Funny / Arby 'n' the Chief

Per wiki policy, Spoilers Off applies here and all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

Season 1

• All 6 episodes.

"Pilot"

• In a nice Establishing Character Moment, Arbiter gives a educated and logically opinion on why the Heroic Map Pack should be a free download instead of paying $10. Chief’s response?
  Chief: taht wuz quit3 a mouthful!!1 / i gess ur used 2 that kind of thign
  Arbiter: Nice one! I see what you did there. Instead of addressing my points, you took everything that I said and turned it into a sexual joke, implying that I suck men's penises. Fantastic.
  Chief: LOLOLLOLOLLOLOL
• Then we get Arbiter's first hand look at Chief's playing skills:
  Arbiter: You. Are. Fucking. Pathetic.

"Recon"

• In Chief's mind, Arbiter hates Halo and Bungie just because he didn't like the Heroic Map Pack, even pointing out that there's a post on Bungie's website agreeing with him.
  Arbiter: They're being sarcastic, retard. It wouldn't make sense for them to post a link to a video on their front page that they honestly didn't like and give it a lot more attention. But of course, idiots like you jump to conclusions and go running your mouth off without putting an ounce of thought into anything first. I bet you're probably typing a comment right now saying how much Bungie hates me.
  Master Chief: (After deleting his post which is what Arbiter was accusing him of doing) no / stfu
• This line which sums up Chief's personality
  Master Chief: :(, u adn ur big wurdz
  Arbiter: I'm not even using big words. You're just an idiot. You should try reading a book one of these days instead of logging on to fucking lolcats.com all the time.
• Chief's plan to get Recon Armor? Gather a team of invisible ninjas, a magnifying glass the size of Redmond, Washington, the Batmobile, Sam Fisher, Chris Redfield, Solid Snake, Captain MacMillan, and the Millennium Falcon for them to skydive from. Arbiter has to politely tell Chief that none of those things are real.

"Attitude"

• Master Chief trolling his Halo teammates since he got Recon armor.
• This.
  Arbiter: "You've got a real fuckin' attitude problem!"
  Chief: "uve got a r33l fuckign FACE problim"
• Later on, Master Chief breaks the Call of Duty Modern Warfare disc out of anger towards Arbiter. As he tries to flush the case (unsuccessfully) Arbiter yells for him asking if he's seen it anywhere. When he says no and Arbiter asks if he's masturbating, Chief denies it, thinks for a moment, then 'admits' it to get him to go away.
• When Arbiter demands where it is, Chief gives him a poorly drawn case called "Cock off Doody 4: Modirn Wurfurrr".
  • Amazing how much emotion you can convey with an Arbiter action figure and a monotone speech generator...
  Arbiter: *hands trembling in sheer shock and incredulity* What in Christ's name is this?
  • Bonus points for Chief using a chocolate chip cookie to replace the broken disc.

"Melee"

• Chief overreacts greatly to losing to Arbiter because of Halo 3's Melee system.
  • When getting on the computer to write an angry e-mail to Bungie, Chief deletes the shortcut to Firefox for no apparent reason before opening Internet Explorer.

"Martydom"

• Master Chief is playing Devil May Cry 4 because Halo 3 is very laggy. Arbiter wonders if it's because of the 700 gigs of porn he's downloading, before asking how he's going to store all that.
  Chief: dun wury / i hav........... / 2 FLOPY DISKZ
  • Then Arbiter points out that 700 gigs of porn is almost 4 months worth, and finds a vaseline bottle next to the computer.
  Arbiter: That is absolutely disgusting.
  Chief: no u
  • Then when Arbiter decides to play Call of Duty 4, he cancels the download, much to Chief’s dismay.
  Chief: MAI SEXAY PRONZ!11!one!
• Chief decides to try Call of Duty 4, only to find that it's way different than Halo 3.
  Chief: wtf gernaed but0n no work!
  Arbiter: Left trigger is to aim down the gun sight.
  Chief: thats fucking retarted / wheres the gh0st
  Arbiter: No vehicles.
  Chief: >:O (very angry surprised face)
  • And then there's his "attempt" to play the game.
  Chief: "say helo 2 mai littel frind." (Shoots randomly into the hallway) "hhahahahhahahahahahhahah"
  Arbiter: "Mother of God, you are the BIGGEST nub I have ever seen. I'm ACTUALLY embarrassed to be sitting next to you right now... Everyone on your team thinks you're retarded."

"Brawl"

• stuped ghey fuckign helo kity barbie adn ken sesame / street pu$$y poly pokit wimpy kidy ghey / stupid brotharz braul
• The end of the episode.
  Arbiter: "What the hell is this on my back? (slowly) "IM STUPED?""
  Chief: "SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI"

Season 2

"Girls"

• Chief sprays himself with Tag body spray, and used the ENTIRE can which took him 30 minutes. Arbiter takes one whiff, and reacts horribly.
• Chief displays a complete lack of knowledge as to how condoms are used, proposing that him and Arbiter blow them up like balloons, and later fitting a condom over his entire body while "cybering".
• Arbiter's method on training Chief on respecting women is to beat him with a stick if he makes a sexist comment.

"Legendary"

• Chief's map is just respawn points, weapons, vehicles, and large structures piled up in one big mess in Avalanche.
  • When Chief claims that it's complete because he used the entire Forge budget, Arbiter decides to bring Cortana for a second opinion.
  Chief: "cortana's got mai back rite baby?"
  Cortana: "This map is the worst piece of shit I've ever seen in my life."
  Chief: "SHUT UP SKANKY HO [Arbiter quickly turns] WAT WOOD U NO N E WAYS? UR JUST A GRILL U ONLY NO HAO 2 MAEK SAMICHES AND BUY TAMPONZ LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO[Cortana hits Chief with a frying pan] LOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL-"

"Newcomers"

• The Serious Business blue team members.

"Cortana"

• The parts involving Arbiter and Travis playing Grand Theft Auto IV. At one point Travis snatching the controller away from Arbiter and doing dumb things like starting a shootout at a strip club.
• Todd and Cortana spend some time with each other with a jealous Chief watching.
  Cortana: I'm a girl gamer living with an alien, and a sexist, mentally defective homophobe who's daily activities consist of going on "lolcats.com" and watching porn.
  Chief: wtf / sh3 caled me an alein / DUM BITCH
• Chiefs plans to get Cortana and Todd to break up:
  • 1. He calls the police, but they hang up when he explains Todd's height (which is five inches) and they thought Todd was a sex toy.
  • 2. Chief draws a crude picture of Todd and a girl hooking up and shows it to Cortana. Cortana immediately points out that they're both the same figures, so she doesn't know if it was Todd or Chief in the picture.

"Conflict, Pt. 1"

• Everything about Jeremy, aka xXxSm0k3w33d4LyPh3420xXx.
  • This crowning moment:
  Chief: tel ur dad hes a fucking asshoel
  Jeremy: DAAAAAD!! STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!
  • It then goes to him and his dad arguing more, culminating in Jeremy crying for his mom before his Xbox is turned off. The GTA players from earlier are soon laughing about this; as is the audience.

"Conflict, Pt. 2"

• BLOOD PLZ K THX LOL
• Chief's "apology" to Todd and Travis:
  Chief: tod / travis / im....... / sry *Beat* TAHT UR SO GHEY
  Arbiter: Hey! *restrains Chief once again*
  Chief: IMA KIK UR ASSEZ / WTF LET ME GO / GOD DAMIT AAAAAAAAA
  Cortana: Bad Master Chief! Bad!
  Chief: TIHS R NOT TEH EDN / AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
• The scene where Arbiter faces a kid on Xbox Live who thinks mindlessly spamming grenades into a gravity lift makes him good at throwing them. Even funnier is when Arbiter guns him down, he fumbles around with his rifle missing almost every shot and lets out a shrill scream upon dying.
  Arbiter: Jesus.
  

Season 3

"Cold"

• In an effort to pay for the Cold Storage DLC, Chief goes outside with a mug and collect change. However, after nine hours, all he came back with was a cup full of spit.

"Wedding"

• Pretty much the entirety of "Wedding". Special mention goes to Chief crashing the wedding.
• Arbiter bribing Chief with $10 just so he can come.

"Professional"

• Chief decides to Rickroll Arbiter just so he can play Halo 3. Even better, Arbiter knows that Chief is trying to get him to do so, and initially refuses before giving in. One fake Halo 3: Recon video later:
  Arbiter: [throws a box of tissues at Chief] YOU'RE A FUCKING DOUCHE. That shit is SO overdone. I bet Rick Astley is pissed right off.

"Showdown"

• Despite being MLG, Craig shows the gameplay style of a seven year old by grabbing all the power weapons and camping. All in the span of 2 minutes.
• When he's confident that he will win, Craig decides to masturbate in the middle of the match. And then his parents catch him in the middle of it.
• Craig's Villainous Breakdown:
  Craig: [sobbing] I lost! I lost to a noob! I'm MLG! I can't lose! No one's gonna think I'm cool anymore!
  Arbiter: No one gives a shit you blubbering suck-ass pussy.
• The scenes with Josh Butterballs in "Cheater" (Episode 8) , and "Evil" (Episode 12).

Season 4

• GO FASTER
  • GOOOOOO
• One word: Oops.
• Swan dive!

"Night of the Evading Dead"

• "Happy Halloween, motherfucker!"
• "Wait up, Caillou"
• What Brent says when he has Arbiter cornered.
  Brent: End of the line, Microsoft Bob or whatever the fuck that is you're using.
• Just as Cody tries to take on Arbiter and Chief himself, his dad comes in and prepares to spank him for staying up too late. This gives ample time for Arbiter and Chief to kill his now-idle avatar as he continues melodramatically whining not to get spanked, to the amusement of the toys.

Season 5

• Chief's review of Ocarina of Time in Hypernews I, and his review of GoldenEye (1997) in Hypernews II.

Season 6

• Arby and the Chief having a Like an Old Married Couple moment while chasing Adam
• Chief desperately mashing the X button trying to pick up the Rocket Launcher in "Dough Eyes".
• FREEZE! TOSERS! GET DOWN ON THE FUCKIGN GROUND!
• "NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER." "I'll send you nudes." "K ILL GO KILL HIM NOW"
• Four words, Nyan Cat Ear Rape. Best usage of a Gilligan Cut ever.
• Trent's end, which involves him getting crushed by Chief's tank.
  Trent: I may have been exaggerating earlier, just a little bit. I know you're not ''entirely'' delusional. I know you're aware of the abyss you're dangling over, and that you're just clinging to whatever you possibly can as anybody else would. And, if you'll pardon the slight pun, I hope your hopelessness crushes you-
  *SPLAT*
• SPIDUR CHEEF

Season 7

• The argument between a player and a moderator before the memorial.
  Moderator: Those who've organized this have requested explicitly that we enforce a zero-tolerance policy towards any sort of misconduct. And for good reason. Wouldn't you agree? Or do you think that this is some sort of game?
  Player: Well, yeah, actually.
  [Beat]
  Moderator: You make me sick.
• Eugene's suicide is Grade-A Nightmare Fuel coupled with deathly Stunned Silence...Then some guy runs up to Eugene's character, kills it, and t-bags it. Bonus points for what the player says before running off again.
  Young Player: Oh my god. Double kill! Double kill! I fucking rule! Who's the king bitches!? Who's the fucking king, huh?! That's right, I am! Suck my fucking cock!
• Chief's reaction to finding out that Colin was a pedophile talking to a young boy over an IRC server.
  Chief: i think colins a pedestrian
  • Following this, Chief decides to take action by posing as Peter, the boy Colin was talking to, on Colin's IRC server. Even better, he actually manages to fool Colin. Arbiter and Chief's conversation during this is also hilarious, considering that what Chief types down is not shown and is thus up to the viewer's imagination.
• The very last dialogue between the main characters in "Ignition" is filled with Gallows Humour.
  • This brief parody of No Ontological Inertia:
  The Arbiter: Though, from what I hear, all we have to do to avoid being roasted for eternity is to atone for our sins. Find forgiveness.
  Master Chief: sry jesus / they're we go
  The Arbiter: That was easy.

Season 8

• Episode 10 "Future Shock" is all about the revived duo catching up with the last few years of everything that's happened in the world. Chief gets to go through three different cycles of his standard 'the newest Halo with the best graphics is the best game ever and all the old ones are garbage' spiel in about 15 minutes as he gets introduced to half a decade of Halo and Xbox development one step at a time (without even playing some of the games, no less). He finally settles on The Master Chief Collection as the current best Halo, as it's the one he discovered last (not realizing it's a compilation of all the 'old garbage' Halos that came out before 5).
• In "Hello, World!", Josh Butterballs talks about how Trent Donnovich was sent to prison and raped on a daily basis, before showing a video from the prison shower room of him being raped, which is apparently okay because a trigger warning was given out two seconds before showing it.
  • Arbiter finally corrects Chief when he mixes up "pedophile" with "pedestrian"...only for it to turn out that Chief genuinely, seriously confuses the two words for each other as he goes on a small rant about how pedophiles aren't hurting anyone.
• Ray Cist's entire livestream with Arbiter and Chief in "Alt-Right-Delete".
  • Arbiter, needing to piss, leaves Chief alone and urges him not to piss anyone else off. Cue Chief deliberately insulting an SJW by agreeing to be everything he accuses him of. Eventually, he "admits" that he's the leader of the Alt-Right. Since then, Chief has become TOSERS' Arch-Enemy and known as "the Leader of the Alt-Right."
• When Arbiter tells Chief that Bungie turned over the Halo IP over to 343 Industries, Chief asks why it takes three hundred and forty three industries to work on a single franchise.
• Even during an intense scene where he's brutally killed, Jon still doesn't let himself go off that easily by having Arbiter note that some of the shrapnel from his exploded X-Box also went to his groin.

Hypermail

• The beginning of "A Scientific Fax" where Chief rejoices about the announcement of Halo 4.
• Chief's reaction when Arbiter mentions Machinima Respawn launching obtainable badges inspired by the show.
  Chief: That shit is so esey. I culd gets all thoes badgers in liek a minits. Just using my ass. Blind foldid. Upsied downs. Evin if I was on fiers. And atacked by bears and rapters. Whiel I was sl33ping. Undar Watar. In spaes. LOL.
• When a fan asks how the hell Arbiter and Chief are filming themselves without holding the camera, Arbiter attempts to Hand Wave it away by claiming that they use a sophisticated pulley system. Chief asks what the hell he's talking about and points out that Jon is currently filming them. Jon gives him a middle finger in response.

Bytes

• Everything about Steaks, Taters and Hairy Ticks.
• ARBY 'n' the CH!3F: EXTREME LULZ EDITION. Watch as the show Crosses The Line Repeatedly.
  Arbiter: Yummy semen. Yum yum yum.
• The scene where Arbiter learns Chief's secret from "Horsin' Around" is hilarious, mostly because it plays out like a horror movie.
  • Also, this gem:
    Chief: cart00ns r 4 babbys and the mentaly handicrapped
    (Beat)
    Chief: and mentaly handicrapped babbys
  • The doll of Fluttershy that Chief made.

Other/Unsorted

• TEH AELINS FROM TEH OTUAR SPAESS. Every. Single. SECOND.