Lord
  • The opening credits. It starts with Peter exploring the ruins of an abandoned planet, using a projector showing the people that used to live there (including a kid playing with her dog). He quietly steps into the ruins, removes his mask, and takes out another device... his Sony Walkman. Redbone's "Come and Get Your Love" starts playing and he starts singing along and dancing around the ruins. He's splashing in puddles, kicking small lizard creatures, picking one of the lizards up and singing into it like a microphone, and basically having a grand 'ol time. It definitely shows how much this movie doesn't take itself seriously.
    • What truly cements the fact that the movie doesn't take itself seriously is the fact that the whole scene is shot like it's an 80s music video.
    • A smaller detail, but still very hilarious: during the montage, Quill sings into the lizard, then there's a few scenes where we see that hand is empty. Another cut, and there's a lizard in his hand again. The only reasonable explanation is he caught another one.
  • After he escapes with the Orb, Quill finds out that one of his flings is still on the ship.
    Quill: Okay, I'm gonna be totally honest with you, I forgot you were here.
  • The Snark-to-Snark Combat between Rocket and Peter just keeps getting better:
    Rocket: What has the galaxy ever done for you?! Why would you wanna save it?!
    Peter: 'Cause I'm one of the idiots who lives in it!
  • Peter reveals that Every Scar Has A Story... and each of his not-so-Rugged Scars basically amount to "one of his flings injured him in a fit of anger."
  • Peter wide awake in his cell with a bunch of sleeping prisoners either cuddling him or cuddling each other.
  • "Drop the leg! DROP THE LEG AND GO BACK TO YOUR CELL!"
    • While the other four members are involved in fighting off the guard rush, the scene cuts to Quill awkwardly sitting with the disabled prisoner, who goes, "You need my what?"
    • Amusingly, in the credits, that cast member is actually called "Drop Your Leg" Guard
  • When the group meets the head warden of the prison, Quill has the leg hoisted over his shoulder, carrying it like it's a rifle.
  • When Peter is first brought to the prison, one of the guards confiscates his Walkman and starts listening to it. During their escape, Peter finds the Walkman missing and goes back to the same spot: the guard who confiscated it is still there, oblivious to the riot and various other events, because he's still listening to the Walkman.
    • The way Peter bashes him in the head with the orb (and the dramatic shot of the fully kitted out Star-Lord behind him) just punctuates how screwed the guard is for stealing it.
  • After Quill joins the other four following their escape:
    Drax: This one shows spirit! He will be a keen ally in the battle against Ronan. Companion, what were you retrieving?
    (Quill hands him his Walkman; Drax looks dumbfounded)
    Drax: You're an imbecile.
  • After Gamora calls Peter's ship "filthy" and leaves Peter says to Rocket
    Quill: She has no idea. If I had a blacklight, it'd be like a Jackson Pollock painting here!
    Rocket: You've got issues, Quill.
  • Quill's response to Gamora saying she doesn't dance:
    Quill: On my planet, we have a legend about people like you. It's called... Footloose. And in it, a great hero, named Kevin Bacon, teaches an entire city full of people with sticks up their butts that dancing, well, is the greatest thing there is.
    • Gamora's reaction is hilarious as well.
      Gamora: Who would put sticks up people's butts?
      Quill: It's an expression—
      Gamora: That's so cruel.
    • This gets a nod later. In the aftermath of a crash landing under fire, Gamora turns to Peter and says, in a perfectly serious tone, "We're just like Kevin Bacon."
  • After Quill saves Gamora from being Thrown Out the Airlock, nearly at the cost of his own life... and promptly ruins it.
    Quill: I looked deep inside myself and found something... heroic...
    [Gamora rolls her eyes]
    Quill: I don't mean to brag, but I think if you look at it objectively—
  • This exchange between Korath and Quill during the attack on the Dark Aster.
    Korath: [upon seeing Quill] Star Lord!
    Quill: Finally.
  • Quill distracting Ronan... by singing and dancing to "Ooh Child", complete with challenging him to a dance-off. Ronan's facial expression was epicly funny.
    Ronan: What are you doing. ...What are you doing?
    Quill: I'm distracting you, ya big turd blossom!
    • Not to mention Gamora's silent horror as she quickly refuses Quill's attempt to get her to follow his lead.
    • Really, the entire movie slams to a halt as if it hit a brick wall. Even the soundtrack immediately cuts out as if to say "What the fuck?"
    • Making this all the sweeter is how it completely steals Ronan's thunder and negates his Evil Gloating moments before.
    • On top of that, it's also the first and only time Ronan drops his usual demeanor and formal language and speaks like a normal person.
  • On Peter's file in the line-up, under Aliases, he's listed as "Space-Lord". A nice, easy-to-miss touch.
    • Or when he is called Star-Lady or Star-Princess.
    • Also during his line-up, as he "cranks up" his middle finger like a jack-in-the-box.
      Quill: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know how this machine worked. (tries to put finger away. Fails)

Rocket "Raccoon" and "I Am" Groot
  • Rocket and Groot's introductory moment as Those Two Bounty Hunters on Xandar:
    Rocket: Don't drink fountain water, you idiot, that's disgusting!
    Groot: [shakes his head]
    Rocket: Yes you did. I just saw you doing it. Why are you lying?
    [Rocket latches on to Star-Lord as a potential bounty, only to turn around and see Groot happily chugging from the fountain again]
    • One of the people they scan looking for a bounty is Stan Lee, who is in the middle of hitting on an alien woman. Showing that even in a distant corner of the galaxy, Stan is still The Man.
    • Rocket's comments about one fashionably-conscious Xanderian: "Look at this guy. How can they call us criminals when he's assaulting us with that haircut?"
    • One person he scans is a little kid and we have this little gem from Rocket:
      "What is this thing? Look how it thinks it's so cool. It's not cool to get help! Walk by yourself, you little gargoyle!"
  • Between Rocket's gadgets and Groot's powers, how do they restrain and transport bounties? By tossing them into a big sack.
  • During the three way fight between Peter Quill, Gamora, Rocket and Groot, Rocket yells at Groot to grab "him", meaning Quill. Groot tries to grab Gamora instead.
    Rocket: Learn genders, man!
  • Rocket practically orgasms when he gets his hands on a gun bigger than he is.
    "Oh... yeah."
    • Then he starts firing it all over the place and yelling, and Groot begins yelling right along with him.
  • All hell is breaking loose as the inmates revolt and the guards try to regain control of the situation, but Rocket is cheerfully humming as he connects a guard's wrist computer to the Quarnex battery.
  • It turns out that Rocket didn't really need that prosthetic leg for the escape and just sent Quill to get it because he thought it'd be funny. He tries the same trick again later, this time with one of the Ravagers' robotic eyes.
    Rocket: What did he look like hopping around?
    • When Rocket explains to Quill that he needs the prisoner's prosthetic leg, he adds "Lord knows I don't need the rest of him, look at him, he's useless." If you also listen closely, you can hear Rocket trying to contain a chuckle when he says "prosthetic leg", trying not to give away his prank.
  • At one point during the escape, Rocket goes back for his clothes and complains, "Oh, they rolled it into a ball, that's rude! They folded yours!"
  • At one point Peter sees Rocket taking parts off his ship while working on something. He goes over to look at it:
    Peter: Yo yo yo, Ranger Rick! You can't take apart my ship without asking me! What is this?
    Rocket: Don't touch that. It's a bomb.
    Peter: A bomb?
    Rocket: Yup!
    Peter: And you leave it lying around?!
    Rocket: I was gonna put it in a box! [pulls out a box]
    Peter: What's a box gonna do?!
    Rocket: [picks up Peter's present from his mother] How 'bout this one?
    Peter: No. Whoa, hey, leave it alone. [Peter kicks the box back]
    Rocket: Why, what is—
    Peter: Shut. Up.
    Rocket: Hey! [shakes his head]
    Peter: What is that?
    Rocket: That's for if things get really hardcore... or if you wanna blow up moons.
    Gamora: No one's blowing up moons.
    Rocket: You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.
  • Rocket's reaction upon realizing what Peter is suggesting they should do to the Necrocrafts. He has a Eureka Moment and then next second the most vicious Hurting them will be so much fun look on his face.
  • Groot's utterly appalled D: expression, complete with shocked gasp, when Rocket mocks the deaths of Drax's family.
    • Before that, Rocket has an expression of utter disbelief when he can't believe Gamora and Quill are still holding on to the Infinity Stone.
      • The way Rocket facepalms and voices his chagrin at the above just sells it.
    "WHAT DO YOU STILL HAVE IT FOOOOOOOOR!?"
  • Groot and Drax manage to guilt trip Rocket to helping them save Gamora and Quill from the Ravagers. His reaction is priceless.
  • Rocket's grudgingly flippant reply once he sees everyone else, including Groot, have given heartfelt declarations of their support for Quill, even if it most likely means death.
    • To make it even better, the "bunch of jackasses" line was apparently improvised.
  • Just when it looks like the team is going to have to deal with another whole squad of enemies after defeating Korath, Groot suddenly extends one of his arms out into a long vine that impales a whole row of mooks, using them as a bludgeon to batter the rest of the mob into submission... and when he's done, looks back toward his companions with a huge, hopeful 'did I do good?' grin.
  • The first credits stinger is simply an adorably Overly Long Gag of Baby Groot (still a tiny twig in a pot) dancing to Peter's tape while an oblivious Drax polishes his weapons in the background. When Drax looks his way, he promptly freezes, only to resume dancing the moment Drax is no longer looking. He looks like a dashboard hula dancer doll, one of those dancing plant toys, or the Sunflower from Plants vs. Zombies.
    • If you look carefully, Drax clearly saw Groot dancing through the reflection of his knives before he turned around.
    • For maximum hilarity, here it is being acted out by Dave Bautista and Michael Rooker (in the role of Baby Groot) at a convention.

Drax aka "The Destroyer"
  • The conversation about Drax and metaphors proves that the big guy is just as nutty as the rest of them.
    Rocket: His people are completely literal. Metaphors are gonna go over his head.
    Drax: Nothing goes over my head! My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it!
    • This exchange:
    Gamora: I let you live once, princess.
    Drax: I am not a princess!
    Quill: She betrayed Ronan. He's coming back for her. And when he does, that's when you...[makes visual shorthand for slitting his throat]
    Drax: ...Why would I put my finger on his throat?
    Quill: What? Oh, no, it's a symbol. This is a symbol - for you slicing his throat.
    Drax: I would not slice his throat. I would cut his head clean off.
    Quill: It's a general expression for killing someone, *turns to other prisoner* you've heard of this, you've seen this, you know what this is, right?
    Prisoner: Yeah, yeah—
    Quill: Everyone knows.
    (Drax shoots a Death Glare)
    Prisoner: No, no.
    • The funniest part is that the same prisoner had made a similar gesture at Gamora when he threatened to kill her earlier. So yes, he does know what it means.
  • This bit as Rocket is preparing their escape.
    Rocket: I have a plan, I have a plan!
    Drax: Cease your yammering and relieve us from this irksome confinement!
    Quill: Yeah, I'll have to agree with the walking thesaurus on that one!
    Drax: Do not ever call me a thesaurus.
  • The way Drax appropriates a knife from a prisoner. He's just so matter-of-fact about it.
    Drax: I like your knife. I am keeping it.
    Random Prisoner: ...That was my favourite knife.
  • Also, before joining the gang in the Watchtower, Drax refers to Quill as "One Who Has Lain With a Aaskavarian" (because that's the only thing he knows about Quill)
  • As Rocket is fiddling with machinery to engineer their escape, Drax loudly realizes what kind of animal he is and claims that they make for some tasty meals.
    Drax: I know this beast! We used to roast them over our fire pits as children. Their flesh is quite delicious!
    Rocket: NOT! HELPING!
  • The fact that Drax basically drunk-dialed Ronan.
    • Doubly hilarious when you realize that it is apparently possible to call whoever you want in this universe. You want a chat with the villain or the law enforcement who intends to arrest you? No problem, your call will connect...even with photo!!!!
    • Triply hilarious is that this is right after the Guardians got screwed out of a massive bounty and were arguing on who to give the Infinity Stone to. They look to Ronan's troops and Drax triumphantly standing over to await them. Their reaction is priceless.
  • Drax laughing hysterically while Quill is piloting the Milano to attack the Dark Aster. And when they finally land safely:
  • Drax proudly proclaims that he feels good after a long time without friends.
    Drax: You, Quill, are my friend.
    Quill: Thanks.
    Drax: This dumb tree, he is my friend.
    Groot: [unintelligible grunting]
    Drax: This green whore, she too is my—
    Gamora: OH, YOU MUST STOP!
  • Shortly after the above, Drax nails Nebula with a missile mid-rant because she insulted Gamora.
    Drax: Nobody talks to my friends like that.
  • Drax telling Korath: "Finger on throat means death!" and then telling Quill, "Metaphor".
  • Drax comforting Rocket after Groot's Heroic Sacrifice while also heartwarming, ranks as one, because while it is genuinely touching, a huge man petting a raccoon on the head is just hilarious. And Rocket's reaction to it is priceless, because he looks so genuinely stunned this is really happening.
    • Also consider Rocket's thoughts during the petting. Head-stroking is usually reserved for animals and pets, which he adamantly denied he was throughout the film. But it just feels so nice and comforting that he doesn't speak up about it.
      • If the scene is seen carefully you can see that Rocket lowers his fluffy tail a little, subtly, in a way that recalls the reaction of a domestic dog being petted.

Gamora
  • Gamora's increasingly frustrated expression throughout the prison escape. It comes to a head in the watchtower.
    Gamora: I'm gonna die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy.
  • When Quill almost seduces Gamora, she pulls back at the last second and yells that she will not be taken in by his "pelvic sorcery."
    • Funniest part is that she's still wearing the headphones and is shouting because of the music.
    • Just the fact that she was already shouting before that.
  • Gamora's face rising from the wreckage beside Quill, after seeing what the Infinity Stone actually does.
  • After their both rescued from dying in space, Gamora rolls her eye's when Quill gets cared away praising himself for saving her.

...and Everyone Else
  • Nova Prime calling the Kree ambassador a prick after he refuses to publicly denounce Ronan's terrorist actions. Her whole character is the epitome of a dignified, decorated leader for the Nova Corps…and even she falls victim to this movie's sense of humor.
    • Just the fact that the Kree ambassador's Kinect gesture to cut the transmission is a "shut it" gesture.
  • The Broker shooing Quill out of his shop, and closing the shutters with the hand gesture for "no deal, no nothing, now blow off".
  • The Collector's excited reaction (shortly followed by Rocket mockingly mimicking the gesture) when the Infinity Gem is in his possession.
  • Benicio del Toro is a riot, from his eager offer to collect Groot (after he's dead, of course) to his dismissive reaction to Rocket.
    The Collector: (to Groot) That your pet?
    Rocket: WHAT!
    • The Collector offers to pay Groot for the right to collect Groot's carcass (once he's dead, of course). Groot just shrugs, and replies in a tone that says, "Sure, why not?" Of course, killing him is much harder than one would expect.
  • Quill's message to the Nova Corps (so they don't get, you know, shot and arrested).
    Rhomann: He says he's an... a-hole, but he's not—and I'm quoting here—one hundred percent a dick.
    Nova Prime: And do you believe him?
    Rhomann: Well, I don't know that I believe that anyone's one hundred percent a dick, ma'am
    Nova Prime: (with an exasperated expression) I mean, do you believe that he's here to help?
    • The picture of Quill that appears on Dey's screen when the message is sent.
    • When the Nova Corp shows up to support the Ravagers, Quill just cheerily says "They got my dick message!"
  • Yondu and one of his lieutenants musing that Quill turned out all right and that they made the right decision to "adopt" him instead of handing him over to his father, who Yondu calls a "jackass".
  • The fact that Howard the Duck, of all people, makes a cameo in the film.
    "Why do you let it [Cosmo] lick you like that? Gross."
    • Howard being an item in The Collector's collection. You just know there's a hilarious story behind that.
    • Plus, the credit to the character's creators had to be placed after this scene so the surprise wouldn't be ruined, with the effect of ramming the point home that yes, you just saw that.
    • Several bloggers have pointed out that the introduction of Denser and Wackier elements is even more bizarre when you consider the unified timeline - during the events of the first Iron Man movie, before the MCU introduced anything genuinely fantastical, Howard was still presumably futzing around way off on the other side of the galaxy.
  • At the end of the credits: "No raccoons or tree creatures were harmed during the making of this film."
  • While Yondu searches through the Broker's store for the Orb, he starts looking at some knickknacks, claiming that he likes to put them on his control console all in a row for display. This just seems like a ploy to get the Broker to lower his defenses... but during the final assault, we see the row of decorations right next to him, including the blue thingy he was eyeing at the store.
    • When the Broker doesn't believe Yondu, Kraglin swiftly asserts that Yondu's being serious.
      • As an almost unnoticed Brick Joke, Quill gives Yondu yet another dashboard knickknack, an 80's Troll Doll, instead of the Infinity Gem - and Yondu gets a big grin on his face when it's revealed. Double points because this means Yondu got trolled.
    • From the same scene, every time the Broker tries to explain why he can't tell Yondu more about the orb, Yondu starts babbling gibberish in response. Behind him, his lieutenant begins corpsing until he out and out laughs at the way Yondu's screwing with the Broker.
  • Lloyd Kaufman's cameo as one of the prisoners, for those viewers that recognize him.
  • Denarian Saal is less than thrilled at taking orders from Rocket.
    Saal: (rolls his eyes, totally deadpan) I can't believe I'm taking orders from a hamster.