Funny / Disco Elysium

WARNING: Spoilers are off on Funny Moments pages.

Disco Elysium is the desolate story of a washed-up drunk, haunted by regret. It's also very, very funny.

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• It is possible to die from trying to take your tie off the ceiling fan in your hostel room. Before you do anything else. Within your first minute of gameplay. With minimal physical stats (which, for reference, turns you into a One-Hit-Point Wonder), there is about a 75% chance of the strain of the attempt giving you a lethal heart attack.
  • This is a speedrun category. The world record is currently 13.7 seconds.
  • Even more funny is that the same build can cause you to accidentally kill yourself if you do not heed Pain Threshold's warning when trying to turn on the lights in the room.
• As the man himself says:
  You: I'm a deeply flawed individual, but I bring joy to the world.
• When you finally wipe off the mirror and get a good look at yourself, Inland Empire yells "BEHOLD!" You are treated to a zoomed-in look of the horrible grin known as the Expression on a soggy, hungover face, accompanied by a shriek.
  You: This is the face of a late-stage alcoholic.
• When you first meet Klaasje — the first NPC in the entire game — you're given the option to try and seduce her. Failing the (somewhat difficult) Suggestion check will lead to you incoherently leering at her with the words, "I want to have fuck with you." Luckily, she not only takes it in stride, she laughs her ass off.
• Measurehead, a terrifying and racist hulk of a man, referring to white people as the "ham sandwich race" serves as a hilarious reminder to how absurd his ideals are. He also considers eating potatoes a cause of genetic degradation.
• Telling Evrart you're an ultraliberal:
  Evrart: You're not an ultraliberal, Harry. Get the fuck out of here. Don't be a retard.
• While interrogating Klaasje, you get a semi-difficult Volition check. If you pass, Volition will chime in and inform you that you are very sexually attracted to her and that all your senses are compromised to some degree by this, so you cannot trust any of them.
  Volition: I have bad news for you.
  You: What?
  Volition: You know these guys?
  Logic: Who, me?
  Drama: Yes, you. He is talking about you, you boring stiff.
  Volition: You too.
  Drama: Me? What did I do? I'm merely a master thespian...
  • Electrochemistry is quite offended at this observation:
    Electrochemistry: Bullshit, man, I ain't compromised!
    Volition: Especially that guy. That guy is the most compromised in here.
    Electrochemistry: No fucking way, man, I just want a drag of that sweet Menthol ziggie.
    Volition: Really? Quick, tell me what is under her jumpsuit?
    Electrochemistry: GLORY. TRUTH. SOFTNESS. PROTECT HER. SHE WANTS YOU.
    Volition: I take it back. He's got it pretty bad, but this next guy's on another level entirely...
    Suggestion: She likes you. The Crownhead is a boring condom. He's jealous. This is human nature.
  • Hilariously, it soon becomes clear that even Volition may be compromised, but in the other direction; it's so defensive of you that it becomes certain of her guilt in the murder, despite no other evidence than the fact she was attempting to deceive you, and tries to convince you to arrest her on the spot.
• When you're first introduced to Kim, and can't remember your real name, you can attempt to pass a Conceptualisation check to imagine a new one for yourself:
  • If you succeed, you'll be able to go around ominously proclaiming that you are a harbinger of the coming apocalypse, or simply shrug that you're 'between names'.
  • If you fail, you'll attempt to introduce yourself as "Raphaël Ambrosius Costeau" — and you'll be able to keep it up for some time through the game.
• Your Savoir-Faire skill occasionally prompts you to take actions that are downright impossible — for example, "slipping away unnoticed" from the cafeteria manager who's demanding damage payments. In practice, this just means turning and fleeing for the door while he cries out, "Real mature, man," after you. Failing the check to run off has you flee, get about half way across the room before spinning around to leap backwards towards the exit while flipping Garte off with both hands. Naturally, you crash land into Lena, the elderly woman in a wheelchair you weren't paying attention to.
  Savoir Faire: One moment you're running like the wind, then you've suddenly turned around and are giving him the finger. Furiously, with both hands. Why?!
  1. The lady in the wheel-chair is right behind me, isn't she?
  2. Why did I do this? Why did I have to use "both" my hands to flip him off? Why both...
  3. "Fuck you asshole!"
  • Later, it will suggest that you master the art of teleportation to overcome the obstacle of a highly rickety and unsafe ladder. Succeed the check, and bystanders will cry out in awe as you climb it really fast with your eyes closed.
• If you ring the (broken) doorbell to the Whirling-In-Rags, you get no response. Half Light chimes in, and indignantly asks you if you are really going to just stand there and take lip from a doorbell. The possible responses to this are priceless:
  1. No way. I should beat the spark into it. (punch the doorbell)
  2. No, I'll show you how a gentleman treats a doorbell! (kiss the doorbell)
  • And then the flavor text for the latter option:
    Like a cat's whiskers, your moustache feels it first, followed by your lips: the corroded metal of the intercom, cold, unattainable. You're now kissing the doorbell. The doorbell remains silent.
• You have to do a field autopsy of the corpse and complete the report with Cuno and Cunoesse as an audience. At a point, you reach the "Sex" category, which prompts them to yell "fucky-fucky" and "pigs gonna have sex". You can type one of those instead of "Male".
  Naively, the lieutenant does not double check your notes.
• Trying to get the corpse down from the tree with Cuno and Cunoesse as an audience is a recipe for hilarity. You and Kim are likely going to look like a couple of incompetents in front of the two delinquents, especially if you fail certain checks.
  • Since your gun is probably still missing at this point, deciding to shoot the corpse down and letting Kim take the first shot results in you and Kim having to pass his gun between the two of you, prompting Cunoesse to scream "They've only got one gun!", with Cuno replying "This is the sorriest bunch of pigs I've ever seen...", with a tone implying he's genuinely pitying the two of you.
  • If you state that you need to establish a rapport, or at least some sort of truce with Cuno, Kim asks why you would bother. Cuno is having none of his protests.
    Kim: No, you really, really don't. That's a twelve year old boy. His opinion of you doesn't matter.
    Cuno: You don't fucking matter, book-gimp!
• If you talk to Cuno about the insulting pig's head in his basement, you can tell him that you, too, have a pig's head (while pointing to your actual head) — but yours is shit. This intensely odd bout of self-deprecation completely weirds him out, so much so that he briefly drops his swaggering attitude as he tries to comprehend just what the hell you're talking about.
  • Even better is that Kim can only respond to this with a Flat "What". Though he does a good job taking most of your other weirdness in stride, this is one of the few antics of yours that he completely fails to manage even a snarky response to.
• On Day Two, you can spot a random woman standing outside a bookshop by herself, and decide, completely apropos of nothing, that she must have a missing husband you can offer to find. Somehow, the ensuing conversation results in you heading into the bookshop to try and decide what breed of cockatoo is your spirit animal. It later turns into a Moment of Awesome when it transpires that your instincts were completely correct. Her husband was missing — she just wasn't ready to admit it yet.
  • Takes a rather dark 180 turn when you come upon the dead body of a man on the boardwalk and realize that he's the husband, wearing the jacket his wife lovingly customized for him to keep him warm.
  • If you're a communist, you can give this same woman a hug with the cheerful words, "A hug a day keeps the bourgeoisie away!"
• If you tell Garte you intend to sing karaoke, he'll refuse you. If you ask him about why he has a karaoke setup in the bar but won't let anyone use it, he'll say this:
  Garte: It's for no one. It's a prop. I'm not letting anyone use it after the Great Karaoke Catastrophe of '44.
  You: What happened in '44?
  Garte: A lot of people got killed because some asshole wanted to sing karaoke.
  • And if you sing karaoke but fail the Drama check, you'll screech out an utterly hideous dirge rendition of The Smallest Church In Saint-Saëns for a full minute and a half as the camera drifts over the motionless crowd. Afterward, a few hecklers from the Union booth will yell at you and Kim will very kindly tell you afterwards that the performance was "genuinely tragic".
    • Turns into a Heartwarming Moment if you pass a passive Empathy check - Kim meant it with actual sincerity, he thinks it perfectly expressed what it's like to be a cop in the RCM.
• In the Abandoned Commercial Area, you can find an old game studio that worked in a massive and ambitious roleplaying game. When reviewing the mainframe for a log of the development of the game, you discover one of the last effort ideas was to add an island to the corner of the world where it would have 10,000 heads to combine with 10,000 headless horseman. You can then ponder how many unique combinations that would be, and your brain will list every single number off. It makes for a very, ''very'' long list.
• Rhetoric can get really tired at your attempts at remaining politically neutral:
  You: These options seems awfully fascist or communist — what if I don't wanna say them?
  Rhetoric: Say one of these fascist or communist things or fuck off.
• In the thought-bubble that gives you the Honour Cop copotype, Authority commends you on your honourable conduct thus far and encourages you to consecrate it with a "Rite of Honour":
  Authority: You need to bring the thumb of your right hand — your sword hand — to your rectum and stick it in there to form the Arch of Honours.
  You: All I ever wanted was to live with dignity — to die with honour. (Stick your thumb in your ass.)
  Kim: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" The lieutenant jumps away from you.
  You: "I am honouring myself, lieutenant."
• When speaking with Lilienne the fisherwoman, she can suggest that you give your police car a funeral — but then immediately acknowledges that the whole task (presumably cut from the game by the developers) would "take too long" to set up. You can lean on the fourth wall by telling her that you only wish there'd been enough time for more 'frivolous' side-quests, like redeveloping the Doomed Commercial Area. Kim is a little sad. He particularly liked the car idea.
• When you meet Trant Heidelstam and his son Mikael, Trant is guiding his son around on a historical tour at the abandoned Feld Electrical factory. When asked about what happened to the engineers that worked at the place, Trant will say that the Revolution came and it didn't end well for the engineers, but he will not say why because his young son is listening. You, however, don't have to have any qualms about ripping that band-aid quickly and brutally off if you don't feel like it:
  You: (turns to Mikael) He means they all got shot in the head because they were bourgeois. Now, do you know what the bourgeoisie is?
• Later on, when you've probably begun to shape up your behaviour and redeem yourself as a human being, you can choose to shave off your mutton-chops, in a milestone moment of self-renewal and character development. Unfortunately, as Kim gently tells you to your face, you look much worse when you're clean-shaven, and you'll be forced to go around with your new portrait for the entire rest of the game.
• On your way to the final confrontation, you can insist on blasting out music through your boombox from the prow of your motor-boat, and you get to see this play out in-game. When you confront the murderer, he points out that he knew you were coming because he could hear the music — and Kim will shamefacedly claim that he "told you not to do that". It isn't true.
  Rhetoric: We have entered a world where he said you shouldn't. It is the only world.
• Another Leaning on the Fourth Wall moment — during your final dream sequence, Dora will accuse you of treating conversations like lists to be cycled through. You can indignantly tell her that it's not a dialogue list, but a tree.
• The Thought Cabinet is full of ridiculous observations. "Volumetric Shit Compressor" is literally about getting your shit together. The thought you research to figure out how old you are keeps insulting your age and calling you "Elder One."
• When examining the Wirrâl box, Rhetoric butts in with this somewhat self-deprecating comment (that also is a backhanded comment on Role-Playing Games in general):
  Rhetoric: Yes, the Wirrâl setting is known for its complicated system of political alignments. But if you're not into that you can just hack your way through dungeons in the search of loot. That's what most people do.
  • This is the followed by a description of how most Tabletop RPGs are typically played:
    The Wirrâl Box: In no time, you could be romping through grasslands with low-level characters, haunted by iyskel riders... or battling unspeakable monsters in endless dungeons fraught with danger and despair, conjuring up powerful maegics to aid your quest.
    Drama: Don't forget heated arguments escalating to physical confrontation with your friends.
    Electrochemistry: And beer. Lots of beer.
    Drama: And most importantly, never forget to rage-quit if the dice don't go your way!
• Any time you make Kim laugh:
  Kim: What are your observations? [about the murder victim's hanging, days-old decaying corpse.]
  You: I think he's dead.
  Kim: (barely contains his chuckle) I agree. Totally dead.
  • And also the times you get him to almost laugh and/or play along with your jokes:
    You: Relax girl. We're police officers, but we're corrupt, rotten to the marrow. You can tell us about drugs and shit, I don't give fuck.
    Kim: (with a smirk) Yeah. Drugs. Shit. Fuck. We don't care.
    
    You: Crime bros. (nod at Kim) We're called *crime bros*, my partner and I.
    Plaisance: You're called... *what*? What is this, a joke, mister policeman? Do you commit *crimes* together or what?
    Kim: (quickly turns away to hide the fact that he is just about to crack up)
    
    Savoir Faire: This is a cool moment. It needs a cool thing to be said.
    You: (Say the cool thing) Let's rock with our cock.
    Kim: ...What?
    You: What?
    Kim: (Barely suppressing a laugh) What did you say?
• Kim's extremely dry commentary on your more out-there antics are also usually stand-out moments. Such as the quip to the statement you can make once you have read the book "A Primer for Small Kids":
  You: Kim, I know the alphabet now.
  Kim: Good. I also know the alphabet.
• The failed passive Authority check when talking to Acele, and she expresses casual disinterest in your hat, causes her comment to turn into a rant-inducing slight, and you have an absolute emotional breakdown over it. And it is gloriously over-dramatic.
  Acele: Look man, fuck the hat.
  Authority: Lots of feeling. Feel it up, way up.
  You: Oh my god! FUCK THE HAT?! Is that just what you said to me? I can't BELIEVE you told me to fuck the hat!
  Authority: You're saying it really loud, but it's not coming out right. Maybe add more indignation?
  You: So I should just... just... take this hat I'm wearing and FUCK it, right?! (point at your head where your hat is located) Engage in sexual intercourse with a hat right here in front of you, because you told me so? ON THE SEA ICE?!
  Authority: More.
  You: RIGHT HERE ON THE SEA ICE?!
  Authority: MORE.
  You: GIVE YOU A LITTLE... ICE-COP-HAT-FUCK-SHOW?!
  Acele: (shaken) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...
  You: IS THAT HOW YOU SEE ME?
  • You can then top this off by forcing yourself to break down and ugly cry right in front of her.
  • Esprit de Corps makes this even worse: it cuts to two figures looking through the coin-operated binoculars on the other side of the bay, with one going "My God..." with concern, and the other asking them to let them take a look. It's bad enough that two more onlookers are watching your... passionate defense of your hat, but adding in that Esprit de Corps is specifically your "Cop Sense", it heavily implies that it's the "Horse-Faced Woman" and "Man With Sunglasses" specifically watching their former commanding officer angrily screaming at (and, as mentioned earlier, potentially bawling like a child in front of) a very confused and distressed young woman.
    • And to cap it off, you can pass a relatively easier Drama check with Kim to claim your "crygasm" was, in fact "*-all a ruse.*" (Complete with emphasizing it with a wink to Kim). And a later Empathy check implies that Kim doesn't completely buy it, but is treating you with kid gloves on the grounds that your cheeks are still soaked with tears.
    • Someone actually made a fully voice-acted, and animated depiction of the "Ice Cop Hat Fuck Show. " The inclusion of the Pagliacci soundtrack makes it even more hilarious, if oddly fitting.
• If you pick up Cuno as your temporary sidekick in the end game, something interesting happens to your Esprit de Corps skill:
  Esprit de Corps: (about Cuno) Let's do this tango, pig, he thinks. Detective Pig and Detective Cunn on the case. We bouncin'.
  Composure: Cunn and Pig? And you're picking him up on your cop-frequency too? This is... bad.
• This comment when Trant suggests that your social-economic status might play a role in how you lost your memory:
  You: Wait, you're saying I'm literally so poor I lost my memory?
• Kim's hypothetical newspaper headlines when you suggest climbing up the tree and sawing off the branch the Hanged Man is hanging from:
  Kim: Honestly, I prefer a *non-acrobatic* solution to this.
  You: Why?
  Kim: Clown Cops Climb Tree, Fall Down. Enraged Cop Assaults Children — After Falling Down Tree. Cretin Cop — they like that word — Saws The Branch He's Sitting On (Literally). Local Children Report Corpse Mutilation.
  • Followed by Cunoesse's delighted cheering, and Cuno's uncharacteristically lucid response:
    Cunoesse: Fuck yeah! Climb that shit, monkeys!
    Cuno: C, you're only making them do those things less.
• As Idiot Doom Spiral tells you the Urban Legend of the Cocaine Skull, this happens:
  Idiot Doom Spiral: Supposedly, when they performed the autopsy, the coroner discovered nearly a quarter kilo of coke jammed into his nasal cavity.
  Logic: That's... almost certainly anatomically impossible.
  Electrochemistry: WRONG AGAIN, NERD. Where there's a will, there's a way.
• Mr. Evrart is helping me find my gun. The best part is your skills frantically trying to diagnose what is wrong with you and why you're stuck in a loop, culminating in Interfacing, the technology skill, resolving the situation by turning you off and on again.
  The woman scans her surroundings as though a neurologist might magically appear.
• Completing the "Homosexual Underground" thought has the game outright go meta on your character. It takes 8 hours to finish thinking about it, which makes it the 4th longest thought to internalize (out of 53 total). You also don't get anything for it, just to underline how enormously silly the whole endeavour was in the first place.
  Maybe you should *stop* obsessing about your own — and other people's — sexuality? Feels like it’s about time to do that. You’ve thought about this for *eight hours*?! Not only should you stop, you should tell Kim you've stopped obsessing about other people's sexuality too. I'm sure he'd appreciate it. Unless you already got him killed because you were obsessing about your sexuality. (There’s no way of telling from within your brain, but for your own sake: please say you didn’t.)
  • Upon completing the thought you do, in fact, get the option to tell Kim you've stopped obsessing over your sexuality. You also get the option to immediately ask him if he is part of the homo-sexual underground, resulting in this interaction:
  You: Are *you* part of the homo-sexual underground?
  Kim: You didn't stop at all, did you? You're just obsessing about *other people's* sexuality now.
  You: Yeah, but...
  Kim: But am I? I'll spare you another *20 hour mind-project* — yes, I am. Now let's get back to work.
• Succeeding on the Physical Instrument check to throw the pétanque boule results in shotputting the little metal ball straight out to sea, to Rene's sputtering disbelief... which is almost as funny as "failing" the check:
  Hand/Eye Coordination: This felt... wrong. Wrong like touching your sister's breast. You threw your sister's breast.
  • Despite which it is nevertheless a perfect pétanque throw.
• Whining about having to get the hanged man's body down from the tree:
  You: Can't someone else do it?
  Kim: Someone else? You mean like... *the police*?
  You: Yes, exactly — call the police.
  Kim: Someone already did. You know who came? We did. Because we have made bad life decisions.
• After hearing the story of Rene's heroics, you can try and impress him with one of your own through a fairly difficult Drama check. Succeed, and you will perform a glorified retelling of your drunken bender, which Rene will immediately call you out on...and then sarcastically offer to give you one of his valiance war medals. Which you can then accept without a hint of irony, leaving him stunned silent.
• The Man from Hjelmdall book series is such an egregious example of Stylistic Suck that in order to find something appealing to buy you have to pass a Pain Threshold check.
• If you examine the shelf of crime novels long enough, it will ask you: what is it that draws you to it? The plots? The dark atmosphere? The smoking lady in the slinky red dress on the cover giving you a hard-on? You can deny the last bit, with Electrochemistry helpfully noting that it's not *that* bad, and hey, this means your bloodflow is returning back to normal.
• You can try figuring out just what it is that makes the mysterious smoker so different. Options include: the smoker's constantly unbuttoned shirt, how good of a listener he is, something *so mysterious* about the way he talks and moves, and how good he smells. No matter which option you choose, Kim will just barely keep himself from bursting into laughter.
• One of the books you can get your hands on is Sixteen Days Of Coldest April, a Graad realism novel which is a Take That! to Russian literature. The seemingly small book turns out to be a Doorstopper due to being printed on thin paper in small font, and reading it damages both your Health and your Morale. Pain Threshold is thrilled.
  Conceptualization: Real art is dense and difficult. If it didn't feel like you had to wrestle a suicidal bear to get through it, you weren't really reading.
• When you make a particularly ridiculous choice, like persuading a cargo container to open itself or smelling a ledger that you know for a fact has been flushed down the toilet and later thrown into garbage, you sometimes can outright say that you did it because the option was there.
• If you read the cases in your ledger, you can find one named "THE SQUARE BULLET HOLE MURDERS". It is Exactly What It Says on the Tin - a case where victims were found with square bullet holes in their bodies. No other information is available.
  • If you tell Kim that you named one of your cases "THE SQUARE BULLET HOLE MURDERS", he will admit that he named one of his cases "THE MAN WITH THE HOLE IN HIS HEAD", as the victim died in a construction incident via his head pierced by a rebar. Because he found the title funny. Though he still hopes the victim's loved ones will never find out.
• There's an empty wall near the apartments that you can paint on if you have a brush and some fuel. One of the options is to write "FUCK THE POLICE" in huge letters. Kim will bemusedly note that you *are* the police.
  • Even better is his extremely dismayed reaction if you respond to his observation with "Yeah — fuck us."
    Kim: But why? We work twelve-hour shifts. We get shot at, spat on...
• One of the apartments you come across is locked with a rusty chain. If you try to break in, Kim will ask why you would want to break into some random citizen's apartment. You can answer that it just seemed as something you could do. Kim gives you a long-suffering look, glances at the lock and says that if one were *committed* to it, there's a pair of chaincutters in his vehicle's toolbox.
• At one point, Electrochemistry explains to you that you feel so bad because of a lack of magnesium in your body. And too much coffee. And absolutely not because of all the drinking and meth and smoking for the last forty years.
• When the bookstore owner reveals that the whole building the store is located in is cursed, you can express your scepticism... or you can go full Phony Psychic on her — proclaiming yourself to be a para-detective who "drinks spirits to connect to the void" and promising to exorcise the malevolent Entity that ruins businesses. When you exit the "cursed area" and meet the bookstore owner again, you can top off the whole act by blaming everything on the taxidermist who "became involved in arts darker than taxidermy and brought the void spirits down upon this place".
• If you pass a passive Conceptualization check after storing the body in a refrigerator build into the abdomen of a gigantic taxidermy polar bear (the only nearby fridge large enough to fit the body inside), you can proclaim to Kim that you two have created an "ice bear sarcophagus". Kim gravely tells you that any talk of the "ice bear sarcophagus" must *not* leave that room.
• When Man With Sunglasses (actually your colleague in disguise) asks you which precinct you're from, one of the possible answers is "69". Choosing it causes a long, awkward pause.
  Even the howling wind outside sounds a bit embarrassed.
• When you talk to Cuno after visiting his apartment, he mentions that he heard you managed to avoid dealing with Cuno's dad because you used Kim dressed as a hooker as a distraction. Later on you can tell Cuno that it's exactly how it was.
• If you ask the Paledriver about the pale while Kim's around, he will begrudgingly let you, but will also ask you not to contemplate, because you don't have time for this. Conceptualization instantly chimes in:
  Conceptualization: It's death - but for the Universe? Oh, we're contemplating the living *shit* out of this.
• While waiting for the tide to recede, you can offer a topic to discuss with Kim. One of the options is "would you rather sit on an anthill for an hour or stand in a river of leeches". Kim seriously ponders the answer.
• One of the items you can buy from drunkards is a jar of 98.7% medicinal spirit. Logic immediately says that it will be stored as a Sellable item in your inventory, since drinking it *will* kill you.
• While playing Suzerainty Kim can explain to you what points are - just a way of rewarding or punishing the player's actions, the concept that game designers came up with. You can then look around and ask if you're getting points right now.
• When searching for your badge or wondering how the senile old woman who calls herself The Pigs came across the mound of genuine police paraphernalia she's wearing, Kim will tell you "it's not like they just have boxes of them that they have lying around." Esprit de Corps immediately gives you a Gilligan Cut to a cop doing exactly that, throwing a whole crate of spare badges into the river.
• When confronting The Pigs, she will demand that you and Kim drop what you have in your hands and surrender yourselves. You have different responses depending on what tools you're currently having equipped, but what takes the cake is if you happen to have the tare bag equipped:
  You: No! The tare is mine. I collected it.
• The Shivers skill is normally used for focusing on the existential dread of the setting, occasionally giving foreshadowing of the future. When listened to outside of the Whirling-in-Rags when it rains, it lets you see what exists in all directions from the center of Martinaise.
  You: What's on the other side?
  Shivers: The road ascends; a raised motorway loops above the ghetto. Beneath its concrete columns — a sea of rooftops, woodwork, and tar stretches northward. Four-story buildings as far as the rain can fall. Snow melts in Jamrock.
  You: Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?
  Shivers: HAVE A BROTHER IN THE CUT. WHERE THE WOOD AT?
  • In The Final Cut, the last line is not spoken by the normal voice for the skills but rather a French woman's voice, and is likely the first time you will encounter that voice. Investing enough in Shivers later leads the Detective to hear that voice several times later, each time implied to be La Revacholiere, the Genius Loci of the City of Revachol. The city itself rapping with Harry makes the whole thing even more bizarre and hilarious in retrospect.
• Kim and you discuss the strike in some detail. It prompts Rhetoric to ask you to come up with an opinion on the matter. Your possible choices are a sight to behold:
  1. "We should grind the workers into fine paste and feed them to the pigs."
  2. "We should grind the *owners* into fine paste and feed them to the pigs."
  3. "With this little foreknowledge I am unsure which side to grind into pigsfeed. The decision must ferment in me. Also — *nationalism*.
  4. "I don't think grinding one or the other side into pigsfeed will do anyone favours. I am really, really smart."
  5. "I've spend the last 20 seconds deciding on which side to *grind into pigsfeed* — why?"
• If you allow the Horrific Necktie to speak to you through Inland Empire, you quickly realize it is basically all your self-destructive instincts given a voice, but goddammit, if they aren't hilarious in how over the the top they are:
  • When you are investigating the crime scene, the Necktie makes this observation:
    Horrific Necktie: Everything on the god damn crime scene fits like a glove, you should get *SHITFACED* on this *GOD DAMN CRIME SCENE*!
    You: I'll find a way to get drunk on this scene, I swear to god I will.
    Horrific Necktie: OH YEAH BABY! FUCK THIS PLACE UP!
    Volition: That is not going to happen, I'm not letting him make it into one of his tasks. Know your limits, tie-creature!
  • Once you acquire the bottle of pure lab alcohol from Rosemary, the Necktie can chime in with an interesting suggestion of what to do with it:
    Horrific Necktie: *Bratan*, I am so proud. Now — whatever you do, don't drink it. This deserves so much more than just regular *oral* consumption.
    Electrochemistry: The tie is *SO* on the money there! Up the bum it goes!
    • And your possible responses:
      1. Huh...
      2. But... I don't wanna put it up my bum.
      3. Okay, right. We're putting it in the bum!
  • During the tribunal, if you use the Horrific Necktie and the pure alcohol to make the Spirit Bomb and throw it at Kortenaer, you have an extended conversation with it in your head. It sadly describes how it tried to cheer you up and let you have fun, even though it didn't really work because you were too heartbroken. You can ask it if you're going to stay like this forever.
    Beautiful Necktie: No. You're going to be mowed down by gunfire from the two remaining mercs, so no. Not forever.
• Passing a Conceptualization check (and having interacted with the Racist Lorry Driver beforehand) when mocking Measurehead with Kim leads to this exchange:
  You: Kim, what do you think about this?
  Kim: I think this racist is better than the last, but the next racist will be the really good one.
  You: That will be our lucky racist!
  Kim: He will grant us three wishes.
  • And later, when meeting Gary:
    Kim: Do you remember how when we met Measurehead and I said the next racist will be the really good one?
    You: Yes.
    Kim: Well... (gestures toward Gary as if presenting a work of art) This is that racist.
    You: Our lucky racist! Will you grant us three wishes, Gary?
• Having fairly high Physical Instrument while asking Joyce for money, causes Physical Instrument to interpret your embarrassment about begging for money as you trying to overcome a physical challenge, and it instead pushes you to beg with gusto:
  Physical Instrument: What is this? An athletic challenge? Scream it from the top of your lungs immediately, show that asshole!
  You: YOU SEEM RICH! CAN I HAVE SOME MONEY?!
  Physical Instrument: Really put your back into it. Yell it from the top of your lungs!
  You: MONEY!!!
  Joyce: I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you. (she chuckles to herself) The wind is a bit strong, could you repeat that?
  You: I NEED MONEY!!!
  Joyce: HOW MUCH MONEY?!
• Having relatively low Encyclopedia when asking Annette about what kind of store her mother's store is, causes Encyclopedia to fail a passive check and have a minor breakdown:
  You: What kind of store is this anyway?
  Annette: It's a book store, sir! We sell books, postcards, and some board games. (points to window) It's called Crime, Romance, and Biographies of Famous People.
  Encyclopedia: Woah! WOAH-WOAH-WOAH! Hold your horses little girl!
  You: Don't be ridiculous. I know what all those things are.
  Encyclopedia: No, you don't.
  You: Don't you sass me.
  • Confronting Annette's mother with how hard she's been pushing her daughter results in a great line from Rhetoric.
    You: What you're doing is wrong. Even I know that, and I usually don't know anything.
    Plaisance: She stands stiff and severe, silently fuming. Ten or so seconds pass without change.
    Rhetoric: She's looking for one — but there simply aren't any good arguments for being an asshole.
• Keep pestering Kim to tell you a secret about himself and he'll use The Eyebrow on you, rendering you mute and paralyzed.
  Kim: (the lieutenant arches a single eyebrow) No.
  Volition: The eyebrow is exercising *psionic* control over you.
  • Even more humorous is the follow-up from your own Authority:
    Authority: This guy's got Authority off the charts. With just a flick of his eyebrow he's able to make you his thrall.
    You: So what can I *do* about it?
    Authority: Nothing. You better hope he doesn't abuse his authority. There's a lot of it.
    • And your subsequent choices to proceed.
      1. Silently scream for help.
      2. Accept your thralldom.
    • With sufficiently high stats, the Jamais Vu update lets you resist Kim's eyebrow and challenge him to a eyebrow battle, which is framed as an epic western standoff with a heavenly spotlight shining down upon the both you and Kim as you both strike increasingly-dramatic Staredown Faceoff poses.
  • Kim gets another such moment near the end when you ask the Deserter how he knew the two of you were coming for him. If you played Sad FM on your boomblaster, the Deserter says that was how he knew:
    Kim: Told you we shouldn't play Sad FM.
    You: But you didn't say that, Kim.
    Kim: I did.
    Rhetoric: We have entered a world where he said you shouldn't. It is the only world.
• If you decide to keep the racist mug in your inventory, you have the chance to show it to Measurehead later on.
  You: Know anything about this mug?" (show him the mug)
  Measurehead: (he does not so much as glance at the object)
  You: Know anything about it?
  Measurehead: STOP SHOWING ME YOUR PATHETIC CUP. I HAVE NO INTEREST IN IT.
• If you speak to Call Me Mañana after talking to Cuno, and he asks if you are a scab, Half-Light can chime with this comment:
  Half-Light: What did he just call you?! A f*g? Oh no, not this again, you just got away from that fucking kid...
• The resident Cloudcuckoolander of the Anodic Dance Kids, Egg Head, starts out yelling generic Communist-sounding rhetoric ("NO NATION BUT TRANCE NATION! NO WAR BUT CLASS WAR!") to sound cool to the dance crowd, but is ultimately so shallow politically he can be reprogrammed whichever way you like with a single line of dialogue. Depending on your in-game political leanings, this can lead to some very entertaining 'revolutionary rhetoric' in his future dialogue:
  Ultraliberal Egg Head: EAT THE POOR!
  Moralist Egg head: INCREMENTAL PROGRESS! YYEAAAAHHHH!!!
• When you're cleaning the bits of human residue off of the Hanged Man's boots by boiling it in a pot with a mix of soap and vinegar, Perception comments that what you're cooking smells a bit like beef stew. Half Light eagerly chimes in with this:
  Half Light: You should taste some.
  Endurance: Rotten Human Meat-Ceramic Boot Soup? Nope, you really shouldn't.
• When you're mentally strategizing how to best take down The Pigs armed with your gun, this can happen with high Physique:
  Hand-Eye Coordination: Alright, here's the plan: you fling the chaincutters in her face — already darting right — and *immediately* close the distance. Left hand grabs the barrel, right one breaks the wrist...
  Physical Instrument: ...fingers lock behind her head, knee to the face, knee to the face, crush the ribcage, side-step and drop her with the hammer kick.
  Half Light: OH MY GOD, YES!!!!
• If you attempt to mark the seagull bites on the hanged man as a fatal injury, this conversation with Kim happens:
  Kim: Fatal injury by seagulls?
  You: No — the great skua.
  Kim: Those are mean, yes. But not that mean.
• With high enough Electrochemistry, you can feel a brief moment of what can only be described as highly inappropriate sexual attraction to the Pigs while confronting her:
  The Pigs: BACK-UP, BACK-UP! STATUS UNCONFIRMED!
  Electrochemistry: Yeah, back her up, right against those boxes and do some sex-healing.
  Volition: STOP! For the love of god, don't.
• During the debrief at the end of the game, you learn that your character was a gym teacher before he was a cop. Kim is in awe at this information, because suddenly a lot about your behavior makes a lot more sense - your constant jogging everywhere, your ability to work with young people, your apparent lack of knowledge of what homosexuality even is... Hell, even your dance moves resemble particularly-aggressive aerobic exercises. This also explains why you're so drawn to the leopard-pattern leotard added in the Jamais Vu update and refuse to take it off if you decide to keep it since you associate it as being appropriate wear for a gym teacher instead of something sexual, or possibly it's both of those reasons.
• You can buy a book on Moralism and reading it leads to a pop quiz. Encyclopedia gets very excited that it's finally his time. Every time you heed his advice, the information is either completely irrelevant to the question, or just plain incorrect according to the book.
  • You can answer every question correctly. The text finds this rather suspicious, and because there's pretty much no way to find out all this information in the game prior, it's probably right to feel that.
• Failing the Shivers check to examine the Feld Building twice, leads you to get the hint that you should try to find "The Children of the Big Sea". Rhetoric hears as it as "The Children of the Big C" believing your quest is to find the Children of Communism.
  Kim: Officer? Are you okay? It looks like we lost you for a second.
  You: I need to go to the children, Kim. Girl Child Communism, Boy Child Freedom.
  Kim: Right. Well, I'm sure that after... (he pinches the bringe of his nose) You mean we should do that *right now*, don't you? (his usually even tone wavers slightly) Can that be done *after* the murder investigation?
  You: Communism is a murder investigation, Kim. It's about understanding whose bootheel killed the human spirit.
  Kim: I see. Political theory as detective work. Right.
  • You can then ask Cuno if he is the one you are looking for:
    You: I'm looking for the Children of the Big C. The C stands for Communism. Would that be you?
    Cuno: Cuno isn't a fucking communist, bacon man, he's a fucking *Cunoist*.
    Rhetoric: A new mode of government: Rule by Cuno. Outside of this backyard, it will never exist.
    Cuno: Fuck out of here with your commie propaganda. There's only Cunoganda in the Kingdom of Cuno.
• If you manage to open the container containing Mega-Rich Light Bending Guy and then report back to Evrart about him, he'll obviously have no idea what the hell you're talking about and decides to pretend to act like you've found some kind of a dangerous pest:
  Evrart: A Mega-Rich Light Bending Guy? I specifically told my men to check all the containers for those!
• One of the options you're given when Joyce first reveals her politics is to make the sign of the cross and scream "DIOS MIO, A LIBERAL!" at the top of your lungs. This doesn't even phase her.
• Cuno swipes the locusts from the cryptozoologists' trap and makes a little mud city for them in his shack, which he enthusiastically describes as the City of Locusts, Night City, City of Rage. Cunoesse finds this incredibly embarassing and moans that this is lame.
• If you talk to Evrart wearing Rene's uniform, he will have to ask the obvious question.
  Evrart: Mr. Du Bois... Why on Earth are you dressed like my recently deceased security guard?
• Failing the Empathy check when wondering why Sylvie sounds angry, leads to a pretty hilarious bit of misunderstanding by starting the "Love Quest". A moment that shows that Empathy can really be kind of a super oblivious asshole when it's not on the ball.
  You: Wait, why does she seem angry with you?
  Empathy: No. She doesn't have a problem with you. It must be someone *else* she's angry about. Some other guy... like *Garte*.
  You: Uh, okay... but I'm a guy. Sure it isn't about me?
  Empathy: Trust me, you wouldn't want to be *the guy* here. You know how it is. Yack yack nag nag. No, you're The Guy — you're Lieutenant Love, matchmaker extraordinaire! Help the poor girl out, lest she turns into a *spinster*!
  • And some of your possible responses:
    You: I'm happy to help, but maybe I could do so without all this internalized misogyny?
    Empathy: What misogyny? I'm just telling things the way they are. Can't a man be honest in his *own head* anymore?
    
    You: What am I, deranged? A woman doesn't have to be married. She doesn't even have to be in a relationship. Also, feminism.
    Empathy: What *deranged*? I'm just telling things the way they are. Can't a man be honest in his *own head* anymore?
    
    You: Oh my god, not a spinster!
    Empathy: Not a spinster, my god!
  • If you have found your official name and rank at this point, it triggers this response:
    You: Stop! That's Lieutenant Double-Yefreitor Love for you.
    Empathy: Of course. So much more love.
  • Rhetoric, meanwhile, wants absolutely nothing to do with it:
    Rhetoric: Whatever this Empathy failure tells you — *don't* take the quest. It's not wonderful, it's ugly.
    You: Please no. I don't want to say any of those things. (Refuse the Love Quest — although it's *wonderful*)
    • But you can persist, even if it deeply upsets Rhetoric (and delights Electrochemistry):
      You: Are you still there, kiddo? Listen... I've got everything under control.
      Sylvie: No. What?
      You: You and Garte, right? A little trouble under the sheets? Say no more, papa's got this. Big Poppa.
      Rhetoric: God — what is happening in your HEAD?!
      Electrochemistry: Big Big Poppa is happening.
• If you discuss if Dolores Dei was a mass murderer or not with Noid inside the Church turned Nightclub, Egg Head will overhear the discussion and let out a darkly hilarious emcee shout:
  Egg Head: MASS MURDER ON THE FLOOR!
• If failed skill checks already have made you engage in hysterical acts a couple of times, a certain failed Logic check will have Logic calmly and reassuringly tell you that don't have to melt completely down this time — something the said skills behind the previous failed checks are quite indignant about:
  You: (squint your eyes harder)
  Logic: Still nothing — but that's okay. This doesn't have to turn into some kind of meltdown. You're just a cop taking your time to present a theory.
  Rhetoric: Why does Puzzle Face get to *not* melt down? You and I melted down like crazy, remember?
  Authority: Right. Puzzle Face shouldn't be the cool guy when he fails. *I* was supposed to be that.
  Logic: Shush. I'm just more level headed than you. That's my thing.
• Similar to the infamous "Mr. Evrart is helping me find my gun" example mentioned above, failing an Authority check and a Rhetoric check when talking to the Hardie Boys can lead to you just repeating the words "cock carousel" over and over. This goes on long enough that Titus Hardie and his boys go from their typical Irritated Tough Guy act to genuine concern over your mental health, with Kim checking to see if you're having a stroke while Titus offers you a beer to try and shake it off.
• When failing the Authority check against the Hardie Boys, Authority gets an idea on how to make them respect you. But he tells you that you will need Kim's gun to make it work. You then convince a somewhat reluctant Kim to borrow you his gun, and then Authority reveals what he actually wants you to do:
  Authority: Good. Now put in your mouth.
  You: But I want to point it at them.
  Authority: "I want to point it at them", phah! Quit your whining. Everyone knows how to do that! You're a special man. You're going to point it at yourself. Go ahead, show them.
• Contact Mike. If your Encyclopedia is up to snuff when Acele mentions her contact mic, it will chime in that there was a boxer called Contact Mike. The Detective is subsequently allowed to bring up Contact Mike, again and again, in incredibly unsuitable contexts, and even unlocks a Thought called "The Litany of Contact Mike". If you have this thought at the endgame, even Jean will bring up your hang-up with Contact Mike, which is apparently a holdover from your gym teacher days.

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